When you try your best but you don’t succeed.

It’s a pretty frustrating feeling, no doubt about it. It’s demotivating, it’s demoralizing, it’s... some other word that also has a ‘de’ in it. Yeah, it’s also that.

Point being, nobody goes out into the world, giving it their all, hoping they’d stumble and fall. Nobody wants to fall… nobody wants to fail.

The thing was, though... I was already used to falling, to failing. Failure was like an old friend I’d stumble into a bar with. We’d laugh, we’d cried, we’d talk then eventually I’d say to him that I had enough to drink, that I needed to go, and then like he always does, he’ll just keep urging me on to continue.

Y’know, just one more drink, my man, just one more swig... one more failure.

He wasn’t a very good friend.

We left the park no better than we were before we entered it, bidding farewell to the fellows Black and White, and joined again with the drivel of the civilized streets.

Our legs sloshed about the flooded city sidewalk, rippling small tides across the shimmering puddles.

Murky dark puddles that reflected back a murky dark expression.

So I talk in my sleep. Why on earth hasn’t Adalia ever mentioned this tiny little quirk of mine to me before? She was always watching me, could have done with that info before I waltz right into that landmine that Ash had planted in front of me.

I wanted to address it, talk about it, but I just… y’know… everything has backfired on me so far… I just didn’t want any more gunpowder in my face.

Can’t take it back now, what’s done is done. What’s failed has failed.

If there was any reassurance I could take away from this - any silver lining in the pouring clouds, well it was probably the fact that no matter how badly you do it, you can never screw up grocery shopping.

Did I jinx it by mentioning that? Hell, was there even anything left to jinx?

Grocery shopping was never the point of this entire venture. Really, I could hardly care about some few missing cans of tuna and sardines. I’m sure we can go a few days without eggs, some water instead of juice.

Seriously, I didn’t even want to be out here anymore. I just wanted to go home.

Still, there we were, our face reflected back on the frosted glass panels of the automatic sliding doors. Still, we clasped close our umbrella and dried ourselves off at the entrance. Still, we drew out a shopping cart and began wheeling into the narrow aisles that never seem to have an end.

Grocery shopping with an Elf by your side usually was a prospect I could get by no problem. It seemed like a good time, in fact.

Funnily enough, I was not having a good time. I don’t think either of us was and it showed. Aisle after aisle, Ash kept turning back at me every chance she got, letting concern plaster her face before finally deciding to voice it out after a long bout of silence.

“I’ve upset you,” she said.

“No.” That was all I was able to say. I was too busy looking at the list. Too busy looking away.

“Yes, I have.”

“I’m not upset, Ash.”

A haphazard toss of some cooking oil into the cart, I let it land with a heavy rattle that shook the cart in place. Ash saw this, and Ash silently nodded her head.

“Okay, maybe I am a little upset,” I said, turning ourselves sideways into the next aisle. “For you. Why wouldn’t I be? After everything? Somebody should be upset. Somebody should be angry. The question is - why aren’t you?”

“There’s nothing to be upset about,” She said plainly. “I’ve come to terms with it.”

I didn’t even bother checking the list anymore, I just started chucking things in that seemed vaguely like something we needed.

“I don’t believe that,” I muttered.

Ash noticed the negligence, the carelessness, and swiped the list from my hands, taking it upon herself to go around picking up what I’ve been putting down and placing them back on the shelves.

“I know.”

Didn’t even know where I was even going anymore, I had lost all sense of direction. Kept walking and walking, stumbling into departments of the store that had nothing to do with food or supplies.

I was like a runaway train with its brake flung out the compartment window. I didn’t think I would have stopped if Ash hadn’t intervened, and by the time she did, we’ve already wandered so far into the place, we’ve actually ended up at the ladies' section.

I admit, it was a little bewildering to look up from the ground only to find a mannequin staring back at you, wearing the most revealing piece of lingerie ever, striking a very seductive pose.

Perfume in the air… been smelling that for a while… should have probably taken that as an indicator. Now I got me some damsels young and old, passing us by, casting weird looks directed at me, judging my dignity for all that it was worth.

Great.

“We have strayed far from our original course, it seems,” muttered Ash, peering a curious eye at the undergarments and stockings that surrounded us all around.

“Yeah,” I said, sighing. “Yeah we have.”

Wasn’t exactly referring to getting lost and judging by Ash’s strained glance my way, I think she knew that too.

“Perhaps I should take the helm from here, Master,” She said, taking a hold of the trolley. “You’ve… you seem weary, perhaps a little rest?”

There was a neat little cushion seat nearby plopped against a wall, probably where the boyfriends and husbands go as wives and girlfriends ran wild with their spree. That was also where Ash was pointing me to, smiling a comforting smile, doing her best to assure me.

I was the one who was supposed to do the assuring.

She had a list, she had a cart, and she had a duty. Who was I to try and get in the way of that?

“Okay,” I said, begrudgingly nodding my head. “You’ll be fine?”

“I always am,” She said, still with a smile.

It wasn’t the shopping she was referring to. I gave her a look saying that I knew what she meant.

I just didn’t believe her.

Off she went, wheeling off into the distance to finish up the rest of the things on the list, while I sat there leaning against the bright white wall, feeling as miserable as I could be.

Honestly, I have no idea how to approach Ash anymore. What exactly was the problem here? She looked fine, she claimed to be fine, so what was this? Why was this uneasy feeling still here?

Now she’s worried for my sake, like - I’m worrying about you here, hello? You don’t have time to be worrying about me, worry about yourself!

It’s a never-ending ping pong match is what it is.

Oh man, Ria… this rock on the bridge? I tried to scale it, I tried to tip it over, all to no avail. I have no idea how to get past it.

“You're here?” suddenly spoke a voice towering from above me. “What, living with two girls just wasn’t frisky enough for you?

It was a heavily muffled voice, barely even intelligible just from how subdued and stifled it was. It sounded as if it was coming from a gas filter, and when I looked it up… I was surprised to see that I was actually not that far off.

A masked individual. A hooded individual. Standing in front with arms crossed.

At first glance, I thought I just encountered a burglar or something. Seriously, a bulky jacket and baggy jeans combined with that mask and heavily-tinted sunglasses?

You’re probably on some watchlist, my guy. More importantly…

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

I heard a scoff from underneath that thick mask. “I certainly hope so.”

Frowning, a little confused, a little taken aback, I didn’t really know what to make of this shifty dude. Then, shifty dude decided to lean ever so slightly forward towards me, and all was crystal clear.

“Oh!” I gasped, shrinking back as far as I could without bashing my head against the wall.

Why? Well because this individual smelled absolutely fresh. So fresh in fact, that I had to muster all sense of self-control I had to not immediately jump at said individual right there and then.

“Oh-ho!” I continued gasping, blinking back the perverted ideas that had suddenly cropped up in my depraved thoughts, collecting myself enough to properly greet the seductive hooded figure standing in front of me. “Nice to meet you too, Irene.”

“Hi.”

Baggy jeans, thick wooly jacket… yeah I understand why she was wearing those now. I’m sweating here, for real.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, wishing so desperately that I was also wearing baggy pants right then.

“Shopping,” she answered. “You?”

“Shopping.” I gasped again, taking another moment to assess her fashion sense. “I take it you’re still very red underneath all that?”

“Wow, you must be a detective or something.”

“No, just a really sensitive nose, unfortunately... should you really be out like this the way you are?”

“I took precautions.”

I did a double-take. “This is precaution?”

“I ran out of food, alright?” She said, the exasperation in her voice dampened by the mask on her face. “You expect me to starve in my home? I don’t grow my own food, and I’m desperate for something to eat.”

“Evidently…” I nodded my head. “And the ever-tantalizing succubus is lounging about in the lingerie section because…?”

“Perfume,” she said, pointing to a small basket she had by her feet. “I forgot the brand, but I know there was one that helps nullify the smell somewhat.”

Held my breath, and leaned over for a peek. There, strewn among a big pile of foodstuffs, were small glass vials in different shapes and sizes. It was such a glaring disparity seeing such elegantly-made bottles being squished alongside chocolate bars, instant-noodles cups, and potato chips, that I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at the sight of it.

“How’s that working out for you?”

Somehow I could sense that she was rolling her eyes underneath those spy-glasses of hers. “Don’t patronize me. I’m already not having a good time as it is.”

Another chuckle from me. Not as cheerful this time though. “Join the club, sister.”

“Is it the Elf?”

“Wow, you must be a detective or something.”

Irene tilted her head and placed a hand on her hips. “What’d you do?”

The way she said that - like a mom inquiring of her unruly son’s bad deeds. I didn’t even do anything bad, so why do I feel so ashamed hearing her say it like that?

“She was feeling down, keeping to herself all the time,” I explained, flailing my hands around for no real reason at all. “I brought her to see some cats…”

“Oh.” That ‘Oh’. So simple yet so profound. A syllable that needed no other explanation. “Neplims.”

Irene shook her head. “You idiot.”

“Yeah, like I was supposed to know,” I snapped back at her. “But yeah, you’re right, I’m an idiot.”

A defeated sigh brought me wallowing back in self-pity and despair, ready to resign myself waltzing back to that little bar at the back of my mind, ready to meet an old friend again for some drinks.

Then just right before I could open the creaky tavern door, I was pulled away from it - someone pulled me away from it.

Suddenly Irene sat beside me. Suddenly she lowered her glasses to her lap. And suddenly she was staring, her ever-enthralling glowing crimson eyes meeting with my own.

“Tell me more.”

Suddenly I realized - I had more friends than I thought.