I float in a large nothingness of blackness. But it’s not gloomy. It’s more—comfortable. Like the darkness I slink in while going through a city. I don’t remember the name of my city. But I remember loving it there, and a creature of power flowing from one dark puddle to another as we fought for it and the people who called it home.

There are threads of glimmering gold around me in clouds of pretty colors, but they seem distant and indistinct, as if I'm seeing them through a mage sphere.

I smile as I remember my friend. And there she is, coming to me from the darkness, following a strand of shimmering gold so bright it rivals the sun, but doesn't hurt my eyes in this place. She reaches me and pounces, knocking me over and licking my face. I laugh, and hug her large, shaggy white head to my chest.

My heart bursts with love.

I see another light. It comes from a distance, but quickly grows closer. It’s so bright, I can’t hardly bear to watch it. I block my eyes with my hand, and it suddenly grows dimmer.

I peek through my fingers, still seeing spots and wondering why it affects me when my Bond's glimmering thread did not.

She isn't meant for here, Rider. The rules are different for her, Ran says, her voice soft as she backs away from me and the approaching light.

It floats before me, a ball of nothing but light. And I quickly realize that it’s dimmed for my benefit, so I can look without blinding myself.

It comes closer, almost touching me before I scoot back, my eyes widening in fear and my lips twisted in disgust. It pauses and dims further, glowing a morose blue.

Did I just... did it get its feelings hurt?

She, Ran grumbles, a snarl turning her lips in displeasure. Her ears perk and watch the little light as it moves a touch closer before shying back. The orb strangely bobs like a bubble, shifting into more of an oval before flowing back into a circle when it stops.

I look closer, and see that the light is slowly sinking into the ground, into the darkness that surrounds us. I feel the little glow ball giving much to stay, but it cannot. Not without outside help. Not without acceptance.

Horror flares and my heart beats quicker inside my chest.

What have I done?

I’ve been pushing it into a dark corner. Her. I’ve been pushing her into a dark corner of my mind, hoping if I ignored her enough, she would just—disappear. And I almost did exactly that.

A part of me blamed her for my family's disappearance... as awful as that sounds. I linked her and the time she came into my life... with something horrible.

But she is not to blame for my failings. She and Natasha helped me get out of there so I could live to find my family. She has done nothing but try to help.

Disgust curdles my stomach. How could I treat any being like this? I fear what I don’t understand, and yes, I should treat her with caution... but what has she ever done to me? Nothing except help... and sometimes send pain through my chest, but who's counting?

I’ve basically killed her just because I blamed her for what she is entirely innocent.

And that makes me realize that the burning she’s been sending me is but a teeny tiny portion of the pain I’ve caused her.

“I’m sorry,” I say through numb lips. I didn’t know what I was doing, but that perhaps is the biggest lesson in all this. Trying to ignore a problem merely causes pain for all involved, and the issue only grows until something gives.

Instead of trying to ignore the problem, I should have tried to search for a solution. Or at least tried to understand her better instead of using this blinding fear and blame as a crutch to ignore her.

I reach out a trembling hand and touch the morose blue light. What happens next is shocking to the extreme.

I am literally shocked. A current races from my hand to the top of my head, causing my hair to stand on end.

Then it runs down to my toes, making them curl.

It isn’t painful, per se, more like an extremely bad case of the hand tingles, or the ozone feel you get when standing too close to the powerful force of a lighting strike.

With a burst of light that sears itself into my brain, she’s gone.

I blink quickly, trying to rid myself of the lights still flashing in my eyes. It takes a few moments for my eyes to adjust, but when they do—my jaw about detaches in shock.

It’s no longer the dark nothingness surrounding us. Instead, I am looking at a vast internal network of caves that look more like the rooms of a king's castle. Rocks glow all around us, lighting the place up like a tree strung with different colors of waterlights for the Year Naming Festival, when the king assigns the year its name to go down in history. It's a defining characteristic for our calendars and helps keep up with the important measures of the past. It makes me wonder what this crazy year will be named.

I turn my mind back to exploring this... world?

The threads decorate the halls and rooms of multicolored glow-rocks, lining the tapestries and round entrances and giving off a golden glow to combat the many colors of the walls. I shy back when a thread detaches from the wall to reach out and touch me.

“What is this place?” I ask.

It’s a place you subconsciously designed for the Spark—once you realized what a brat you were being and finally accepted her, Ran replies, pulling no punches.

I wince, but know she’s right. Speaking of, where is that little booger?

I turn to Ran to ask her, but she trots off into the caves, exploring the ins and outs of the place I apparently created inside… me? Is this like in my brain? Or my heart? Or my soul? I didn’t think I had this much room in my body.

Not your body, two-legs, Ran says, smug laughter coating her voice and making it deeper. It’s an alternate dimension created by your Spark and your internal matrix for her comfort. She likes to be called Rose. Use her name and quick saying 'it' or I will bite you.

I glance at her askance. And for all that I try to understand… I have no clue what in the vast expanse of the four worlds she just said.

"You have been reading those scientific books from the library again, haven't you? Did you steal one?"

She snickers, her amusement coming clearly over the bond.

"Did you?" I ask again, narrowing my eyes. Her tail wags on the end, even as she looks entirely too innocent.

That girl. What in the world did I do to be punished with a lifetime of snark and sarcasm with sharp teeth and even sharper wit?

A begrudging smile lifts my lips.

“Where are you?” I ask of the little Spark, my voice hesitant and soft.

It takes a few moments before I feel a zing run from my fingers to my toes and then—out pours a kaleidoscope of colors that converges on a point right in front of my heart, coalescing into the little ball. She bobs happily before me, before zinging into the caves with wild abandon. She reminds me of a kid in a candy store, checking out the wares, but unable to decide on just one thing.

Her colors ebb and flow, painting the rooms one minute with light violet and the next with happy orange. Then colors I have never seen before lights the walls from the little ball, and I am thoroughly amazed.

More than this, I feel her. Her happiness and contentment. But when she notices me watching—she abruptly stops mid-flight and sinks towards the floor with a dejected hue of midnight blue.

Could she make me feel any worse?

Her emotions hit with staggering force. Her fear, her anger, and her disappointment. She had such high hopes when we were first paired, when first Natasha sacrificed a part of her soul for freedom from the monster who enslaved them.

I’ve lost her trust, and I stole the small part of her heart that still contained hope in humanity.

She'd almost given up—but even then, she didn’t kill me. When I have no doubt she could have. And I can’t help but wonder—when I was killing her, why didn’t she kill me?

I slowly get to my knees, coming before her as she did to me earlier.

“I am so sorry for breaking your trust. For almost killing you. There are no words to express how sorry I am—but I know that it’s not enough.” I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I have promised Natasha that I will find a way to free you both so that you can be together again, and I plan on keeping that promise. Until then, I will try to only use you as a last resort, in the direst of circumstances, and even then, I will ask.”

I bow my head, feeling the weight of her almost hopeless hope, but yet the joy that comes from the possibility of being united again with Natasha.

“If you need anything, let me know. If there is any way I can make this better for you, tell me. Until then, I will do my best to leave you be. Goodbye, Rose.”

And I leave.

... I try to leave.

But I can’t. And I feel twin sets of identical laughter coursing through my veins, none of it my own.

I puff out a breath. “Alrighty then, you two conniving tricksters… HOW DO I GET OUT OF MY OWN HEAD?!?”