Dawn sat in the little hut and stared on the ground, feeling numb. She had been afraid to read the letter, and now she knew she had been right.

Her mother had thrown her away, discarded her like a pot that had lost its shine. Yes, she had run away, but when she had told them she didn’t want to marry Beran, they had just ignored her. Her parents had tried to dictate her life, and when she wasn’t willing to do as they told her, they had just washed their hands of her.

She hadn’t expected anything from Cord, but that her mother was so willing to cut all contact with her, all the while saying she loved her? Slowly, tears started to form and spill over. The blessed numbness went away, and she felt devastated, hurting inside. And then she was crying in earnest, sobbing her heart out.

It just had gotten too much. Losing contact with her family, being chased by demons, kidnapped by nobles, contending with hostile Kharlin tribes and feeling inadequate and ignorant all the time. What had she ever done to deserve this? She had wanted to follow her dream of being a wise woman. Had that been so bad?

She had been crying for a while, when she suddenly felt a presence beside her and a hand stroking her hair. Looking up through her tears, she saw that Nuala was sitting next to her and with a small cry she turned to the old woman, who embraced her and held her while she cried herself out.

Nuala didn’t say anything, just waited patiently until she had stopped crying and started to wipe away her tears. Dawn’s nose was stuffy and her eyes were swollen, but her heart felt a bit lighter. She took some deep shaky breaths and tried to swallow down that awful lump in her throat. Finally, she sat up and disentangled herself from Nuala.

“I’m sorry I cried all over you,” she rasped.

“No need to be sorry. You needed to cry yourself out. I’m glad I could be there for you.” Nuala responded calmly.

“My mother, she just threw me away. Said she was glad I was still alive, but her husband didn’t want to have any more contact with me and she needed to go along with that.”

Nuala’s expressive ears flattened. “That hurts.”

Dawn wiped her nose and said grimly. “If she can throw me away so easily, maybe I’m better off without her in the end. But, it hurts all the same. It feels like I am worthless.”

“Never even think that. You went through a difficult time, and being cut off from your family is a blow. But of course you have worth. Just think, without you I would be dead, and Niko and Nestor too. Your life is precious, and you have friends here. Never doubt that.”

Dawn smiled a bit shakily, shook her head and said. “Without me, the queen and her demons might never have captured you in the first place.”

“Who knows, maybe someone else would have stumbled upon the city and the demons.” Nuala replied with a shrug. “The danger always was there. But there’s no value dealing in might have beens, only in what is. You are strong Dawn, stronger than you give yourself credit for. You will get through this.”

“Yes, I will. And I’ll make them sorry they threw me away.” Dawn pledged fiercely. “At least I have Ankou, he is more family to me than my mother ever was. He’s always looking out for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m grateful he chose to be my companion. She looked around, just now noticing the lynx wasn’t there. “Where is he, by the way?”

“The rangers went out to hunt and he accompanied them. We will need some food for the journey, the new village is a good day’s travel away.”

“I hope they get back safely,” Dawn was anxious. She knew all too well that the demons were active in the area.

“Don’t you worry. The rangers have traveled among beasts and other dangers in the wilderness for many years. They are formidable foes.”

“And yet a swarm of demons might easily overwhelm them.” Dawn felt defeatist right now. “Aaron’s soldiers thought they could easily vanquish any demons they’d encounter, and look where they ended up.”

“Remember, no dealings in might be or might have been. You should make better use of your time.” Nuala chided her gently.

“You are right. As always.” With a big sigh Dawn dragged herself to her feet. “Though I hardly know where to start.”

“May I suggest some training in sword fighting against Niko? He is an experienced fighter and you may find it helpful to have a target for some aggression right now.” Nuala recommended.

“You just might be right.” Dawn grimaced. “Thank you for being there for me and for listening. I appreciate it.” With these words she went out to find Niko.

They ended their training session two hours later, when the hunters returned. They had started with drills for a warm-up. Niko had corrected her stance from time to time, and kept her repeating the same movements endlessly. In the end, they had graduated to a training bout, where Dawn hadn’t managed to touch the Kharlin even once. It was hardly a surprise, she was a complete novice compared to him. Nevertheless, she felt better for the simple fact that she had taken action. Also, her sword skill had risen by one.

The hunters brought some fish and several birds with them and Grinna had collected some of the starchy tubers too. Those were especially good when roasted. it was enough for them all, and they should have something left over for their journey on the following day. But Grinna was frowning as they came to the fire.

“What is it?” Asked Dawn. “You’re looking pretty unhappy right now.”

“We found almost no game in the area,” Grinna retorted. “Just some birds, nothing bigger at all.”

“With demons lurking around every corner, I can’t really say I’m astonished. Guess they need something to eat, too. And the spiderlings are growing fast. Something has to fuel that growth.”

Dawn brushed her hair out of her face and decided she absolutely needed to take a bath. Her hair felt icky and she was sweaty all over.

Grinna came to her side and asked. “What did your parents say? Were they relieved to hear from you?”

Dawn lowered her eyes. “My mother said she was glad to hear I was alive. But they don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.” She said bitterly.

“What?” Grinna obviously was struck speechless. “But, why?” she sputtered.

“Well, I ran away and didn’t do what they wanted. Apparently I’d be a bad influence for my brother.”

Grinna shook her head uncomprehendingly. “I’ve been fighting tooth and nail with my mother from time to time. She didn’t want me to be a ranger, she was afraid of the dangers and thought I would never find anyone to marry me. But no matter what, she never would have cut off contact with me. That’s brutal!”

“But unfortunately it’s true.” Dawn shrugged. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. Thinking about it hurts.”

“All right. I’m sorry they did that to you.” Grinna said, suddenly looking helpless and awkward. She gave Dawn a hug, then went back to Teren and began to talk to him earnestly, obviously explaining the situation with Dawn’s family.

Ankou sat beside her now, looking intently at Dawn, nudging her and purring to her in an obvious attempt to make her feel better. She stroked his silky fur, feeling a semblance of calm settling over her. “You are my family now, Ankou.” She told him. “It’s us against the world - and the demons.”

The lynx blinked his yellow eyes at her and showed her an image of him and Dawn side by side, fighting demons. She smiled at him a bit sadly and finally went to wash herself. If they wanted to travel tomorrow, she’d better take care that the spiders couldn’t smell her from a mile away.

They had a delicious dinner of grilled fish and roasted tubers later, but Dawn just poked at her food. She was not hungry, just sat there for a while, listening to the others talking and making plans and withdrew from company very soon. She was tired and only wanted to sleep. Maybe she would feel better in the morning.

Her dreams that night were tangled and confused, nightmarish images of the queen and the spiderlings interwoven with memories of her mother and Aaron. Finally, she started out of her sleep with a gasp. Try as she might, she wasn’t able to fall asleep again and decided she could as well get up. When she came out of her hut, the fire had died down and the meeting area was silent. Only Nuala was still sitting there on the benches, staring into the embers thoughtfully.

“Are you not tired?” Dawn asked, sitting down on the bench next to her.

“I find I don’t need much sleep anymore.” Nuala smiled at her warmly. “I was just letting my thoughts wander.”

“I had strange dreams, and couldn’t fall asleep again after I woke up from them.” Dawn said.

“Do you have a family, Nuala?”

Nuala sighed. “Not anymore. My parents and my sister are already dead and I never married and have no children of my own. My sister's children are still alive, but they both married Kharlins from a tribe very far away and I never see them anymore."

“Didn’t you want to marry?” Dawn asked.

In Greenriver, an unmarried woman would have been stigmatized. People talked snidely about ‘old maids’, and that meant every unmarried girl above the age of eighteen. Not that there had been very many in the village. Only poor Sondra, who had been born with a cleft lip and hadn’t found any man in the village who had been willing to marry her, and Riva, who had the mind of a child and never seemed to grow up, no matter how old she got.

“Oh, I wanted to marry. I dreamed of having children. But seeing the truth is a mixed blessing. Every time I started to have feelings for a man, my skill got in the way. I saw every falsehood, every small vanity, oh, all the little things normal people get to overlook, but I couldn’t. Maybe a better person would have been able to love or marry a man regardless, but I wasn't able to.” Nuala shook her head slowly.

“I railed against things when I was still younger, but with age came a certain feeling of resignation. But sometimes I still wonder how it would have been, having a family of my own.”

“What do you mean, a better person?” Dawn asked, taken back. “Don’t you see how your companions value you? The other Kharlins almost worship you. You possess such calm and good sense, and you said yourself the Vixen chose you as her priestess, how can you say you are not good enough?”

She rubbed her nose thoughtfully.

“It is strange, I used to think knowing the truth would be such a useful skill, and I still think it is, in a way. But if you never can turn it off, I can see how it gets to be a problem. I can imagine that it is not very restful to always know when people are untruthful. Sometimes, you don’t want to know.”

“Exactly.” Nuala nodded. “You know, in the past when I was so bitter about not being able to be with a man because of that skill, the Vixen appeared in my dreams once and promised me I would have a child. I’d just need to wait for a while. That settled me down, because my goddess had made me a promise, so obviously I would eventually find a man and marry and have a child. But it never happened, the years went by and suddenly I was too old. And now I’m an old woman and may die any day. The Vixen is my goddess and my guiding star and yet her promise to me never came true. It is a conundrum.”

“Hmm, maybe even the gods are led astray from time to time.” Dawn said thoughtfully. “I wonder, if it is possible for them to ‘see’ the future, or maybe just future possibilities. Though one would expect they wouldn’t make promises on the basis of mere possibilities.”

“I rather fear we will never know.” Nuala said.