Damn, that’s so cool!!

I got a tail and external lungs and everything!!

Ex-, external lungs…

I’m just going to pretend that they’re cool horns or something because the idea of having lungs hanging from my head terrifies me, and I’m not afraid to say so.

This does present a very interesting resolution to my previous idea.

The Buddhists were (probably) right.

And, following this, if considering Buddhist scripture, I am probably no longer on Earth, but in “the next” world. Right? That’s how Buddhism works, right?...

I’m not too sure to be honest, but, I mean-,

“Krrrrr”

My thoughts were suddenly and rudely interrupted by the growling of my own stomach. I must admit, that heavenly scent is still very much present, and, well… I’m hungry. Funny how things work out like that.

Fighting valiantly against the urge to stand up on two, I slowly but surely get the basics of moving down. It’s like crawling on all fours, except my legs are hideously short and, thusly, I have to move the whole leg to get anywhere.

But, as weird as it feels, I do get somewhere. My legs and arms move in unison to get me closer to the source of that good, good scent. And, as it would seem, I wasn’t exactly facing it, so I had to stick my head into the air and get a sniff on the situation before moving.

Sniff sniff.

To my right.

How close it was to my right I was unsure, but wherever it was, I had to go to the right to get it. My first step in this endeavour would be to turn to the right. Easier said than done, that’s for sure…

I stop completely and start turning my upper(or frontal?) body, only now noticing exactly how rigid and stale my entire body was. My spine felt like an iron rod, and forcing it to turn gave me quite a few flashbacks to my days of sitting hunched over a computer.

However, after moving my legs in this way as well, I successfully turned to face the source of the smell.

Now, all I had to do was get it.

Slowly but steadily, I moved towards the smell, coming closer and closer with every step.

Eventually, it was so close that I could almost taste it. But when I took the final step that I imagined would lead to my reward, I instead found a wall.

Atleast, I imagined it to be a wall. Raising my head and sniff sniffing the air, I found that whatever was giving out that delicious, heavenly smell, was up there. On the wall.

If it even was a wall, that is. Which I started to believe it really wasn’t.

But how was I going to get up? Axolotls aren’t exactly known for being amazing climbers, so the whole idea of just climbing up there was rather…

“Krrrrrrr”

My stomach growled once more, letting me know that it was that way or the highway. And I listened.

Grabbing hold of the perpendicular rocks in front of me, I started heaving my body up, my hind legs following suit.

I was surprisingly light, almost running up the side of whatever this was.

My tail, in accordance with my inner thoughts and shear stress, swayed from side to side, somehow allowing me to almost float up along the wall.

Which, in turn, gave rise to a thought.

Axolotls are aquatic animals, right?

I hadn’t really noticed it before, but the very idea startled me with how much sense it made.

Of course I was underwater!

As a direct consequence of this thought, I stopped “climbing”, instead opting to flail all five of my limbs, allowing me to swim up instead of climb slowly.

And it worked very well.

Within only a minute, I surfaced, plunging my head through the waters and into the air above.

Up here, the scent of freshly-baked sweets, the same smell I’ve been smelling all this time, was practically ever-present, wafting through me.

I also realized that I could not breathe.

Choking for a second, in panic, I was unable to realize why I couldn’t breathe.

Stupid, yes, but who wouldn’t be confused at not being able to breathe air?

Somehow, this sliver of insight penetrated through my panicked mind and reached me, allowing me to have the bright idea of plunging my head back into the water. Which I did.

Taking a big, imaginary breath, I was thankful to find my body filling once more with oxygen.

But, I still wanted that delectable morsel up there. It was so close!

I simply had to get it.

Maybe, if I hold my breath, I can get it?...

Cautiously, somewhat traumatized from the previous experience, I allowed my head to exit the waters, this time making sure not to breathe at all, instead holding my breath.

And, to be sure, I didn’t choke immediately. However, I could not be sure about exactly how long I could hold my breath, so this was really quite dangerous. As it turns out, I could not see anything up here either. And judging by the fact that axolotls, according to my 6’th grade education, are not naturally blind, this would mean that I am in some place where there is no natural light. A cave, in other words.

Wherever I was didn’t matter, however, because all I wanted at that moment was whatever was giving out that charming odour.

It was from… over there.

Straight up, still on top of this wall. Or maybe it was a stalactite? Stalagmite? No idea.

But it didn’t matter if I had to climb the mexican border, I wanted that… thing. Whatever it was.

I grabbed a hold of a rock, cold and cool and prickly, and attempted to hoist myself up. God, I was heavy.

But not too heavy.

I allowed the rest of my limbs to get in on the party, slowly but surely getting up the stalagmite, right hand, left hand, right foot, left foot. I was going somewhere.

And although I didn’t breathe, the smell, growing stronger with every step, still made me feel all rosy-cheeked and wanting. It was a strange feeling, wanting something so much. Like fasting for thirteen days and then smelling freshly-baked bread. Yet, somehow, stronger. More defined.

I decided to ignore the ache in my muscles, my lungs screaming for a breath, and my eyes burning to see, all in order to get up. Climb.

I didn’t know how long it had taken, a second, a minute, an hour, but eventually, after every limb I had and every bone in my body had already given up on getting the rest they craved, I was there. I couldn’t see it, but even without sniffing the air, I knew it was right there in front of me.

The air, which had felt like tiny prickling cactuses before, was now smooth and soothing, like how you always thought being in a cloud would feel like.

I reached out my right hand, blindly searching for that something that I had spent all of my current existence searching for, and…

I found it.

It felt like a little pebble, with clear sides and sharp edges.

Just holding it filled my body with euphoria.

But then I felt my body screaming for air, or rather, for water, and with the strange rock in hand, I took the plunge, blindly throwing myself back into wherever I came from.

Whether I was going to land in water or on rock, I did not know. But I had to take the chance.

I heard a little splash ring out, like when a small rock falls into a body of water, and then I could breathe again.

It felt so good.

The cool water embracing my body, and my mind finally calmed down enough to actually examine what I was holding.

It was a little bit bigger than my fist, and hard as a rock.

And yet, it smelled so good.

It probably wasn’t edible.

It was probably only my imagination that it smelled as well as it did.

But…

One little lick wouldn’t hurt, right?

I stuck out my large, strangely-shaped tongue and allowed it to touch the side of the strange rock.

And it tasted…

So damn good.

If the smell was Fight Club 2, the comic, then the taste was Fight Club, the movie.

Whether it was edible or not didn’t matter.

I acted entirely on my instinct, and popped the rock into my mouth, and…

I was in heaven.

Everything was alright.

Dying wasn’t all that bad, and neither was living.

Just existing was good enough for me.

As long as I could taste this sweet sweet symphony of dopamine playing on the tip of my tongue forever, I didn’t mind what else happened to me.

And then, I swallowed.

My body had acted on it’s own, I swear!

But whatever the situation was, I had just swallowed a strange rock that may or may not have been meth. What else could give such euphoria?

Preparing myself for the end of my short axolotl life, I failed to notice a tingly, exotic kind of feeling. Like that feeling you have after having gone through a transformative experience and looking at yourself in the mirror, only to be unable to recognize yourself.

Like that, but it lasted.

My head felt warm, and my stomach gurgled ominously.

Not the best feeling after having swallowed a mystery-rock, but unable to hinder or stop the process, I allowed it to continue.

And continue it did.

My head grew hotter and hotter, and it really did feel like somebody ha stuffed a boiling pot of tea in there.

And yet, it didn’t hurt.

On the contrary, it felt rather nice.

And, with some confusion, I could distinctly feel something coming out of my head. It was a weird sensation, really.

But it didn’t stop there.

It grew, and it grew, and after a while, I could even feel the antenna-like growth with my hands.

It didn’t grow much longer than that, but the very tip of it grew in size, inflating like a little volley-ball.

And, after growing to the size of what my hands considered a golf-ball, it stopped.

And then, it turned on.

It was as if somebody had turned a switch on my body, and the little bulb started shining beautifully, and with this light, I could suddenly see.

My eyes, unused to this sudden photon-pummeling, didn’t take this well, and I had to squint in order to see anything. In the very heart of the bulb, I could see what looked to be a little gem, the source of the light.

I brought a hand into view. The skin was pink and somewhat transparent.

Looking around, all I could see were the murky depths of whatever pond I was in.

And it was at this time that I was sure that I was no longer on Earth.