《Handyman》Chapter 24: Eating an Earl
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Chapter 24: Eating an Earl
“Yes, yes, yes. That’s all very good Lady Kimi, but enough of your dawdling. Your elusive husband can’t keep ignoring me. If I am not granted an audience this very moment, I will have no other recourse but to return to Antipater to announce I wasn’t even given the face of the meeting! Surely you wouldn’t taint Vindar’s view of how the West is managed?”
Earl Machayis may be a snake in the grass, thought Kimi, but he is an effective snake in the grass. “My dearest Earl, you need not be so rushed. I only needed a moment to see the children to bed. More importantly, us Ladies of Valens rarely get an opportunity to access Lamian materials, and we have yet to truly touch upon my business. You may not have been aware of this, but I hold my own means. Indeed, I just started a new fashion line to represent the West throughout the Empire. My dearest hope was that you could facilitate our trade and access? I’m more than ready to begin preliminary talks of real numbers,” noted Kimi with a nod to a servant. The handmaiden brought out a large leather portfolio and approached the earl.
“Trade is all well and good, my dear Lady, but now is certainly NOT the time. Commerce must take a backseat to armed—“
Just then doors to the parlor burst open and interrupted Earl Machayis. Five Axculi spirit warriors flew into the room in a v-formation. The five all placed their right fists over the hearts without bowing, causing a green glow to cover them. Each was clearly tracking a Lamian target.
“I am Askuwheteau,” announced the one in the front. “I bear the Voice of our People, seeking a speaker for those who have wronged us.” Askuwheteau stared straight into Machayis’s eyes. “Can you bear the weight of our words?”
What the hell, thought Machayis, I was certainly not expecting this. It was a bit of a lose-lose question. To decline carried the implication that he was not significant enough to speak on behalf of the Lamians, and therefore could easily be ignored. To accept was to acknowledge some level of wrongdoing.
Machayis grabbed his right bicep with his left hand and raised an upward facing palm to his sternum. Gray wisps swirled from his palm. The mist spiraled down his palm and spread over his body. “The waters named me Eskaminzem. I hear the call of my chief and move to his drums. We hear the cries of the tribes and will listen with mercy.”
To an outsider, the ritual communications between the Western Tribes would seem limited. Early missionaries described the ceremonies as “mere formalities” that only served to delay true negotiations. Truly, there were but a few acceptable lines to choose from at each level of the exchange, however, skilled tribesmen conveyed great wealths of information within their selections.
Askuwheteau didn’t even blink as he replied, “Then I call to you, Eskaminzem, with the great Calling of the Wind. The skies invite you to their home. We pray that the heavens hold back the fury of war, that rains of blood not fertilize the thorns between us.”
“We have heard the great call of Askuwheteau, and we heed the Voice of his People. We pray that the great waters would washout the dams between us, that the wounds of common brothers might be soothed in their depths.” Machayis’s mind reeled in disarray, but he wouldn’t reveal any discord. Rather, he flicked his wrist and the gray mists fell to his feet. He held out his arms to his sides and gestured to his entourage without taking his eyes off Askuwheteau. “We will follow you to the heavens so that the wind might pass between us, and the stench of death be cleared.”
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“Then we shall lead, and you shall follow. My lodge, my clan, my tribe, and my people assure your protection as we seek the heavens. We open the bounties of our earth and rivers so that you might eat and drink your fill, and your breechcloth be cleansed.” Askuwheteau lowered his hand. When it reached his side, the four other spirit warriors flashed out to the sides and back of the room.
Brother Caloner excitedly scribbled out magical notes during the entire exchange, and almost burst into laughter at the last line. Did he just say the Lamians were covered in shit stains? Now where are we… ah, Kimi.
Kimi, bemused by the exchange—especially since she was stuck stalling the irritating earl for the better part of a day—quickly retook control of the room. It became self-evident that she would have to serve as the main bridge between the socialites and tribesmen. Those bastard men, leaving all the heavy lifting to a woman. Still, Askywoo couldn’t have been better.
She made a mental note to leave an offering at the Askuwheteau family tomb. “Pamilla dear, why don’t you take the ladies down to check on the children? These old meetings are dreadfully boring and can go on all night. Alsoomose and I left some lovely drinks over in the cardroom by the guest suits. I’m sure you all would have much more fun there.”
The various lower ladies in the court, Acxuli or not, understood clearly. Most of them were a little terrified of the displays of power anyway. As the room emptied, the Lamians circled up between the spirit warriors. They were tapping each other in odd patterns while staying silent and keeping their eyes on the Axculi. Kimi turned to Caloner and the few remaining Axculi. She made motions that they should form an inner circle around the Lamians, and moved to collect Caloner directly. Better that she keeps him locked arm in arm than leaving him free to cause trouble.
“Lord Machayis, it would appear that you were right. Here I thought we’d all just be sitting down to a nice little dinner. Askuwheteau, dear, we’re all ready to go here,” called out Kimi with an exaggerated smile. Askuwheteau didn’t respond but turned to look back at Machayis. The earl nodded, and then the Axculi all clapped their hands together. An emerald bubble formed just inside the warriors’ arm span. Thick trunks of green light poured out of each warrior, and smaller connections flowed from the other Axculi.
The Lamians stomped one foot in unison. A gray mist flowed from their feet that separated them from the bubble forming below them. The fount of green slid from Askuwheteau’s hand to his back as he turned to leave the parlor.
“HA!” the five warriors shouted in unison. Golden mist bounced around their cry and fled their lungs with each breath. Then they began to glide out along the prepared route.
“Oh, we just get pulled along for the ride?” asked Caloner.
“Well some of us are pulling our weight,” sassed Kimi as she gestured to the green stream of light flowing from her hand.
True to form, Antonius pulled together a flawless presentation. The servants stood at a quarter bow all along the hall. The floors shined with a fresh polish, and the art was all well-lit. The low hum of giant water drums filled the air as the group approached the exit out to the gardens. The moment the last spirit warrior passed through the archway, Askuwheteau wailed in response to the drums. The drummers stopped, struck twice, then all the Axculi burst out into the drum song.
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Machayis snorted. “Kimi, I forgot your arts were supposed to seem so… intimidating.”
“Well I think it sounds terrifying, and it’s not even the first time I heard it,” remarked Brother Caloner. “The first time was about two hundred years ago just after I’d gotten onto the Alluea Plains. There was a band of—”
“Shhhh,” whispered Kimi, “you’re going to interrupt things.”
Well, then what should I do? asked Caloner as he sent his thoughts into her mind.
Why the hell didn’t you tell me you were telepathic this morning!
Not so loud my lady, I’m standing right here after all, Caloner replied with a chuckle. Ah, the fire of youth.
Listen, no talking from now until the Lamians leave the tent. Only Speakers have a voice in this meeting, and allowing anyone else to talk would be a grave insult. How far can you send your thoughts, or do you have to be touching?
That depends on the recipient. Someone guarded as you, I’d probably have to be touching. If you opened your mind to me, I bet we could manage a few meters.
How about the Lamians, can you read their minds?
Definitely not without them noticing what I am trying to do. They all have very clear mental wards up, and even if I were to touch them, it could come to mind fencing. At that point we might as well strap them to chairs and hit them with a good old fashioned pipe.
Can the sarcasm, we need to focus. The group had finally made it across the gardens to the Axculi Chief Tent. At this point, Askuwheteau raised his hand, and everyone fell completely silent.
“We bore you through the heavens to the Lodge that leads us all. Our People welcome you and again offer the fruits of our land and rivers.”
“We bear witness to the honor of Askuwheteau who conveyed us unmolested to this Lodge. We see now the strikes of your drums and seek the call of your chief. Will he hear us as a speaker?”
A bright green wave flew crashed into Askuwheteau head on. The wave flung open the skins at the entrance of the tent. Yet again, it became apparent that Antonius came through on the presentation. The dark oak platform rested in the rear of the tent, flanked by oil-on-skin paintings of the Axculi unification of the West. Jet-black volcanic glass and obsidian intermingled in two neat rows set out from the platform. The lines met to form an equilateral triangle with the first oak step. Heaps of thick pillows were arranged in piles along both black lines. Three central braziers burned bright with green and blue flames. And there, at the outward facing point of the triangle, stood Powaw glaring through Machayis’s very soul.
“The Voice who glides on the heavens shall hear you,” replied Askuwheteau after processing Powaw’s wind message.
Who glides on the heavens, pondered Machayis. Machayis quickly tapped out a message to his aid:
[You know?]
Tap languages were relatively low capacity modes of communication that required brevity and quick thinking to be effective.
[Grandfather. Ahanu.]
[Two Chief’s Back?]
[Yes.]
[Dead?]
[99%]
So help me if they dragged me all this way to talk to a skeleton, I’ll lead a rebellion myself, thought Machayis. “We are honored to pass in the same wind as someone so esteemed. Long was the journey, and hard was the road. May we recline on your cushions and rest from our travels as we wait on the heavens?”
Long-lived individuals often posed a bit of a problem for intelligence networks. If someone could live for hundreds of years, but most didn’t, it could be quite a problem to be sure if they were really dead. Individuals of note, particularly sectarian leaders, often had large public funerals, but there was always the risk that the death was staged.
“Enter as you are. You are invited as guests, and we pray that guests you will remain.” The spirit warriors all brought their hands together as Askuwheteau finished speaking. The emerald bubble flickered out of existence, and the warriors who escorted the Lamians fanned out around the exterior of the tent. The tone turned hostile, but the Lamians chose not escalate.
This was, after all, an Axculi stronghold. Machayis and his guards weren’t pushovers, but it was unlikely that the Axculi would suffer a single casualty should they choose to eliminate the group. Warriors filed in along either side of the path stacking three, four men deep. Machayis wasn’t even sure if they were normally stationed at the palace or were magically transferred. Many of the stronger practitioners joined the escort’s circle.
They each chanted softly to themselves and a much lighter green aura filled the tent and its surroundings. The practical purpose of their actions was concentrating air elemental mana from the palace grounds to the Chief’s Tent. The fact that it was an intimidating ritual action was merely a bonus.
So, what do we do now, sent Caloner.
We wait for the Lamians to enter and follow right behind them. Powaw is already there to welcome them. You said your telepathy depended on the person and their state. How do you think you can manage with Marquis Huritt? asked Kimi.
Caloner raised his opinion of Kimi—few had the mental presence to use proper titles and etiquette in telepathy. I instruct the Marquis in mental magic three times a week, and we have quite the report already. I could probably contact him if he was within ten miles of me. However, my Lord can only manage a reply within four or five meters.
Kimi quickly closed her mind off, startling Caloner. She simply didn’t want the monk to know how startling it was to have a toddler in intensive training. She considered that Caloner may actually be the secret weapon that Ahanu pulled out of some unknown corner of the Empire. Forgive me, I thought that Lamian guard might be on to us. Don’t look. She’s the only female, and she’s been staring right me. The important question is can you manage a mind bridge between the Axculi in the tent?
Even insects would notice the mana required for that, Lady Kimi. Besides, if the Marquis is to be involved I don’t think we’ll be able to manage a bridge at all. If you can keep me in physical contact with everyone and I could serve as a nexus, then—
Impossible, interrupted Kimi. After we enter approach Powaw, announce that you have finished aiding the Voice in the fields and seek to know if can aid in the Lodge. We’re out of time.
By now, the Lamians finished forming a single file line. They dispelled the gray mist below them, and Machayis shot a green light out from his feet. He then proceeded to ghost walk into the tent. His entourage did their best to follow suit, but clearly, a few were struggling.
“I am the Powaw, medicine man for all the Axculi. Guided by the winds, four Voices have I heard. Called by Nixkamich, who glided the heavens, I aid my people and our guests. I heard the journey was long and the road was hard. I offer my services of healing, and call to the winds to bring you sustenance.”
Axculi practitioners manifested seemingly out of nothingness. Each carried a large metal bowl with a single kind of fruit. They placed the bowls in even intervals along the outside of the triangle.
“Long is the road, and hard is the journey. We receive your hospitably, but need not your healing. Fortune traveled as our partner, and we arrived unhurt. May our women recline with yours, that we might settle into our stories?”
“With pleasure, we welcome your families to recline in our shade. May they drink freely from our labors and rest in our shade.” Powaw extended his hand to a far corner of the tent. Kimi then collected the one female guard to the corner, where the Lamian begrudgingly allowed the handmaidens to remove her armor. Still more servants brought wine, beer, and fruits.
“I don’t believe I caught your name,” said Kimi in a low voice. “Shall we recline on cushions when you’ve lightened your load?”
“It’s not my load, it’s my life,” the guard hissed back. “I am Xialoa, and I am not accustomed to being discarded.”
“Oh dear, Xialoa, we are not discarded. Let the men talk over the brute of the flames. I’m sure you and I can enjoy listening from a greater comfort.” Xialoa grunted but assented, and soon the pair were sitting quietly in the corner.
The remaining Lamians were guided to one side of the triangle and reclined on the offered pillows. They slowly snaked on the fireberries as they tapped to one another in a flurry.
[Said “glided” right?]
[Yes. Past tense.]
[Ahanu’s brothers?]
[One dead. One Missing.]
[Missing?] Machayis glared at the aid. If one of Ahanu’s brothers could hold council. Their entire mission was doomed to fail.
[Said four voices.]
[So? Brother makes four!]
[No announcement.] It was true, if the Axculi were going to allow Ahanu’s lost brother to speak for them, they would have announced his succession as valid. It would have to be known that the individual wasn’t an imposter.
While the Lamians were furiously tapping out other ideas, like unacknowledged bastards, Caloner stood rather awkwardly by himself in front of Powaw. Powaw, in turn, glared at Caloner, hoping that he wouldn’t have to resort to sending him a wind message.
“Oh right! Umm, ahem.” This caught the Lamians’ attention. “I completed my aid of the voice in the field, and desire to aid in a lodge,” announced Caloner triumphantly. Powaw sighed with an expression that could only be understood as “I guess that will have to do.”
“The Lodge could use your aid, and the Voice still calls you in the winds. Let us raise and wait on the Hand of the Voice to announce his arrival.” Powaw practically dragged Caloner over to stand on the first step, and then stood behind him on the second level of the platform. To Caloner’s credit, he was trying to bridge a mental connection with Powaw the entire time, but couldn’t work through the elemental vortexes that surrounded the old healer.
Great torrents of wind proceeded Kitchi’s entrance. He ghost walked into the tent and up the second step of the platform without a word, then turned and gazed out the exit. “I, Kimi, serve at the hand of the heavens. I herald Huritt, Voice of my people. The heavens sent down a breeze as his guide to this lodge. He flies along the gandari and drinks deep the spirits of the waters. Prepare now your hearts and minds to hear the Voice, for he is calling to you.”
Shock and disbelief clearly shown on every Lamian face, but that quickly turned into confusion and dismay as Talo floated in. Quickly Powaw and Kitchi started sending a barrage of wind messages.
I thought I told you to ghost walk. [Powaw]
Hey can you do that all the way
to the third step? [Kitchi]
You can’t stop now.
Don’t smile or frown. [Powaw]
Looking good kid, sent Caloner telepathically. This caused Talo to stop ever so slightly, but at least he didn’t stutter.
Y’all need to chill—
What the hell are you doing? [Powaw]
Speed up if you can. [Kitchi]
—the hell out or I’m not going to be able to make it. Can you get that over to the two of them? pleaded Talo to Caloner.
I can only send to—
Look straight ahead not up or down. [Powaw]
Pass to the far side of the fires.
Away from the Lamians. [Kitchi]
—Kitchi. I can’t seem to get Powaw, replied Caloner.
Caloner reached out to Kitchi and then there was a flurry of messages between Powaw and Kitchi.
You touch anything in my head, and I’ll kill you in your sleep, Powaw sent to Caloner.
We will just send [Powaw]
Empty messages [Kitchi]
From now on. [Powaw]
Talo might complain, but Powaw and Kitchi displayed expert coordination and skill. Caloner agreed to relay mental messages to Talo, which he at least had some practice in. Receiving blank wind messages was also awkward. The same streams of green light would hit him, but it would just sound like someone breathing in your ear. This is officially a horrible experience, Talo sent to Caloner.
You’re doing great. Powaw says you’re almost high enough above the third step. There. Now I’ll feed you the lines.
Talo did find that, with increased elemental energy, it was much easier to tred air. I wonder if it’s simply a matter of energy gradients and buoyancy, he wondered.
“We are Hurrit, the Voice of our people. Our Hand has gone before us and spoken truthfully. Our aids heard the cries of our people and sent them to me in the winds. We have lost family great and small alike, and the scent of their blood wafts from your hairs. Speak then, and we will listen, for the heavens demand balance in blood.”
Shit, thought Machayis, we’re toast.
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