"He what?"

[He asked how I was doing.]

"And then he-"

[Told me to take my time, yes.]

Noah looks at me with heavy suspicion, and I back away slightly.

[What?]

"Are you feeling all right?"

[Why is it normal when you ask?]

"Because I ask regularly. You say he passed out?"

[Like a rock. I couldn't wake him up for twenty minutes.]

He leans in, taking an extremely close look at me.

[What are you doing now?]

"Looking at your head. Your neurons are firing on all cylinders, your protons are okay, atoms stable - I just don't know what's wrong. I need some help."

He starts walking back and forth.

[Who would you ask for help from?]

"Myself, of course."

"Hey, Null."

I turn around and see... Noah Cosmic.

[WHAT?!]

Spinning back around, I see Noah, still pacing, look up.

"Here's the document you need."

"Oh, thanks."

After handing the first Noah a sheet of papers, the second Noah walks over to me and casually pats me on the head.

"How are you doing? You look smaller than I'm used to seeing you."

First Noah doesn't stop flipping through the pages, but says, "Yeah, I'm from... how far in the future?"

"Oh, a century or two. Why?"

"No reason. I really researched this, didn't I?"

"Sure did. Thank me, by the way."

"I'm welcome. Except, uhhh... I didn't write this, did I?"

"What do I mean?"

"I don't understand a word of this."

"Really?"

Second Noah walks over and takes a look.

"Man, I don't get any of this either."

First Noah looks indignantly at him and says in an annoyed voice, "Well, how did I write it?"

The second one shrugs. "I didn't. I just kept the version I handed me a few centuries ago and gave it to me just now."

[Joule, what the heck is going on?!]

[I don't know, but I'm going to short-circuit if it gets any worse.]

"Hey, Null. How's ya doing?"

[You're kidding.]

A third Noah just showed up.

"Oh, perfect. Do I mind explaining this?"

"Sure. That's why I'm here."

"Thank me."

"I'm welcome."

The second Noah grabs the document from first Noah and hands it to third, who reads it carefully. First looks at second again, still clearly annoyed.

"Why would I go back in time just to give me a document I probably remember not understanding?"

"I don't know, I just remembered me showing up to explain it. I got bored, all right?"

"Eh, that's fair enough."

Third looks up and points to the document, before saying, "I think I can explain this in a footnote or two."

First and second start complaining. "But I don't like footnotes!" "Yeah, I don't like footnotes either. When do I get boring?"

"Hey, Null. Nice to see you again."

[Who's idea was this?!]

Joule's shut down at this point.

Fourth walks over, holding a single piece of paper. "Don't worry, me, it can all be summarized in this handy-dandy summary."

The other three crowd him, trying to see it. "Hey! At least have the decency to thank me first." They grudgingly thank themselves, and then second grabs the paper and they all start reading. After a moment, they look over at me and sigh in relief. "Ohh, it's just that."

"That's a relief."

"Tell me about it."

"That's a relief."

"That was a joke!"

"Yeah, I know, and so does me, and me. Why do I even bother?"

"Heh, it was funny though."

"Shut up, me!"

"Oh, fine, don't get my singularities in a twist."

"Guys, stop! Hey, Null, how are you today?"

[MAKE IT STOP!]

The four Noahs reading the paper look up, annoyed at the fifth Noah approaching them.

"What is it?"

"Yeah, me and me and me and I were busy."

"Tell me about it."

"Me and me and-"

"Don't make the same joke twice, it's way less funny."

"Yeah, I know."

"Guys! I've discovered a mistake in the math. I'm from, like, six millennia in the future, so I'd know."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense. Thank me for telling us."

"I'm welcome. Anyway, this is the actual result."

The five Noahs crowd around it.

"Oh. That's... well, that's not good, but..."

"It's not bad either."

"Yeah, but it could be better."

[Who are all of you?! Why do you look like Noah? And who is the real one anyway?]

"Oh, I am."

"So am I."

"Me too."

"Me four."

"Dang it, you stole my line!"

"Anyway, in a word, time travel, courtesy of my younger sister. She's awesome like that."

[I still have no idea what's going on!]

"Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, Null, this is hardly the weirdest thing you've seen. Remember the-"

"Hasn't happened yet, actually."

"Oh. Dang it, that was really fun."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Heh. And the-"

"Guys! Spoilers! Don't ruin it for Null!"

"Oh, right. Sorry, Null!"

"Yeah, I should be. I almost spoiled a really funny bit."

"Well, I'm sorry."

"Me too."

[PLEASE. LEAVE BEFORE I GO INSANE.]

One of them leans in, conversationally adding, "Don't worry, Null. I'm the chronologically first one."

"Wait, aren't I - no, I'm right."

"Hey, Null. How are you - wait, what year is this?"

"I don't know, they don't keep track here. Sixty-eight oh seven, I think."

"Oh, nice. They've got some sweet internet service here."

My vision starts fading to black, my head swimming.

"Um, Null doesn't look so good."

"Eh, he'll be fine. He still exists when I'm from."

"That's good."

And I thankfully, finally, settle into a nightmare far preferable to the one I was just in.