Edited by: Me (unfortunately)

I was lying on the ground next to Gis. Last few days in this crazy dungeon drained our energy, so as we saw that nothing is threatening us we collapsed on the floor. Mostly sleepless nights, staying constantly hungry - because we were afraid that if we ate too much it would slow us down, and series of duels on our way to the deepest level of the dungeon left us exhausted.

No more monster was supposed to jump on us, no more traps should be active. The only possible thing that could kill us was a dungeon, or actually what remained of it, collapsing on our heads, yet walls of the cave didn’t look like they were about to fell and crush us anytime soon. Thus we decided to rest. Covered in blood, dirt, and sweat, with our armors and clothes sticking to our bodies, but also with the sensation of deep satisfaction.

- “I don’t know about you, but I need to take a nap, and I need it now.” Gis whispered looking at me

- “Suit yourself, I will stay awake and keep a guard for couple more minutes, just in case…” I answered. Actually, I just wanted to inspect notifications covering most of my visions with semi-transparent blue screens “…If you want you can use me as a pillow.”

I knew she would refuse

- “No thanks. You stink.” She didn’t say that to offend me, merely she pointed out the obvious

- “You are not much better than me, yet I am willing to sacrifice.”

- “… Maybe when we would return to the guild? After bath?” she asked

- “Sure.”

- “Thanks, babe.” She just rolled on her side covering part of her body with her tail letting out a sigh of relief. Thanks to years of living as an adventurer she managed to fell asleep almost right away.

And just like this the time to take a look at notification from past two days came. Show me what you got for me, system-chan.

Your party member [Gisele Redwing] has slain [Nightmares Singer - Bat kin - Level 17]You have obtained [70] exp + [35] exp

Your party member [Gisele Redwing] has slain [Turtle Symbiont - Level 21]You have obtained [90] exp + [45] exp

You have slain [Turtle Symbiont - Level 21]You have obtained [90] exp + [45] exp

Yeah, yeah, I know. Lots of boring stuff, system, could you please mark all notification about killing things except bosses as already read?

Blue messages started vanishing rapidly.

You took [3] damage from stepping in [toxic swamp]You are now [slowed]RFX- 7DEX- 7

You stepped on [explosive trap]Luck event triggeredTrap did not trigger

… System! Pleaaaase!

You have leveled upYou are now level [22]

Your party has slain [Ay'zalin - The Seeker of Truth]You have obtained [7890] exp + [3945] exp

Achievement unlocked[Down we go!]Earned for destroying your 1st dungeonMoney found in Dungeons+5%Exp earned in Dungeons+5% Quality of items found in Dungeons+5%

You have destroyed [Dungeon Heart] of [Fiend's Pit]This place is no longer a [Dungeon], no more monsters will spawn here until new Dungeon would take its place]You have obtained [1000] exp

You have failed to fulfill requirements of [Dungeon Evaluation Quest] - dungeon no longer existsQuest's tasks could change /// Quest could be removedReport to local [Guild Master]

I inspected my status looking for some anomalies like poisoning, curses or anything similar, in the end that last monster was some kind of abomination that was creating minions using flesh of other beings, I could only guess how creative it was in creating of some toxins. I was curious how it managed to preserve it from rotting? In the end it was still a living tissue, if he would reanimate it right away, forced it into moving, then all processes could be sustained, instead he used his spider minions to build nests from them, serving as incubators for their breed and…. But of course!

Most likely these bugs had some toxin which stopped it from rotting! If I could only get some samples of this venom for experiments… But I destroyed the whole place, which means I would never lie my hands on it aga…

… didn’t I eat their broodmother? I did. Does it mean that I can simply generate my own venom basing on their DNA?.... And doesn’t it make me the only living source of this venom? So no one will be ever able to copy it?

Hehehe… hahaha… MUAHAHA!!!...

- “Zari! Something happened?” Gisele jumped from her spot

- “Hm? No. Why? Something happened?”

I didn’t laugh aloud, I am sure of it!

- “You started letting out some weird noises as if you were suffocating or something, are you hurt? You weren’t infected by anything, were you!?” she was really panicking

- “N…no. I am fine, I could get a little excited thinking about… all these treasure…” I pointed with my head at chests lined in the middle of the room.

- “… Don’t open them without me…”

- “I won’t!”

- “And please, could you get excited bit… quieter?”

- “Consider it done. Go back to sleep.”

Note to myself, don’t think about potion making while somebody is near me. Stupid Mad Scientist.

I came to the corpse of tumor-creature, picked crystal that served as dungeon heart and once again inspected the room. It was quiet, almost lifeless (not counting the two of us, of course) and peaceful. Glyphs of return were shining with dim, blue light on the ground ensuring me that we are not going to lose our way out anytime soon. Just as I wanted to find myself some more comfortable place to lie down myself and rest a little, one of the chests got my attention.

Rest of the chests were made of plain wood with simple locks, but this one was made from some weird, brown metal. After coming closer, I noticed that it wasn’t your ordinary storage-box, but a little piece of art itself. Delicate ornaments, some carved pictures showing some weird events. And some kind of inscription written in language that looked like from another world… No! No from Earth either! It wasn’t an alphabet, nor runes that are used by races of this world. More like a mix of hieroglyphs and early-Slavic? Maybe even a little Celtic like? UGH! How do I put it? Imagine every possible way of writing. All you know, from runes, via glyphs to Chinese ching-changs marks. You got it? Well, it looks nothing alike.

Oh! Don’t look like that on me! It’s driving me crazy too! What? What didn’t you like in part about ching-changs? OH COME ON! I am not a racist!... What do you mean that this is exactly what racist would say?!... can we leave this topic, please? Ain’t you interested in what this chest hides from you?...

…

Yes, I know I swore Gis I would wait for her, but it’s only one chest! She won’t even notice that I opened a lid!...

Who am I trying to cheat? Of course, she would notice. When it comes to treasures she notices everything. She would even know if one coin from Smaug’s liar went missing. Fine! I won’t open it! I will wait for Gisele! I give you my word

I turned in place and by total accident, I hooked the lid with my body pushing it a little to the side.

…

…

…

… Oh! My-my! What a coincidence! It’s already open, in that case, I am not breaking my word, am I? Why don't we take a peek then?

I “helped” the lid to reveal what it was hiding from the world. I leaned over it and looked inside.

A hat.

Another fucking hat. Not Odin’s spear, not Thor’s hammer, nor gems nor books. Another fucking hat. Who the hell puts them on my way!? Some mad-hatter?!

[A divine Dragon's Helmet of Draykev...]

Something went wrong. Words started blinking before vanishing and being rewritten again.

[A little-less-divine-tanker-cap of Etez]This Hat originally belonged to Etez, some random dude that eventually joined Anuel's Church. The almighty looked upon poor bastard and in his infinite mercy took him in (he had those puppy eyes, you know)

Pretty quickly this young man (or old woman, who knows?) started rising in ranks making his voice more and more hearable. Oh, poor, poor divine quickly started regretting taking him in, he couldn't find a spare time for himself, yet Etez was always there with some ideas and thought of his own.

Why couldn't the god just ignore him? Maybe because his ideas were actually good? Or maybe because he had those puppy eyes? Or maybe because he got bribed with cookies? No, what am I even talking about?! What kind of ancient deity could be bribed with cookies?

Especially those extra crispy, with white chocolate and...

....Once again, what was this message all about? Ah, pardon me...

The member Etez, despite quite nice logical thinking and ideas that could actually be used in Anuel's everlasting story, had mental problems, compulsive nature, and illnesses with the psychotic background, thus he fits in well.Effects- This hat can be worn only by Etez

- While wearing this cap user can create some relatively decent ideas (effect boosted by 25% when user is in toilet or taking shower)

- Change user's class to [Sly, handsome bastard] - Charisma, Charm and Luck + 25

- Damage dealt to dragons +10%The question remains: who the fuck is Anuel?

I know that these hats are pretty harmless, but it doesn’t make them even less annoying. You are expecting some sweet artifact to pop out, and all you get is lore fragments. Seriously, I slowly start feeling like some bipolar main character of story written by some third-grade author with personal life-social issues. Making these hats looking like nothing more than fan-service. If that’s the case, it would be pathetic.

A quiet puff could be heard and chest, together with hat, vanished into thin air. Just like previous one. In this situation, what else could I do?I groaned with irritation, rested my backs on the cave wall and slowly drifted into sleep. It was one hell of the raid and I deserve a rest. Just in case I ordered my familiars to keep the guard. You can never be too safe, can you?

...

I was woken up two, or maybe three hours later by Gisele jabbing me lightly with her fingers.

- “Zari, are you sleeping?”

… what kind of fucking question is that? AS IF I COULD SLEEP WHILE BEING JABBED!

- “No sweetie, I am merely admiring inner side of my eyelids.” I said irritated

- “You do what?!”

- “OF COURSE I AM NOT SLEEPING!...” that yell wasn’t necessary “.. how could I be still sleeping when you are… whatever. I am awake now.”

- “Rested well?” she smiled widely at me ignoring my outburst

- “Too much said, but I got the bare minimum of rest which should keep me running for next few hours. What do you want?”

- “Oh! Plenty of things! To take a bath, eat some real meal, not those disgusting rations, drink a barrel of ale… but for now, let’s just check treasures and…” she gazed in directions of the treasury and froze in place. Her eyes quickly ran across the line of chests, then again and again.

- “… Zari, why one chest is missing?”

Stupid dragon. After this whole mess with this sick dungeon, all she can care about is one chest missing. We won’t be able to take with us half of this treasury, but she still manages to complain!

What could I answer? That one chest contained some cosmic lore-item, which upon touching gives you hallucination about some sect of people with mental illnesses worshiping some cookies-eating deity?! And after hallucination, it simply disappears?! Like hell, I will!

- “It was a trap-chest. I sensed magic from it so I decided to inspect it. It had some relocation spell on it, after triggering it, it simply disappeared, probably teleported. It was designed to take anyone who touched it with it.”

Gisele grimaced. Can’t blame her, she had quite the story with random teleportation. Last time she got caught in such a trap she appeared on 50th-ish floors of the tower of despair.

- “You double checked if others treasures don’t have similar… additions?”

- “Should be safe when it comes to magical traps. They still can be mimics tho.”

- “Tsk. Even after destroying this bloody dungeon it still tries to kill us. What a pain.”

She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest offended on the very monster that we already killed. I smiled and kept watching her, in the end, I knew that her mood was about to change in next... 30 seconds?

And I was not mistaken. After a moment the tip of her tail twitched a little, then it started to move up and down, left and right, like a puppy waiting for a treat after executing a command. Right now she was like a kid at Christmas Eve waiting till she could open her gifts.

I decided to show her my mercy.

- “Anyway… want to check these chests?”

Her tail was no longer twitching, but swiping furiously like a whip. Her eyes shined as she showed me her brightest smile while nodding with excitement. That was… cute.

- “Then go get it, girl.”

- “The-first-one-to-touch-the-item-can-take-it!” she yelled on one breath as she bolted toward chests.

- “Hey! We share fifty-fifty!” Gisele only turned in place without stopping her charge and showed me her tongue for a split of a second.

- “That’s childish! You are a grown-up woman, Gis!” my words brought no avail

That’s how you want to play?

Spirits within me, who guide my hand,

Answer my plea to protect this land…

I started singing a quiet chant in my mind.

Trees started growing under each chest elevating it high in the sky, far above Gisele’s reach.

- “YOU ARE CHEATING!” she shouted all red with anger. It was my time to show her my tongue.

She quickly pulled her sword and started chopping one of the trees down.

The thin tree gave up after merely two strikes of meteoric blade dropping chest right in Gisele’s arm. She turned to me holding wooden box.

- “MINE!” Oh, her proud face! If you could only see it!

- “What a silly girl.” I just shook my head in disbelief

- “Gems, gold, weapons and armors are mine! You can take the rest!”

- “Sooo… what exactly can I take?”

- “Dunno. Some cursed trashes! Books, scrolls…”

- “So basically everything that you can’t use or you couldn’t sell?”

- “Precisely!”

- “Sweetie, calm down, you know I don’t need gold, have armor made my best smith in the world… well, I can wear it yet, but still;… I also have artifact that can turn into every weapon I want and I am already in possession of most wonderful gems in the world. So by all means, keep them.”

- “… what gems do you have?” I picked her curiosity

- “The one in your eyes. I claimed them to be mine.”

Once again she froze in place

- “Idiot.” She whispered

Come on. That was too easy. Put on some fight! Teasing you is far too easy.

...

There weren’t great riches in the chests. Indeed, few enchanted weapons and armors, these were quickly thrown away by dragoness, for she was already in possession of better one, few silver pieces, not even 40, and few gems, not of great value nor quality.

- “That’s… a poor hoard.” She said, more to herself than to me

- “Probably because this dungeon was a young abomination, it tried to develop before luring in adventurers, so it didn’t really work on creating good prizes.”

- “If that was young, I am glad we didn’t let it grow. It could be a worse pain in the ass than Tower of Despair.”

- “True. Anyway, are you ready for our departure?”

- “Just one more second!” she quickly started throwing gems, gold, and few smaller enchanted items (for selling) into a single chest before taking it in her arms. “Now I am.”

- “In that case, after you, my lady.” I bowed with courtesy showing her direction to pulsating glyphs on the other side of the room

- “Oh thank you! Still, a real gentleman would insist on taking lady’s possession.” She courted in response

- “Oh, by any means I would love to, but I don’t want to offend you! When it comes to this, you a a e strong and independent woman which is proud of her ability to deal with her own burdens.”

- “Tsk. It was worth trying.” She said walking past me.

In the end we stood in the circle of blue marks, letting the light to embrace us. Using glyphs of returns… bah! Teleportation in general, wasn’t a pleasant process, still, it was better than wasting whole day on climbing up with the treasures, so we accepted it as necessary evil.

In next moment we found ourselves standing outside of the pit we jumped into few days ago, yet our joy didn’t last for long. We quickly felt effects of relocation. We fell on our knees fighting with desire to puke.

Next 20 minutes we spend on our fours struggling with revolution taking place in our bellies. Then we got up, Gisele once again took her chest, I checked if sword of embers is still attached to my belt, and we moved in direction of guild. Gisele will probably spend few next days heavily drinking, which means I will be able to finally train and study peacefully.

One could say only:

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Chapter RSS About the author 2 Fictions 0 Posts 0 Threads Anuel Follow Author Friday, February 2, 2018 9:33:47 PM

Bio: Some people want me to write with Style, some people want me to write with Passion, some people wish to see me using logic, yet I... I find madness to be much more alluring.

Srsl tho, I am kinda crazy, ya know?

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