This Isn’t My World, And It Pisses Me Off

Chapter 22

“And that, should be everyone.” Ikari scratched his head. Sofia was brought to the nearest ocean, and given a small group of goblins to teach how to fish and create fishing rods and nets and such. He sent Iron along with her in order to look after her.

Maybe there was a lava lake or something that you could fish in, Ikari wondered. Maybe he could get pre-grilled fish. That’d be nice.

Ada was being brought around the castle by Jade, being shown all the rooms so she could grab whatever unnecessary cloth and blankets she could find and make them into clothes for the populace. Most of the demons and goblins had what was basically brown rags covering what was important.

She had actually increased her Seamstress skill thanks to working with the intricate fabric the blankets had. She gained a new ability that allowed her to change the colour of fabric, demonstrating it by changing Ikari’s hoodie colour.

It was now a deep brown, and Ikari found himself alright with the change. No super dark edgy clothing anymore. Aside from the dragon design etched into his breastplate, but that was because it was the design that was on his shirt.

Olga had been given permission by Emerald to search her forest for important herbs. Tin had gone with her, with a small troop of goblins following him to help carry the important stuff.

That left Amelia, who had worked as a Secretary in Bergwick and didn’t really have anyone she could go with. She decided she would follow Ikari around and take note of what he was doing.

Ikari felt weird having someone follow him just to take note of everything. It was like having a servant or something. “Then again, I am the Demon King. There’s probably a few butlers or something in the castle.”

His eyes fell on Madyline, who had been walking alongside them as they explored the landscape. There were a few times where they came upon massively intricate structures of land, and Ikari did the same thing he did with everything else.

He took out a strange black slab, pointed it at the structure, and placed the slab back in his pocket. Madyline and Amelia both wondered what this item was, so Amelia decided to ask.

“Um, pardon me, Demon King Sir.” She began. Madyline glanced up, and saw Ikari physically flinch at the title. She giggled to herself, finding it funny that he hated being called what he was.

Ikari took a deep breath, and turned to face Amelia. “Yes, Amelia?” He asked.

“What is the item you keep taking out?” She pointed to his jeans pocket. Ikari looked confused, reaching into the pocket and retrieving the item in question.

“My phone?” He flipped it round so they could see the black slab clearer. Then, he clicked something on it’s side and it lit up.

Both Madyline and Amelia gasped, as they saw a picture of people before them. People were inside that device. “Have you trapped people in there?” Madyline asked, blue eyes wide.

“What? No?” Ikari said, sounding completely confused, flipping the phone back round to look at the image. “They’re… they’re my friends.” He smiled inwardly to himself, trying not to rage and instead just remembering the good times he had with them.

“You trapped your friends!?” Amelia exclaimed. Ikari’s face fell into a flat look.

“No. I did not trap anyone. I took- you know what I’m just going to show you.” He pointed the object towards them, and they both stiffened. There was a click, and Ikari nodded to himself.

He stepped nearer and showed them the other side. Two jaws dropped, as their owners saw themselves within the phone. “You copied us?” Madyline asked, patting the side of her cheek, not noticing she had an ink smudge on it until seeing her copy.

“No, I took a picture of you.” Ikari explained. “Think of it as…” He moved his hands in a circle, trying to think of a good comparison. “Like it’s an enchantment that creates a painting of what it sees super quick. Among some other things I won’t get into right now.”

“Oh. Ok.” “I understand that.” Both women nodded. Ikari face palmed at how easy it was to explain.

“Oh, is this also powered by, E-lek-tris-ity?” Madyline tried to remember the word that he used to explain his watch.

“Yeah, it does.” Ikari smiled at Madyline, happy she could remember the term. The maid beamed, standing a little taller and puffing out her chest proudly.

“Then, should we take a painting of you, Demon King Sir?” Amelia asked. Before Ikari could even begin to physically retract in on himself and form a black hole, he thought about the question.

“You know what, yeah, sure.” He nodded. Holding the phone out. The two looked at it apprehensively, realising one of them would have to “take the painting”.

Eventually, Amelia reached out and took hold of the phone. Ikari smiled, standing next to her as she held it out. “Ok, so what you see is what will be the ‘painting’. And to take it, you press that button.” After giving the instructions, he stepped a small bit away and turned round.

He had taken both his gauntlets off and put them in his bag in order to use his phone, and he had left his crown at the castle, but he figured it would still make a good picture.

He slipped one hand into his pocket in a pose he hoped would look good. He smiled, waiting for Amelia to take the picture.

She seemed to be glancing from the phone to Ikari every passing second, hazel eyes moving rapidly. Eventually he heard the tell-tale ‘click’ of the camera.

Amelia seemed amazed by the picture, showing it to Madyline, whose blue eyes sparkled with interest. Ikari walked forward, curious as to how it turned out. Amelia noticed his approach, and held the phone out to him.

He glanced down to the picture.

(I commissioned this piece from my friend Krys and he, as you can see, is a fucking amazing artist.)

“Ah. Yes. My resting murder face. Forgot about that.” This was why he was not entirely fond of taking pictures of himself.

“This is an amazing enchantment.” Amelia whispered, staring at the picture intently. “What is the enchantment called?”

“Uh. Samsung.” He said while laughing. Then he started to wonder if he could actually enchant his phone. It was something to consider, but he had no way of knowing how magic would react to technology.

“Maybe I should test it on my watch first.” He muttered to himself, trying to think of an approriate enchantment that would suit his watch. As he muttered to himself, Amelia and Madyline continued to inspect the phone, accidentally discovering how to swipe through his gallery.

“Oh, that’s where we were earlier.” Madyline realised, seeing a large stone pillar that twisted into a loop before coming back down to the ground. They continued checking out the pictures, finding one that showed Ikari standing in front of several arrows pointed towards him with a smile.

After that, they blinked in surprise at the picture they saw. “What kind of animal is that?” Amelia wondered out loud. It was massive and grey, had huge ears and tusks, with some strange tentacle like appendage on its front.

“I do not know. It might be something Ikari ran into on his first trip to the Demon Lands.” Madyline suggested. They continued to swipe, all the while Ikari was trying to think how enchantments and electricity might react.

The Demon King was pacing around as he thought, so deeply focused on this he didn’t notice himself leaving the area where Madyline and Amelia were both looking through his gallery. He continued to walk and think, theorizing to himself how now that he was in this world with things that weren’t meant to be, there may be different kinds of enchantments created by his arrival.

He was brought out of this deep thought when he felt the temperature noticeably drop. He blinked once, and realised how dark it had gotten. Looking around, it appeared he had accidentally walked into a cave during his musings.

“Oh. Whoops.” He realised. Instead of getting out of the cave immediately, he decided he would look around. “Not like there’s anything that can kil- stop.” He stopped himself from finishing that sentance.

“No red flags.” He waited a moment seeing if somehow this cave was the den of a secret swordsman that could bypass his armour and enchantments.

When no such mythical man stepped out of the shadows, he continued forward. His eyes slowly becoming accustomed to the darkness, but he still couldn’t see quite clearly. “Oh yeah.” He brought his arm to his front and pointed the watch outward.

He pressed a button on his watch that backlit the numbers, also giving a small amount of light to the cave. It wasn’t perfect, but compared to the complete darkness that was there before it was definitely a step up.

And so he continued down into the cave, clicking the light on his watch occasionally and taking note of anything of interest. There were a few moments were the light was reflected by something in the cavern walls, causing Ikari to inspect it.

It appeared to be some kind of ore. Ikari had no idea what kind, as he didn’t study geology, and definitely didn’t know about any kind of metals within this world. “Wait. Wasn’t Amelia from a mining town?” He recalled.

“She might know what this is.” He nodded to himself, deciding to finally leave the cave and see if Amelia would have any idea of how to extract the ore, or at the very least what it was.

It was as he turned around to move, that he realised he couldn’t. He blinked to himself, before trying to move again.

Still, nothing. He couldn’t lift a finger, and was left staring into darkness. Or, what once was darkness. He could now see, between two stalagmites, a pair of shining yellow eyes. The eyes moved forward, still staring at Ikari, who now began to sweat as he remembered his earlier worries.

“You must be an incredibly sssstupid human to wander this far into my den.” A voice that came from the direction of the eyes said.

“Lamia.” Ikari realised instantly. “Or a Medusa or something.” Regardless it was snake related in some way and was probably using a skill that paralysed him. Ikari wondered if he was able to speak while paralysed.

“I didn’t mean to intrude.” He was surprised that he could even make noise. He tried turning his head to the side, but found himself unable to. Whatever the paralysis was, he could only move his mouth and eyes.

“A lie.” The voice hissed out once more. “Humansss always invade on purpose. Destroy on purpose. Sssteal on purpose. You are no different.” The voice approached, and Ikari could barely make out a humanoid figure descending from the eyes.

However, beyond that he could see a long purple tail, scaled much in the same way as what he now realised was a lamia. He still couldn’t move as the Lamia circled around him, and he cursed himself for not putting on any kind of enchantments that allow him to resist Paralysis.

“Look. I don’t know what other humans have done to you, but I’m not like them.” He tried to remain calm, but he could feel the Lami’s lower half begin to encircle him.

“You and your kind speak nothing but liesss.” The Lamia spoke once more, the eyes now a few feet above where they had been, as the tail had completely wrapped around Ikari and had given the human half a small boost to its height.

“Now die!” The Lamia tightened it’s coils, squeezing its prey tightly.

There was a series of cracks and pops, and Ikari felt his face slacken. “Ohhh that was nice.” Whatever that Lamia did, it had gotten rid of the cricks in his back and the air bubbles stuck between his joints.

“Wha-what?!” The Lamia stuttered, as Ikari seemed to slump into her coils.

“This is actually quite pleasant.” He murmured. With being away from his family and friends for so long, Ikari had become rather touch starved, and even though it was coming from a creature that wished to kill him, he’d take what he could get.

“Kinda feel like a bamboo shoot.” With only his head sticking out from above the coils, the Lamia could hear every word.

“How- How are you still alive?!” They exclaimed, tightening their coils further.

“Ah, I’m broken. Should have mentioned that before.” He chuckled, feeling the warmth from the coils enveloping him and yawning lightly. “Man, I could fall asleep here.”

“This doesn’t make sense!” The Lamia exclaimed. “You should be dea- HEY DON’T ACTUALLY FALL ASLEEP!”

“Ah, sorry.” Ikari opened his eyes wide and apologised. “This is the most someone else has held me since I got here. So I got comfortable.”

“Gods that’s sad.” The Lamia looked upon Ikari with a strange sense of pity and weirdness, before shaking their head. “No! I said you will die, and you will!” The Lamia’s mouth opened up wide, and for a moment Ikari was afraid they were going to eat him whole.

Two pointed fangs shot down from the roof of the Lamia’s mouth. “Oh thank God.” Ikari whispered, as the fangs bit down onto his neck.

Almost immediately, he felt a searing pain emanate from the bite. He hissed in pain, glancing down at his health bar. It looked pretty much the same. Though a tiny sliver of emptiness could be seen at the very edge.

“There.” The Lamia brought their head back and wiped it’s mouth on its arm. “My poison stops regeneration and does a hundred damage a second! You’ll be dead in-” “A year.” “-a yea- WHAT?!”

The Lamia looked down at Ikari with an aghast expression. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope.” Ikari shook his head. “I can see my health bar. It’s barely going down.” He wondered if there was a way to show it, then decided it probably wasn’t the best move.

“How much health do you have?!” The Lamia asked.

“Bout a hundred and seven…” “That doesn’t make any sense.” “Quadrillion.” Ikari finished.

The Lamia seemed to slump to the ground, part of their tail still wrapped around Ikari. “Can you even be killed?” They asked.

Ikari shrugged his shoulders, causing the Lami to lift up with him. “Oh. The paralysis wore off.” He realised. “But… this feels so nice.” he also felt a little bad for the Lamia, which he realised was ridiculous as it had already made two attempts on his life.

“Honestly I’m just glad you didn’t vore me.” He told them, feeling the pain from the poison but preferring that to being swallowed while still alive.

“What in the God's name is vore?” The Lamia asked.

Ikari opened his mouth to explain, but then shut it immediately. “Honestly. You don’t want to know.” He told them. With that, he stood up as straight as he could with the Lamia still coiled around him, and began to walk towards the exit of the cave.

“Woah! What are you doing?!” They exclaimed, coiling around a few more times and holding onto Ikari’s head for dear life.

“Oh, I wanted to go get my friend to see what that shiny thing in the wall was.” Ikari explained, continuing to walk. “By the way, how long does this last?” He asked, twisting his neck to show the two puncture wounds.

“I, I’m not sure. Nothing’s ever survived long enough for it to wear off.” The Lamia told him.

“Well. That’s comforting.” He sighed, continuing to walk.

There was silence for a moment, as Ikari tried to navigate his way out of the cave, now unable to use his watch trick. “Why haven’t you killed me?” The Lamia asked suddenly.

“Oh. Uh. You were kinda right.” He told them. “I did basically just break into your home, so, my bad.” He explained. “Plust thanks to this whole endeavour, I now know I should get a poison and paralysis resist enchantment.” “Though personally I think you could have handled it better by asking me politely to leave.”

If the Lamia looked embarrassed, Ikari couldn’t tell in the darkness. “Well, it’s not like humans ever listen to me when I ask them that.” They rebutted.

“Yeah, that’s fair.” Ikari nodded, and wondered when they had decided to lose the prolonged hiss at the end of every word. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Amethyst.” They responded. Ikari sighed inwardly.

“Ok, two follow up questions. Are you female and did you work for the Demon King?” Ikari asked.

“Um, yes to the first and no to the second.” Amethyst responded. “Turn right here.”

Ikari did as instructed, unknowingly avoiding a large stone pillar that would have been uncomfortable for both parties to run into. “Well did you know Beezlebub?” He continued asking questions.

“Not personally. But sometimes I could hear his shouting from here. Among, other things.” Amethyst blushed, trying to rid her mind of the various noises she had heard coming from the Demon King’s Castle.

“Well, you don’t gotta worry about any of that any more.” Ikari told her, vaguely able to see some light from up ahead.

“Why? Are you going to defeat the Demon King?” She asked mockingly.

“No, cause I can’t defeat myself.” Ikari responded with a smirk.

“Wait, what?” Amethyst whirled around, her snakelike body allowing her to look directly into Ikari’s red eyes from atop of him.

“I already beat Beezlebub. I’m the new Demon King.” He smiled widely at Amethyst, laughing slightly.

As soon as he had finished saying that, he stepped out into the bright light, getting a full look at Amethysts features. Her entire body save for her face and halfway down her arms was covered in purple scales. Her hair too, seemed to be a dark purple in colour that ran down her back, appearing to be tied in bow by itself.

Her face was angled and rather pretty, with bright yellow eyes that had slit pupils. Those pupils were especially tiny now, as she was also thrust out of the darkness into the bright light. She immediately raised an arm over her eyes to block out the sun, wincing at the change in brightness.

“Oh, sorry about that. You’re not allergic to the sun or anything are you?” Ikari asked.

Amethyst glanced down to Ikari, seeing him looking up with genuine concern. This was the new Demon King? He defeated Beezlebub? And yet, he was still nice to someone who outright tried to kill him. “No…” She said hesitantly. “I’m fine. Just a little bright.”

“Well I’ll try and invent an umbrella or something for you.” Ikari joked, walking away from the cave. He looked around, trying to retrace his steps back to Madyline and Amelia. All the while Amethyst was trying to figure out what the Hell an umbrella was.

“Oh, there they are.” Amethyst’s attention focused on where Ikari was looking. She saw two girls, one holding a bright blue mace and smiling wildly, as the other stood a small distance away and pointed a strange black object at her.

“Hey guys!” Ikari called out, walking towards the duo.

The noise caught their attention, as they turned to look. “Oh, welcome back Demon King Si-” Amelia let out a squeak of surprise and shock, as Madyline gripped her mace tightly and felt her jaw drop.

Ikari smiled widely as he spoke. “I made a friend.”