“The source of all power is anima. Once one learns how to create an anima circuit within their body, they can manipulate the energy and use it to strength their body, cast magic, transmute… there’s a pretty wide variety, actually,” Johan explained lazily as he flipped through the pages of a book. “Once someone reached age ten, their bodies are developed enough for them to understand how to create this circuit. If they try to even attempt before, generally, the wind up being crippled.

“People usually form one by age eleven. There’s a test that allows one to gauge their potential before creating it, though. It’s what everyone takes when they reach age ten and it basically determines everything--whether or not you can use magic and what level of you’ll be able to reach. But I can’t administer it—an official would have to… but,” Johan’s eyes flickered to Emil’s face, “you should have the capabilities.”

The two sat cross-legged in Johan’s bedroom, books open and strewn around.

“You have a circuit?” Emil asked curiously. From his knowledge, Johan was eleven by now.

“Duh. I’m a prodigy. I formed one when I was ten.” His expression changed into a sour one. “But I don’t have talent for fighting… I’m better cut out for other things… theory and such.” Johan sighed. “Anyway, do you understand what I meant?”

Considering that his explanation was pretty simple, Emil didn’t find it difficult to comprehend so he nodded his head.

“Good. Do it.”

“Huh?”

“Make a circuit.”

Emil blinked. How? He hadn’t been taught anything. For the past hour, Johan had silently flipped through books before he finally spoke. He’d occasionally say something, but Emil didn’t really understand.

“I… don’t know how.”

“Well, obviously.” Johan’s eyes rolled. “Form a circuit within a month.”

“Didn’t you say it normally takes a year?”

“That’s for those losers. We’re different. I took a month. You’ll take a month or less.”

Emil’s face twitched.

“My student is going to be a prodigy as well.” Johan stood up and yawned. “Just start comprehending anima. These books won’t help until you understand that much. If you form a circuit before all of this, your learning speed will be faster. Trust me. It’s better to learn for yourself… I can’t explain it.”

He could barely read a child’s book, how was he supposed to decipher one of the greatest wonders of the world? Emil inwardly shook his head. He was aware of his status of the world. He was not a genius. He was barely higher ranked than a dog in society’s eyes. But all he could do was go along with Johan’s whims.

“Just feel the world,” Johan stated, continuing on his own without knowing Emil’s inner laments. “Anima is something that… you just have to know it.”

“Okay,” Emil said, attempting to keep his voice even. “I’ll do it within a month.”

Johan smiled proudly. “Good.”

…

That night, Emil laid next to his father in their little shed. The expression on his face was very thoughtful as he stared up at the wooden beams that went across the ceiling.

There were a lot of things on his mind.

The longer he stayed here, the more things was beginning to understand and his original ignorance had faded far away. When he thought of what Johan expected from him, he could not help but feel a bit peeved.

“Dad?”

Felix grunted and turned his head so that his eyes met with Emil’s. “Yes?”

“Do you like this world?”

He blinked, obviously shocked by his son’s question. “I don’t… know,” he said without much difficulty. “It’s not that simple.”

“What do you mean?” Emil tilted his head. “You either like it or don’t like it. Or you don’t care. There’s only three options, Dad.”

Felix shook his head. “There’s more to it than that.”

“Is there?” Emil tried to think about it more. He disliked the world that took his mother from him. He was grateful for the safety the Damgaard’s gave him, but he also resented them. That could be called mixed feelings. But in the end, there was more dislike than like, so he would say that he didn’t like it here. But, perhaps his father understood more about this than he did.

Emil drew silent as he thought about Johan’s words. What did he mean by feeling the world? How was he supposed to try to connect to something he did not like?

His father spoke, “Because of this world, I met your mother and I had you. To me, that is enough.”

“Mom’s gone,” Emil stated, his little voice cracking slightly.

“But not forgotten.”

Emil opened his mouth to inform his father that he wanted to forget. It wouldn’t hurt if he didn’t know. Instead, the young boy clamped his mouth shut.

“She lives on inside of us,” Felix consoled his son, stroking his hair. “Her spirit won’t leave us. Do you know that?”

He bit his lip then nodded his head slowly. If he dared to close his eyes, images of her body merging with that blinding light would appear.

“Your mother will always be there for you. Always.”

Emil’s heart skipped a beat at that thought. She was always there? Was she watching? Was she happy? Sad? Disappointed? Emil did not want her to see them like this. “Okay… good night.”

“Good night.”

A few minutes passed and Felix’s breathing gradually evened out. Once he sensed his father was sleeping, Emil quietly stood and exited the shed.

Stepping out into the cool night air, he exhaled a deep breath.

He shut his eyes and felt the wind wash over his body, its chill reaching to his bones.

Anima is the source of all power.

Emil gritted his teeth together.

Mom was dead because he did not have power. He and his father had to live like this because they were weak.

The wind whistled loudly in his ears.

Form a circuit in a month? Why? Why did he have to? He hated this place. He hated Johan. He hated the world. It did not favor the ones like him. They got lost in the cracks.

His mother was gone. His father was tired to the bone.

Because they weren’t talented, they were forced to live a life no better than a slave’s.

It didn’t make sense.

Anima was the source of all power?

He didn’t care.

His heart thumped in his chest, the roar of the world growing louder in his ears. There were voices calling out to him, but he couldn’t hear them.

Johan said that he was useless.

Emil was not useless.

His blood grew hot in his veins and Emil glared up at the sky, his bony hands clenched into fists. The whispers were incessant.

It was fucking annoying. He was irritated.

Power.

He wanted it.

If that meant a better life, then he would obtain it.

He didn’t care to understand what anima was. But it needed to move for him. Because he was going to obtain what the world refused to give to him.

Emil felt as if thousands of tiny, burning hands were gripping his body. The voices in his mind grew louder, but he couldn’t fully comprehend what they were saying.

“Ancient… we… obey… give… take… Ancient… obey… all…”

The temperature of his body was rising rapidly and he felt as if he had been dipped into a boiling tub of water. A sharp, white hot pain blasted through his mind. It felt as if all the bones in his body were being snapped and his veins were filled with tar.

He fell to his knees, clutching his head as the voices shrieked at him.

Under the moonlight, his red hair became a shade deeper.