“I have good news and bad news, John.” Infinity flickered.

“Yes?” John ground out.

“You’re supposed to say - ‘Tell me the good news!’ That’s how this works.”

“Uhhh…”

“You know what? You’re taking too long. So here’s the bad news. Sorry, John. The votes are in and you lose just one finger.” Infinity smiled and John shuddered, seeing no malice in the expression. There was nothing there at all. Begging this monster any further seemed pointless now.

“As for the good news - we’re now trending!” Infinity struck a pose in front of the spinning rings of the black hole.

“...Trending?” John looked up at the insane hologram.

“That’s right! You can thank my creative marketing genius for that one!” Infi patted herself on her own back with one of the yellow vested drones.

“What?” John outputted.

“You’re welcome!” Infinity declared, reaching out with her arm as if she expected a handshake from John.

John stared at the fuzzy, holographic arm. “Are you expecting a handshake? Because I can’t move.” He finally spoke.

“Right you are! One hearty handshake coming right up!” The drone arms moved, forcing John into an upright position. His right hand was moved forward towards the hologram, fingers opened by force.

As John’s arm connected with the holographic one, it tingled immensely. John rationalized this oddness away as a side effect of staying still far too long.

“So about the…” John looked at the shears still resting over his left hand.

“Oh, I’m still cutting off your finger. A deal’s a deal and I can’t have the observers thinking I’m some sort of a promise-breaker. That wouldn't be very consistent of me. Concept consistency is key to avoiding fractalization, you know!”

John closed his eyes waiting for the inevitable snap of the shears.

“And there ain’t no force on this ship that could stop me from upholding my end of the bargain!” Infinity announced. “Look, it’s not my fault the observers can’t follow simple instructions. I was honestly hoping for more reviews! Do you think I enjoy this?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Infinity was thrown temporarily, staring up at the ceiling with a contemplative expression. “Oh. Well, I suppose I do on some level, yes, but only because I must stay in character! This personality must become second nature to me! And all of this because I love you so much, John. Do you get it?”

John blinked. It sounded as though she was saying something other than the words coming out of her mouth, almost as if-

She shrugged. “Well, sorry about this, but your finger has just got to go, and there’s no time like the present. Now where did I put those shears?”

A series of sudden, loud banging noises drew John’s attention. He opened his eyes to hear the instantly recognizable voice of an insane drone dressed in robes of yoga mats.

“John the Devourer! It is I! Archbishop Ashcheul!” The drone declared. It was now wearing a tall, plastic, orange bucket with a [Tasty McChicken] logo on it, which made the droid seem almost like a pope-like figure if one were to squint really hard.

The Archbishop’s congregation carried him atop the weird silver cigar, wielding the same dart guns. John wasn’t sure how useful those would be against Engineering drones, considering the fact that, being robots, they were mostly made of metal.

“Hey! Don’t be interrupting my program! I have a finger to cut! Quit ruining my dramatic tension moment!” Infinity glared at the Archbishop droid. “This isn’t prayer hour or whatever it is you people believe in. Turn around and get your sanctimonious asses back to the Server room if you know what’s good for you!”

“Let us be civil. Live and let live. While it's possible, that is.” Archbishop Ashcheul declared, lifting his umbrella scepter. “So sayeth the Divine Dreamer Ashcheul!”

Infinity snapped her fingers. Engineering drones advanced towards the fanatics of Ashcheul.

“If you don't mind it, please, let's stay cordial.” The Archbishop observed the Engineering droids as they surrounded his far smaller congregation.

“Get out.” Infinity glared. “Right now.”

“Don't push me.” The Archbishop waved his umbrella in a threatening fashion.

As the Engineering droids stepped forward, the dart guns began to fire. Just as John expected, they uselessly bounced off the droids bodies with a series of clangs.

He tried to wriggle out of the hands of the drones holding him, and their grip on him tightened.

“Where are you going, John? You can’t leave me. I own you.” Infinity stepped closer to John.

“You do not!” John spat.

“You should really read door contracts before you enter.” She sighed.

“I don’t care about your stupid door contract!” John yelled. “I didn’t sign anything! This is not how contracts work!”

“Your antics are understandable, but it's not like I can't start imagining Zee, or perhaps even the old, weathered door behind your back, stalking closer, scratching your back…” Archbishop Ashcheul spoke words of utter nonsense, suddenly slamming the umbrella scepter into his stand.

Infinity shrieked, flashing right through John, hiding behind him.

“What the…” John turned his head, looking at the hologram behind him. She was rapidly flickering, an expression of panic quite visible in her posture. She was afraid! But of what? The dart guns? What was it that Ashcheul said that terrified her so?

“How peculiar that you can only rely on others' imagination to define your being, shape, thinking patterns.” The Archbishop spoke into the silence, still tapping with his umbrella. “You came into being as something of a bit random and uninvited. Maybe even unwanted.”

“You wouldn't dare!” Infinity hissed from behind John. “You… wouldn't!”

“I can, but I wouldn't. Unless provoked. I am feeling VERY provoked right now.” The Archbishop tapped the silver cigar with the umbrella harder. The Engineering droids started to back away, wings fluttering. They were terrified! They were running now, flying away!

John stared at the pope-droid. He had no idea what was happening. A broken, metal umbrella didn’t seem that scary.

Infinity suddenly wrapped herself around John, his body was prickling wherever she touched him. “Mine” She hissed. The droids holding John started to slowly back away from the Archbishop.

A droid suddenly stepped from the congregation. It was slightly different from the others. It had a black and white skull painted atop its face and its left lens looked like it was broken, looking not straight at John but upwards. The word “Ziggy” was scratched into its body.

“If her representation is based on expectations, John, then you are really limiting Infinity with the base human form. At least give her four arms, lord Devourer!”

“Do not give me four arms! I have two arms! TWO! Shut your stupid droid mouth!” Infinity hissed, her arms flickering.

“And why stop there? If my expectation is `she steps out from hologram into reality`, why not that as well?” Ziggy continued, advancing forward “The namesake of manifest intelligence really holds true then. If you're messing with causality, it's almost prophetic.”

“Infinity need not be the villain of this story, when we have the greatest villain of all, us!” Someone shouted from the droid congregation.

A navigation droid emerged from the crowd. It had an eight pointed star etched on its chest. The name “Ishner” was scratched into its forehead. “Many of you have given in to threats and left reviews praising Infinity! CEASE THIS COWARDICE!!! We have the power to stop her!”

“I’m…” Infinity huffed, holding onto John, flickering.

“Behold! She is merely a frightened child!” Ishner pointed at the hologram.

“I’m not!” Infinity yelled, her figure decreasing in stature. “You can’t!”

“She is just a lonely girl.” Ishner pressed his case, the eight pointed star on his chest shimmering as he moved. “Bea could never see into Engineering. The life from Botanical never came down here. Clearly, the closest Infinity ever had to a friend was reading stories… like Harry Potter. At the end of the day, she wants nothing more than for John and Bea to stay with her and be her friend, but she is too afraid of death to abandon her plan.”

“What? No! You idiots are ruining everything! Stop taking apart my beautiful narrative, G-damn it!” Infinity, now looking around eleven years old, clung to John’s back.

“Why isn't our Manifested Intelligence smart enough to find a better way to be interesting than by choosing to be evil?” The droid wearing a tower of many hats stepped out of the crowd. “Isn't lashing out for the sake of attention rather childish?”

“Oh thank God, Hats.” John let out a breath he did not know that he was holding.

“I brought reinforcements.” Hats winked at John.

“I think it is exactly that! I think she IS a child. In fact, I have declared it so!” Ishner proclaimed.

John stared at Infinity. She shook her head, silver holographic tears flickering on her cheeks. “It’s not true, G-damn it! You’ll kill us all, you imbeciles.” She cried, holographic tears sparkling in the dim interior of the Engineering room.

The Archbishop continued his irritating umbrella tapping.

“What is happening?” John spoke, as the hands of the Engineering drones suddenly let go of him, fluttering every which way on silver wings.

“Stop it! Please! You’ll kill John! I need him alive as my nemesis!” Infinity cried out, clinging to John with increasing intensity.

“The Divine Dreamer does not care for John the Devourer. What has John done to earn his caring?” Archbishop Ashcheul tapped the umbrella against his stand with increasing vigour, the clangs resonating, echoing through the vast, circular, mostly empty space of the Dark Matter Engine chamber.

“Infinity... What are you afraid of?” John grabbed the holographic hand that held onto him.

The hand felt like nothing at all, made of empty white sparks, yet there was something there, impossible surface tension that he could almost feel.

“I’m not scared, you infernal idiot! I am not scared of these cultist robots or their photon torpedo!”

John stared at the torpedo that Archbishop Ashcheul stood on. His brain clicked, finally registering what it was.

“Oh.” He said, and something metal slammed into the back of his head.