One could hear a horrific roar of an unholy beast miles from a cave, making those few creatures not wary enough to notice how empty and silent this area is run away from dread.

*Yaaawn*

Well, that was on good nap, shame it felt so short.

Said he, after he slept for half a day for the third time this week.

That doesn't sound to bad.

Today is Tuesday.

"...Ha, rookie numbers.."

"Good day, my lord."

"Finally, you are awake, it felt almost like almost a whole month passed while you lazy ass slept. Can we please go somewhere else already, this cave has some bad feng shui-

"Bless you."

"Fuck you, let's go already."

"Hey, you are a ghost, I literally can't force you to stay in any way...at least physically."

"Well, sadly I can't go too far from the ring without getting teleported right next to it. And considering that would mean getting teleported beside you I'd rather not."

"All I can hear is that someone has the ability to teleport and doesn't want to share it with the common man sloth like some sort of bourgeoisie."

"I can't teach you how to teleport because you are an idiot that won't learn any martial arts."

"...You are the worst mysterious cultivator spirit mentor I have ever had."

"And you are the worst pupil I have ever met in my entire life. Do you even know how it feels to see such a lazy piece of shit like yourselve having more talent than me?"

"Don't have to, I am living it, git gud noob."

"It is not the talented fault for you talentless worms being useless."

"I don't want to hear that from some low level demon I would not even put into my eyes before my end. I was once so far above you you wouldn't even-

"I am sorry, I have trouble hearing people that where poisoned to death because they are brain dead, what did you say again?"

"I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE YOU FUCKING SLOTH-

But suddenly an old, but booming voice filled with vigor sounded inside the cave.

"Ah, so the giant footprints led to this dreadful looking cave out of which a haunting voice screams some words I can hardly understand. Classic demon hiding spot. And they wonder why we always find them so easily."

"Huh?"

"Come out my little friends, don't hide from this poor old man, I just want to talk to you. I can completely and honestly say I won't kill you."

"You know, he sounds pretty convincing, you should greet him, see what happens, maybe make a new friend or die trying. Consider the second choice."

"You are right...Timmy, go out and make a new friend. I'll be behind you. Far, far behind you."

"...Yes my lord."

And so as the old man walked into the cave he started taking again, obviously trying to put fear into the hearts of his enemy with his words-

"Hey, hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve."

"..."

"..."

"..."

...

"Tough audience, huh?"

"...Timmy."

"Yes my lord?"

"Either kill him or kill me, no other way to resolve this."

"Understood."

"Ok, this ones better: Did you hear about the Bard who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage-Hah, you get it? Because Bards often act on stages? Well not that often really, but..."

"Buddha have I not suffered enough already?"

"No, not good? Then how about-

"FOR FUCK SAKE OLD MAN SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WILL LITERALLY KILL YOU!"

Said our hero while hiding behind the demon, finally face to face with the old man. A ghost beside them looking conflicted between his desire for their death and the desire of not hearing puns anymore.

"...I guess from the roar that the beast didn't like my jokes."

"...It certainly got to him."

"Guess you could say, my jokes really beasted him. Ha, you get it, because bested sounds similar to beas- Ah whatever, you wouldn't get it. Well, time for some demon slaying."

"Huh, demon wha-

And so the old man grabbed some seemingly magical bag and pulled a giant fucking silver lance out of it.

"...How about we talk this out?"

"...Timmy, ask him if he would like a very cool looking ring in exchange for my life."

"Yes please, anything to get away from you."

"You mean our life, right lord?"

"...Lord?"

"...Sure. Your life, our life, only my life, not your life, all sounds almost the same anyway."

"Well, any last words, demon?"

"...Mercy?"

"Have you given any mercy to my daughter and her friend?"

"I mean, he died quickly and she is alive? Pretty sure you not rescuing her sooner had more of an effect on her than whatever we did."

"Ok, bad example, how about-

"Please kill them, they are the most vile creatures of the world, you would do every being a great service and lift my spirit-"

"Ha, spirit."

"No, don't start again I’d rather he killed us- wait...I- I may have an idea how we can survive this."

"What is it my lord? And why do I feel complete dread from your sentence?"

"Because what you will have to do now is almost considered a crime against humanity and all that is good and holy..."

"No...you can't mean..."

"Yes, you will have to tell puns to distract him."

"I...I can't. I won't. Not even for you my lord."

Gay.

"Yes you can, we all believe in you!"

"I don't believe in you. I don't believe in any of you."

"You can understand the monster, ghost?"

"Sadly...be happy you can't, mortal."

"Aww, does he at least like my jokes?"

"...Yes, he loves them, he wants you to tell more."

"THAT IS IT, YOU THINK I AM EVIL AND VILE, I SHOW YOU FUCKING EVIL AND VILE IF I SURVIVE THIS SHIT."

"That's great, thanks for the roaring agreement, mister giant black monster. Now, what's the difference between a goblin and an elf?"

"AAARRHHHHHGGG"