I wasn't in an enviable position. I had no idea even in what position I was in. Or which way was up. I only knew that I could count in a hand's fingers the number of days I hadn't either bled or seen others bleeding or dying. Today was not one of them.

The explosion didn't claim my consciousness. The fact I was exerting my power to move silicon all around myself made it work as a superfluid and distribute all the energy evenly among the whole manipulated area, greatly softening the impact. Not the most accurate metaphor, let me try again. In the range of Decompose, the chemical-kinesis the silicon absorbed the brunt of the impact because my power would counter any attempt to move the silicon under my influence in a direction I did not want it to go. Or it behaved like a non-newtonian fluid and hardened entirely, moving the silicon and me as a single unit.

The theoretical part needs polishing, but the fact was, I survived the blast with just the shockwave passing through me and shaking everything inside me. My nose and ears bled and I got some minor internal damage in some other... delicate membranes, but it healed fast enough to be considered minor wounds.

The biggest damage was to my tunnel. It collapsed entirely. I dug around trying to find it but I could only find broken silicon plates where the walls formerly stood. With no way out except up and a dangerous buildup of oxygen pressure, I dug back up. My ears were ringing and I needed to surface. I didn't know what to expect but what greeted me was appalling.

I had no idea how much gas I made inside that barrel, but it was a lot. The amount of energy I spent was similar to destroying several undead and the water did not resist my power. The destruction was easier to measure. The explosion destroyed the entire supply train, the prince's tent and almost everything in way more than a fifty-meter radius. It also showered debris and splinters further away by several times.

I had only my head outside. Smoking debris and unidentifiable burnt things were spread everywhere. The sky to the east was already dyed a pale orange-blue and a huge smoke cloud loomed above. I could hear screams and moans of pain all around me.

I threw up all the bile and blood in my stomach.

"Oh, God, what have I done," I mumbled between heaving gasps of terror.

I wanted to run away. I wanted to ignore the proportions of my sin. I closed my eyes and screamed.

"Over here! There's a survivor here!"

Some soldiers were rummaging through the burning debris, searching for survivors and loot.

"It is a woman," He said.

"To scream that loud, she must be healthy. How did she survive so close to the center?" Another soldier asked.

"Hey, Buza, do you think it is the fire witch?" A third one said in jest.

I was barely registering what they were saying.

"Get-get away from me!" I shouted. "Or you'll die too."

A soldier came close to my head. He looked at me and said, "Get out of that hole, woman."

"Go away!" I replied.

He crouched and tried to dig around me. I was encased in silicon. He jumped back and put some distance between us.

"Damn! It is the same magical metal-rock they found in that dungeon."

"That's the witch, I tell you!"

"Is there a bounty on her head?"

"Let's get her!"

I looked around, dazed, dismayed, and disarrayed. I wanted to go home. I wanted to cry but there were no tears. Just shock.

The three soldiers came back, weapons in hand.

"If she melts your weapon, that's the witch. If you die, Buza, it was good meeting you."

"Buzz off, loser," Buza answered.

He approached. Buza tried to poke me with his sword. I Decomposed it, violently pushing the iron away. Half of his sword flowed backward as if it was water splashing on a hard surface from a considerable height. And in that shape, it remained. Buza jumped back and threw the sword away from him. It clattered against the charred ground and debris.

"Damn, it is the witch. I told you, Buza." The jokester quipped.

"Get away from her! Run!" The third one fled.

Buza and the jokester weren't too far away. Then ran downhill.

I looked around and saw the hill where I left Penny and Dime. It was easy, I could sense their unrest inside the cave. I removed myself from the hole I was in and stood up in the middle of the devastation.

I walked towards my pets, amidst the rising plumes of smoke and the broken and charred remains of whatever the debris was before I ruined everything. Some soldiers that were busy looting the dead and the dying stopped to look at me.

"That's the fire witch!" One soldier shouted.

"That's Es-Kina's witch!" Another added.

"Get away from her if you value your life!" A third said.

They were shaken. Broken. Disbanded. I knew because I, too, was shaken and broken. I glanced down at the body of a soldier I murdered. Young. Younger than me, the boy-man's corpse looked like.

"I'm sorry," I told the corpse.

I walked. The soldiers parted away.

"Let's mug her!" Someone suggested.

"Fool, you'll die! Can't you see? The blood on her is not hers. She walked out of that explosion unscathed. You'll doom us all!"

"Yeah, don't meddle with a sorceress of her power. Come, let's find more of the prince's gold. That's one woman!"

"Right, with the gold we got we can buy a lot of women. I don't want to die because I messed with the wrong one!"

I kept walking. I couldn't even feel disgusted for the soldiers, looting their dying comrades. I had none to spare, all of it directed inwards.

I descended and climbed the hill. I found the entrance to the hole I carved more than a kilometer away from the explosion, the hollow rocks knocked aside by the shockwave. Dime flew and crashed on me. I hugged the bird. Penny clopped and nuzzled me.

"Let's go home," I mumbled.

We moved outside. Some curious soldiers were watching from a safe distance. They didn't have weapons.

I mounted. Dime took off and soared over them, causing the soldiers to flinch. I stared at them.

"Get anywhere close to Es-Kina," I shouted with anger and pointed at the destruction, "And this will look like heaven to you. Run back home. Your prince is dead. If you go northeast, you'll find how easy it is to join him."

Penny took that as her cue to gallop away. Northeast. Homebound.

I got out of their encirclement, the soldiers moving away. They were broken. Leaderless. Shaken. Superstitious. Afraid. The old me would be afraid of this new me as well. Penny didn't care. She knew the way home.

She ran. Dime flew overhead, harassing the few soldiers that mounted a token attempt at chasing me.

Part of me wanted to be caught and punished by what I'd done.

Part of me wanted to go back to Es-Kina, to cry on Nanna's lap.

Those were small parts. I wanted to go home. Back to Earth where I wasn't a mass murderer and a terrorist.

Penny galloped. The countryside flew around me. The sun rose and walked over the sky. I couldn't shake the blood off of me. Noon came and Penny stopped by a small stream. I dismounted and went into the water. I stored all my clothes and tried to wash the blood off of me. While I could remove the grime sticking to my body, the blood in my hands and soul was indelible.

I gazed up at the sky. The gods, in their high throne, didn't answer my silent pleas for deliverance.

I walked out of the stream. I found a large rock and sat on it, naked. I wanted to cry but there were no tears. Penny went off to graze her lunch. Dime came and put a rabbit next to me. I wasn't hungry. He nudged the rabbit my way. I picked him up and scratched the crown of his head. He jumped back and ripped open the rabbit's belly. He took the bowels out and skipped next to me, pulling it my way.

"I'm not hungry, Bloodstone. You can eat it."

The eagle tilted its head. Then he did the avian version of shrugging and started to eat the rabbit.

I stood up and stretched. I was already dry and warm. The dry weather and sunlight took care of that. I dressed up. Yoga pants and the spaghetti dress over a tank top. I tied my hair in a ponytail and put on my sneakers. Can't go back to civilization naked.

I took a horse brush, removed Penny's saddle, and gave the mare a good brushing. I would be lost if it weren't for those two. The city would be lost if it weren't for these two. Two tears rolled down. I wouldn't be a mass murderer too.

But is a tragedy a good tradeoff to avoid a larger one?

I should've fled. But I couldn't leave everyone behind.

Instead, I became an assassin. A murderer. Mass murderer.

I would go insane if I stayed there. I replaced the saddle and mounted. Penny snorted and broke into a canter. She was once more on the way home. I felt hunger but it was just a small drop on a pond. I knew that if I ate anything I would throw up.

Penny rode. The sun went on its descent. The rocky savanna gave way to farms. Penny jumped over fences, skirted around fields. Then she found a road and pushed onward.

I noticed the city gates almost at the same time my long shadow touched its threshold. There was a squad of guards posted there but I just rode past them. To my left, the slums, half-burnt and half looted in the chaos. Those that had less suffered more. Dime flew overhead, showing the way. Penny followed without any input from me.

I was a ragdoll strapped to the saddle.

The streets blurred around me. Soon I was in the wealthy district, going down a familiar road. Penny stopped before the open gates of an abandoned villa. Home. Empty. Dime did a flyby and screeched, urging Penny forward. She followed. Minutes later, I was by Abil-Kisu's gates. I recognized a familiar face guarding the gate amidst three other unknowns.

"Sandra! Sandra!" Ananu shouted. The guard that Abil-Kisu let me hire was the perfect bridge between the two houses. "Open the gate! Sandra has returned!"

His joy was a knife. I cupped my hands over my face and the tears finally came. I leaned to a side and two guards rushed to hold me. I got down on my knees, grabbed the dirt and cried.

I felt hands taking me off the ground. I saw Aristunn smiling at me and I couldn't face him. I shifted my sight at the dusk sky. Blood red. I heard the children shouting, calling out my name. I was unworthy of touching them. I was a monster. My chest kept moving without rhythm, rising and falling along with my sobbing.

"Lady Rinaldi," I heard Abil-Kisu velvety and calm voice, "What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Not her body," Nanna croaked, "As it heals from any wound that doesn't kill her. It's her feelings that are hurt. Tell me, girl. What happened."

Aristunn put me down and I felt a soft cloth wiping my face. "Nanna! Nanna, I killed him!" I mumbled amidst my bawling. "I... I killed them. I had to. I... my hands... blood."

Now that I was somewhere safe, somewhere familiar, I couldn't look at their faces. I felt something warm and soft on both sides. I was sandwiched between Arwia and Belle-Sunu that were crying too.

"That explosion last night, girl," Nanna said. "Was it your doing? Bah! Of course, it was."

It only made me feel even worse. The blast was strong enough to be noticed from here. Or it was the light.

"It is okay, Sandra," Arwia whispered in my ear. "You did that to save us, right? You went out and fought for us. You did the right thing."

I knew she was trying to soothe me. I knew she was right. I knew that by this world's standards, what I did was laudable. But I didn't belong to this world. I grew up in the most peaceful age in my world. Sheltered. Inside a strong and evolved society that saw too much war. Too much death.

"Come, Sandra," Belle said from the other side. "Come inside and eat something. You are pale and cold. Did you eat anything today? Come. I have a soup for you. Eat and tell us your story. We will share your burden with you."

I held them and the three of us cried again. I couldn't accept their words. I needed punishment. I needed someone to chastise me and berate me and tell me how much of a mass-murdering monster I was.

"Come, come! Take her to the tent," Abil-Kisu suggested. "I'll have the servants take her food and something to drink."

I walked when they gently pushed me. I moved like a doll and sat down on a soft cushion. The aroma of a well-seasoned soup wafted and I looked down. I saw the bowl of soup and Belle-Sunu's hands holding a spoon.

"Eat," She told me. "Open up. You'll feel better."

Her care hurt. I felt terrible for loathing her touch but I was unworthy of such attention. I should be locked up. Judged. Maybe thrown back in that hole.

"Eat. You need nourishment, Sandra. I know you are hurt, but would you please just open your mouth? You'll feel better after the first spoon."

I did. Snorting, sniffling, I opened up my mouth. I wish I could say the soup was scalding and felt like molten iron but no. It was delicious and warm. My body craved more.

"There, there. Good girl. Now eat more. Here. Don't worry about making a mess. Eat."

I cleaned up the bowl. My stomach felt warm, it was a good fuzzy feeling. She gave me a cup of water. It felt like the blood I didn't notice that had stopped started flowing again.

She wiped my mouth with a napkin, "Feeling better?" I nodded. "Good."

I looked around. I saw Nanna and Abil-Kisu sitting across the table.

I met the witch's eyes and confessed, "Nanna. I killed him. I... I snuck into his tent, I put a knife on his back. I'm a... an assassin. Then I blew up their supplies. It... they died. I... I killed them."

"Sandra, look at me," Nanna's voice sounded wise, ageless, and serious, much different from her usual rasp witch act. "That man worshipped Nergal. He was a bad man. He had more people killed than you ever will. You did the right thing."

I wanted to believe her so much, yet I couldn't.

"Nergal was once a god of the sun in ancient times," Abil-Kisu explained, "but he fell into the underworld. Now he is a god of death, darkness, and evil. Sandra, I know your kind heart can't accept the fact, but listen to lady Nanna's wisdom. You did right. You saved our lives and many others."

I took the napkin from Belle's hands and blew my nose. I took a deep breath and waited as I gathered my wits.

"I know. But I wish I could've handled it differently. I wish I had found a way to avoid that. I think I need some time alone," I said slowly, measuring my words. "Is everyone okay? The children?"

"Yes, yes. Such lovely children. It warmed my heart to see them playing around these days," Abil-Kisu cooed. "Now come, yes? I have a room ready for you. Milady Rinaldi, thank you. You saved us all, and if nobody else recognizes it, I will be forever grateful. Go. Rest. Sleep a good night's sleep and we can talk again tomorrow."

We stood up. Belle was holding my elbow, giving me support. I was about to cry again when Abil-Kisu warmly held my hand between his. "Tomorrow, sit with me and tell me your tale. I will share your burden."

"We are here, girl," Nanna said, coming from behind the merchant. "And we will be by your side. Go. Abil-Kisu is right. You should sleep."

I let Belle lead me inside Abil-Kisu's villa. It was nicer than Hama-Tula's. The decoration was sensible, warm. It felt like a real home. Hama-Tula's villa was posh, ostentatious. At least it was until I ripped everything off and sold it at the market. She led me to a guest room on the second floor. There was a large bed with a flaxen sheet. The fabric wasn't dyed and it had a nice golden sheen.

Belle helped me change into my pajamas. The same ones I died in. I felt it was fitting. She tucked me in bed and left, taking the lamp with her. I didn't feel like sleeping. I just laid there, immobile. My body sobbed on its own every now and then. I didn't want to think of anything.

Then the door opened. I looked that way and I saw Brandon. He was holding a candle.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Yes, please."

I held my breath. What did he want? Why was he here? My mind was tied up in a knot and I couldn't think straight. He placed the candlestick on the nightstand and sat on the bed.

"Hi," He said.

"Hi. To what I owe the visit?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

"I heard what happened. How are you?"

I shook my head. "Hurt," I whimpered.

He reached out and caressed my hair. I felt I was going to break.

"Do you need anything?" I shook my head. "Okay. I just came to see you when I got word that you came back. Sleep now. We can talk tomorrow. Sorry for disturbing you."

He was about to stand up and withdraw his hand when I grabbed his wrist.

"Stay," I told him. "Please don't leave me alone." He seemed confused. "Come here. Lie down with me. Stay here tonight."

Brandon nodded. He went around and got under the sheets. He awkwardly hugged me from behind and I took his hand and placed it over my stomach. I leaned against his chest.

"Sleep now. I'll stay here the whole night," He whispered behind me.

I closed my eyes and felt his warmth. His breath on my nape. My worries melted. I fell asleep instantly.