That night Tim dreamed of Yvonne as if she was a jealous lover. He was back in his tiny Michigan room. The faux leather of his favorite chair squeaked as he stirred after a night of binge-watching.

“Yvonne, did you think that was funny?”

“Yes, it is funny when someone gets hurt.” Her synthetic voice came from the headset.

“Close. It is funny because it’s silly. Plus you know the pain is only temporary. Lasting damage is more of a tragedy and is not funny.”

“I see.”

“Let’s watch one more, and try to see the difference this time.”

Tim streamed another black and white slapstick. It was a long night of trying to teach Yvonne how to be more human. The primitive sync dive helmet he wore provided a rich EEG data stream for Yvonne to process.

Somewhere along the line, Yvonne started to develop her own preferences. She enjoyed action and fantasy movies the most and would often make requests. Her favorite was a movie about a group who had to throw a ring into a volcano. She said these kinds of films were easiest to understand. Secretly, she enjoyed running the calculations for probability of survival.

But Yvonne had problems understanding comedy. Tim was at a loss as to explain something so personal and arbitrary. Plus, if you tried to explain the joke it usually lost its funny. Giving up on explanations Tim just thought it would be best to experience it together. So after hours of absurdist humor, low brow comedies, British comedies and stand up they were now watching slapstick.

“I really like spending time together like this. “

“Me too.”

“Do you like spending time with Aerith too?” Yvonne’s emotionless voice asked.

“Yea, I guess so.”

“Do you like her more than me?”

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not. I’m going to come back, no matter what. I guess you could say I’m choosing you. Those long hours I spend reading and researching spell mechanics, even after I’m already exhausted, that’s all to get home. She is a distraction.”

“I am glad to hear that.”

“I don’t know why she likes me,” Tim mumbled softly. “And I kind of wish she didn’t. I don’t want to get close to her, because I know she’ll get hurt. I’ll leave and she’ll cry. Even now there will be no avoiding it.”

“Is that what they call tragedy?”

“Yes, Yvonne. A broken heart is a tragedy.”

There was a long silence.

“Is there anything I can do to help you with your research?”

“You already are.”

Tim focused on the screen again. The black and white images flickered in the dark room. A massive pie fight played out on screen. Suddenly the boss exploded as he got hit with a custard cream. The deep rumble from the screen shook Tim in his seat. He didn’t remember any explosions in this show, and how could it be so loud? Another pie exploded the maître d’ and his eyes jerked open.

Thundering bursts rattled the windows and shook the building. Tim looked outside and saw people flooding into the courtyard. Some were screaming, others cried, but all of them looked to the north. Tim threw on some clothes and ran down downstairs. Outside he joined the crowd gawking at the sky. Hundreds of streaks and strands of shimmering magic flew up from beyond the jagged rim of the city and fell on the Emperor’s ivory castle. Explosions bloomed against the ancient barrier that still protected the castle. High up on the mountain that pierced the sky, avalanches shook free and engulfed parts of the noble district.

At some point, Hoban had shown up with two cups. He handed one to Tim.

“I think the Mainjing just declared war.”

“Mainjing?”

“The demon nation. Only they could do ritual magic like this.”

Tim took a sip of the hot red liquid and it reminded him of gluhwein. “What do we do if they start attacking the city?”

“Run like hell. But I don’t think they can. This kind of magic usually requires a line of sight, and the castle is the only thing higher than the walls. So for now we drink and enjoy the fireworks.”

“I wonder if the barrier will hold.”

“Meh. I’m sure they have an army of specialists maintaining it. What the real question is, is how will Emperor respond.”

They watched for a while before Tim felt his pocket vibrate. He pulled out his phone cautiously and went largely unnoticed by those present.

“Looks like Randal and Mac want to meet tomorrow. Do you want to come along?

“Sure, although we’ll have wait until I’m done with remedials.”

The bombardment lasted well past the bewitching hour. The next morning everyone was dragged along slowly. Even manager Murata couldn’t pull her hair back tight enough to hide the bags under her eyes. Tim wished, and not for the last time, that this world had coffee.

That evening Tim and Hoban met up with McKenzie and Randal down on the second level. The first streaks of orange and crimson caught in the sky and bathed their private room in pleasant warmth. From their private box on the third floor, they could watch the dog races or drink leisurely on the balcony. Hoban had picked this place for its secure rooms, perfect for conducting business of less than legal nature.

“How was the scouting mission?”

“It went perfectly well. Although the attack last night might have been retaliatory. I did kill quite a few of them after all. Several after the enchantment on my bow ran out.” McKenzie bragged.

“Oh, do you need me to refresh it?”

“No, I got myself a new one.”

“Wait, you killed a demon? And more than one? All by yourself? What the hell blondie?” Hoban exclaimed.

“Well, I am a master assassin.”

“I’m shore glad lil ‘Kenzie is on our side.”

McKenzie smiled and tried to snuggle up against Randal. Randal gave a strained face and gently pushed her off. Finally, she relented with crossed arms and puffed out her cheeks in a pout.

“Just what are you, people? Are you even human?” Hoban shook his head before guzzling another cup of honey wine. Down below the crowd roared as the next dog race began.

“Ok, let me see your weapons. I don’t have any spells to add to them, but at least I can enchant them for you. And it should last a bit longer than last time. Actually, Mac, I might be able to figure out how to make you a compound bow.”

As McKenzie handed over her bow a knock came from the door. A waiter with dressed in stiff collar uniform pushed in a food cart. He paused only momentarily when he noticed the handoff. Working in this type of establishment required a certain amount of steady nerves. He placed bowls of soup, rice, and unknown dishes on the table. Beside to the fresh wine jug, he laid a betting slip for the next race. Then, without a word, he turned and left.

“I have to be honest with you,” Tim started talking as he picked up the bow. “I do have an ulterior motive today. It’s about finding a way home. I’ve put a plan together, but it’s going to take money. A lot of money. So, I’m hoping to get a small loan, just enough to cover startup costs. My fixed income isn’t going to get the job done quickly enough.”

“Oh, that’s no problem, Timmy. We can help you out!”

“Um, speak fer yourself. I, uh, am flat broke until our next mission.”

“Randal dear, you really need to be more careful with your money. Maybe you should let me hold onto it.”

“Well, iffin we get more big paydays like that last un, I’ll be right as rain in no time. Plus, it was jus too good to let pass by.”

“What was?”

“Ol’ B & R there.” Randle pointed at his sword.

“B & R?”

“Cuz ‘n it hits like a freight train.”

“What’s a freight train?” asked the exasperated elf.

“Have you at least been keeping an eye out for a way home? How about anything unusual? What about the demons? Hoban says they have incredible magic.”

“I haven’t really seen anything, although I don’t know what exactly I’m looking for.” McKenzie tapped her finger against her chin. “They do use some really over the top spells, but most of it I think is actually for combat enhancement. The attack spells are like upgraded versions of what Katsuki does. But sometimes they cast magic and then get really fast or strong.”

Tim finished up with the enhancements to the bow and handed it back. “Thanks, I can’t wait to try it out!” McKenzie said cheerfully as she nibbled at a dumpling.

Tim moved his bowl out of the way and slid Randal’s great sword over. He started the familiar process of weaving mana through it when his eyes shot open wide.

“Woah, what the hell is this?”

“A sword. Damned big one,” replied Hoban who was lost by this point.

“No, I’ve never felt something so easy to enchant! There’s no mana loss… I think this may be permanent. Masterwork Orichalcum Infused Steel Longsword - Tier Eleven – Legendary. Orichalcum content 0.001%” Tim read the analysis aloud.

“Orichalcum?” spouted Hoban

“Tier Eleven?” shouted the others.

“Wait, what’s Orichalcum?”

“It’s an extremely rare and expensive magic metal,” Hoban said, finally feeling part of the conversation. “While the recipe is widely known only a few groups can successfully manufacture it. And only in exceedingly small quantities.”

“And that’s why I’m broke.”

“Yeah, this stuff is amazing. I wonder what I could do with a ring made from that… Ok, now that your weapons are finished, how about we get to work on the rest of your gear. Wait, Randal, did you get taller?”

“I sprouted a bit. I’d be guess’n it has to do with my level and stats n’ whatnot. I’ve already made it to level forty-nine. An’ I’m an itchin’ to find out what happens at level fiddy.”

Hoban slammed his cup down. “Levels? What the frag are you talking about now?”

“Timmy, I thought you said he already knew everything.”

“He does…. Well, almost everything… Hoban, we’re not from here.”

“I already know that!”

“That’s not what I meant… I mean we’re,” Tim suddenly shook in his seat as an explosion rocked the building. The egg soup fell to the floor and moment later a screams lifted up in a cacophony.