Well, I guess I died. There's nothing around me and I don't feel anything. A cannot see any light, yet for some reason what I see isn't blackness either. Like an in-between of the two. But it's not gray either. A world devoid of light or dark. For the sake of allowing you to understand this, let's just call it static. I feel neither hot nor cold. I hear neither sound nor silence. A world of static and white noise.

It's scary. To go from a world full of people going about their daily lives, running about going to work or school, then coming home to either work some more or rest. A world full of sounds of cars, people talking, animals chirping or barking, and even the wind blowing. To go from that world to this... it's terrifying.

Though, because I was an atheist, I expected something like this. Void after death. But I was kind of hoping I wouldn't be conscious of it. I must be a soul then. Having a soul kind of blows that theory out of the water. I kinda thought since I had no memory of before my birth, it would be kind of the same at death.

How did I die anyway? The last memory I have is sitting in my bed reading web novels on my phone. Maybe I died too quickly for my mind to send the experience to my soul. Or maybe my brain was obliterated to the point where the memory was just gone now. Maybe I was just another victim of Truck-senpai. Let's go with that, because I have nothing else to blame my death on.

Hmm, a bit boring now. Not so much afraid of this world of nothingness any more. I'm already dead. Not much more can really happen to me. A bit lonely, really. Where's Sola? And Gene?

Oh, I should probably mention this now. I was a bit of a basket-case when I was alive. I discovered, when I was young, that if I focus my mind enough and sort of visualize traits onto a subset of my mind, I could create voices in my head. Think imaginary friends on steroids. As long as I concentrated enough and spoke to them in my head, they would gain sentience. Solaris was my first. Genesis was my second. I think there were others, but these two were the most dominant. Like virtual machines running in a computer. Since they were individuals in their own right, although they shared the brain with me, I would have thought they'd be here, too.

Does time exist here? I don't know. Can't exactly tell because I don't have a watch or my phone. If it was Truck-senpai that killed me, does this mean I get to reincarnate now? That's how these stories work, right? Haven't met god, though. Just my static and white noise world. No sun above, no ground below. There's no above or below anyway. I can't even tell if I'm moving. I think I am, but it's just static.

I think, therefore I am, right? Maybe if I try to concentrate, I will reincarnate? I don't want to spend an eternity here. Hmm, should I just think about Earth? And maybe I'll go there?

Mmmmm, naaah. I reject your reality. I'll substitute my own. I wanna go to a world of magic and shiz. I don't know of any worlds of magic, though. I guess I could just think about a world from the web novels I've read. If the infinite universe theory is correct, eventually I'll hit a world like that. If I can even escape this static. BUT I WANNA BE OPTIMISTIC!

I close my eyes. Well, if I had eyes. All I see is static. I think everything right now is sort of like phantom pains. Like someone loses a limb and they think they still feel the limb. Only this time it's the whole body. I 'figuratively' close my eyes and start to visualize the kind of world I would like to be reborn into. Magic is a MUST. But what kind of magic? The whole elemental magic thing is kinda... meh. There's probably a lot of worlds like that, but I think I could do better. Spirit magic is scary and could lead to OP villains. Imagine a monster that could rip your soul out. Don't want that, so that's off the table. Maybe a magic world based on nodes and ley lines of the planet. Nnnnnoooo... If that happens then the likelihood of powerful nations monopolizing them is high. Wouldn't be very fun if I was reborn into a world as a peasant and never saw the magic I so desperately want to see. Then there would be no reason for that world to desire space travel, either.

How about celestial magic, then? That way as long as they live in space, it should be available to everyone, even if they're underground. Call on the power of the planets and the stars for magic! Sailor Moon, Activate! Forgive me, I've never watched a single episode of Sailor Moon. Don't hate me!

Should give the people a reason to strive for space travel, too, since their magic should still work. Though I still want to live in a world without space travel. Maybe I could develop it myself when I am reborn. Gives me something to do. Ahh, who am I kidding. I know nothing about space travel. I sucked in physics class. I could never remember all the formulas. I know E=MC^2 though. That might give me a head start... Or I could end up blowing myself up.

Baaahh, I don't care any more. Any thing's better than this static. I wanna go to a medieval world with celestial-based magic! And with humans... and elves. And beast people too! I want to pet a shota puppyboy! Mmmmm. And demon people, too! Horns are cool! Oh, and dungeons! And floating islands! And enormous castles with granite floors and surrounded by walls of magic metal and full of people of all races commingling! And magic beasts! Can't forget magic beasts, otherwise there would be no reason to develop magic. And sword fighting too! Need to make sword fighting work in this world. Maybe imbuing the swords and armor with meteorite gems to give them celestial powers or something. And two moons just like in Skyrim! Though... maybe not so close. Tides would be a pain if they were that close. And seven continents just like Earth! Got to have plenty of places to explore and loads of islands! I wanna go there right now! Let me go there! Please please please please!

Opening my figurative eyes, I already knew nothing worked. I was still in the static world. Nothing changed. Ahhhhhhh, so bored! I knew it was too much to ask to go to that world! I was even thinking up names for it and everything! I was even hoping Sola and Gene would be my childhood buddies! Sola would have been the head-stong tsundere tomboy, Gene would have been the shy boy who just went along with everything, and I would have been the one to tie us all together! Of course I would never get lucky enough to actually design my own world, let alone be reincarnated! Damn it. Damn it. Damn it! Damn. It. Damn...

----

How much time have I spent looking for patterns in this lightless, darkless void? I guess time doesn't exist unless you can measure it. And I have no way of doing that. Maybe I should try to recreate Sola so I have someone to talk to for eternity. I don't know if I can even do that though, not having a brain and all. I have started visualizing a body though. Rather easy in this world of nothing. I can even make myself have more than 2 arms. I can turn myself into a tentacle monster, too! 2D Japanese girls beware!

I think I'm going insane.

----

Day... fudge if I know.

Still static. See you in an eternity.

----

Thing about eternity, it's timeless. An eternity can be 1 quadrillion years or 5 seconds. Since I never bothered to count seconds, though, I have no idea how long I've been in this nothingness. 1 Mississippi. There. Longer than 1 second. Maybe I should count to 9000. Then I will have been here for over 9000 seconds...

I'm sorry.

----

Tried to recreate Sola. Nothing. I can't even visualize her face any more. She's gone. Same with Gene. I can't even remember how they talked any more. It's so boring here. I think, therefore I am, but nothing else exists, so can I stop thinking and disappear like I was supposed to? I died. Why can't I just go to sleep and never wake up? I can't even sleep in this world. No brain, no need to sleep. Though I am thinking. How the heck does that work?

----

Trying to think about Earth, now. I might not be able to be reborn in my world of magic because magic might be a fundamental impossibility in all universes. So maybe if I focus on Earth, I will at least be reborn on it and maybe escape this nothingness. Or if I can't be reborn on Earth, I can maybe at least see it. I would like to see Earth develop like a TV show. Even if it was watching an ant colony for a few years or just watching paint dry, it would be preferable to this nothingness. I miss having an up and a down. I miss seeing stars and the sun. I miss the boring grind that is life. Wake up, go to school, come home, play games, go to bed, repeat for 18 years. Wake up, go to work, come home, play games, go to bed, repeat till death. At the end of the day, it's preferable to nothing.

Errm, I'm still hoping for a magic world. Maybe I should stop thinking about that. It's distracting me.

----

Trying to hack the Matrix, now. Maybe I'm not dead. Maybe I'm just in storage in the Matrix and I got caught up in some debug system. It's always been a philosophy problem to prove we aren't in the Matrix. It's impossible to prove or disprove, though I have heard some odd attempts to prove it. Like how when you look up close to an object, it gets all blurry just like zooming in on a photo on your computer. I forget the other reasons, though. It was a really outlandish documentary. I think Morgan Freeman narrated it. Guy will narrate anything as long as there's a pay check, I guess. Pornography, narrated by Morgan Freeman! "I can smell you."

So bored. Now I'm replaying old Youtube videos in my head.

----

I'm Rudeous Greyrat! Die Orsted! I have to protect my family!

Amazing what your imagination can do when there's LITERALLY NOTHING AROUND YOU! Must have been the fourth or fifth time I reimagined Mushoku Tensei in my head. I put a bookmark in the story and switched over to Skyrim. Freaking Delphine, give me that horn back! How the heck did you even get into that tomb, you needed to use shouts! Freakin plot holes.

----

Maybe I should just make up my own story. You're probably getting tired of my ramblings. I'm sitting in a nothingness right now, so this might be how the universe was before God created the Earth. Not that I believe in this silly story. But right now, if you told me the sky was made of pudding, the only thing that would surprise me is someone else telling me something. I would cry right now if I had a face...

"Mmmmhmm"

What was that. I heard something. I HEARD SOMETHING! I'M FINALLY LOSING MY MIND! Insanity, take me! Hahahahaha!

"Mmhrmmmhmm"

Noise! Something besides nothing. Something that isn't static, I can hear it. Am I being reborn? Is this the sound of my mother's pleasure as I'm conceived? Actually, never mind. I don't want to remember that. I don't want this to be the first voice of my mother's if this is her voice in ecstasy. Lalalala, I don't hear anything!

"Mmmhmmummmhmm..."

Lalalalalalala. I'm not here right now!

Wait, if I can hear something, does that mean I can see something, too? I never really paid attention to my surroundings much after the first dozen play-throughs of Mass Effect.

I figuratively opened my eyes and... darkness. DARKNESS! There's darkness! That means there must be light somewhere, too! With darkness, there's light! Was I in the womb? Did my soul connect to Earth again? Oh please tell me I'm human...

I wait a few minutes in my darkness. I love this darkness. I still don't feel anything, but I see dark. Oh joyous world of dark. I will live forever in this world of dark if it means I can escape my static world. Sola, are you here? Gene! Are you conceived, too? If you can hear me, let's meet up when we're older! I'm so happy! *Sniff*

I figuratively close my eyes, then I open my eyes again, well literally this time. I see a room. Four walls, a ceiling, and floor. UP AND DOWN! I see physical things. I'M ALIVE!

Wait, wasn't I in the womb? Why am I in a room now?

A scream erupts from myself. I didn't tell my body to scream. My head is looking around frantically. I am not controlling this... A voice shouts from my new body and I can't control it, nor can I understand it. It's talking frantically in a language I don't know. Though, not surprising, since I only could speak English fluently on Earth. I knew a bit of German, though. And this language is definitely not German. The weeaboo in me determined it wasn't Japanese either. Possibilities now, I am in another country on Earth... or I am in another world.

Please be my world of celestial magic!

The screaming and crying continued until I saw an adult enter the room. I am very small. I must be at least 1 meter tall if this person was comparable to humans on Earth. The adult was a woman with jet-black hair down to her shoulders. The darkness of that hair, just like the first darkness I saw in this world. It fills me with joy. Of course, the crying voice from my body doesn't stop. Can I control this somehow? Actually, maybe I shouldn't. I wasn't born like I would have liked to be. Possession? I was possessing someone, this I figured in my mind. And now that I am looking through this child's eyes, she is blind. Crap. And since I can hear, she's probably deaf now, too.

I pull my focus away from the eyes and ears, away from the visual and return to the darkness. I can't just take control of the body like that. Last thing I need is to be exorcised.

Craaaaaaaaap. I wanted my own body. I didn't want to be a parasite on someone else's. *Sigh* Beggars can't be choosers. Maybe I should focus on looking at the world through this child's memory instead.