《[Short] behind your smile | 你的笑容 (COMPLETED ✓)》Too Often, We Ask What's Wrong With Someone.
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Burying my head in a book, I stood by the school entrance, thinking about Irina's emotional state. After contemplating throughout afternoon classes, I remain even more puzzled. In fact, I was completely stumped on why. Questions continued to circulate my head. Everything just did not add up like her internal state and how she portrayed herself to others.
Has she been faking it all this time?
And that negative emotion... it was so vivid and strong.
It's unlike anything I experience before—
—Suddenly, Irina burst out of the front gate and scanned around, wearing her bright yellow and red track outfit.
"Sorry Jan, I lost track of time while I was practicing, did you wait long?"
Irina panted repeatedly. Widening her eyes, she gave me an apologetic, innocent puppy look that was nearly impossible to be upset with.
"Nah," I shooked my head and shut my latest light novel — a sister's all you need, "Come on, let's go grab that dessert."
"Alright alright, I'm right behind you~"
Irina was a total klutz when it came to being on time. She was the type of girl that says she's ready when realistically, needs about an extra half an hour to finish. After years of personal experience, I have perfected my counter against her late arrivals by always keeping a book ready. But it would be quite interesting to see how Irina's future partner handles her overly ridiculous tardiness.
♦ ♦ ♦
"WOAH-! THIS LOOKS FREAKING DELICIOUS! ♡"
The Supreme Deluxe Premium Sundae was a formidable monster. Inside the colossal glass bowl was multiple scoops of vanilla, chocolate, strawberry ice cream, formulating into a palatable cast of Neapolitan. A pair of matcha pocky stuck out from the side like abstract art while a freshly-picked cherry was placed on top to seal the deal.
Other customers sitting nearby marveled in awe at the gigantic tub as Irina was already hammering away like a hungry child.
"You know you can have some too. It's really weird if you just watch me eat unless you have that sort of fetish."
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Irina and her stupid jokes.
I joined in, chipping my part slowly while Irina already dug a massive hole.
Now how do I bring it up...?
Gah, I'm so nervous...
Unlike me, Irina smiled in pure delight with each bite, seeming to savor the flavor of each ice cream. Every time she took a bite, my bestie moaned with literal hearts coming out of her mouth. It made me quite happier to know that she was enjoying the luxurious dessert.
"So Jan, someone asked me out when I left your class earlier."
I paused as the ever popular girl continued eating nonchalantly. This girl sure has a unique way of starting conversations. "So, what happened after?"
"Well, you know that funny hair dude from the basketball team? Shoot, What was his name again?"
I nodded, wondering if that was what Irina truly thought of that popular fourth-year jock. I was a bit surprised she forgot because he was the captain of the varsity basketball team. I heard rumors that the dude even had a secret fan club. Or was it a cult? Probably both.
"Anyways, I said no to him."
"Another rejection. You're brutal, Irina. What happened this time?"
"I asked him what he liked about me and he couldn't even answer that simple question. High school boys these days sure are shallow. Sigh. Why can't I find a guy who just loves me for who I am?"
Within the social hierarchy, Irina places around the apex. Her charismatic and expressive personality often attracted guys from all years. Plus, she was cute and had a good sense of fashion. In fact, today was the fourth time that someone had asked her out... and been utterly rejected.
It remained a mystery how we were still best friends since the beginning of high school. Usually, in this chapter of our lives, we should have drifted apart. Our personalities and interests were in stark contrast — I was a quiet introvert who enjoyed the indoors while Irina was an outgoing and funny girl who thrived socially.
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Fortunately, I made a few friends from the Reading Club this year. But this time, I decided to keep my special power on the down low. In this school, Irina was the only one who knew my deepest secret.
I don't want the past to repeat itself.
I don't want to be alone again.
Irina, you're the only one I can trust.
"So..." I shifted my eyes back and forth. "Um. About earlier..."
"What is it, Jan?" Irina responded back innocently with some whip cream on her cheeks. Geez, what a carefree girl. I handed her a napkin and pointed at the mess she made.
It's so hard for me to be serious when you act this way.
"So when I manifested you earlier, I felt something else."
"Mhmmm! Go on go on~"
I let out a deep sigh and continued, trying to ignore her playfulness that was preventing me from a serious conversation.
"I felt emptiness."
Her facial expression instantly changed. For a split second, I could have sworn I saw a different part of Irina. The real her.
"N-no way, that's probably just your imagination. Oooh, I-I bet it's because you know that you have to buy me this expensive dessert. Maybe that's why..."
Irina dropped her spoon and started fiddling with her hair, twirling it around over and over. Based on her actions alone, I knew from my bestie long enough to know that she was lying.
"Irina, if it's something I can help you with, tell me about it."
Silence filled the air as she looked downward.
"Irina." I tried again, unsure if I was overstepping her boundaries. But I needed to know. "Is this really how you feel all the time...?"
The uneasy silence persists. My heart pounded against my chest, wanting to crawl out of my body as I watch Irina struggle internally.
"Aren't you killing yourself by pretending like you are okay?"
Those words came out of my mouth without me realizing it. Hearing those words, Irina turned towards the glass pane on the window side and stared out blankly onto the busy streets. After a long pause, she muttered under her breath.
"I wonder too..."
Small droplets began to drizzle down the streets while sounds of rain filled the restaurant rooftop.
"Ah, I have to go now, Jan. I forgot to bring an umbrella even though you told me yesterday that it was going to rain. I'm such a silly goose."
"I have one, we can go home toge—"
—Irina smiled politely and held her hand up. Instantly, I knew from her tone and body posture that she wanted to be alone. Seeing my best friend acting this way, our friendship felt close yet so far away.
"It's out of the way for you, silly."
She continued to pack her belongings while I watched helplessly. I pleaded my mind to think of at least something to stop her. Anything. A word. A question. Just something. But in the end, nothing came out as I remained frozen in place.
Irina stood up with a mixed expression written on her face. Was it melancholy? Regret for letting me manifest her? Anger for bringing up the unspeakable?
"Please don't tell anyone at school about this... Promise me, Jan."
She extended her right hand, raising her pinky towards me.
As we solidify our pinky promise, part of me hated myself for going with the flow and not speaking out. Now that we made an oath, I had to follow it through. Because in our friendship, promising meant a serious commitment similar to that of a marriage. That was what we agreed in the past.
"I promise you, Irina."
"Thank you, Jan."
After uttering her gratitude, she left with her signature smile...
...but this time, I knew that behind it lies someone who was broken.
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