Put those thoughts away, they have no place in a previous human. In the blender you go!

In all the excitement I almost forgot

‘Cake, get over here.’ I say over the mental link.

We have been having some trouble communicating since she hasn't learned very many words other than cake or she will use snips. That is why I have called Cake over from guard duty.

‘It is about time I learn the basics of the Hermit Crab sign language’

*snip*

I think I am getting somewhere.

‘Okay, is your name Cake?’ I ask an obvious question to see how she responds.

‘Cake!’ Cake excitedly yells across the mental link followed by one snip.

‘Are you a disgusting lizard?’ I ask another very obvious question to she how she reacts.

‘Cake!’ She yells followed by two angry snips.

‘What is the meaning of life?’ I ask a question that she hopefully doesn't know the answer to.

‘Cake?’ She says confused followed by three snips.

‘Alright, Cake you can go back to doing whatever you were doing.’

*snip*

I think I learned Cakes snip language. One snip is positive, two snips are negative, and three snips are uncertain.

I try to mimic Cakes language but since I don't have claws, I improvise.

*schlink*

Definitely a lot creepier and less cute seeing a little mass of tentacles snap their tendrils, but nevertheless this will allow me and Cake to communicate better.

Cake has also been taking my advice and sticking to upgrading her speed. She is not nearly as fast as me but, it is much better than it would have been if I never told her to do that. Another thing that has confused me ever since Cake got bigger is that she didn't evolve. It is more like she grew up into an adult crab and really quickly at that, like two days quick.

I wonder why I never got a growth spurt, I had to evolve to get larger while she just sat on my head. I would be more jealous but since she is technically my pet her growing up quickly is most certainly a good thing. Cake is also probably very close to her first evolution since I have been stealing all of the exp is has been a lot slower for her but I did all the hard work. I deserve it!

‘Ain't that right Cake’ I say over the mental link.

‘Cake?’ She says in an affirmative yet also very confused manner.

‘Oh...nevermind’ I mean what was I thinking she cant read my mind, not unless I want her too, that is.

*snip*

‘Cake, since you're no longer super weak, can you move the door.’ I mentally send to her.

*snip snip snip*

‘Move the big rock you have been guarding.’ I say to her not understanding what a door is; this happens sometimes since she must have interpreted it differently than a human does, luckily it is more rare than one might think for such a newly born crab monster.

It probably has something to do with how the parasite in her brain works, I wouldn't know how that works since I am not on the receiving end of it, all I know is that it works most of the time.

‘Cake we need to get you evolved as soon as possible to make you even stronger.’

And not because I want to dictate the evolutionary path of my pet like it's a videogame...definitely not.

That may sound evil and it probably is, but I would not in a million years want my cute crab to turn into a slimy snail even if another reason is for my enjoyment.

As me and Cake crawl out of Hole Base and start making our way through. I start to think about the word ‘enjoyment’ and all the entertainment in my previous life that gave millions of people something to look forward to each and every day, especially music since whenever I slaughter a centipede, I feel like music that should be there is missing.

I wonder if Gilbert can fix this?

Since there doesn't seem to be any enemies around us, I figured I might as well check the store and search for something.

-Chalk Finger-

Allows the host to draw on rocky surfaces by converting their flesh to chalk.

Cost: 35 Biomass

After sifting through hundreds of trash upgrades like Chalk Finger. I eventually stumble upon two that seem very useful, if a bit pricey.

-Deep Learning-

Allows the host to gain a deeper insight into certain system aspects.

Cost: 100 Biomass

I want this one since for my first evolution I had to go in mostly blind and picked Lola Fetus mostly because of the mutation store and hopefully buying this can help out with that.

-D.I.Y.-

Digital Implant Yodeling

allows the host to listen to all genres of yodeling, whether it be Rock N Yodel, Yod Bop, Yop, or even Yunk.

Anytime! Anywhere!

Cost: 1000 Biomass

It may have a completely outlandish price but this is the only music related item in the store that I can find. Even if the Gods' weird tastes in music oddly make me want to buy it, to find out what Yod Bop would sound like, I am never spending 1000 Biomass on it. The Gods must be severely overestimating their music taste, either that or Rock N Yodel really is that good.

I think buying Deep Learning before evolving might be a good decision, I'll just have to let Cake take all the kills.

Speaking of kills I need to figure out how gaining levels with teammates works. Does the final blow take all the xp, is it whoever does the most damage, or does it give you specifically what you deserve.

Eventually me and Cake stumble upon a small grouping of centipedes that havent been disturbed by the large battle still raging on. How do I know that battle from two days ago is still going on.

*rumble*

That's how; as we got closer to the dark centipede spots, you can feel the earth shake a little due to the nearby battle.

How has one side not faltered yet, I have no idea, but no matter who wins, I win since I will have to deal with less monsters.

Forget about the battle, it is time for GladOs’ favorite pastime to commence!

‘Cake, try to kill the one on the right, I won't interfere unless you are about to be injured beyond what you can naturally heal.’ I send to her.

One very determined *snip* later and she takes off to deal with the weakest of the centipedes as I'm left with two that looked to have upgraded their carapace.

As they come running at me I spread a tendril on the ground and using Flesh Flash and Anti-Gravity together really tires me out but allows me to move at blinding speeds even if I have no idea what is going on since I am moving too fast to react to anything.

It doesn't really matter for these centipedes since they just move in a straight line toward me which easily allows me to drive a spike through each of their carapaces.

Using this combo move managed to heavily injure and stun both of them but it also made me dizzy and used a lot of stamina.

I watch Cake’s fight go about how you would expect for a crab, one evolution tier below its enemy and eventually I end up stepping in and try to turn this failed test into a successful one by driving a spike into the centipedes faceplate and stealing Cake’s hard fought experience.

*snip snip*

A double snip that means that she didn't like me interfering in her fight. Well too bad! I won't allow you to lose a battle and sustain heavy injuries on my watch!

As I spread my tendril around the hole in its faceplate trying to feel around for a brain, eventually I feel my spike get locked in place.

Did it work? Did I gain a Brain Buddy?

[Brain Parasite Spike has failed to take over the body and as such you have lost half of the possible Biomass from this enemy and cannot try to invade this body again]

GladOs you kept all these weaknesses from me until I'm actually fighting something, that is rude, immoral, and completely like you!

I will buy that Deeper Learning skill and probe deep into your AI compex to keep you from hiding any more info from me. How do you like that!

[...]

I finish off this centipede in my frustration and figure I might as well see if I can make use of the other two. I go over wrap a few tendrils around the squirming centipedes and ask Cake to finish off both of them. One dies quickly and I get the exp. The other puts up a lot more of a fight than I would have thought and I am forced to let go of it as it thrashes about, but while it was stuck on the ground Cake did a good bit of damage on its face plate… considering she removed it from its body.

Definitely going to need to look at Cake do little hops for a solid 10 minutes due to that image of the centipede losing its face.

The centipede is very weakened due to having its face removed and a hole in its body and I am able to restrain its movement and I let Cake take this one as I hope nothing weird happens when she takes her first evolution.

She snips and tears at the centipedes used to be face and manages to kill it, causing a new message to pop up.

[Subject Cake has managed to reach level 5 and is able to evolve. Cake has 207 possible Evolutionary Paths to choose from. You have the ability to choose the evolution path yourself, allow Cake to choose, or randomize.]

Two..two Hundred and Seven?! Why did I get like 5?!

No no, I can't be jealous after all Cake is my ‘subject’, this is a good thing to happen. Even if Cake has had the easy life in my opinion, not getting thrown at wolves, thrown into poison gas, or being thrown in general!

On second thought, I don't want Cake to experience my life because she would die. Honestly, I don't even know how I am alive.

I look at the crab poke around at the dead centipede as she picks up small bites with her bloodied claws.

I can't tell if that is cute, disgusting, or creepy. I’ll just imagine that centipede blood as strawberry jam…Ahhh that is a much better image for my brain.

I drain the other two strawberry jam bags as Cake finishes hers.

‘Cake, let's head back. I have something I want to do.’ I say.

‘Cake!’ Followed by a single affirmative snip.

It's gonna be a while to go through all those options.