“Turing test?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, I’ll take care of it.”

“Isn’t that...” Lindsey started.

I shook my head and interrupted, “We just call it that, but the procedure is different. It’s got an official name, but no one calls it that. Gellman something something Capability Assessment? I’d have to look it up, we don’t do them a lot. It’s just a few basic things to decide if an AI is tier zero, which is everything below human in terms of general ability, or potentially tier one or above.”

The NPCs had approached us during this exchange, and were giving each other looks. The snakeman was shifting his weight from foot to foot, his twin head-snakes twitching about. Agitation maybe? The other one was standing there with a look on his face that had started at excitement, and gradually shifted to confusion. The solid black eyes would have made him a bit hard for me alone to read, but my pigeon was pretty certain of our assessment of him.

“You speak English, honored travellers?” The small pale one asked. He spoke fluently with a clear, almost musical tone, but with none of the reality-burning intensity of the tutorial NPC. In fact, his speech didn’t trigger the game interface at all - he seemed to actually be speaking in the usual, mundane way. I had some trouble with his accent, though it wasn’t one that I could place. The emphasis seemed to be in the wrong places. Weird that the aliens would go to all the trouble of learning Earth languages, putting them into the game, but then fall short in such an odd way. Maybe it was intended to be jarring?

I stepped forward and addressed the increasingly nervous-looking guard.

“Greetings. We do speak English. Would you be willing to answer a few questions?”

He looked at Joe expectantly, then after a few seconds, shifted his attention back to me.

“I… I have some things that I am supposed to do if we see travelers...” he said, looking back toward the gate in the giant wall of glass blocks.

“It will only take a few moments. Think of it as a cultural exchange.” I tried. I gave him my best smile, on the advice of my ever-present assistant.

“Ah, then I really should get my great-grandfather… or another elder or the captain of the guard or, anyone else really.”

“No, I would prefer you two. It’s important.”

“I have no English. Bad English,” said the snakeman, speaking for the first time. His voice was slightly raspy, but not the sibilant hiss I had been expecting.

“That’s fine,” I said, “just try to answer my questions as best you can.”

The guards shared a look, and the snakeman spoke in some guttural language.

The smaller one paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. After a moment, he spoke again.

“We won’t get in trouble, the travellers insisted. So this is part of our job too.”

“So you are willing to begin?” I asked.

“Yes,” they both agreed.

I took a deep breath. I considered how to start. The test was vaguely formulaic, but was never reduced to a script for fear that a malicious actor could too easily train an AI to test low. I decided to go for the advanced interview, and see if they stumbled at that.

“Alright, I am going to ask you two a series of questions. Some of them will seem strange or very personal. Please answer each question as completely as you can, and if you refuse to answer a question, I will need you to explain your reason for it. Do you understand these instructions?”

“Yes,” one said, the other nodded.

“Please tell me who you are, and something that is important to you, personally.”

“I’m Alco of the Erien clan. My honor and the honor of my clan are important to me.”

“I am Kyber. Taste of tower beasts important to me.”

“What is something that happened to you yesterday?” I asked.

“What?” asked Alco.

Kyber answered without hesitation, “I am wake up late. Captain yell at me.”

“I… had a class?” he said, hesitantly. I motioned for him to continue, and he seemed to understand the context at least, “I had a class with Spearmaster Auric. I am learning to fight with a spear.”

That was a little weird. Neither of them had melee weapons at all, just the crossbows. The guard seemed to notice my confusion, and spoke again.

“The sorts of things that come in from beyond the Plains of Glass aren’t the type you want to be anywhere near. Hand-to-hand skills are for the hunters who harvest the towers.”

“Those towers?” I asked, motioning towards the silvery needles in the distance.

“No, we can’t approach those.”

Makes sense. Wouldn’t want a bunch of NPCs wandering around in or near the tutorial area. Maybe they knew how to get access to the towers we couldn’t reach from the elevator? I shook my head.

“Right, anyway, next question. What is the most significant event in your life?”

I would have time to ask them about game things later, I needed to get a good estimate for their AI grade. If they were tier one, actually near human-like in capability instead of smoke and mirrors, then the legal situation with the game could become… complicated.

“Today!” Alco brightened at my question, “We have been waiting for generations for travellers! According to my family, a powerful sorceress promised that one day…”

I shook my head and held up a hand.

“This is quest text,” I interrupted. He seemed confused, “Sorry, I mean this is something we can discuss after the test. Let me change my question. What is the most significant event in your life before today?”

He paused for a moment to consider my question. The other guard spoke up at once.

“Many years before. Kyber had only five years then. Turkey, rare tower beast, most delicious, was found by hunters. Legs big as tall man. Town ate meat for all week afterward.”

He had a far off look in his eyes as he spoke, both of his heads were drifting back and forth like boats on a tranquil sea. I could see how a turkey that big would make an impression. The other guard scowled at his companion.

“My most significant day,” Alco said, “was my induction into the guard. It is a step toward becoming a hunter, and a great honor to my clan.”

The characterizations were consistent, and the partial language skill even seemed accurately done. If this was the result of a bundle of tricks instead of fully simulated people, they were pretty good tricks. I asked a few more random questions and, upon getting more of the same, moved on.

“What is one plus two?”

“Three”

“Five times four?”

“Twenty”

“Four to the power of three?”

Silence. I explained how exponents worked to the best of my ability. Partway through my explanation, Kyber surprised me by interrupting.

“It is factor! ‘Four to the power of three’ is number that has three factors four. Sixty-four, yes?” he said, speaking more rapidly than his previous, sedate cadence.

I thought for a moment about his explanation, and found it (as well as his answer) to be accurate. I had never thought of an exponent as a number with a bunch of the same factor, but that was a valid way to look at it. I nodded.

“Yes, I like numbers. Everyone understands, don’t need lot of words, different language. Everyone has same numbers. Just learn few words each, can use in any language. Ein und Zwanzig. Er shi yi. Twenty-one.” the rust-scaled guard gushed.

“I’m sorry,” Alco said, “I know my numbers and am competent at bookkeeping, but mathematics was never a focus for me. I have always favored the martial arts as my clan does, as well as languages.”

“It’s fine, I think I have what I need,” I said.

They weren’t incapable of calculation, like some chat bots could be. They didn’t have computer-like capability for calculation either. What they did have was the ability to explain a mathematical concept in a novel way, and then apply it. I closed my eyes, trying to ward off the headache that I knew was coming. They were almost certainly at a human level of general intelligence. I opened my eyes.

“One last thing, are either of you players?” I asked. I didn’t think so, but I would feel like an idiot if they were and I didn’t at least ask.

“Player? An actor or musician, do you mean?”

“No, nevermind, that’s all I need. We can go meet your elders, or whatever it was that you were supposed to do.”

There was a quick exchange between the two guards, ending with the snakeman stomping off to stand next to the gate.

“I will guide you to the council building. Please follow me,” the other said.

As we passed through the gate, I got my first good look at the town itself. The buildings inside were built from the same rough white glass as the walls, though the bricks were individually smaller and were totally opaque. Despite the homogenous white color of the buildings and the ground, the town was a riot of color. Hanging from every house was at least one swatch of cloth, with some houses being positively covered in them, and no two pieces were the same color and pattern. There were old, discarded scraps of cloth piled together and trampled flat, forming meandering paths between the houses and next to the main road. The roads were occupied by people hauling hand carts piled high with mismatched sacks and boxes, some of which looked like modern packing crates, some like lopsided boxes made by hand.

“So, what is this town called, anyway?” Joe asked.

“Finxi,” our guide said, “It means something in my great grandfather’s native tongue, but the elders don’t teach it to anyone, so I couldn’t tell you what that meaning might be.”

Judging from the sprawl, and that the buildings seemed to get bigger as we walked towards the center, I estimated that there had to be a few tens of thousands of people living here, most of which were concentrated around the outer ring. There looked to be a mix of races, the majority being the small white skinned folk, with tall panther-men coming in second, followed by two-headed snakemen. I spotted an elf or two as well, though they were few and far between.

Some of the passing people stopped to stare, or to whisper amongst themselves as we passed. I felt a bit like a circus animal. Though considering I hadn’t seen any humans about, or even any dinosaur people like Joe, I guess it made sense. We would be the first humans in the game, if they didn’t use our likeness as NPCs.

“Was that German you and the other guard were speaking before?” asked Lindsey. She had been quiet up to this point, taking in the sights I assumed. This was what she was here for, after all.

“Yes, Kyber’s brood’s first language, and he never properly dedicated himself to learning a second or third. He just learns the numbers and magical terminology and never bothers with the rest of the language.”

“Magical terminology?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Yes,” our guide huffed, “he is training to become a sorcerer.” He shook his head, “Silly, if you ask me. His kind are so short lived, I expect very few ever make it. Though I do admit their natural essence growth is impressive.”

He looked at Joe and smiled, “They are draconids, after all. I’m sure you know how it is.”

“Not really,” he shot back, “we come from a place where there isn’t really any magic.”

The smile evaporated, replaced with raw bewilderment.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, “I’m sure our chat with your elders will sort everything out.”

We walked in silence after that, taking in the sights. We passed out of the relatively dense tangle of smaller houses into a more orderly area, with larger houses and compounds surrounded by waist height walls. The colors changed from a messy riot into an orderly procession. Most of the cloth draped over the border walls matched in color, if not in pattern, and there seemed to be a lot more color coordination in general. There seemed to be fewer people wandering around, and those that were were more circumspect with their interest in our group. In this area there also were the occasional lot where the glass underneath was quarried out, and the resulting area filled with dirt. These areas ranged in use from lawns to full blown gardens that could probably support a small family.

I could see actual fields ahead, probably made the same way as the smaller lawns and gardens, but we stopped before we got there. The building we were led to was among the largest I had seen. There were no sheets of cloth hanging from it anywhere. The bricks that it was built from had had their outer surface polished until it was transparent, though the other five sides had not, creating an illusion that the building had been made from stacked hollow boxes. There was no door, just an ornate archway completely covered in symbols that I didn’t recognize at all. We were ushered into the entry hall, our guide rushing off down a hallway towards the back of the room to go inform his elders of our arrival.

As far as waiting rooms go, this was certainly not the worst I had seen. The ceiling in the room was easily tall enough for Joe to stretch out and still not risk hitting anything, and the walls were absolutely covered in etched, stylized depictions of… something. There was definitely some kind of story being told, but I would require either time or context to be able to figure it out. There was no comfortable furniture, just blocks of stone (the first I had seen here) arranged around a massive glass table, probably long enough for twenty seats, the head of the table wide enough for three or maybe four to sit there. It was made of thick glass, the top and bottom polished to a perfectly smooth finish. It would make for an impressive meeting area, but it was not an ideal place to wait. I cursed myself for not looting something comfortable to sit on, or that if I had at some point, I hadn’t managed to protect it from that awful spirit monster.

After a few minutes of increasing boredom, I looked in on what my pigeon was up to. He had run out of ink, and was now scratching his observations into the paper itself. Despite his deft hand, I didn’t think I could reasonably read that, but I guess I could just ask him to read it to me, if I found that I needed to consult his notes.

After a few more minutes, several people entered the hall. Two were the same race as the guard who brought us here, a man and a woman, and the third was an elven woman. The first two were wearing ornate white robes, the man’s decorated with swirling embroidery in red and green that made me think of Christmas, the woman’s interwoven with threads of gold and silver, causing it to catch the light in strange ways. The elven woman was hardly wearing anything at all. I could feel my face start to heat up. It could generously be described as chainmail underwear, with the metal itself constantly shifting between various pastel hues. She made eye contact with me, a smile creeping its way onto her face.

[Focus elsewhere. Do not allow your reaction to control you. She will use this weakness against you if you allow it.]

I followed his advice, bolstered by the pulse of resolve. The three seated themselves on one side of the massive table, though not at the head, and gestured for us to sit opposite them.

Once we were seated, the small woman addressed Joe.

“Great traveler,” she said, her musical voice heavy with emotion, “we struggle to put into words how happy we are that you are finally here. I must be certain that it is true, though - more will follow after you, yes?”

Joe seemed a little off balance at being addressed directly, but rallied admirably.

“Yeah, we’re just the first,” he said. “There will be a few dozen coming relatively soon, and then a lot more in the future, though I can’t say for sure when.”

The relief in the air was palpable. The elders smiled and shared looks, the elven women even abandoning her predatory smile for one that looked much more genuine.

“You must understand,” the woman continued, “that we stand to gain much from this arrangement, but the risks are very steep.”

She leaned back and looked around, as if seeing Lindsey and I for the first time.

“Ah! But where are my manners? Do your humans need any rest or refreshment?” she asked, speaking directly to Joe once more.

Well that wasn’t good. I guess the aliens had used us in their story, and from her phrasing, I wasn’t happy with where this was going.

“You know what humans are?” he asked, worry in his voice echoing my thoughts.

“Of course! We have some here,” she said, “though the sorceress was very clear that we needed to treat them with the utmost respect.”

I closed my eyes.

“Why, our slave pens are practically a resort!”

Damnit, aliens.