Mu-Ur Quincunx, like most modern game worlds, was procedurally generated through user-guided framework of machine imagination, spiced with some special content, and finally fun-balanced by bot simulations. This meant that in the last stages of balancing, millions of funbot simulations were run to optimize the game flow to a target market and ensure that players got just enough neuroaesthetic superstimuli to play the game as intended, without getting frustrated.

Computational creativity and funbot-optimization were also (in my opinion) major reasons for the so-called mediocrity explosion in gaming: all games were good, but they were good in the same way. It was the easiest, fastest, and most financially lucrative way to make games, so everyone followed the same formula.

MOFO, Market Optimized For Okay, was the mantra of the industry.

Speedrunners weren't part of the target market, so getting constantly frustrated was normal because runners kicked the delicately balanced flow sideways by optimizing for speed instead of fun.

On the other hand, there was the meta-fun of throwing the flow off-balance and seeing weird effects – like catching hard enemies changing places with weaker enemies behind the scenes because you entered a level in a much weaker state than the game expected.

So... Where was I?

Krajannar Reavertooth and Bodhicoirn Ivorythief were the superstar balance breakers of meta-fun in Mu-Ur speedrunning. Blame it on the rush to get the game out or whatever, but these characters were perfect for neat glitches and ultra-hard skips that made livestream subscribers scream when you executed them in a full-campaign run.

When I finally saw the twins after a long wait, I had to remind myself that this was not the pre-game character choice menu screen.

I was sitting in the Parlor Room next to the bay window (as it had become my routine) and that's when they appeared.

Like shadows clipping out of the forest, I recognized their silhouettes through the drizzle.

“They're here! The MC bros are here!”

No one could hear me through the walls, so I ran around the mansion alerting everyone individually and we gathered at the foyer.

I told Rain to bring Sorry Man out as well. The twins needed to see him with us, just in case.

The brothers stood in the middle of the moor road. They were examining the tracks that had not been erased by rain yet.

They looked exactly the same as in the game – slender highwaymen ninjas with tanned Asian features, clad in their signature black clothing, reacting to everything with rapid, intense movements. They had wide-brimmed horsehair hats and large raincloaks, but what set them apart from each other were their face masks: Reavertooth had a Zorro-type domino mask over his eyes and Ivorythief used a bandana to cover her mouth like a train robber. One brother showed his mouth, other showed his eyes.

The atmosphere went chilly when the brothers noticed us coming down the hill.

Crys, Kimono and Rain drew their weapons because they instantly recognized the danger level of the twins. It was clear to them that if this encounter turns ugly, they won't have time to prepare for battle after the fact.

“Tell me what weapons they carry.” (Crys)

“At this point they should have Scarab carbines, Palatzar revolvers and daggers under their cloaks; the kind of stuff Caliph's elite bodyguards carry.”

I was relaxed, but my party was right on the edge. They didn't know these brothers like I did – from their enemy scan perspective, it probably seemed like this was a rendezvouz with boss-class monsters disguised as humans.

And just few days ago these monsters had still worked for Caliph Tze.

In a serious fight, six versus two, half of us (specifically: me, Dancer and Crys) would probably die during the first ten seconds. The twins would use their skills to move faster than any of us, but Rain would also use her abilities to slow down time and dodge bullets. Kimono would try take a bullet for Crys and fail, and even if she would survive the first few seconds, she would go for suicide attack after his brother was dead... probably.

It was impossible to say who would win, really. Two speedy boys versus six murder hobos? Their stat points were distributed differently, their tactics and skills were different, their weapons and items were different.

Hm, I might actually bet my money on the final score that only Sorry Man survives from our side and the twins carry him away as a living trophy.

“Don't point your weapons at them and don't make any quick movements. They didn't come here to fight, they're just curious. Take it easy and let me handle this.”

“...Why are they here?” (Rain)

“You already forgot? They're the twins I've been telling about for weeks, I invited them here with the glyphs... Fuu, alright, just follow my words. Rain, don't start shooting even if they approach you or Sorry Man, okay? They're just curious, that's all.”

After warning everyone in low voice, I approached the twins with a big smile.

Reavertooth was the more talkative one of the twins, so I looked at him when I stopped. I touched the middle of my forehead with my index finger and middle finger – a friendly gesture Fireland tribes used a lot.

“Greetings, great hunters. We come in peace.”

“Who?” (Reavertooth)

“I am Speedrun, a shaman hunter of our tribe. We are a hunting party after a large prey. Join our hunt and we will feast with fire.”

“We saw you in the trees?” (Reavertooth)

“Yes, it was me.”

They were more inclined to listen me when my title was shaman hunter, the same as their grandfather's.

Title upgrade path so far: Stray Dog - Elder Gangster - Time Traveler - Mad Seer - Shaman Hunter.

Reavertooth nodded at his brother and they showed us their empty hands; a peaceful sign.

For a moment it felt like I was looking in a mirror. I had to wait them to introduce themselves on their own pace.

“I am hunter Krajannar. We take part.” (Reavertooth)

“I am hunter Bodhicoirn. We take part.” (Ivorythief)

When they announced their names and intentions, it was confirmed that they saw us as fellow hunters instead of pests or prey, which was their default approach to all living things.

These guys were easy to deal with when you knew the right keywords.

I introduced everyone in a specific way because the twins had to understand the structure of our tribe.

“I am a shaman hunter, but the people behind me are the core power of our tribe. Crystal Pencil is our chief hunter and trapmaster. His sister Dragon Kimono is our feastmaster and hunter as well. Rainwoman is our huntmaster. Sorry Man is our great elder. Mirim and Dancer are our hunter apprentices.”

“Good fortune to your tribe.” (Reavertooth)

“Good fortune to your tribe.” (Ivorythief)

The twins took out short daggers and performed an elaborate salute that was one of their idle animations in the game.

How nostalgic.

I glanced back at my fellow tribefolk. Crys was holding a revolver in his right hand and a potion of poison in his left hand. Kimono stood in front of her brother in a boxing stance, holding claw knife in right hand and sheltering his brother with an umbrella in her left hand – that was a new pose, I had never seen Crys and Kimono like that before.

Rain stood partially behind Sorry Man, arms crossed and revolvers still in both hands. Good, stay like that.

Dancer and Mirim stood a few steps behind Rain, guns pointed to the ground. Mirim was the other person in our group holding an umbrella.

Are you not going to answer the twins salute? Well, I didn't teach them how... It's not really necessary to salute them, but you should at least make the boys feel a bit more welcome.

“When do you hunt?” (Reavertooth)

“Preparations are needed. Our prey dwells far away in north and leads a large pack. We ship the game– I mean we start the hunt two or three days from now.”

“Your trapmaster will make a trap?” (Reavertooth)

“Oh yes, Crys is an epic trapmaster.”

“Brother, we cannot take part in north. We move south.” (Ivorythief)

“Brother speaks truth. We move south.” (Reavertooth)

“I understand. Later, there is more large prey for both our tribes in the south. I will leave another sign in trees.”

“Shaman hunter Speedrun. Later, we meet again.” (Reavertooth)

Ivorythief took a few steps back, setting up a move... Eh, you're already leaving?! I wanted to talk a bit longer.

“Wait, fellow hunters. Do you have a home?”

I need them to stay in one location or they might end up wandering back into the Winter Forest or sneak into Stray Dog City.

“No. We travel.” (Reavertooth)

“I know a safe dwelling for your tribe in the darkness of the forests. Tomorrow, come to our house. I will guide you to Spyglass Tower.”

I immediately heard some critical whispers behind me. Guys, really? We can let them visit the Starfish Mansion, they're not going to wreck the place or anything.

Reavertooth looked at his brother. Ivorythief nodded.

“We accept. To return tomorrow.” (Reavertooth)

“Yes, come back tomorrow. I'll see you in the trees.”

Yosh, got it.

The brothers moonwalked away and disappeared in the forest like ghosts.

Stealth Step and Feather Step. Cool. Could I also learn these sweet skills, if I trained with them?

I turned around, grinned like an idiot and made a soundless victory dance to celebrate my achievement.

“We got the setup! We're in the window! Bottleneck cleared! The run is on, guys!”

Full set of MCs collected.

I had a rough start with Crys and Rain, but first encounter with the twins went down smoothly like vanilla yoghurt.

“...Why did you invite them in the house?” (Rain)

“Everyone, calm down. It's not what you think. The twins are always in their limit break mode, that's why they look like they're going to attack at any moment. That's just how they are at all times, at all times. Yes, it's hard to relax when it seems like there are two wild tigers prowling around freely in the same room, but when you get to know them, you'll get used to their presence... I mean, did you see? They were already considerate enough that they'll come back later instead of coming in immediately, right? They didn't want to intrude when you are all tense like that.”

“...I was so scared!” (Mirim)

“Speedy, you should have told all that beforehand.” (Dancer)

“Sorry, I was excited and it slipped my mind. Tehe~... Oh, right, you guys don't have to use hunterspeak, you can talk to them normally from now on. They understand, they just needed the relative statuses of us so-called hunters in our so-called tribe. They will probably talk to me and Rain from now on because I told them I'm the shaman hunter and Rain is the huntmaster. They won't approach apprentices much, so you can feel safe on that. We are basically allied tribes now, so just treat them friendly and casually when they return.”

“Can you really trust them?” (Crys)

“Well, yes, but it depends on how we manipulate them. They grew up in Fireland cave system, so they've been grinding high-level dungeon ever since they were born. Hunting boss-class predators is all they know, small prey doesn't really interest them. Although they were educated a bit in the Caliph's palace, they still have a very limited understanding of what's going on in the world. They don't really care much about anything except hunting and mating. Speaking of mating, ladies – if they ask you to join them for a night, refuse firmly or they will try to impregnate you to add new hunters to their tribe.”

“Primitive animals...” (Kimono)

“Well, their views on issues like gender equality are not as archaic as Caliph's, though. Rather than being malicious, they are simply naïve and uneducated on social etiquette. They are smart and skilled when it comes to their narrow specialties, but you need to remember that they were basically raised by a piece of wood and the first women they ever encountered were the sex slaves of Caliph's palace. I don't want to sound like an androcentrist apologist or anything, but the whole human rights scene of this world is nothing to be proud of in general, so it's not like they're the worst offenders...”

“...I'm going back.” (Rain)

“You are spouting nonsense like a priest again.” (Kimono)

“Okay, here's a short version then: think of them as sated wild predators that wear funny hats. They think and act differently because they are motivated by different traditions and habits. Don't judge a tiger by its stripes or a leopard by it spots.”

“You can take your stripes and strats and whatnot and get lost in the forest with them.” (Kimono)

I'm getting dissed by a fanservice cheesecake again. You don't need to get angry just because you got a bit scared of them, Kim-chan.

“Crys, like we talked before, the twins are the best weapons against Suleiman; they killed Suleiman in the original timeline at Te Csji Henne. I understand that you want to kill Suleiman personally, but we should consider giving them a part-time job on that plan. They don't like Suleiman either, so you have a common starting point. And Kimono, I'm sorry to say, but your estimate is right: you won't stand a chance against them even in melee one-vs-one. They've amassed generous amounts of experience points and capped their attack stats, while your character build is relatively underpowered and unsuited against them.”

“You don't have a chance against a wet sock.” (Kimono)

Crys seemed amused by our banter.

Wait, where did Rain and Sorry Man go? Oh, they're already going back inside.

“Right now, only Rain would have a sporting chance against them one-vs-one, and that's only if Rain goes full chaotic evil. Everyone else here would simply die. .”

“Brother, having them live in the same house is a huge risk.” (Kimono)

“Eh? Kimono, I think there's a huge misunderstanding here. They're going to visit Starfish Mansion occasionally, but they're not going to live here. That's our tribe's dwelling. They want to have their own tribe dwelling, that's why I'm taking them to Spyglass Tower in the Black Forest. You were too agitated to listen, weren't you? The twins can just follow our tracks, if they want to contact us, and they expect the same from us. In their minds, we are two tribes working together to bring down prey that's too big for one tribe to eat.”

“Spyglass Tower. Another new place.” (Crys)

“I think I mentioned it, did I? It's a tower in the southeastern part of Black Forest.”

“No. Tell me about the tower.” (Crys)

“Okay, maybe I was just talking to myself about it... Ther tower sub-area has some weird concealment effects going on, but it's different from Starfish Mansion. It's a small Strangers outpost or watchtower. There's a large telescope there that can be used to monitor everything around the area. I'll double-check if there's anything useful when I guide the twins there. It's a non-essential location for us. The twins lived there for a long while in the original timeline.”

“They don't want to kill Caliph, only Suleiman?” (Dancer)

“Yeah, they're not coming to Rukhkh with us. They originally went with Caliph because they thought they could hunt bigger prey and raise stronger offspring, but Caliph failed to deliver on that promise. Caliph and his untrustworthy tribe doesn't interest them anymore. Even if I tell them that the big prey we hunt is Caliph himself, they'll probably think it's just a battle between our tribe and Caliph's tribe. They don't care. Of course, if we don't deliver on our promise of big prey either, they stop caring about us too. But since I can point them to Suleiman, then Lucranah, then Thiefmaster, and so on, we have the big game they crave.”

Revolution Movement never completely understood the twins raison d'être in the series. They started with the wrong foot and worked together for a while, but in the end their alliance went out of the window. The twins were ultimately disappointed by this weird tribe that didn't hunt, and after they saw Rainwoman tripping on drugs during the gathering episode, it was the last straw that eventually led them back to Caliph Tze's side.

The twins watched the final battle in Reingland as a neutral party and allied with the winner.

Great hunters need great trophies on their walls to attract females. That's how they roll.

“Strictly speaking, the twins don't need to stay on our side, as long as they don't stand in our way.” (Crys)

“That's right, but personally I'd like to keep them.”

“Speedy, can we return back inside now?” (Dancer)

“Oh my, look at the time! Why are we all standing in the rain like idiots? Let's move this delightful chat inside. We have to get our gear ready and load the airship.”