By the time I was on my fifth mug of tea, my head felt a lot better. I had even managed to eat some simple rations, the lack of flavour and texture a feature for once, and was now considering what to do. Part of me wanted to bury my head in the sand, hoping that Airah would simply forget about what happened, maybe think it was a dream but the idea seemed just wrong. It would be the coward’s way out and by the stars, I was no coward. If I didn’t have the backbone to tell the truth, as I knew it, about the events of the night, I might just turn in my pilot’s license, because cowards had no place between the stars, especially not in a Starfighter.

That simple thought managed to sustain me in a strange way, I had been forced to abandon so many things that had been important to me, my career, my name, my home, they were all gone. But I was a pilot, a damn good one, and I wouldn’t be some coward, hoping to avoid responsibility. The worst case was that Airah decided she couldn’t work with me and I’d have to go, look for work at Jake’s Place. It would suck and I’d have to be extremely careful but I would have a chance. It would be contrary to everything I knew about Airah and her actions over the last four years, but it was a possible outcome.

I looked up when I heard a noise nearby and saw Airah standing in the doorway leading into the kitchen and the expression on her face surprised me. I had expected her usual, friendly demeanor, maybe hoped for a sultry grin, looking pleased like the cat that got the cream and feared that there would be a look of anger or disappointment on her face. What I got, was an expression of morose sadness, looking as if a favourite pet had just died.

Without even thinking about my reaction, I stood and walked over, pulling her into a hug, asking what was going on. Instead of answering, she grabbed onto me, holding me tight enough that I worried about my spine, while mumbling something about being sorry, not making much sense. For a moment, she simply clung to me, before letting go as if burned, her face blushing brightly, confusing me even more.

“Are you alright?” I asked, my mind trying to comprehend the situation. She just held up her hand, shaking her head for a moment, before wiping over her face.

“I…” she tried to speak, only for a hiccup to interrupt her, causing her blush the reach critical level. Soon, she would cause the fire-prevention system to switch on, just from radiative heat. After taking a deep breath, she tried again. “I’m so sorry what happened yesterday.” she managed to get out, her shoulders hanging. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, wondering if something bad had happened during the time I had lost. If so, did she feel bad for not having prevented it?

“I seem to have had a little too much to drink yesterday and the evening is lost to me.” I admitted, feeling myself blush, maybe to mirror Airah, maybe because the few parts I did remember swirled around in my mind. “Why don’t I start making coffee for you, while you tell me why you are sorry?” I added, turning to start coffee for her.

When I turned back, she had moved to the table, still looking out of sorts and almost afraid. I simply waited, taking a sip of my tea, while the coffee-maker was doing its thing, letting her take as much time as she needed. I didn’t even need to ask her what she liked in her coffee, our time together had taught me that but she hadn’t begun to talk by the time I put it in front of her.

She grabbed the mug, as if glad to have something to hold onto and quickly took a large gulp, the grimace on her face telling me that she’d forgotten it was hot, in her attempt to give herself another excuse not to talk. I still waited, feeling a little bemused by the fact that my normally confident friend seemed to be completely out of sorts, even if a part of me dreaded the knowledge of the circumstances for it.

Finally, after another deep breath, she looked up and into my face and started talking.

“I’m so sorry. I should have realised that you were drunk, not take advantage of it.” she admitted, throwing my mind into a tailspin. “I don’t want to make excuses, saying that you flirted with me, or something like that, I should have kept control, not …” her voice petered out, looking just miserable. “You must hate me, first I turned you into a fugitive and now, this.” she added, her voice barely a whisper.

Part of me wanted to laugh, part of me wanted to dance and part of me, the part that won out, wanted to just hug her.

I quickly moved over, enveloping her in my arms again, this time holding on, as I spoke. “No, I don’t hate you. I can’t tell you what I was thinking yesterday, I simply don’t remember.” I took a deep breath, knowing that my words might change everything between us, but they had to be said.

“But I do know that I’ve had a crush on you for the last four years. Maybe yesterday, I was just drunk enough to be honest with you.” I admitted, forcing myself to say it out loud. In return, Airah froze completely in my arms, if only for a moment, before wrapping me up again, making me wonder if she was part Ceph. We stayed in the embrace for a moment, the physical contact assuring me that things seemed to be alright. At the same time, I thought about her words and was able to follow her thought-process. It seemed that we both had lucked out, as I made a mental note never to drink that much again, even if it had worked out for the best, this time.

We stood there for a minute or five, simply holding each other, before Airah pulled back a little, looking me straight in the eye.

“You don’t just say that because you think you’ve got nowhere else to go, right?” she asked, insecurity audible in her voice. I felt my mouth curl into a smile, simply because my strong, confident friend seemed to be as awkward as I often felt, unsure of herself and her connection to others.

“I know of only one person who could tell me that we had sex while I wasn’t in possession of my faculties, without me feeling violated.” I told her honestly, hoping she would get my meaning. Part of me wanted to admit how often I had sneaked a peak or two at her body while we had been at the Academy, but that seemed too honest, too soon.

“I still want to stay with you on this ship. It might not have been what I had in mind when I set out and joined the Federation, but I wanted to see the stars. I can do that with you just fine, maybe even better. I’m right where I want to be.” I added in assurance, never letting my eyes waver from hers. Her eyes closed for a moment, her head moving forward as if to kiss me, causing a surge of panic in me, but instead of a kiss, she merely placed her forehead against mine, letting it rest there for a moment.

“Thank you.” she muttered after pulling back and I noticed her eyes going past me, before suddenly going wide.

Turning around, wondering what had caused her reaction, I just saw a clock, the glimmering letters telling us that it was ten o’clock somewhere.

“Damn, we need to postpone that, I’m afraid. If we stay too long, we’ll have to pay docking fees for another day, I would rather avoid that. Are you certain that you want to stay with me, even with what happened in the night?” she asked, doubt creeping into her voice again.

“Yes, I’m sure that I want to fly with you. What do we need to do before leaving?” I asked, mentally going over a check-list for the Tyton.

“We need to load the stuff from the locker and we need to make sure that the documents are here.” she paused for a moment, before continuing, “In addition, I need to pay for the use of their facilities, for fresh water and air, things like that.”

“Okay, can you show me the locker, then I’ll start loading. That way, you can check the documents, I don’t even know what should be there so I can’t do that, and make sure that we have all the volatiles we need.” I said, the familiar processes giving me the structure I needed. Airah nodded in return, giving me one more squeeze before letting go. Together, we moved to the airlock, our hands still somehow linked, before opening it and starting with the necessary procedures.