Chapter 11

After that night I decided to swallow my pride and tell Carmen what was clouding my ability to sense magic. She may have sensed my newfound humility because she didn’t jeer anywhere near as much as she did yesterday.

“I see…” she said “And I take it you can’t talk about it with anyone?”

“No ma’am. I can’t even think about it without feeling like I’m going to explode…”

“Hmm…very well. Merilyn, I’m going to separate you and Illumen today, can you handle that for a while?”

Merilyn nodded vigorously, and said “Oh yes, please help my dear Illumen!”

“Good girl. Focus on manipulating your mana, just like I taught you.”

“Yes, master!”

She was much more enthusiastic than usual, which may have been my fault. She was quite surprised when she awoke to find me clinging to her.

Carmen and I left for a place much farther away from the castle, and at around midday we reached a grassy clearing.

“Now” Carmen said, laying down on a patch of grass “Let it out”

“Let what out?” I asked, confused

“Your emotions. Take off that mask you wear and let your real feelings out. Over here you don’t have to worry about hurting anybody, or destroying anything so let loose until it’s all gone.”

“You…you could get hurt” I said.

“Ha! The day I let a hatchling like you hurt me is the day I stop calling myself a dragon. Now quit making excuses and do it.”

“It-It’s not that easy, ok? You can’t just expect me to…to let go of everything I’ve been through these last fifteen years.”

She stared at me, her icy blue eyes boring into my soul, and said “Hatchling. I am 800 years old. You think that I have never felt the way you do? Do you think that I’ve never had to watch a friend or a lover die right in front of me? You think you’re the only one who has to live with the pain of losing everything-everyone that you’ve ever cared for? Well you’re not. We’ve all lost things that were precious to us, but that isn’t what matters. What matters is how we cope with it.”

“Shut up! You don’t know anything about me, or anything about how I cope! I was alone from the start and he was the only one…the only one who ever…” my emotions were building up, I needed to run but-

“You can sit there and hold in every little bad feeling you get but it won’t change anything. Eventually you’ll have to let it all out and who’s going to be the one that has to suffer for it? You? Or Merilyn?”

“I’d never hurt her, she’s my precious…! I just need to think, just be quiet already! My friends, I’d never hurt…but Rickurd, it’s my fault…”

“You’re right, it is. You were too weak to save him, and because of that he’s gone. And if you don't let it out now you’ll probably be responsible for the death of another friend. That girl is sweet, too sweet for dragonkind. Too sweet for you too. As you are, you will be the death of her.”

“NO! No I won’t! I’ll Never…I will NEVER!”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore

“GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”

I let my emotions run wild. All around me the forest was engulfed in a sea of fire, but this time it wasn’t blue, it wasn’t even red. The flames burned black and even the dirt beneath my feet was scorched into oblivion. These flames exploded out of me with a shock wave of force, burning everything within 20 feet of me.

Carmen must have sensed something was off because just before the myriad flames shot from my body she took flight, avoiding the dark fire.

has evolved into

-(Variant Young ** Dragon Illumen) gains the ability to breathe (Variant) Blue Fire

*Variant Dragon Breath burns hotter than average and may come with additional abilities

-(Rage Boost) The greater the users rage the greater the intensity of

-(Unlocked) (Demon Flame) The user gains the ability to breathe (Variant) Black Fire. Black fire burns hotter than Blue Fire and nullifies all active and passive flame resistance abilities. Wounds caused by Black Fire take longer to heal. Black Fire can manifest, even if the user isn’t breathing it, during moments of extreme emotional or physical trauma.

You have been warned.

-Locked-

“Gaaaaaah!” I screamed, unleashing more and more flames “Dammit, dammit, dammit! My nest, my friends, my Merilyn, is there no depths to which the gods of this world won’t sink?! Is there nothing which I can protect and make my own?! I would have been happy to stay among the humans, as long as it meant staying with Rickurd! I would be happy to stay among the dragons, living and laughing with Merilyn! But no! If it isn’t the idiotic elders wrapping us up in their sheer stupidity, it’s my own stupidity killing everyone I love! I’m so sick of it!…I just want a friend…please gods…let me have a friend…”

There were tears streaming down my face for the first time since I hatched, but I didn’t try to stop them. Around me the flames were petering out, rising and falling with my emotions and before long they extinguished, leaving me alone, sobbing, in the middle of a burnt out clearing.

“Little one…” came Carmen's voice, once she could land safely. She wrapped her tail around me and held me. I didn’t resist, for the first time in my life I wanted someone to tell me that it would be ok, that I didn’t have to hold everything on my own shoulders…that I could, just for a moment, be vulnerable.

“Can you talk about it now?” she said tenderly

I looked up at her and nodded.

“Go on then…”

“The…the day I was born, my nest was attacked by human soldiers…I watched them torment my nest mates to death, one by one. The only reason I survived was because the Voice of the World woke me up first…”

I told her everything. My nest, the lake, Rickurd, the time I spent wandering around, I hid nothing from her. Throughout it all Carmen said nothing, listening as I told her what my life had been like. By the time I finished the sun was at its highest point in the sky.

“I see…” she finally said “You’ve certainly had it rough, haven’t you little one?”

“I…I don’t know anymore. Maybe it’s like this for everyone…but I’m through rejecting the past. I’ll acknowledge it from now on, I promise.”

“And here I thought I’d never break through that shell of yours. Guess there’s more to you than meets the eye, little one.”

I said nothing to that. I was in too vulnerable a state to be witty. I just enjoyed her warmth and wondered if this is what it felt like to have a mother.

After a while the two of us went back to where Merilyn was still practicing her magic.

“Lady Carmen, Illumen, did your special training go well?”

“See for yourself, child” Carmen said, gesturing toward me.

Merilyn looked at me quizzically and asked “Illumen? You are ok, right?”

“I…I think I am Merry. Are you…would you help me learn how to use magic?” I asked.

It was the very first time I had ever asked someone for help, and I felt a tad embarrassed, but-

“Oh Yes! Yes I would love to! Let us learn together, dear illumen!” she shouted, overjoyed.

“I-I see. Then I’ll count on your guidance. And yours too, Lady Carmen.”

“Very well, then for your first real lesson, try to sense your magic.” Carmen said

“It’s a bit like trying to remember something you’ve forgotten and it’s always right on the tip of your tongue.” Merilyn suggested

“Ok…here I go.”

Like last time I concentrated, trying to find the pathways in my mind. To my surprise, it was much easier this time, as I no longer needed to avoid the places that cause me pain. They still hurt, but I wouldn’t let them impede me anymore.

It still took me the better part of an hour, but finally I found it! The magic pathways, weaving and winding through my thoughts. If I were to describe their appearance it would be as ethereal blue strands that connected my memories together, each one snaking outward and connecting to another part of my life. Interestingly, the string that connected my memories of Merilyn was a different color entirely. It was a bright white that shone outward and distinguished itself from the rest.

“I wonder what the significance of that is…”

Then I got an idea. I looked for the string connecting my memories of Rickurd. I figured that it would also be white, since my relationship with him was deeper than most of my other ones. But when I found it the thread was definitely not what I was expecting.

It was a dark, charred looking black that was much less ethereal than the other threads. If I had to guess why it was because of what his death had done to my growth. It saddened me that this was what our connection had become, but I wouldn’t let it stop me.

Now that I had a good grasp on sensing all of my magic pathways it was time to follow them to my core. The pathways started to converge the closer I got to it, eventually becoming three distinct, yet equally powerful, paths.

The first was my blue path, thicker than the other two but lacking their intensity. The second, the white path, which shined brighter the closer we got to my core. The third, the Black path, which was separated from the white by the blue and seemed to radiate a malicious aura.

When I finally reached my core I was shocked by the way it looked. It appeared to me as a sphere with a glassy texture, and inside the sphere the three paths were…it almost looked like they were fighting.

“I…men…”

In the middle of the sphere, the white and black were churning and rolling, each one seemingly trying to gain control over the other. Sometimes it looked like the black would overwhelm the white only to be pushed back again, sometimes it looked like the white would snuff out the black for good only for the black to swell and counterattack. On the outside of this conflict was the blue, surrounding both the white and the black and trying to break into their conflict, but to no avail. Neither white nor black would give purchase.

“Ill…en! Wa..up!”

I wanted to touch it, to try and balance the three forces within. This turmoil, it must have been a reflection of my true self. If I could bring harmony to the cacophony then maybe I could bring harmony to myself.

“Illumen, please!”

I reached out, trying with all my might to grasp the depths of my power. I was so close, just another moment and-

“ILLUMEN, ENOUGH!”

I snapped my eyes open. All around me the landscape was different than it had been earlier. The grass was all pointed away from me, as if a powerful gust of wind had been blowing outward from where I stood. Several of the trees surrounding me had fallen, again in a direction facing away from where I stood. Carmen was nearby, looking fine if exasperated and wrapped in her tail was Merilyn.

“Are you back, Illumi?” Merilyn said, voice full of worry.

“What…what happened?” I asked

“You happened, little one. You traced your pathways all the way to your core and when you got there your aura suddenly exploded out of you. It was like a pillar of white and black lights intertwined with each other, and it shot right up into the clouds. Every creature for miles around probably saw it, including the dragons at the castle.” she shook her head “I guess I should have expected that. You are a Demon Prince after all. Check your stats, your mana should have increased.”

I did as she commanded.

Demon ** Light Dragon Illumen

HP: 670/670

MP: 3800/3800

Stamina: 220/220

Int: 123

Str: 72

Dex: 52

Spd: 70

Skills

Enhanced Skills

She was right, my mana was more than ten times higher than it had been before. And that wasn’t the only thing that was different. Previously, my name always showed up as Young Dragon Illumen, but now I was a Demon Dragon.

“Well, what’s your mana count? It should have at least doubled.” Carmen said

“It’s..uh, 3800”

“Thirty eight-!…-sigh- I see. That’s…that’s quite high for such a young dragon. No wonder your aura was so explosive, cramming that much magic into such a small vessel…you’re going to be quite a monster when you get older. I suspect your body is going to go through a slight change in the near future to accommodate…” she trailed off “Well, no matter. You’ve been through enough today, both of you. Report to me here tomorrow and we’ll continue our lesson. I need to think about your curriculum going forward and Reyzo definitely needs to hear about this…”

“Is there anything we should practice in the meantime?” Merilyn said, clearly eager to keep going.

“You should practice controlling Mana while nobody is looking and you…” she said, looking at me “Avoid tapping into your magic while you’re at the castle. At least until you can keep your aura in check.”

“I was thinking the same thing. Thank you for your lessons today.” Merilyn and I said the last part in unison.

“Have a good evening you two.” she said, taking flight toward the castle.

The two of us stared after her for a while before following her on foot.

“Thirty eight hundred…that’s incredible.” Merilyn said after a while.

“Is it really that much?” I asked

“It definitely is. I only have six hundred and eighty mana and Lady Carmen believes I’m a genius. You really are amazing, Illumi.”

“Ha, did you come up with a nickname for me after I called you Merry?”

“I did, I hope you don’t mind…”

“Not at all Merry.” I said, smiling.

The two of us enjoyed a midday stroll back to the castle.