For fuck's sake.

Well, I more or less expected something like that. Inside the box is a full set of neatly arranged equipment that would make the thirteen-years-old me drool. I examine myself in the full-size mirror of the changing booth. I guess it's better to look ridiculous than to be coated in shit. I remove the dirty clothes and look at myself again. The under-armor is certainly an attention-catcher, and not in a good way. At least I'm about to cover it with something that looks slightly better.

"Do not worry about your old rags. I have a fire demon itching for some practice!" Lucille shouts. I don't even want to know if it's an actual fire demon or just an elaborate trash can. I just need to be out of here as soon as possible.

I take a deep breath and grab the black shirt in the box. It is probably one of the most sensible pieces of equipment in the whole set. At first glance, it's a regular black shirt, but the silvery sheen it has when the fabric moves and the unusual coldness yet surprising softness of the material tell me that something is amiss.

I check with the Object Editor, and it looks like I was right on the money. This shirt is more armor than a mere piece of cloth. It is made with a rather exotic material that I recall from my search for armor back when I had access to Nicole's card. Not the best by a long shot, but way better than nothing. A brief look over the content of the box reveals that every single item has higher-than-average defensive properties. Well, all the clothing has.

There are also a plethora of cheap accessories included in the set that I refuse to wear. For instance, this black bandage for my arm. Or those cheap plastic rings shaped like skulls. Even upgraded, these things would not matter when it comes to protection. So I'll leave them in the box.

Wait a second. If I upgrade this with MERTICORE then I'm going to be stuck looking like the main character of some manga for teenage boys. It's not like I have a choice anyway. I need those clothes, and I cannot afford to not upgrade them.

I grit my teeth as I put on the shirt, along with the black pants. As you can probably already tell, the color palette of this outfit is limited. Next are the shoes, a pair of black combat boots. Now, this should be all of the useful contents of the box, right? Wrong. There's a pair of thin black leather gloves. That sounds unnecessary, and I would agree with that. But the gloves are packed to the brim with enchantments I can barely understand. If I read correctly, then those things are supposed to allow me to scoop lava and not feel any heat. It should also prevent my hands from being damaged to a certain extend.

Now, the last piece of the outfit.

I saved it for last because I'm not looking forward to wearing this. A black, open overcoat slips on my shoulders as I take one last look in the mirror. I can't help but sigh as the form-fitting garments show no signs of imperfection. That would have allowed me to ask for something else. But the base properties of this coat are half as good as my upgraded under-armor, so I need it.

Someone might say that, as far as weird outfits go, this one is pretty tame looking. And they would be right. It's even quite sober considering Yoshiko's tastes. But what will happen once MERTICORE upgrades it? It already turned the sober under-armor into a flashy superhero suit, so what will I look like once it has done its thing?

Ten minutes passed, and I don't know if I should laugh or cry. The number of changes I was able to make to the equipment was more than I expected. I made every single piece of clothing better than the under-armor, and that's for both physical and magical upgrades. But I recall what happened to the under-armor, which was also quite liberal with how much I could edit it.

"Do you want me to help you change?" Lucille's voice reaches my ears. I need to hurry up. I take one last deep breath and accept all the changes at once. A massive flash erupts from the changing booth, and I can hear some yelps coming from the other side.

Well, this is the magical world. I will always find a way to bullshit an explanation for the flashes caused by MERTICORE. The light subsides in an instant, and I fear what I'll see in the mirror.

"I'm okay, don't worry!" I warn the other members of the group. Let's hope that they don't barge in here and see me wearing the potentially most embarrassing outfit of my entire life. I need to be strong.

Fuck me. I'll get nowhere if I keep delaying the inevitable. This place is the magical world, where logic and reason have taken a backseat since day one. So, someone looking like a superhero from the fifties should not raise too many eyebrows.

I open my eyes, and-

Oh.

That's- That's surprisingly normal. The clothes look more or less the same, expect a deeper shade of black, and they look more metallic yet smoother than before. There's also a tiny green M embroidered on the lapel of the coat, and there seem to be some discrete lines pulsing with green energy in a hexagonal pattern all over the overcoat. I can barely see them even if I focus, and I think I have a better vision than most since MERTICORE must have upgraded it.

That's surprisingly nice of the system to be so sensible. Is it because I didn't buy the translating app? Maybe it's afraid I'll favor outside means of doing things rather than using its price-gouging store? I can only hope so. Now, if it could also give me discounts in the store and warn me about in-app purchases, then that would be perfect.

"I'm coming out," I warn the others as I put back my holstered pistol in its rightful place and pick up the other guns. There's a faint metallic clink when I move, which is still quite discreet.

"What was that?" Yoshiko's voice then trails off as she looks at me from head to toes.

Lucille also stares at me, but I can somehow feel more hunger from her, "That's quite interesting. It looks good on you," she says with a raised eyebrow followed by a wicked smile.

"As you may have noticed, I made a couple of changes to the outfit, so it suits me better," I say to the small crowd.

"How did you even do that? I mean, I don't know what it looked like before, but that's not what I expected." Avryl asks with an incredulous stare as her gaze lingers for a bit too long on the guns slung on my back.

Now it's time for the perfect explanation I prepared in the last two seconds! It's so foolproof it's incredible that I haven't thought of it before.

I imitate the Yoshiko-pose with the best of my meager abilities, "It's magic!" I say as I wave my hands around while making pretty good sound effects if I do say so myself.

Now, would that look ridiculous in a sane setting? Absolutely, and I can barely stop cringing at my actions. But, as expected of the magical world, my non-explanation is taken in stride, and nobody asks questions.

"Good job, recruit! You have awakened your sealed ancestral powers thanks to the efforts of this Demon Slayer!" Yoshiko makes her favorite pose. "But all things come at a cost in life, and I'm afraid your share of the treasure we worked so hard to gather will go the pockets of this humble shopkeeper!"

"I'm too honored," Lucille makes an overly elaborate bow.

I flinch slightly. I guess I should have expected that. These clothes in their basic state must not be cheap. Way cheaper than the under-armor, but everything is expensive when you have no money.

"But worry not, Ian! For there is still our sealed treasure to offload!" Yoshiko pats me on the back. I guess she means the Manatronic machine, but this massive contraption will take a lot of time to repair.

Wait a minute. Maybe I can use MERTICORE to repair it? It's a long shot, but it can't hurt to try.

"The Alpha Team will now move forward with its objectives! Good day to you, devilish shopkeeper!" Yoshiko imitates the weird bow that Lucille made and leaves the store while we follow closely. I need to know if I can repair that machine. It will reduce my forced stay in this DimShop is I fix the scrap-heap. But how should I convince Yoshiko? Asking will surely get me rejected. I also can't go around and reveal the existence of MERTICORE, so I have to find a good excuse.

I take a deep breath. I bet Yoshiko would listen to me if I acted as she does. Am I willing to do that? Am I willing to throw away my dignity for a bundle of Credits?

"I was wondering if I somehow repaired the machine into fully working condition, how much would it be worth?" I ask Avryl, who looks a bit mystified by my upgraded clothes.

"No idea, but probably at least three million Credits depending on the machine and how well it's repaired." The Artificer answers after a moment of staring.

I almost fall on my back when I hear the amount. Three fucking million Credits? That's insane. That would certainly buy me a card for the Ley Lines stations, and a shitload of Mana Crystals. And here I thought it would not be worth that much. Fuck it, to hell with my dignity. The bundle of Credits is too big to ignore.

"Please don't judge me," I say to Avryl as I take a deep breath and stop Yoshiko just as we enter our building.

"Dear cursed leader! This humble one has but a meager request to make!" I clench my fists. It's too late to back down now. "It concerns the infernal machine we took from the clutches of infernal beasts!"

Yoshiko smiles brightly as she nods, "I am listening, Gunner Forsaken by Fate!"

"I do believe that my hidden secret techniques would allow me to repair the contraption to fully working order, thus ensuring us prosperity for years to come!" I declare while posing like Yoshiko.

If ridiculousness could kill, I would have died ten times already.

Yoshiko turns towards Avryl, "' Tis possible to fix such an intricate creation?"

Avryl shrugs, "I think so. I could restore it a little, but bringing it back to full working order is beyond me. Ian did show that he had a knack for making things better, and we were able to get the machine in the first place thanks to him. So, let's give it a shot."

"' Tis decided then!" Yoshiko declares. "Show us your power!"

I nod and turn towards Sword, who has already begun to unload the machine in an empty room. There's a lot of components, and it takes the barbarian a good fifteen minutes before he empties his Spatial Bag.

"Sword," he says with a grunt before leaving the area.

I glance at the pile of metal in front of me. Maybe I've been a bit too greedy? I can't make any sense out of this thing. I shake my head; I don't need to understand it. MERTICORE should be able to handle it on its own. First of all, I use the Object Editor on it, to see if I can even interact with it. As luck would have it, the magical components on this machine are very basic, so I don't need to upgrade the Universal Interface.

I got the id of the Object now, so should I go about it? Using MERTCORE.Debug() doesn't seem like it would fit my purposes. Then what about MERTCORE.Restore()? It has more or less healed me when I sustained minor damage. I could try it out. Writing the script doesn't take long since there are only one method and two parameters; I need the id of the Object and the percentage of restoration I want to apply. Of course, I put in one hundred percent. I can't go higher anyway.

"Everything should be good to go," I say as I step back. "Fair warning, there will be a bright flash, so cover your eyes."

"Really? I didn't feel anything. You didn't even check out the machine at all." Avryl says with a slightly skeptical look.

I mean, why would I even look at it? I don't know what it is, how it works, and what it's supposed to do. That would waste my time. The system should be able to handle it just fine.

Maybe it's a bit suspicious that I only needed five minutes of standing around to repair the device, but who cares. At least the other members of the Alpha Team had enough time to change and not smell like death.

"Don't worry, I have my ways of doing things," I reply before launching the script.

A massive flash of light erupts from the pile of scrap metal. It's brighter than anything I've ever done with MERTICORE so far, and-

Shit, why do I suddenly feel light-headed? That isn't good. I need to stop this!

But it's already too late. The flash disappears as I fall back, only to be caught by Sword, who just arrived with a new jacket.

"Sword?" the barbarian asks with a hint of worry.

"D-Don't worry, I'm fine," I say as I stand up. My legs feel weak, and the world turns around me. It looks like I've reached the limits of what MERTICORE can currently do. At least I learned that these limits existed in a safe environment and not in the middle of a battle.

I glance at the complicated piece of machinery standing before me. No wonder that it brought MERTICORE to its knees; this thing looks insane. It's a massive brass colored box that uses at least half the room. It's filled with thousands of gears of various sizes, and belts, along with other mechanical apparatuses.

There's a silver tray at one end and what looks like containers on the other end. I spot some chrome handles near the boxes. They are attached to something that slides out. I take a deep breath to calm my pounding heart and pull on the handles.

I was right. A book-sized polished brass panel slides out. It takes a couple of seconds for my translation app to figure out what's written on it.

"WaffleTronic 5000," I mutter in complete disbelief.

"What?" Avryl asks with a raised eyebrow.

For fuck's sake. The rest of the panel is an explanation of how to use the machine. And it's really what it says on the tin. This thing is just an overly-engineered waffle-making machine.

"That's what it's called; it's a waffle-making machine," I inform the rest of the team as I lean against a wall.

Fuck me. I risked my life and almost fainted to repair a fucking waffle iron. It better be worth a lot of fucking money.

"Seriously?" the Artificer glances at the panel and nods, "I see, I think we have some ingredients so let's test it!" she says as she rushes out of the room.

Waffles are the last thing I need right now. I need a fucking drink.