After a long day at work, I got back to my apartment and kicked off my shoes, then set down the convenience store bag I was carrying onto the dining table. It contained a boxed dinner from the convenience store nearby. The dinner meal set had meatballs and curry rice, with some vegetables and gyoza on the side. I ate the delicious convenience store food and rushed to my capsule after washing the dishes and taking out the trash.

This was the life of a 25 year old working bachelor. Even if I was eating convenience store food four times a week, I still wasn’t going to be a slob.

Cleanliness is a virtue for the single bachelor life.

“Ah… if only I had a pretty girlfriend, life would be so much better.”

“I want a pretty girl who makes me hot soup when I’m exhausted.”

Yura was nice. I started to consider asking her out… But the stack of bills on the countertop brought me back to reality. Dating was just too expensive at the moment when most of my paycheck went to rent and paying off my late father's debt.

———

I logged on to Eclipse, responded to a private greeting from Books, and equipped my [Sorcerer’s Forgotten Dark Robes], [Rain Boots], and [Thief’s Hood].

“Open status.”

Name [Spoon] Class Dimension Thief Race Human Level 6 Titles None Unique Skill [email protected]#$%^& HP 142/142 Strength 1 Physical Defense 6 Magic Resistance 71 Vitality 6 Intelligence 52 Dexterity 70 Mana 253/253 Electric Resistance 10 Fire Resistance 10 Unallocated stat points 0

It sucked to lose so much level progress by getting blind sided by a metaphorical truck in the form of an entire goblin army. But, I had to move on.

These were my base stats after items. During work, I created a spreadsheet to estimate my stats. My real stats were fairly close to the stats I calculated with my spreadsheet. For example, Intelligence was 50 when it should be 52 with 1 base intelligence, 1 intelligence from [Sorcerer’s Forgotten Dark Robes], and 10 growth per level multiplied by 5 level ups at level 6.

My physical defense was 6 because I allocated 5 stat points to physical defense, and my vitality was 6 because of [Thief’s Hood] adding 5 vitality. At my level, a normal warrior would probably have between 20 and 30 physical defense and vitality from base stats, and more depending on what items the warrior had equipped.

But was I a normal warrior? No. I was a gimmick class, that was comically weak to physical attacks.

If things went well today, I wouldn’t be taking any physical attacks. Today was the day I would put the duke’s security to the test.

From my surveillance yesterday, I noticed two major flaws in the duke’s security. First, the guards patrolled in pairs, on account of what I assumed was a system to keep the guards accountable for actually doing their patrols, but this system meant that about a third of the perimeter would be exposed at any given point in time. Second, the gardener would unlock the second tower and leave it unlocked while he gardened.

I waited patiently outside the gate to the second tower until noon. The gardener entered the gate, but there was still a patrol chatting nearby. I waited twenty minutes longer, and the patrol moved on.

“Let’s go, Meat Shield. Be sneaky.”

“Sneak sneak~”

My pet was being cute even though she was useless most of the time. It was cute, but it irritated me.

We walked through the gate and into the second tower undetected by the duke’s security. Evelyn’s prized possessions were in the duke’s private treasure stash, a secret compartment in his private quarters’ bathroom.

Evelyn informed me of this before I left her shop—she had the ability as a succubus to travel into the duke’s dreams, which helped her locate them.

The bathroom was on the second floor. I had to make my way to the stairs.

“A guard is coming, nya~”

“Shit. Dimension room.”

I stepped into the dimension room. The small, traditional japanese style room was empty as usual aside from a table in the middle and a single, very out of place looking sofa.

I would wait here until Meat Shield popped in and gave me the signal that it was clear. I closed my eyes to run through the layout of the duke's palace again, but a notification sound brought me back to my senses.

Because you have claimed your first soul, you have unlocked the Dimension Room Shop.

A new menu appeared in the top right of my screen. How interesting. Dimension thief might be a gimmick class with shit stats, but at least the class perks were entertaining enough. I opened the new menu.

Welcome to the Dimension Shop. You may purchase items and improvements from here. New items and options will be added as you level up and claim more souls.

[Current Souls: 2]

Souls are claimed when you slay significant targets.

Hm… this only counted my kill of the armorer and [Stomper]. The dozen or so goblins I killed didn’t seem to count, because they weren’t significant targets. I had no idea what constituted a significant target.

[Masterwork lockpick]

A one time use lockpick that can open almost any lock when utilized by a dextrous thief.

Price: 100 souls

[Shadow skillbook]

A skillbook containing the flagship ability of the dimension thief class. Shadow allows the caster disappear for one second, reappearing a short distance away.

Unique Dimension Thief Ability

Cooldown: 10 seconds

Mana cost: 100

Level requirement: 30

Class restriction: Dimension thief

Price: 1,000 souls

[Ghostkersword]

A ghostly white sword that emanates a strange aura.

Legendary

Item rank: S+

+100 intelligence

Unique ability: ??

Level requirement: 60

Class restriction: None

Stat requirement: 1000 intelligence

600 dexterity

Price: 7,000 souls

[Special cat food]

Cat food with a hidden effect.

Price: 1,000,000 souls

…

What kind of scam was this? A legendary item was only 7,000 souls, but cat food was 1,000,000 souls? This was like one of those scam prices in RPGs, where the most expensive item in the shop is a cosmetic item worth 999,999 currency despite have horrible stats.

“Coast is clear, nyang~”

I decided to save for the [Shadow skillbook] first, and then get the [Ghostkersword] afterwards. Both of those items seemed extremely OP for combat.

With that in mind, I hopped out of the dimension room and sped down the hallway towards the staircase. Meat Shield sprinted by my side, occasionally poking between hallways to check for guards.

Another patrol was nearby. I activated dimension room and waited it out.

Hours passed as we continued to crawl our way towards the duke's chambers.

Slowly but surely, we made our way to the second floor and into the duke’s chambers. The door was unlocked. The duke of Talos’ room was surprisingly messy. Bedsheets were hanging off the bed and on the ground, and all sorts of papers, parchment, dirty robes, and royal attire were lining the floor.

“It stinks here~ smelly duke~”

“Shush, Meat Shield. Let me find his secret stash.”

I entered the duke’s private bathroom. It was less of a bathroom and more of a luxury royal suite, complete with a magic jacuzzi and a statue of a voluptuous woman holding a water basin that flowed into the massive bathtub. If I was rich, that was exactly how I wanted my bathroom to look.

As if a reflection of the duke's sloppy nature, the secret stash was not particularly hard to find. There was a pile of suspicious items in a basket under the sink, covered by a cloth. I pulled the basket out and uncovered it.

The basket contained a lot of interesting items. Gold trinkets, some baubles, several short love letters from a woman named Annette, and a dark black pair of fuzzy panties. A trace of magic emanated from the panties, leaving them spotlessly clean. Evelyn was right, there was something alluring about the panties. It was even affecting me…

Emmmm. I must look like the world’s biggest pervert right now.

I took the panties and jammed them in my pouch, and stole some of the valuables. In the middle of the pile was a letter with its seal broken. Judging by the fanciness of the seal and the quality of the paper and penmanship, it was an important letter. I took it out and glanced at its contents.

The contents of the letter were shocking to say the least.

“Take a look at this.”

I motioned Meat Shield over. She hopped on my lap and started reading. It didn’t even occur to me that cats should not be able to read.

[Letter to the Emperor]

Your Majesty,

I have suspicions that the Duke of Talos is conspiring with the Mayor of Elmwood to sabotage the empire’s interests.

Last night, my squire informed me that he saw the duke conversing with several hooded men in black cloaks in a secluded alleyway by the city walls.

It is my belief that these hooded men are the same heretics calling themselves Hell’s Chosen that have been recruiting and expanding in the past few years, with the objective of overthrowing the empire.

I hope this letter finds you soon. Please be careful.

With utmost sincerity,

Tobias

“This looks serious~”

Meat Shield sniffed the letter, showing extra curiosity.

“I think we’ve stumbled upon something big.”

Right as I said that, I heard the familiar sound of a quest notification.

Quest Investigate The Conspiracy Against The Emperor Description You have discovered an intercepted letter from a mysterious person named Tobias, addressed to the emperor, in the duke of Talos’ possession. Objective Investigate the allegations Type Empire Quest Rank A Reward ??, +200 reputation with the Empire, +1500 reputation with Tobias

Another high rank quest revealed itself. I was surprised at receiving these two quests so suddenly, but I realized that neither of these quests were accessible to normal players, and it would stay that way for quite a while.

[Evelyn’s Favor] was probably only offered to players with exceptional dignity or hero status, which would allow that player the chance to ask the duke for an item from his private treasure collection. The reason I was about to unlock the quest without those particular qualifications was because of my other, much more obscure qualifications. My pet was a high class demonic being who recognized Evelyn's demonic scent, triggering her reveal, and she also noticed that I was a thief class.

As for [Investigate The Conspiracy Against The Emperor], normal thieves had no way of accessing the duke’s private chambers. It was only possible for me because of my absurd [Dimension Room] ability in combination with having Meat Shield as a lookout. Without either of those two pieces, I would never have gotten past the first long hallway.

I pet Meat Shield on the head.

“Maybe you aren’t so useless after all,” I whispered, careful to not alert the guards.

“Nyaa~”

Meat Shield’s meow was a bit too loud.

“What was that?”

This is what I got for complimenting her. This stupid cat. I heard a guard opening the door to the duke’s chambers. Scrambling to cover up the signs of a thief break in, I kicked the basket back to its original spot, but didn’t have the chance to cover it up with the cloth again.

“Dimension room.”

I narrowly made it into the room before the guard entered the bathroom.