Life was hell.

Every day, I didn’t know what I’d do wrong when I woke up. Would it be crossing Dad and worry about him hitting me? Or pissing off Brick and him hurting me while implying much darker things, then come home to Dad hitting me? Or maybe the trifecta, Dad being angry at me about Brick setting off Mom so that Dad would hit her and then blame me and I’d really get it.

My friends who had told me they’d be there for me after Athan was taken away had all shied away. Miraculously, none of them seemed willing to notice the bruises that had started showing up on me. None of them wanted to be involved in the drama that was my life, and one had even told me that sure, she’d said she was there for me, but that was before I’d changed.

Well screw you, Kirsten. I’m sorry my life was inconveniencing you.

I’d spent a lot more time in the library as a result. School library during hours, city library after. If I was lucky, I could hide in the stacks all day after classes and get home after my parents were asleep. It seemed like books were anathema to Brick too, or at least I could put a book up as a shield between us and try to bore him into leaving me alone.

Sometimes it worked. Others, I was scared of the two of us being alone together. He seemed to take it as an invitation. Or a challenge.

More than anything, it made me realize how fragile my entire life was. A month ago, I had good friends, great parents — if a little overbearing, a totally normal home life, good grades, and a brother. How fast they all left me. I found myself staring at a book in the library, eyes glazing over the pages, remembering how things used to be, more and more often.

And if I felt like I’d lost everything, I can only imagine how Athan felt.

Athan. Every day I felt like I’d become more numb to the world, and every day my heart broke a little more thinking of him. Unlike me, he didn’t even have a chance to avoid making people angry.

One day found me in the library after 8. It was dead quiet, just the way I liked. I was reading nothing in particular, some pulpy novel from forever ago about a girl who lived in a castle raising dragons. I saw movement in my periphery and clenched. It was just a college student leaving.

“Looking for someone?” I heard a voice behind me. My blood froze. Brick’s voice.

“Just reading,” I said, trying to shrug him off. A hand reached over my shoulder grazing me and grabbing the book out of my hands. I flinched at the touch, he didn’t seem to notice.

“What is this crap?” He laughed. “You don’t need to wait for a white knight my darling, you’ve got me.” He threw the book further down the stacks. I shot him an angry glare and crawled after it. How I became involved with a guy who could treat old books with such disrespect was completely beyond me.

“Hey, while you’re down there princess, I have a sword you can polish,” he said with a lecherous grin and closed the distance on me again. I got to my book and spun around, putting myself between him and my butt, in case he got any ideas.

“Not in my life, Brick. Why are you even here?”

“Hey, watch your tone. You owe me, and don’t forget it.”

“For what? For you stalking me and ruining my life?”

“For getting that fucking psychopath out of your house and saving the life of everyone on your block. Yours, your parents, your neighbors…”

“Athan isn’t a psychopath, he’s an Exhuman.” Brick recoiled a little bit at Athan’s name, so I made sure to use it as often as possible.

“He’s an Exhuman and therefore a psychopath. You aren’t a stupid girl, you’ve heard of all the events. Just a matter of time before he went bad. I saved all our lives.”

“You’re a monster and an butthead and–“

“Lia, shut up.” He grabbed my face with one hand, his rough fingers squeezing in both of my cheeks painfully, making my mouth pucker like a fish. He leaned in close, and I was afraid he was going to kiss me, but instead he just whispered: “This is a library.“

I pulled him off me and he laughed again, letting me go without a fight. I knew if he wanted to, there would be no way I could move him. That’s what scared me most. Maybe it was time to go home and take my chances with Dad.

“Yeah, I’m going,” I said, standing up abruptly and trying to get a few steps in before he followed. He was fast for his size, and was in front of me before I’d made it out of the stacks.

“I don’t think our date is concluded to my satisfaction,” he said. He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “Your black eye is healing up nicely. You in a hurry to go home and get another one?”

I felt my face flush and stared at the ground to hide my shame. “Yes, actually I am. I told Dad I wouldn’t stay out so late.” It was only a half-lie. I hadn’t said anything, but he’d screamed it at me repeatedly.

Somehow he saw through me. Again, he grabbed my face with one hand, and forced me to look right at him. “You’re lying to me,” he growled. “How are we supposed to have a relationship if I can’t trust you.” He punctuated his sentence by wrenching my jaw slightly, and very painfully, but not letting go.

“You know,” he whispered softly, which was somehow even more terrifying than him yelling. “You’re too beautiful for lies. Tell me the truth. Being with me isn’t so bad. You like it, I know it.”

I wanted to spit in his face, to unload a truckload of profanities on him — even breaking my rules about swearing. I wanted to break free and kick him in the dick and stomp his face and run away. But his fingers dug into my face, and my jaw ached. I tried to look away but his strong grip kept me locked facing him.

Without anything else to do, my eyes flickered back and forth across his face. Despite his laughing and apparent control of the situation, he didn’t look happy. He looked worn and tired and angry. He looked like he’d lost some weight, like his skin wasn’t hanging on him as right as it used to. His eyes were a little bloodshot and maybe he hadn’t been sleeping much.

I found it hard to sympathize, somehow.

“Screw you, Brick,” I spat out. “Let me go.”

“Not until you tell me how much you appreciate my sacrifices.”

“I don’t appreciate anything you do. Let me go, I’m serious.” I pulled at his arm to absolutely no effect.

“So am I,” he said, and wrenched my head downwards, making me bend forward awkwardly. My neck made a funny cracking noise and I panicked for a moment that he’d just broken my spine, before I realized I was fine and things just hurt.

“Brick, you’re hurting me, let go.” Everything I said sounded stupid with my face smushed up.

“Brick, you’re huwting me,” he parroted. “You want me to let go, you know what to say.” He twisted me harder, bending me over double. Tears began to stream out of my eyes against my will and ran down my upside-down nose.

“Why do you even care? You know I’m lying if I say it.” He twisted me harder and I gasped out as my contorted body fell to my knees. “It doesn’t…even…mean anything…”

“Then fucking say it, if it means nothing,” he growled.

“Brick, stop,” I pleaded. I couldn’t even see anymore, just water in my eyes and pain in my body, and his unstoppable hard arms under my useless hands. In reply, he just gave me an angry shake.

“Okay, you win,” I said. His grip didn’t relax.

“Say you like me.”

“I like you.” I had a hard time not choking on my own spit and tears.

“Say you’re happy I got rid of your fucking psychopath brother.”

“I-I’m…ha-happy…”

“I can’t hear you.”

“–happy you got rid of…of…my psy-psychopath broth-her,” I stammered out.

“Say you’re going to be mine and show me your appreciation.”

“Brick, n-no.”

“Say it, bitch,” he said, and I felt something hit me in the gut, driving all the air out of my wrecked frame. I stumbled and collapsed, held up only by the hand holding my face. My neck hurt, I couldn’t breathe, my legs wouldn’t work to get under me and support my weight again. I just sobbed into his hands, but he didn’t move.

“I said, SAY IT,” he shouted, echoing through the silent library.

“I c-can’t–” I gasped out.

“Say it or get hit again.”

“W-why are you d-d-doing this?”

To my surprise, he looked at me seriously after I asked that, and then dropped me to the floor. My face smashed into the thin carpet, but no longer twisted in half, I drank in huge lungfuls of air. I felt blood bubbling in my nose.

“I thought you were smart,” he said. “How many fucking times do you want me to answer the same question? Your brother was bad, I put him away. I’m a fucking hero, do you not get that?” I lay gasping for breath, beginning to feel my other injuries as my body sorted out the crisis of being unable to breathe. “I said,” he stepped on my hand and slowly ground it into the carpet. I screamed. “How do you not get that?”

“Brick! Stop, you’re gonna break it!” I screamed frantically.

“Your brother was always an asshole,” he continued, ignoring me. “Always thought he was better than everyone. Had this fake modesty he wore all the time, but you could tell when he was talking to you, it’s like he was looking at an alien. He was never human, and when I learned he was Exhuman, everything just made perfect sense.”

“Brick! My hand–“

“I don’t even remember why we were friends to begin with. Smarmy asshole, full scholarship, captain of the team, star quarterback. Meanwhile, I’m out there putting my ass on the line for him every game, protecting his ass, and what’s my future look like? Front lines of China and then an irradiated coffin, probably. Fucker didn’t care.”

He ground his heel down into me. I gasped in pain.

“And then you,” he said, eyes narrowed as he looked down at me writhing around his feet. “Always around in the background, lapping up your brother’s shit like he’s the greatest. Even now that he’s gone and an Exhuman, you’re still here, asking me ‘oh why, why‘ like you can’t fathom the damn idea of him turning bad.”

“Well open your goddamn eyes and take a good look, bitch. Your brother’s gone. Everyone in the whole world knows what Exhumans are but you, they cheered when he got carted away. So stop asking me the same stupid fucking question and listen to the answer I keep telling you.”

He took his foot off my hand and I withdrew it instantly, nursing it and checking for damage. Everything still moved. Just pain.

He sat down on my sideways hipbones, gently pinning me, and continued his insane soliloquy. “And if you think I feel guilty about it at all, you’re dead wrong. He was just one step from blowing all of us away. I did it because I had to. Your life, everyone’s life, my life was in danger. I did what everyone said you should always do, nothing more.” He looked down at me with angry lines burned into his face. “I don’t deserve this shit from you, from anyone. I know what I did was right, and you can’t judge me.”

“I don’t want to judge you. I want you to leave me alone,” I pleaded.

“Bullshit. You’re as fucking judgemental as they come. You’re even worse than he was. He at least had skill to back up his condescending tone, but you? You’re just a stupid bitch. You may be hot and popular, and everyone might think you’re smart, but I know better. You’re nothing, just a spoiled princess waiting for your own college scholarship so you can marry a pompous cock and live in your fantasy castle.”

I’d never thought or wanted any of those things. I just wanted him to get off me so I could leave. Instead, he reached into a pocket and pulled out his lighter.

“So I’m going to fix all of that. I’m going to show everyone what a dumb slut you are and you’re gonna love it, because that’s all you are. People will finally shut up about you and boo-hoo I hope Lia isn’t too sad, and treat me like the hero I fucking am. I stood up to an Exhuman, by myself. Fuck you. Fuck all of them. No guilt, I did what I had to.”

I wasn’t even sure if he was talking to me anymore. He was deranged. I was scared he was just going to kill me on the spot. When he lit up the lighter and pointed the heated coils at my neck, I prayed that he went back to talking.

“Brick…no…don’t do this…” I whimpered. I could feel the blazing red heat emanating from the thing, washing over my face. My skin felt dry and tight, and I was frozen, perfectly still under his weight. “Please.”

I felt dirty, completely violated. I hated everything about him, the man who’d taken my brother from me, who’d turned my family against me, who’d ruined every single bit of my life. But as much as I hated him, I was much, much, much more afraid of what he was about to do.

“You’ll do everything I say?” he said, moving the lighter closer to my neck. The heat grew unbearable. I could only nod as tears streamed down my face. “Good bitch.” He flicked the lighter off, and I felt a wave of cold as the sensation of fire washed away. He got to his feet, and pulled me upright. I couldn’t do anything but cry silently, my body racked by shuddering sobs.

“I’m taking you home now. Gonna have another good talk with your old man. And starting tomorrow morning, you and I are going to be an item. You’re gonna make me a very happy man, or else this,” he flicked the lighter on again and gestured it towards me, making me jump. “–is the least of your worries.”

Things went just as he said. Dad didn’t even seem to care I was crying or had blood trickling from my nose or had my hair matted to my face. He was filled with an inhuman manic energy, simply delighted to hear of Brick and my decision to finally go steady. Mom sat quietly, not quite in the same room as the rest of us. Brick turned down a nightcap from my father and then, telling me with much more veiled threat than necessary that he’d see me tomorrow at school, left.

I told them I was tired and going to bed early, which my Dad responded to with some insane comment about how it had probably been a very exciting day for me. I didn’t know if he was desperately clinging to sanity, or normalcy or just didn’t give a shit that his daughter was being beaten — and soon, presumably raped — and that was just a-okay in his book. I cleaned up my blood in the bathroom and put bandages on…on my face, all around my hand and gut, first degree burns on my chin and neck.

I stopped and took a good look at myself and realized, I didn’t even recognize me anymore. Aside from the bandages and bloody tissues sticking out of my nose, the dried trails of tears and matted hair, I looked as sunken and sleepless and defeated as Brick. Skin hung off me, my eyes were dark, I just had a general appearance of being sick.

And…I was, I realized. I was sick for trying to stay here, for trying to make my life work when my life had long since expired. There were no friends or family here, and classes hadn’t meant a thing to me since the rest of my life turned to shit. I realized I had to get away tonight, before Brick got his hands on me tomorrow. After that…I wasn’t sure there would be any part of me left to save.

Frantically and quietly, I emptied my pack of anything related to school and filled it with clothes and toiletries. I could hear the holo on downstairs and my father laughed with unnatural energy at whatever was on. Money…might be an issue. I stood on the landing upstairs in the dark, biting my lip, frozen with indecision. I hadn’t ever done anything like this. I wasn’t sure I could.

I forced myself to remember my fear in the library, my face in the mirror. This was my life here. I needed to get away, anywhere, or that would be my every minute of every day. Resigned more than determined, I put my bag on and silently opened the door to my parents room.

On the nightstands, Mom and Dad’s wallets. Everything in them of value, taken. In Dad’s bottom desk drawer, locked with a key from the pen jar atop the desk, a hard plastic case. Inside, Dad’s old service pistol. In the foam lining inside the case, a few boxes of ammo. All taken. In the closet, top shelf, shoebox, emergency cash. Dozens of small and medium chits. All taken.

A few thousand credits and a firearm. Enough to survive until I figured out where I could go, find a new life anywhere but here. I slid open the window and stuck a leg through, finding the ivy-covered patio cover with the tip of my shoe. I swung my other foot over and felt a stab of pain as I rested most of my weight on my stomach where Brick had punched me.

But no matter how much pain my body felt, the hope in my heart made me happier than I’d been in months. Finally, I was going to be free. I slipped out the window and into the night, feeling my body become lighter with every step away I took.