Apparently, it takes an indeterminable amount of time, much frustration, and two little boogers that deign to keep me trapped in my own head for laughs until finally having enough sympathy on me to let me go. Or perhaps they just grew tired of my yelling and screeching. I think I burst my eardrums. Or if I’m inside my body or soul or whatever... do I even have eardrums?

But I felt something like the first beginning stages of forgiveness from the little light before she let me go, and it makes my heart happy. Not that I’ve forgiven myself, but I hope she knows I will definitely not knowingly harm her ever again. Even if I never have her trust.

I’m bounced back into my physical body with something like a shocking sensation racing through my veins. Not altogether unpleasant—but most assuredly NOT good for my altogether quickly unraveling sanity, either.

And I wake with Ran's slobbery mouth inches from my head, somehow draped over me and cutting off my air supply. Gooey slobber drips down those six inch ivory teeth right over my eye.

I watch with growing horror as the small droplet grows bigger, more moisture being added… until it threatens my very existence by slowly bobbing on the end of her saber tooth.

“OFF! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!”

That wakes Ran enough to jolt her head back, but the traitorous drip slowly descends, heading right for my mouth.

I gag, shoving the big lug off me. I make it to the bushes mere moments before I lose what little is left in my stomach.

Ran yawns behind me, stretching.

What, you can get bloody gore all over you while fighting, help your sister while she puked up her guts, but Fifth help you if you get a bit of extra water in your mouth?

That makes me gag all over again.

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “It was my mouth, Ran. It landed in my open mouth. Aren’t you the one who spouts how unsanitary mouth to mouth is?”

KISSING. Get it straight. Kissing is gross and highly unsanitary. But the wee bit of moisture from my mouth to yours? Hardly worth the disgust you’re showing. She scratches behind her ear, entirely unconcerned with my conniption.

“I’ve seen what you eat. If anything is unsanitary, it’s coon pellets.” My gag reflex seems to be a bit faulty. It won’t stop. Think I’m gonna be sick again.

Ran rears back in mock offense, lynx-like ears laying flat upon her head. She shows pointy teeth. You should try it. Tastes like chocolate. Nom-nom.

Poor bushes. They didn’t do anything to deserve the contents of my stomach a second time.

But kissing? Gross.

I’m not the one who eats poop.

Says the one who wants to kiss the prince. The smugness of her voice calls me out.

Ran. He thinks I’m a boy.

Sure. But what if he didn’t? Then what, oh High and Mighty One?

“Not gonna happen. I’ll find the assassin. That’s it.” I pin her with a glare as she crouches to allow me on her back. She changes into a horse as I clamber upon her. The change feels highly... weird. But one thing I can say is I am getting better. Something about hooking my elbow and throwing my leg up at just the right time helps. But I almost fall off the other side when her bones pop and crack and she suddenly morphs into a slimmer pony. “And that’s final,” I finish sternly, not giving her a chance to say anything further.

Instead of talking, she bolts. I about lose my seat, but grasp her thick mane and pull myself upright. That is, before she darts to the right. I’m hanging off the left side when she crow hops, somehow righting me instead of sending me to the dirt.

“I’m. Going. To. Kill. You,” I grumble into her mane as I hold on for dear life on the Ride of Death.

In answer, she darts again, and so the ride back goes. But perhaps I’ve forgotten about the ordeal that is my life, and perhaps I let out a few whoops of excitement as we fly through the forest and over meandering streams, scaring the fluffy jackonapes from the clover and rabbits from their burrows.

Back to the city we go.

~~~

I make my way through the back alleys, once more searching, looking, but never finding.

After a day of once again fighting in a farce of a tournament... I couldn't help it. I needed to get out.

Tomorrow I won't have to fight. I was given a by, a chance to skip a few matches as others bloody themselves over the right to protect the prince. Thank all that is good and holy; I badly need the break.

Tonight, I visited the one place the Spark would not let me within a mile radius of. I tried even going by river, but it burned so badly I thought it would burn a hole in my chest, so I stopped trying. Now I'm just... wandering.

So soon after figuring out the entire ordeal of almost killing her... I couldn't push it, couldn't push her, even if she was getting on my last nerves by keeping me from where my family is held.

I once did not know where that portal took my family—but now I do. They're close. And I can do nothing.

I talked Ran into staying behind, telling her that with the Spark, absolutely nothing could get the best of me.

And for once, the sarcastic puss actually refrained from touting off my true reason for leaving. She apparently has a heart—sometimes.

She’s asleep now, but I can almost imagine her response to that. She’d roll her mental eyes and come back with a tart retort.

A hint of a smile crosses my lips. I don’t know what I would do without that wolf. She’s been my rock in the midst of a raging river. When my worst fears came to pass, she’s stayed by my side through it all. She’s my best friend. And I love her like the dickens. But I won't tell her that. It’d go straight to her head. It’s way too big as is.

And now, she must have spoken to the Spark. The emotions inside me are dimmer, isolated. I know where I end and everyone else begins. I feel free. Feeling everyone else’s emotion on top of your own is enough to drive anyone batty.

But... Ran is... distant. I haven't felt this disconnected with her since we very first bonded. It's scary, and a part of me wishes for the Curse back just to feel my bond again. I need to get my Empathy under control before it tears everything I love from me. I just don't know how.

I take a deep breath of the night air, letting it flow deep into my lungs and release it slowly.

A light skiff and a man in a dark cloak and with a sword strapped to his hip swings down beside me from a rooftop.

“How you holding up?” Sir Hans asks, his eyes darting to each of the shadows before staring at me as he rises from his crouch.

I put my knife back in its sheath with a soft snick.

“How do you think?” I hiss. I rub my forehead, pushing back my animosity with a sigh. “Sorry. Not your fault.”

“No, but of course, I can always find you a way to stay occupied instead of systematically searching my streets.” His voice is level, and I'm thankful he doesn't comment on my ire.

Busy sounds better than this. “Whatcha got?”

“My boys are scouring the Westside for a killer.”

“The murderer who kills with poison? Looks like a wild animal attack?”

I get raised eyebrows and flat lips for that. “You’ve heard?”

Blood. So much blood. Jagged wounds like claw marks along the back and how she suffocated as her organs shut down. I rub my heart as it hurts, all the emotion mine. “I ran across his victims many full moons past.” I scrub a hand down my face, trying to erase the images it brings up. “Young girl, died in my arms. Couldn’t breathe, ended up suffocating before I could get her to help.” My voice is gruff and slightly strangled by the lump in my throat.

He sets a hand on my arm, but I ignore his gaze. He removes his hand to put on his sword as he walks out again. I follow behind, dragging my feet. “It wasn’t your fault. I was there. Saw her wounds. Even without the poison, she was too far gone.” He gives a grunt. “Doesn’t make it any easier, however. She your first loss?”

I give a slow nod.

“Thought so. Tough, especially for one such as you. What say you to accompanying me to meet my scout? Found something in the woods that might be of interest.”

Having a chance to get back at the scum bag who killed an innocent little girl not much older than my sister... plus get my mind off my life? Oh, yes.

“Count me in.”