Have you ever chased a fox through the woods?

If not, then let me shed some light on the activity. Foxes are clever cunning beasties, as any camper who leaves their food unwatched and in the open will soon find out. Assuming the bears don't get there first of course.

A fox is alert to the world around it. For to a fox, the world is dangerous. There are any number of terrible ways foolish foxes leave this world. So only the wily and wise live long. If you are going to try and catch a fox you need two things. A fox, naturally, and an idiot.

You see, a fox isn't going to just walk into a trap or ambush. No, they are far to clever for that.

So when you find a fox trail, you release the idiot down it.

The idiot will rampage down the trail, fast as can be. They will create a great ruckus and uproar, scaring the fox. The frightened fox will run from the idiot, as we all would.

Now, while your idiot is taking the foxes attention you listen to the wise mushrooms and ignore those gossipy birch and find yoursef a place to hunker down in. The Forest willing you'll have heard right and the fox will come dancing right up to you.

The BOOM! Done. You caught a fox.

Now let the poor thing go after some cuddle time, and smack your idiot with a log. Because idiots don't know how to let go, or when to give up either. Then you settle down to a fine shroom and bean stew.

Now, about the idiot. Lots of folks use dogs. Stupid idea that. Dog will chase a fox sure, but if they're too big then they'll lose the fox. And if they're too small the fox is likely to turn on them.

And then you have to bury what's left of your dog and cry for a week.

Nature is cruel, doesn't mean we have to be.

Nah, I use humans. Slower sure, but damn can they make a racket!

I saw this one lady, she saw a wee little snake and damn near deafened me with her shrieking hoots!

My standard human idiot is a male, smaller is better, though I did have success with that one big fella before he found the bear cave. Never did find all of him. Anyway, out here you get basically two kinds of humans. Bosses and grunts.

Now, you'd think the grunts would be better fox chaser idiots wouldn't you? Nah, the foxes out here can take down your average human grunt lickety-split. They got them poison spikes on their paws, and the three inch long fangs that go through you like last weeks mystery stew.

Burning and tearing all the way.

Note to self: throw out last weeks mystery stew.

So you find a boss, right? And you spin them a yarn. Mention some ancient treasure or glowing fruit or mysterious temple deeeeeeeeep in the woods. Tell them you'll guide them there, or give them the treasure, or what have you.

IF!!!

They bring you a fox. Alive and intact.

They go bonkers! Rushing out into the woods with all their little friends. You don't even need to show them to the foxes, they do all the work themselves. And you get to reap the rewards! That fluffy fur! So damn cuddly!

Then throw the human some shiny rock or fruit and they'll do it all over again.

Hereabouts you can't throw a rock without hitting a lost temple or godly treasure tree. Most of them got very ornery critters lurking about them, but they know better than to mess with Guyle Wiles! Ranger extraordinaire!

Not like I'll hurt them regardless.

Nature is cruel, doesn't mean we have to be.

Did I already say that?

Meh, it bears repeating.

Now bears!

Thats for my next entry!