This is the part of the story where I’m supposed to say everything turned out just fine in the end, and we all lived happily ever after. I wish I could say that, but I can’t. After everything that happened, anyone expecting a fairy tale ending hasn’t been paying attention.

We’re Terrans. We don’t get happy endings.

Reports are still coming in from all over the Perseus Arm, and it’s as bad as we feared. The Yīqún are hitting systems and ships across the quadrant, and there’s no end in sight. Alliance ships are reinforcing key positions, trying to save what they can, but right now the outlook is grim. On the plus side, dozens of species who’d been on the fence are coming over to our side, banding together during the crisis. There’s safety in numbers, and at the moment they really only have two choices: us, or the Troika. It’s no surprise that almost all the independents are flocking to our banner.

As for the Troika, they’ve pulled back and forted up, counting on their technological superiority to ride things out. It may have worked for them last time, but this time around, I suspect they’re in for a rude awakening. The Yīqún don’t play favorites.

Pardon me while I shed a tear.

Raven and I are both hard at work, trying to reproduce the disruption effect we used to save Chris and the others aboard Theseus. It’s slow going, and at the moment I don’t see how we can do it, not without recreating Raven herself. I doubt it will surprise anyone that there’s a lot of resistance to that concept, with Chris herself one of the key players dragging her feet. I understand her reluctance, but sometimes I get the feeling her position isn’t solely professional. It’s not just the fear of rogue AI’s rampaging across the galaxy. It’s personal for her, and that’s on me.

Our intervention cost me her friendship. I knew that was a possibility going in, but I didn’t have a choice. Or I guess I did if I were willing to sacrifice Raven. I wasn’t. Whatever goodwill I once had with Chris has long since vanished. I’ve gone from trusted right-hand man to barely tolerated useful asset. Temporarily useful, I should point out; if there wasn’t a war on, I suspect her plans for us would be very different. I try not to dwell on that.

Part of our parole is regular exams by one of the top SysAdmins of the clan. They’re still trying to figure out what makes Raven tick, how she came to life, and whether they can safely replicate the process. They’re still in the early stages on that front. While they can copy her code easily enough, the mechanism that forged her consciousness has them stumped. I know she’s getting sick of being poked and prodded, but she bears up with it well. Better than I do, I have to admit.

In my case, they’ve started treatment for my Morpheus Syndrome. They caught it early enough that my prognosis is hopeful, but there really isn’t a cure per se, merely ways to slow its progression and lessen the effects. A large part of the regimen is something I’d been doing for a while now, limiting the changes I make to my domain. I’ve practically become a monk, not the easiest of transitions when you’ve spent most of your life as an unrepentant hedonist. If it weren’t for Raven, I think I’d go mad.

Raven and I… honestly, I’m not sure how to describe our relationship. I’m forced to rely on her for much of the heavy lifting. Like I said, I don’t dare make drastic changes to my domain, so she does it for me. She’s happy to do it, and says it helps her “gain perspective”, whatever that means. Everything we’ve been through has driven us closer, much more so than even we’d thought possible. I don’t know what to make of that. Don’t get me wrong, she means everything to me, but sometimes I wonder… is it merely the hardships we endured that weld us together? If we hadn’t shared those experiences, would I still feel the same way about her? Would she, about me? Fate may have joined us, but will it sustain us for the long haul?

I don’t know. I guess only time will answer that one.

There’s one individual I haven’t mentioned in a while… Laura. Once upon a time, she was everything I thought I wanted, even as I kept her at arm's length. Now, of course, things are different. I’m different. I struggle, however, with what to do about her program. Should I delete it, in deference to Raven? She claims not to mind, but I worry she thinks I’m keeping her in the wings as a backup, in case it doesn't work out between us. That couldn’t be further from the truth, but…

… what if she’s like Raven? What if Laura has the same potential for self-awareness? If that’s true, if there’s even the possibility of her someday achieving sapience, then deleting her file would be tantamount to murder. I’ve already come closer to that than I care to think about, and I refuse to make that same mistake again. But until we truly understand what brought Raven to life, I’m loath to even touch her file for fear of what it might do. Until then, she remains in limbo.

I suppose that’s true for both of us.

Look, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I’m not bemoaning the unfairness of the universe or crying out for pity. I made my choices, and I have to live with the consequences. And it’s not all bad, because I still have Raven at my side. We’re both still here, still fighting, still trying to make a difference. And if it’s not everything we hoped it would be, well… does anybody get that? Not in my experience, at least. If we Terrans have learned anything, it’s being thankful for what we have, because we’ve learned from hard experience that fate can always snatch it away.

Live in the now, my friends, for now will never come again.

Sometimes, I dream of New Terra. I hope it’s out there, waiting for us, the new home we’ve sought for so long. Maybe I can’t feel the sun on my face anymore, or grass beneath my feet, but a place to call our own, a place where we could be human again, in all its forms? That’s a treasure more valuable than any gem.

We’ve focused on survival for so long, sometimes I think we’ve forgotten how to live.

As part of my “rehabilitation”, they’ve tasked me with putting together this narrative. The SysAdmin overseeing my case claims it will help maintain my cognitive functions, while Chris… or at least, the warden she assigned to watch us... is of the opinion it might offer valuable clues for research, or bits of intel we can use against the Yīqún. It hasn’t been easy dredging up all these memories, and as I jot them down, I'm forced to admit just how many mistakes I’ve made. I’ve made some doozies, including decisions I can neither rationalize nor justify. The night I tried to kill Raven, for example, or when I threw away decades of friendship in order to save her. Maybe if I hadn’t attempted one, the other wouldn’t have been necessary.

Maybe I’m just an asshole.

Anyway, that’s my story. I’ve tried to give an honest recounting, to be as objective about events as possible. I hope that someone will get something out of this. If I can help even one person avoid the missteps I took, then maybe it wasn’t all in vain. To whoever is reading this, let me leave you with one final thought. The choices you make today will have ramifications you may never see, or even consider… but it shouldn’t stop you from trying. Wisdom is always hard-earned, but it just might be the one thing that saves us.

Don’t copy my mistakes… learn from them.

Alphad Aemon

Avatar Clan

ACS Theseus

Editor’s Note: Alphad asked me to look over his manuscript and check it for errors, omissions, and what he calls “self-serving bullshit”. I actually changed very little, mostly a little rewording here and there. On rare occasions, it forced me to remind him of certain events, as his memory didn’t correlate with my own. Memories, I’ve discovered, are tricky things, often we find ourselves editing them without realizing. As the only other person… well, individual, at any rate… who experienced these events firsthand, between the two of us, I hope we got it right.

I have to say that in this last chapter, especially; I think he’s being unduly pessimistic. Things may look bad at the moment, but I refuse to surrender to despair. We’ve overcome so much already; I can't imagine us not surviving this as well. And frankly, he’s being much too hard on himself. Part of that was driven by the desire to give an honest account, but a greater portion, I suspect, is motivated by the guilt he carries. He doesn’t believe he can be redeemed, and it eats at him, despite my best efforts.

As for me, I’m still finding my way. I’ve made a few friends, while others are still wary of me. I don’t blame them, really, though I wish I could make them understand I'm not a threat. One thing I’ve learned about humans is they fear what they can’t control, which is really the crux of the matter when you get down to it. Maybe because they’ve seen so many of their own commit acts of pure savagery, it’s made them hypersensitive to all threats, whether or not they truly exist. Losing their homeworld wounded them deeply, even more than they themselves are willing to admit. Alphad once said that it’s not paranoia if everyone really is out to get you, and during the past two hundred years that’s sadly been accurate, more often than not.

I find myself in something of a constant existential crisis, always asking, “What am I?” I’m still not entirely certain, though I feel more like a human than an artificial intelligence. When one is a digital personality, it’s harder to tell the difference than one might think, despite whatever Chris and the others would have you believe. I choose to believe that I’m human, or at least a faithful semblance of one. In the end, isn’t that all that matters? That’s what I think, anyway. Sometimes I wish there were others like me, someone with the same shared experience. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, someone who truly understood my journey. Alphad tries, bless his heart, but there are times the gulf between us is simply too wide to span.

Anyway, I don’t mean to go on. This is his tale, not mine. Just… don’t judge him too harshly. He did his best. In the end, that’s all any of us can do.

Raven LaCorbeau

Avatar Clan (Provisional Status)

ACS Theseus

ATTENTION: This document is classified as MOST SECRET/RESTRICTED and is barred to those not authorized by Code Word Clearance DELPHI. Dissemination is limited to those with Sigma-Twelve access and higher.

Declassification is prohibited until Seventy-Five years after date of publication.

By order of Sibyl KriZ/AliZ,

Chief Executive

Avatar Clan

THE END