Alyx left the small town of Donnyville with all the fanfare he had arrived with, little to none. Heading further westward toward a place called the Myanmar canyons, so to not cut through peoples property lines, Alyx would be forced to follow the road for at least the first ten miles of his trip, the farmland on this side of the town stretching much farther. Presumably, because the territory was safer, this was the kingdom's interior and not skirting its very edges.

Not that he minded it all that much, the road, while poorly kept, was clear of debris, and there wasn't much traffic beyond the occasional farmer heading to and from town.

"So although I'm on my way to go kill monsters right now, this whole world just feels nonsensical to me. You said you couldn't tell me about this place because you've never been here, but you have been to some worlds, right? What were they like?"

Alyx figured he might as well try to get more information out of his dagger, though when his little sentient buddy didn't respond, he tapped him on the handle.

"Hey, you there? Earthman to talking knife, come in talking knife."

Silence.

That was weird. Alyx didn't think the knife slept or anything like that. Maybe it had a finite power supply and had shut itself down? The thought worried Alyx, S.A.A.T wasn't precisely a friend, but he was the only person Alyx could talk to regularly.

"S.A.A.T, buddy? you there?"

[Ah yes, Hello Alyx. How may I help you today?]

"...S.A.A.T, do you only respond when I say your name?"

[Oh no, of course not. I was, as they say fucking with you. You may now consider us even for the incident where you dropped me in a lake. Though I've yet to devise a way to punish you for brandishing me about without a sheath.]

Briefly, Alyx considered burying the dagger in a shallow hole. But he eventually chuckled and gave the dagger a flick with his finger instead.

"You're a bit of a dick S.A.A.T. I don't think you want to get into an escalating prank war when your opponent has thumbs, and you do not."

A fair point, if I were mortal. I am confident, however, that I can outlast any form of retaliation that you might employ.

[Now then, as to your question, this world is relatively hospitable. In comparison to planets, I have visited. Admittedly I usually served those of great import, helping guide entire bloodlines down proper and robust paths. I rarely left these worlds' vaults as they were aware of the value of the information I possess.

Unlike a certain someone who so brazenly walks around with what is without a doubt the most valuable font of knowledge on this planet.]

Alyx just rolled his eyes and flicked the dagger again.

"At least you get to see the world this time. That's got to be better than sitting around in a vault and occasionally advising some noble on how to build their class better."

[Hmmm, yes, a rural village and...farmland. How quaint. I don't suppose you would like some advice for your class at least? Even if you are a heretic, there are still other options once you reach your next opportunity to class up.]

"Pfft Nah, maybe once I get closer to level forty, we can worry about that. Seriously though, you've been to a ton of worlds. Do you at least have a favorite?"

[I was actually quite fond of one of my first assignments. A space fairing species whose name is best translated as Dragoon. One of the few genuinely nomadic species that I have been assigned to, they traveled in the wake of three celestial dragons. Foolishly they worshiped them as gods and believed that their branching evolutionary paths came from the dragons themselves.

The primary tenants of their society were the concepts of courage, honor, and wisdom, which they thought the dragons they followed were the physical manifestations thereof. Never mind that these so-called gods were nothing more than planet crackers, feasting on the core of worlds they would squeeze to death with their serpentine forms.

Despite their obvious divine deficiencies, the Dragoons were excellent note-takers. In fact, their bureaucracy was a thing of beauty to see in motion. A famous quote of the king whom I served is as follows. "Press hard, five copies."]

"wow, you were not kidding about being a knowledge spirit. You've been to a world where people follow planet cracking dragons through space...and your favorite part of that was how well people took notes?"

[Exactly the kind of thing I'd expect out of you, Alyx, you haven't once reached for a quill and parchment the entire time I've known you. Many people claim the winner writes history. Those people are fools. Every side writes history. Only those with excellent notation and the ability to preserve their findings are genuinely remembered.]

Alyx blinked. He hadn't expected the response to be quite so...passionate. Alyx hadn't ever been one to keep a journal. He could lose himself in a book and did moderately well in his history classes back when he had them, but he had never put much thought into his studies beyond making sure his grades were of an acceptable level for his parents.

"I uh...guess I've never given it much thought, I pretty much tossed all of my history lessons into the"Alyx paused to make air quotes" This is useless information" Section of my brain after I got here.

[You must be joking. Do you mean to tell me you can learn nothing of value or import from the history of your world? That there are no lessons to take away from anything done in the history of your species?]

"Well...no, that isn't really what I meant. More like, the day the lightbulb was invented isn't precisely important anymore. There don't seem to be lightbulbs here at all, and if there are, they were made by someone else on a different day."

[I will arguably grant you the caveat that the names and dates taught to you in your history lessons are useless here. That does not mean, however, that they are useless in their entirety. For instance, should you consume the essence of a creature with chronomancy-based abilities, you may very well find yourself a time traveler.

Should you return to your world, I would think that such knowledge would be prized. Perhaps even above all others.]

"Well yeah, sure you got me there. Try to keep in mind this magic stuff is still new to me. You chuckle fuck. There is no magic where I come from, so we can't even be sure that is a thing that could happen."

[I have never encountered a world like the one shown to me in your memories: no system, no magic, no active and discernable presence of gods. I find it unlikely that this is an accident, perhaps an experiment of a sort? To see how life would fair without the system or magic in place. Oh, a control if you will.]

"Ugh, that's a horrific thought. My world gets the shit end of the stick so the gods can run some kind of cosmic science experiment?"

[The Gods are beyond even my understanding, what they hope to gleam by doing as they have, is not for us to question.]

"Yeah... you can fuck off with the religious zealotry, as a guy carrying around two curses from your infinitely wise gods, they can go get bent."

[I can see how your current predicament would make you less than faithful. I would still advise against openly antagonizing them. Ah, let me amend that. Openly antagonizing them any further.]

"Listen, S.A.A.T If I had my way, I'd never see hide nor hair of the gods again. I mean, Mr. Squeakers was alright. But still, I'm going to need you to trust me when I say I'm not going to run-up to the nearest temple with toilet paper and paint."

[I'd certainly hope not, Oh by the by, weren't we supposed to take a right now that the farmland has ended?]

"Oh shit, yeah, we are. Thanks, S.A.A.T."

Alyx had lost himself in the conversation with S.A.A.T, and the miles had just melted away as the two talked. Now standing at the end of what looked something like corn and various paths leading across the hills, Alyx pulled out a map and compass to make sure he chose the right direction.

"Well, according to the map, we need to go at least another mile down this road, and then we should take a right on a branching path. The map says it should be called Fishery Lane. You...you don't think they actually fish for Bullet's, do you? I mean, I know they are called Landsharks and all, but that's a bit much, right?"

[I'm not sure what else they could be referring to unless the map shows a body of water at the end of that particular road. It would seem to allude to precisely that.]

"How would that even work, though? Do they fish for them like in the tremors movie?"

[The tremors...movie? Beep. Boop. Loading memories. Please wait.]

Alyx paused while S.A.A.T loaded whatever exactly it needed from his mind. It had been a while since he thought about the fact that the dagger had intimate access to his mind.

[Please enjoy this musical interlude while I peruse these so-called movies.]

"No, no! wait, S.A.A.T!"

[Country rooooads take me hoooome]

"Dammit."

For the next thirty minutes, Alyx tried everything to get S.A.A.T to stop singing. The dagger, however, was impervious to any and all attempts to get it to stop. Even taking S.A.A.T off of his hip and shoving him down into the bottom of Alyx's backpack couldn't stop the mental deluge of S.A.A.T's terrible singing.

"The day started off so well," Alyx grumbled to himself as he eventually gave up on trying to silence the dagger, having to assume S.A.A.T was watching the movies as he had, presumably at an average speed instead of however fast a spirit of intelligence normally would. Seeing as S.A.A.T hadn't taken that long to peruse his brain previously. Alyx could only assume the dagger was gorging itself on the media from the earth.

At least he wouldn't need to try and sleep through the terrible singing, Undeath once again proving itself to be an unexpected convenience.