Tsunade was quiet for a long moment, before reaching down to her drawer and opening it. I watched as she took a white ceramic bottle of some kind and placed it on the desk, before retrieving two saucers from the same draw. She placed them both down before filling them with whatever liquid she was keeping in the unmarked bottle.

Tsunade pushed the saucer over to me before picking her own up and drinking it. I followed her example, wondering if I was about to get a ‘Poisoned’ notification, but it didn’t appear. The liquid tasted terrible though, like absolutely gross.

“You’re the most powerful person in the village and you’re drinking this crap?” I said wryly.

Tsunade snorted.

“Do you have any idea how much this is worth?” Tsunade said bemused.

“Given how awful it is,” I said honestly, “I would expect someone to pay you to drink it.”

Tsunade huffed out a breath before refilling both saucers.

“What is this, anyway?” I said curiously.

“Rice wine,” Tsunade said strangely. “What do you usually drink?”

“Whiskey,” I said easily, before drinking the saucer with a grimace.

Tsunade took her own in hand and sipped at it for a moment.

“Where was I?” I wondered, “Ah, Kisame Hoshigaki will try to capture Killer B, but I think there might be someone else after him as well, not sure who.”

Tsunade just listened.

“Pain will probably go after Naruto within a year?” I said thoughtfully. “and that’s the bulk of it.”

When did that happen? Before the Kage Summit? Which wasn’t a reliable point in time now because it would probably happen earlier depending on how far Tsunade spread the information.

“Who is Pain?” Tsunade asked curiously.

Oh.

“Pain is Nagato Uzumaki,” I clarified, “Remember the remote body thing I mentioned? He goes by Pain while using them.”

Tsunade nodded in understanding and refilled both saucers again.

“None of the bodies look like Nagato, they are all ninja he either killed or had access to their bodies, all orange hair and black metal piercings,” I said slowly, “One of them is the third teammate, uh, Yakiko?”

“Yahiko.” Tsunade correctly.

“Yeah, Yahiko,” I said pleasantly, “That guy got killed by Danzo or one of his men or something I can’t remember.”

Tsunade let out a long breath, before taking another sip of her drink. I just downed mine in a single go because it truly tasted terrible. I wasn’t about to waste it though, free drinks were free drinks.

“I spoke to Danzo,” Tsunade said slowly, clearly weighing whether she should reveal anything before doing it anyway. “He said that back when the Hiruzen-sensei was still alive, he went on a mission with several others to broker a deal with Amegakure, specifically Hanzo the Salamander.”

I have no idea if that was what actually happened or Danzo was just covering his ass, I thought he had sent a root team to go kill them for some reason. I couldn’t exactly counter his claim with just vague memories though.

“Possibly,” I said easily, “Yahiko was most likely killed during that mission though, and Nagato went on to go murder Hanzo and take over Amegakure.”

Tsunade took a long time musing over the information while she sipped at her rice wine. Hmm, hadn’t the Sanin fought that guy once? Three against one or something and he had bodied them all. Tsunade was probably trying to figure out how strong Nagato was, and how she stacked up.

“Didn’t you get spanked by Hanzo once?” I said cheekily, I really couldn’t help myself.

Tsunade huffed and proceeded to refill both of our saucers once more.

“You didn’t say who will go after the six-tails,” Tsunade mentioned, after taking a sip.

Oh.

“I’m going to say it’s Pain again?” I said unsurely, “I’m not quite sure, though.”

Tsunade pulled her brows together and fell silent in thought.

“You won’t tell me how you came to know all of these things, some of which are very well-kept secrets,” Tsunade said slowly, “but what about why you are revealing it to me, to Konoha?”

I tilted my head, was she asking for my motivation for helping Konoha? That was essentially what I was doing, after all, I probably could have asked for a lot more than some basic training and a place to stay for a few months, this information was practically priceless.

“I have a few friends here,” I said honestly.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged before downing the drink.

“Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, Lee, Choji, Hinata,” I rattled off the ones that I actually had reason to know about.

I paused before grinning at her.

“I’d like to be your friend too, but I was thinking we should tack on a ‘with-benefits.’” I said cheekily.

Tsunade actually laughed at that and there was a small lull in the conversation before she regained her composure.

“I’m curious about the technique you used to help Yakumo-san.” Tsunade said pleasantly, “It seemed very similar to the one Sakura described from her first meeting with you.”

Hmm, a pretty big topic divergence along with a large tonal change, but not quite digging for free information yet, I might be able to swing a discount out of this.

“I’ll be honest with you, Tsunade,” I said easily, “I don’t think there is anyone else in the world that could use it, you just don’t have the right parts.”

Tsunade scrunched up her brow at the answer.

“I’ll let you use a diagnostic jutsu on me so you can see why, in exchange for halving the cost of the escort to the Land of the Rivers,” I offered.

Tsunade hummed before she picked up the bottle and placed it back into the draw, before placing a second one on the desk. I stared at it sadly, it was no doubt the same disgusting liquid as before. I see her new approach to the situation was to ply me with so much alcohol that I told her all of my secrets, it may have actually been working too.

After Tsunade had refilled both of our drinks again, she spoke.

“I feel like I’m hemorrhaging more and more money the longer I speak with you,” Tsunade said wryly.

She had finally caught on to what I was doing, I guess I wasn’t exactly being subtle.

“But you’re far too interested in getting your hands on me to decline the deal,” I said cheerfully, “So have at it then you brute, my body is yours!”

Tsunade rolled her eyes and stood up, before slowly rounding the desk.

I stuck my hand out and she leaned back against the desk before her hand lit up with green light. I watched curiously as she placed her hand on my own, and her brow immediately pulled together. Tsunade moved her jutsu further up my arm, and her expression became more interested as it fed her more information about my body.

“Where the hell is your chakra?” Tsunade murmured, “There’s something there-, there’s no pathways or tenketsu?”

I just snickered, that was easy money, I should be able to afford Karenbana’s services for at least another month or two with what I had left, especially if I could get Tsunade to pay me my winnings.

“There’s a thick layer, some kind of-,” Tsunade muttered, biting her lip in thought, “Heat? Energy? What is generating it?”

Tsunade had moved her hand to my shoulder now, seemingly searching for where the energy was originating, she briefly moved her hand up to my face, and I was blinded by the green light of her hand for a moment. There was a brief moment where I thought she was going to use the moment to attack me or something, but she just dropped her hand to my neck again.

“It’s called Mana,” I said cheerfully, “It can do all sorts of cool things.”

“Mana?” Tsunade said distractedly, “Why don’t you have chakra? Everything has chakra.”

Tsunade moved her hand down to my collarbone, and chest, just above where my Mana originated.

“I have no idea, I just woke up like this one day, no memory of before.” I said easily, “Say, Tsunade, if you’re going to keep on groping me, I’ll start getting ideas.”

Tsunade blew air out of her nose at the unsatisfying answer.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Tsunade said belatedly.

“Say, you’ve got some kind of accelerated aging effect going on, a result of some kind of cell division technique,” I wondered, “If you get me a free escort to the Land of Rivers, I’ll take care of it for you.”

I had actually forgotten about it entirely, but it was still registering as a status effect, so I was mostly sure that I could fix it. Tsunade pulled back for a moment to narrow her eyes at me.

“There is absolutely no way you could know that,” Tsunade said annoyed.

I shrugged.

“I wasn’t just staring at your chest you know,” I said cheekily, “I was using a diagnostic technique of my own.”

I lied, I was totally just staring at her chest. This genjutsu was super-model tier, while I was still young, partially drunk, and had been on my own for four and a half weeks, could you blame me?

“It's not the kind of thing you can just fix,” Tsunade said evenly.

“Give me the free escort and I’ll prove you wrong, right now,” I said confidently.

Tsunade had returned to studying the mana in my hand, I slowly reached a hand towards her own glowing green one and tried to wrap my fingers around her wrist. Tsunade used her other hand to bat it out of the way idly, so I latched onto that one instead.

“I’m going for it,” I said honestly, “Don’t beat the crap out of me or anything, I’m totally fragile, can’t take a punch or anything really, I’ll start crying, and you’ll feel awful.”

Tsunade let her technique gutter out and turned her head to look at where my hand was holding her wrist. I dumped all of my mana into a Status Removal and she broke my grip barely a second after it had taken effect, already using a diagnostic technique where I had touched. I dropped into Meditate immediately, to recover my lost mana.

“What exactly is that technique?” Tsunade said intently, before a longer pause. “The level of deterioration has reduced somehow.”

I shrugged.

“It figures out what the ‘true’ condition is supposed to be,” I said easily, “and then works to transform it back to that condition, but it only works for things that are abnormal enough to be classed as ‘Effects’ to the technique.”

I held my hand out to her again, and she glanced at it before going back to diagnosing herself. I let my hand drop and after almost five minutes of her silently checking herself over, she moved to sit on the edge of the desk and then held out her hand expectantly.

“Free escort to the Land of Rivers,” Tsunade said evenly.

I snatched her by the wrist again and dumped all my mana into another spell. Tsunade didn’t freak out this time, instead, her own hand lit up and she proceeded to monitor what I was doing with her diagnostic technique, no doubt to see if I was using the chance to do something suspicious.

“The ‘Effects’ that Yakumo-san had?” Tsunade murmured, “You called them ‘Weak body’ and ‘Chakra Personality Manifestation?’”

“Yep, that was them,” I confirmed, “Lee had, uh, ‘Shattered Bones’ and ‘Chakra Locked.’”

“Chakra Locked?” Tsunade frowned.

“I was pretty new to the diagnostic technique back then, it’s possible if I saw it today it would say something different,” I theorized, “Malformed Chakra Network? Underdeveloped Chakra System? Who knows?”

“What kind of technique works like that?” Tsunade said annoyed.

I rolled my eyes.

“Were you able to cure chakra cancer on your first day?” I said dryly.

“What the hell is ‘Chakra Cancer?’” Tsunade said amused. “Chakra has nothing to do with cancer, what kind of doctor are you exactly?”

I grinned up at her.

“I actually a blind gynecologist,” I said cheekily, “but I’m damn good at lip-reading if you’re interested?”

“That is terrible,” Tsunade laughed out loud, amused. “Why don’t you keep the technique active to sustain the effect?”

I dumped all my mana into another spell, the effect was weakening, every couple of casts.

“Check my energy after I use it next.” I said easily, “You’ll see why.”

Tsunade placed her hand on my head, almost like I was a dog, I stared up at her with narrowed eyes and she smirked. I dumped all my mana again and she blinked, before tilting her head.

“Your ‘Mana’ vanished?” Tsunade wondered, “It's coming back rapidly though, very rapidly. If you had to convert a unit of ‘Mana’ into a unit of ‘Chakra,’ what would be the conversion ratio?”

“One-to-one? I think they're about equal, but the effects of the different types of energy seem to diverge massively.” I guessed. “I’ve never really thought about it, I had been assuming that the numbers were equivalent, but I suppose I don’t actually know-”

Tsunade eyebrows raised and I blinked at what I had just said.

“Wow, that shitty rice wine is really paying dividends isn’t it?” I said bemused, I was revealing a lot of information, for no real gain here. “What did you put in it, truth serum?”

Embarrassingly enough, I knew it was just what I was like when I was drunk, much more open.

“It’s just alcohol,” Tsunade said amused. “The technique is ludicrously expensive then, how are you able to regenerate your mana so quickly?”

I hummed.

“It’s a training technique, the more I learn about regenerating it the easier it is to do, and the faster it becomes as a result,” I said slowly.

I dumped all my mana and the ‘Accelerated Ageing’ finally vanished, and the strange age rating returned to normal.

“Why Tsunade! You look fourteen years younger! I have to ask, what’s your secret?” I said cheerfully, “and that’s an exact count in case you were curious.”

“Fourteen years of deterioration?” Tsunade said muttered, “That’s even more costly than I had determined.”

“I’m going to have so much fun traveling to the Land of Rivers on Konoha’s Ryo.” I said cheekily, “Who are you going to send me with? Lee? Choji? Sakura? Hinata? Kakashi? The suspense is killing me!”

Tsunade looked thoughtful for a moment, seemingly thinking about the request.

“Feel like getting out of the office for a couple of weeks?” I teased. “Relive your youth a little, now that it's returned? Think of all the mischief we could get up to!”

“As fun as spending weeks with you sounds,” Tsunade said dryly, “I’ll think I’ll have to pass.”

I pouted, she was so mean.

“Run the mission parameters by me again?” Tsunade said idly, still leaning against the desk in front of me and once more checking herself over with her technique. “Combat? Expected opposition? Additional requirements?”

“Guide from here to the Land of Rivers and back again,” I said thoughtfully, “Possibility of bandits I suppose? I want someone fun too, give me your most eccentric ninja, go on I can take it!”

I grinned at her, who would that be anyway? Lee? Gai? I suppose Kakashi was pretty damn eccentric, with my luck she would send Shikamaru or something just to annoy me.

“You haven’t even mentioned why you are going there.” Tsunade said wryly, “Do you have more plants to water?”

“I left the oven on,” I said cheerfully, blowing straight past the question. “Say, Tsunade, what are the Hokage’s working hours?”

Tsunade blinked at the completely off-topic question.

“Why?” Tsunade asked strangely.

“Because we have a night filled with alcohol and regrets to get to!” I said cheerfully, “I’ll even let you keep the thousand moon dollars you owe me, what do you say?”

Tsunade considered it for a long moment, before letting out a hum.

“I’m regretting this already,” Tsunade said dryly.

“That’s the spirit!” I said cheerfully.