“Aria, honey, wake up.” I drag myself from the depths of some unknown dream of terror. The fog dissipates as Momma’s face comes into focus. “I need to get Jack and Jill. Can you walk?”

A pang of cold fear washes over me. I forgot my younger siblings.

“Hey.” Momma’s compassionate gaze pierces my heart. “They’re fine. I left you with Ran and checked on them, but they are getting bored in the cellar. Besides, you need a bed.”

“Why... didn’t you bring them here?”

Her gaze snaps to the corpse lying in the corner. Oh. My eyes are drawn to the headless man. My stomach abruptly decides it’s a good time to lose its contents. I decide this is not a good time and shove the bile down.

I lean on Ran as I get my feet underneath me. They quaver, but hold.

“Your father always did say a bond was hard work. He didn’t know the half of it,” Momma says, a slight smile growing even as her eyes hold a deep sorrow.

“Papa had a bond?” I ask quietly. She never speaks of him, except to say what a good soldier he was.

“Yes. A dragon. She was killed by a traitor to the crown. Grendwald was a beautiful Golden Queen. Your father loved her very much. It just about broke him when she died.”

“How... what?” My mind is fuzzy, but I believe she said Papa had a dragon. A DRAGON! This is kinda information I need to know.

“I’ll explain that later, honey. I suppose you’re old enough now.” She pushes a lock of sweaty blonde hair behind my ear and ducks under my shoulder. “Let’s get you inside.”

Ran limps in behind us to the house and carefully lays down on the rug beside the fireplace. Rarely does Momma let her inside, but I suppose special occasions and all that. I know I feel much safer with her around. She sets her snout on her paws and stares at me with big brown eyes filled with untold devotion. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful creature?

Momma sits me at the table after helping me limp in. Jack and Jill come racing up the stairs loud enough to wake the dead. I groan into my hands as they pounce on me. Figuratively speaking.

“Aria! You were all like wham, bajam and Momma was like ‘Waaaa’ I’m going to kill you and throws knife after knife—“ Jill races around the house mimicking knives flying from her hands. At least she's feeling more like herself now.

“Did you really save Ran? Was she dead? Was there monsters and demons and magic?” Jack is more interested in sword and sorcery.

“Children, please. I need quiet,” Momma snaps.

The twins freeze and shut their mouths in sync for all of three seconds. “Did you almost die?” they both ask.

Jack’s eyebrows are drawn together in a seriousness that reminds me so deeply of Papa my heart hurts. Jill’s lip quavers.

“Oh, dear. Come here.” Momma wraps her arms tight around them both as Jill cries.

“I was so scared, Momma. I thought they were gonna kill you. I thought you’d leave us like Papa.” Jill's voice breaks my heart.

“Oh, darling.” Momma’s voice cracks. “Papa fought for us. He fought to get back to us. But The King had other purposes in mind, and He needed our papa in Fifth sooner than any of us would like.”

“But what if The King needs you in The Fifth? What if He takes you too?” Jill looks up at Momma with red, moist eyes.

“Darling, The King's plans are not ours. I don’t know why he took your Papa. The suffering here is not by his choice. He would abolish death completely, but the First Four... they chose to separate from their creator. They chose to oppose him and not live in his gifts to the worlds. They chose sin and death. Maybe not on purpose, but the consequences of their actions live on. But the beauty is...” Momma chokes back her tears.

I am not so strong, neither are my siblings. Tears race down our faces. Momma takes a deep breath.

“The beauty is that your father is with his first love up in paradise, on The Fifth. He’s free from all the pain down here. And someday, we will meet him again. Death is not the end, it is only the beginning.” She wipes Jill’s eyes with her sleeves and kisses her forehead. “Be strong, my darling. Know I will always love you. Whether I am here or there. My love will follow wherever you shall go.”

~~~

I wake later that day to the sound of sizzling bacon. A whiff of eggs makes my mouth water. Mmm. My stomach rumbles.

There is nothing like Momma’s breakfast. Hopefully, we still have some of Becca's mother's blackberry jam. That sure would be wonderful.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed and limp down the steps. I'm an invalid.

Momma smiles up at me as I enter the kitchen.

“How are you feeling, honey?” she asks, turning the bacon over on the cast-iron skillet above the stove.

That she's baking the last of our stocks of my favorite thing means she's trying to pick me up and give me something to look forward to. I'll need to make and sell some extra plantain, yarrow, and arnica salve so we can afford more food.

“Never better,” I reply.

But Momma gives me a straight look.

I wince, knowing she sees more than I'd like.

The dining table looks like a wonderful place to rest my shaky legs, so I do just that.

“Honestly? I feel like a stampede stomped me into the ground and then a Timber chewed me up and spit me out.” I speak loudly so Momma hears me from the kitchen.

Ran half growls from her position in front of the fireplace.

A Timber wouldn’t spit you out. You’d be too tasty, Ran whispers sleepily into my mind.

I snort. “I wouldn’t settle good on the stomach.”

No. You’d come back to haunt the poor creature at first chance.

“Oh, you’re on its side now? What about poor me for getting eaten?” I whisper so that Momma doesn't catch it from the kitchen.

You’d survive, she deadpans.

A half laugh catches in the back of my throat and I cough as momma looks at me as if I’m crazy when she exits the kitchen.

She feels my forehead. “Are you sure you’re feeling ok?”

“I’ll survive, Momma,” I say.

Ran has a coughing fit from beside the fire.

A smile quarks my lips as I pointedly ignore the bloodstains on the floor.

Momma throws her hands in the air. “Everyone’s going crazy. Even the wolf.”

I smile at her. I need to tell her I can speak to Ran... but it sounds crazy.

Am I just supposed to come out and say, ‘Mother, I know this sounds crazy, but I can speak to an animal that gives normal folk nightmares. Oh, and I met a glowing ball of light who wants me to protect the prince. That’s because this creepy guy who did some kind of dark magic threatened to kill the prince during the protectors tournament, and his name was Darshius, the one and same who the guy who was trying to kill Ran in the barn reported to. Oh, I saw the creepy Darshius while I was breaking and entering at the Royal Library, searching for a cure for Jill.’

Sure. That would go over so well.

Wait. She probably will believe me. I hope. My cheeks go red, but... I need to. And so I do. I trust her. Maybe I trust more that she won’t lock me in a crazy house. She hasn't yet, and that's saying something. I don't tell her exactly everything, but she gets the gist. She's been my closest confidant, knowing what I do and why I do it without ever complaining.

She listens silently throughout. I spill it all and by the time I’m through I can’t quite think straight. That was a crazy few days.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Love. But I think you should follow your heart and the Great King's wisdom. What are they telling you?”

I think about it for a moment. “I wish to help the prince, but... I don’t think I’m the right one. And what about you and Jill and Jack? I’ll be gone training and competing. What will you all do about, you know...” Jill’s constant spells. Seizures. Headaches. The money for healers and food to survive.

“Honey, we’ll survive. You need to do what you need to do,” she says, gesturing wildly with her wooden spork. She comes over when I won't meet her gaze, gently setting her hand on my head. "Darling, you've put your life on hold for us. You've never allowed yourself to live, always doing what your family needed and giving up yourself in the process. When was the last time you danced with a man? Went shopping with a friend?" She pauses when a glint comes into my eyes. She wags the spork in my face. "No. Shopping with Ran does not count, you rascal."

Ran looks up at her name, then goes back to her nap beside the fireplace with a huff.

Momma sits at the table with me, grabbing one of my hands and squeezing. "You can't keep doing this. I'm the mother here, and I say you shouldn't let anything hold you back."

“Including fear?” I ask in a small voice.

“Most especially fear. Don't let excuses hold you back, darling. Knowing you, you would come to regret not listening to what you know you need to do.”

I look up at her, and the slight, almost pained smile on her face makes me understand.

She sees herself in me... and she has told us when she did not hold true and regretted it ever since.

She doesn't want me to repeat her mistakes.

I rise and kiss her on the cheek. “Thanks, Momma. You’re the best.”

She smiles at me. “Anytime. I wish I could take this from you, but the King has given you a gift only you can decide how to use. Choose wisely. And know whatever you choose, I’ll always love you more.”

I smile. “You can’t. I love you more than the Four Worlds combined.”

“I’ll always love you more. I loved you first so it’s had longer to grow.” She passes me a poached egg wrapped in bacon and dipped in blackberry jam.

“Mhmmm. My favorite.” I smile at her, and dipping my finger in the jam, I smear it on her cheek.

She laughs, kissing me on the cheek and rubbing the blackberry jam on my nose.

I snort in laughter, waking Ran who looks up at us through half-lidded eyes. Jack and Jill peek their heads from the small balcony above.

"BACON!"

"First down gets it!"

Thus begins a mad dash down the stairs that ends in both a tangled pile of limbs at the bottom.

Two heads peek at us through their tangled bodies.

"Bacon?" they chorus.

"Plenty for the lot of you. I taught you better manners, children of mine," Momma says, waving her spork at the two.

"Yes, Momma," they say, once more in sync and not at all repentant.

Jack grins at his sister, then lends a hand to help her up.

Momma shakes her head, but prepares two plates for my crazy siblings.

The two scramble on their chairs, gobbling down the food with the manners of a wolf.

HEY! Ran says.

It might not be perfect and it has surely has its own troubles, but I love my life.

Then something makes my mind go blank. "Momma, what happened to the two men who survived the fight?"

Her grin is devious and broad.

I gulp. "What did you do?"

She cackles, but doesn't respond.

"Momma." I drag the word out, but she only goes back into the little cubby kitchen to get more food.

I bang my head on the table, unsure if I should be thankful for a devious, war-minded mother or terrified.

My life is awesome... Right?

Ran snorts in amusement.