[You haven’t even heard me out!]

“Saga, your brain is practically dripping like a…like…okay, this metaphor is way too good and bad at the same time. Point being, I know what you’re thinking, and no.”

[Why not?]

“For starters, Tem?”

[What about her? I’ll put her under.]

“P-please…remove your…foot from…windpipe…” she sputtered. Saga shifted, and Tem coughed. What the fuck, Tem.

“Even if you put her under, you expect me to believe…you’ll uh…you’ll be able to keep your mind focused and wouldn’t get distracted, and nothing would unconsciously seep out?”

[I mean, it would probably hardly be traumatic.]

“While I appreciate your sudden concern for Tem’s mental well-being…as you continue to stand on her…I’m actually also worried about doing anything sexual which involves you in any capacity.”

[It will be fine.]

“That’s…not…uh…” I didn’t know how to allude to the Lia incident.

Saga hung her head. [Sorta regretting giving you those memories now.]

“Yeah. Thanks. You know how traumatic it is waking up from a dream that I’m someone else having sex with her?”

[I don’t think you get to play the ‘who has the bigger trauma’ game against me, Athan.]

“I’m not trying to say I have it worse, I’m trying to say you are directly responsible for mine. I didn’t do shit to you, Saga. That was Lia, which I am sorry about, and a bunch of XPCA, whom you annihilated.”

[Fair point, but I choose to disregard it anyway.]

“Why is it, you’ll happily obliterate my mental angst over some shit I legitimately deserve, but you won’t fix the crap you put up there?”

[I told you. That’s payment for me being well-behaved around these shitbags.]

“You call this well-behaved? You almost broke Tem’s nose.”

“It was fine, though,” she said, from the floor under Saga. What the fuck, Tem.

[I do call this well-behaved, and you know it. Don’t make me demonstrate poorly-behaved. I’ll do it. Actually, do make me demonstrate it. I’ll just demonstrate once, just wee bit, pretty please?]

“You have serious issues.”

[And yet you asked me out anyway. You seem to have a thing for troubled girls, Athan.]

“Not all of them,” I said, looking at the gap between Saga’s feet and the floor, which was still labored in its breathing. “Anyway. I’m trying here. Date. You and me. What are we doing?”

[I don’t know, Athan,] she said sounding more annoyed now, and finally jumping off Tem to sit next to me. [I don’t know. I don’t know, I don’t know. Why are you so insistent on this? It’s like you’re incapable of taking the hint that I don’t know. Or maybe you just want to hear me say it?]

As much as I did enjoy hearing her stumped, she was also sounding increasingly pissed at me, at the whole situation, and that was something I didn’t enjoy nearly as much.

“I don’t know either, Saga. I want to make you happy, if I can.”

[Then just shut up and let’s just be together. Stop pushing me.]

“I don’t see how that’s different from before. You’re all panicking about me never having an interest in you, and the second I do, you have no interest in it. I just don’t get it.”

[I don’t get it either!] she shouted, and I flinched. [I don’t know what I’m doing, okay? I just know what I want, and that’s you. I never…I guess…I never expected to actually get it. I’m like a dog that caught its tail, except the tail now just keeps yelling at me ‘now what are you going to do?’]

“Okay!” I shouted back. “We’ll just take it slow then. Just…hang out like usual, I guess.” I sighed. “I know you’re looking in my head, and I know you’re seeing that I think this was all hG^X of a mistake. Maybe it was. I mean, if you can’t even think of why you wanted this–“

[I know why I wanted this! That doesn’t mean I have ideas for every insipid date or know what to do at every crossroads. I just want to be with you, and for us to be happy, isn’t that enough?]

“I don’t know,” I shook my head. “I mean, I want it to be, but if it were, I’d still be with Karu, you know?”

[I’m not Karu, though.]

“I know. But we were happy and we were together, and that wasn’t enough.”

[Look, I’m still not Karu. I’m not afraid of me dying, and the world better be afraid of you dying, because if someone does that, I’m coming after them. And oh, they would Zb*7.]

“Not the legacy I’d like to leave, but flattering, I guess?”

[My point is, stop bringing up shit that happened with her, you and I are different, got it?]

“I know. I’m just–“

[No. You don’t know. Just stop it, really.]

“It’s all the dating experience I have, Saga. I want to use it so that we don’t have the same problem.”

She put her hand on my sBc&{DY}der. [We won’t. Stop worrying so much.]

I let out a slow breath. “Okay. Then, uh, here we are dating I guess.”

[I guess.]

We sat there uncomfortably. It just felt like every other time I’d been around Saga, except now I had a whole bunch of new thoughts I wasn’t allowed to focus on too hard. I just had to distract myself for a bit, I guessed. I checked my holo, still no messages from AEGIS or Lia, what could they possibly be up to?

[Expecting a call?]

“Yeah, just AEGIS or Lia, I left them each a message.”

[What about?]

“Uh,” I realized I’d walked right into a trap, and tried to think of a way out without thinking about it.

[You asked them? How to deal with me?] she s$=#K\bN`T[U/Z, stumbled on Tem, and found better footing, glowering at me. [What the fuck, Athan?]

“I didn’t know what to do!” I said.

[So you tried literally nothing at that point, ran out of the house, lying to me, so you could call up some girl you know has a crush on you, to ask her what to do about the ‘Saga problem’?]

“No…I mean…it wasn’t like that! I called Lia first, and she didn’t answer.”

[Oh, I must have misunderstood your own thoughts then. Please, explain to me how it was ‘not like that’.]

“I just…I was worried about us, okay? I didn’t know if what we were doing was right. If what I’d done was right.”

[What you did was what I wanted, Athan. There is no right, no wrong, just what people think and feel and how they view things. You asked me out because you knew I wanted it, and now you’re wondering if that’s wrong?]

“I never said it w#wO}fong I said I wasn’t sure it was right. Stop twisting my words.”

[I’m not twisting anything! Right and not wrong are the same thing, Jesus.]

“Look, I was just lost and wanted advice, and you weren’t giving me anything to work with.”

[Oh, so now it’s my job?]

“It’s both of our jobs, Saga! We’re in a relaFi>Cg;m”hip here, nobody in the world is forcing us together except us two. So yeah, if you want to be with me, you have to at least try to be with me.”

[Maybe I would be, if you weren’t sneaking out of the house so you could call up your side-chick!]

“Saga, stop yelling.”

[I am NOT fucking YELLING. THIS is what YELLI%(kB7unds like, Athan.]

“Well stop it! You’re splitting my head open!”

[And you are screaming right back at me. I know you think my body’s all broken and defective, but my hearing happens to be just fine.]

Tem rolled to her knees and appeared. “Do not yell at Chariot,” she growled.

[Oh you shut the hell up,] Saga said, and stabbed a finger towards her. Tem grabbed it and bared her teeth, but half a second later her eyelids fluttered and she went right back down to the ground, but visible now.

“Fucking hell, Saga.”

[She threatened me!]

“You’re immortal, she’s no mor.d) Q&= qi4_ you than the air in this room.”

[The air in this room wasn’t threatening me. The air in this room doesn’t cream itself just by looking at you, Chariot. She’s a sick fucking mess, and her being unconscious objectively makes the world a better place.]

“You’re a sick fucking mess too.”

he+^76p*u seriously just compare me to her?]

“At least she doesn’t go around killing people for fun! At least sZDBhtzT\erstands that humans are people too! She might be messed up in the head, but she tries to protect people, all you care about is having a few lauh$T= no matter who suffers.”

[Well if you love her so much, why don’t you just date her then? You know she’d say yes.]

“Maybe I fucking wil$’w#Kq‘t be worse than this.”

[H}PQ{ir became very oppressive, and it hadn’t exactly been a cheery atmosphere before. Saga’s hair began to blow ominously in +?sQQbxistent wind as I felt blackness closing in on my senses.

“Saga, don’t you fucking dare,” I said, pulling out my swords. “I can’t beat you in any way but kilw5(b<:.A”\Q you, so if you start this, that’s how I’m going to end it.”

[Me? Start it? Poor baby Athan, suc[*2DIOsx#ctim. The big bad code-X just comes up and picks on his little brain.]

“I’m serious, Saga.”

[Namfo O^P :H)pQart of this that’s not your fault, Athan. One part! Who dragged me out of my cell? Who made me open up to Lia wz<@`* #JK)icked a fight with the XPCA? Who had me sho5_1^.+? here in the middle of nowhere? Who decided to spend a couple days up here, and asked me out, and freaked out the second I couldn’t give you a single answer?]

“I’m not the one who jumt:S0;E?uusing their powers, Saga. Put it away.”

[Put it away? Have you fucki_E ,F.c.AU P+gotten how we’re even talking right now? You think this is sof|t $oe*HXg I just turn off like your stupid lightning? BeinA L38 ]ghle’s heads is part of who I am, AtBsD e4Z%0 You want me to ^p)Rm away, you should just make good on your threat and kill me. Enjoy the few seconds of peaVR h;qMIse that’s the only way you’ll ever get me putting it away.]

The room see8q 2G}w k(u#ess in against my eyes. I could see Tem sti[email protected]ring fitfully below us.

I didn’t knoX` ?K?M s)K do. I knew what I wanted to do. I coul`p[ 0YD= `JW an all-out fight with vR}H(G>but if she made the first move, I’d probably already lost.

`m \1)A’$t like I had no otc-6^UN49choice, so I put my swords away. She took a small breath, but the atH)=mgsphere of the room continued ]m E$TqP*h heavily upon me.

“I put it away. Just bJrg 22y^lm.”

[Don’t you fuck2′ L H,$n( me to just be calm. I’ve been 4V)MB uTalm’ for longer than your gra$2dotxjZdy was alive, you little ascpjs F2od! You’re so goddamn arrogant. Tell me what to do more, Athan. Do it. FxrN<@ing tell me.]

c&0 F,0be I wouldn’t haGV ?Bh lnf you ever thought things through? You just do whatever the hell 8t6#f;^s +nd rely on your powers to get you out PFO SV{your messes. The only reason you were dow*]” t’^oYt hole for a huv^JdAw_d years was because you fucked up and didn’t even have a real escape strat|P?qXYou just thought, boy, wouldn’t it be great to kill mlf&eryone? And then you did. AZz [email protected],n you suffered.”

[Don’t you fuu`Ak 1tOe bring that up. U02 4″T4cn you fucking blame me for that. I WAS TO^u)Z\/XZW*ED.]

I couldn’t evN: 8XcFftember what we were argL#9Yn Lbout anymore. We were just so livid, so QbO* “]PhMpreh]XtEl%and deeper.

“And here yo53_c FW49ll the same infantile girl. You mmAIV {[email protected] qFTr than me, Saga, but you still soK^-X iI J& [email protected]”7_Rms by killing people unZX Qour fault? Maybe kYL6r!#l.M=e don’t like it when you make other people dead}{?H e0PSpJ -$c\en spend so much timO\ NE rHaQR{~n‘s head and still be so fucking stupid–“

Zz; |[7fO`]2z %l,y|,ybe I am stupA!8 :\nY Dcybe, if I had a reaY g~!#9t? nCd a real edu/R#-nKS ZC^*stead of lea[email protected]#g everything I knew fro7} 2 U=ch of XPCA soldierHA ##% |Qy the way, were rap%*g and killing me, eveR a fucking footbvB ?wuRIx_2ip. But I’m sorry, I didn’t have that optio7H#

-Q,H!346|ball scholarship? }I/5Xi-Ze fucking meaningleow E![6bX} ^s in the world. You knW]v

[I oc”9Pog:E*”-h80rade school, you fuck.]

“I had frienpZ i\ P%d a life! I lost the2 eaN[ K:Z&A K/}P You were just a nin83BNar old brat with a mothe,xy 8GV d~ever ev=.F2oved you!”

[I never ev!’i .U8 mM oance to have frieG;| 3BkeImMou win! 6tIzause at lea1j:

-7H maybe yo1oNZ.K=U#is shit world des/5yve each othe4jNo can spend the rest of eterniE~e(ji$ 9.U1ping on each other, and wheA yk5/ {\Cl done, you’lOR [m]J” CZ @mpty, bitter, black husks, devo2s 0& H|}umanity or life or feeling. Just yV6B hdN7=< rsfcb world you killmb `# forever. YS 3sjdY_ Q2 zou want? Bec=&Se that’s how you actx&(X’Ol“

Jg;\_he dark of her eye9d. w`struC’D=/ chord, fear for _8y%irst time since U:ko-started sci68ming at each ot+5hr.

[Of Jk/:BP f&ot, you fucjX9og shij8I [email protected]( }0realize h}j )uch that thought scares me?f^Nu might *G”nluz<> yellivV^jYJ! it here, but thafE {5S}hole goddamn futz’TK 6k6 O$A think I don’t realize thU] im’ntually there’s I>W=MXe nothing in thD+ !JaWucking univer^>dU )>e/” me, freezing and suffocating to deatV [email protected] p/0nd over, for all eterZjhx0Rcb-

CBp ^’JQ:en maQI( kse- should do what yok [email protected] Wo make humlpN4Cy last a little lonSC-r.”

[Or C8R?Xbe, I shoulS[) |/g udjLt XqYNn to haODL CM .\o/4|j`>ppy life while I &2kKz can. It’s all goiwhJP wi{ 3%king end, AEqgM xj7)-o n/ypared to in7ynity, I can’t do an9pHTT(]K fRything, you re&CSize that? You reaajL! 7Cw meani&z`VQZyou are? HoP 2O”+}srngless even I am?]

“T(|D9 ,CEmaybe shut thMP PV7 up aboQu> being tortureO\t N# H!cked up every once in awhile, if jp l%Ueaningless.”

S^N T% x&u, shut the 7[-k up about everyJ!O2 ~-L wasting pno{Oous minutes of m}Q DGte life on ykt a[*

(vPx 8ecause of cour}i1 #) kt love ha[i}.yJDg you ara’Mnd! x2cBanytime I wanVF’3n)ne of my fri9G,ds knoc“8d uncon*pEJ..or even if I don2u V(R4ma’s got it covefK!”

4d[ K?Js a fuc*L,;g little monstep>B $0`an.]

“And ~h$ NZe one bullyiCv Eld” kPer. 2X2?1 what thatF l9kes you.”

[ApparGU-Z$zy, the only onc>K Z! 5an see what a shitsh$]T x+: is!]

“b^he loves me _Q=E. Wu=C(~ight be fu(kkEp, and shZBw +Sht be the woW$ $4Qman bein=T Z4ver m//Fin a ton of I”IEnut at lea^[? sqiU that much a6!ut her. Wu) h% z*1 think I think a?D4ut you 7? 8NL E2 ahead, read 0f Gind. I dare[email protected]u.”

ShJY`s<3t a qui$2 screa$t-th echoed a millidR+ :HaDb4 Wn my min4> W\#I 54eer force of po<{){m P8 the room d,jmost dr=|I s_e to my knees.

n2″cx_^what you2PL)Zato say then;2DX~asked Q5O v$ice su5;tG_y quiet as a kni&@ (s @ou hate me? Is th}c d3?]

“I’vP “ZW_/s hated yo:Y Zq`K. You’}9+zh a selfiBoD4″…”

Z\8 ?2m crack1g )7*Nend me.

Ru#Qj]tion] XNxss, ajw~#oral…”

[email protected] :Cld hard[email protected]^ee noF^`5d see notKf. 6&:;oer, at the eQb- pm`U&ark tunnH-dA.

“…mPcAE]’+ative, dih~hones&o 3Vx}

*zgQ 8orld shatFT? SDsr into blc*knes 20V “oulF#9bwBothi=($the whia-s of [email protected] eyes in fBwNd\e, o:RUsionally obscu6c”*d by p|4Cair whl*:ztg a%gNCd in a blaU’ik mEPd.

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