A week since Moon went to Japan, or missing, or wherever she was, and from what I heard in the periphery, Cosette was going nuts over it. They were supposed to be marching into a technopath's lair today, and she was livid that what she considered a dependable soldier was now "pulling an Athan" on her. While she was definitely doing her best to leave me out of it and focus her energies in productive directions, I did get a few ominous messages from Tower just quoting a few choice lines of hers.

I didn't approve of the term. But I was smart enough not to argue with her over it.

As for me, I was in class. Sitting with Alyssa, Darris, Sebastian, and Lia. Soaking in knowledge, or what passed for it in this course, while mostly just doodling circuit diagrams and trying to keep one ear open in case anything that sounded suspiciously like a future test question was mentioned.

Lia was taking notes and glancing at my doodles with a combination of interest and revulsion. Sebastian looked as he always did, like today was a great day for him, and he was just excited to be here. Darris balanced us out by seeming properly bored to death, and Alyssa was furtively on her mobile under the tiny college arm-desk.

By sheer coincidence, my mobile buzzed silently in my pocket. I checked and realized I was stupid. It wasn't a coincidence, it was a message from Alyssa.

> Got any weekend plans? Still trying the run away from roommate thing?

> lol no plans, just the usual

> You should come over again and not run away this time.

> It's a really bad idea. Things with AEGIS are complicated and I'm just trying to stay afloat here

> Well there wasn't any problem that I saw. We were just friends hanging out. You're the one who thought it was a date and then bolted. I'm cool with being friends.

> You *are* allowed to have friends, right?

> Cuz if you're not, I'm gonna go beat up your girlfriend.

I had a sudden coughing fit which sounded a bit like laughing at the beginning. When the professor looked up, he found me studiously at work on my notes.

> Very smooth.

> Stop making me laugh in class, I'm gonna get in trouble.

> Then don't make me beat up your girlfriend.

> Seriously though, come over if you want, don't if you don't, but please don't let everything get messed up by one misunderstanding.

> We'll see I guess

I closed my mobile and when I glanced over, she was giving me a disapproving 'bleh' expression, but did let the conversation go.

Honestly I wouldn't mind going. We were all on the same page that it was platonic and on the level, and nothing was going to happen. But at the same time the reality of the situation and how AEGIS saw it were two different things entirely. The only reason I was trying to stay away was because of AEGIS’ paranoia and jealousy.

And it was paranoia and jealousy. And at some point, you have to ask yourself, why am I shitting up my entire life because someone else has hangups on things? Why is it my job to tiptoe around someone else's insecurities to the detriment of my own being?

Like, yeah, I felt like shit every time I argued with her, and I had no rebuttal for a lot of things she accused me of, because the fact was, I was spending more time with Alyssa lately, and I did enjoy her company over AEGIS'. But that was because every fucking second AEGIS and I were in the same room, she'd be freaking out at me over how much time I wasn't spending in the same room as her.

My sheet of notes crinkled under my forehead on the desk. It was exhausting. I had to wonder if it had always been this bad and I just didn't pick up on it until I was here at college where I had relative freedom. Was this what growing up was supposed to be like? Is this why kids moved out? Screaming matches at home every day?

Class ended before I could finish all my thoughts, but that wasn't surprising given that I'd been mulling over these same issues for over a month now. I packed and stood to go while the others did the same.

And then someone joined our standing circle and we all looked at him with curiosity. Well, most of us, and mostly curiosity. Lia and I were sort of on the verge of panic, maybe.

It was Diallo, for whom my autograph had apparently not been sufficient bribery to get him out of my life forever. He stood with us like he'd always been there, dressed in a purple polo that was unflattering with such a broad expanse of one unattractive color. If I were a fat dude, I'd put on overshirts and stuff to break it up and look less...big.

"Are we getting food?" he asked. "I'm starving, I am. Had an engagement and missed breakfast."

I interrupted Sebastian warmly welcoming him. "Why are you here, dude?" I asked. I stood square in front of him so that it clear it was us talking, not the whole group.

He studied me for a moment. "You'll have to be more specific, you will," he said. "This building? This class? This university?"

It was my turn to study him for a moment. I didn't remember him having quite that...peculiar mannerism in the other time we'd met. It annoyed me. But more, it set off an alarm bell in my head. His behavior seemed way too familiar for someone I'd met once.

"Here, in this circle of people," I clarified. "You aren't invited to our group."

"I didn't know we were invite-only," Darris said, finishing packing and being the last to stand with us. "Is Athan being a jerk? Sorry, better question, why is Athan being a jerk?"

"Because something about this guy sets me off," I said, not looking away. "If you guys want to hang with him...first off, don't, but second, you'll do it without me."

"Show of hands, Athan's a jerk?" Darris said. He got his halfway up before Lia wrenched it out of the air.

"It's not a democracy," Lia said. Her voice sounded as tense as I felt, and somehow that was enough to shock the others into quiet. Because...I was just always a jerk, I guess? Or maybe it just wasn't a real issue until the creepy guy upset a girl.

"Come on now," Diallo said. "I just want to hang out."

He seemed honest, even pleading, but the alarm in my mind was ringing even louder now, and glancing at Lia, I could read on her face that she was feeling the same. This guy knew who I was, and that was already a huge danger, but he hadn't set me on edge like this before, and I really didn't like it.

"Well if it is a democracy, I'd rather the group stay with Athan than this guy," Alyssa chimed in, walking up to my side. "Sorry big guy. Maybe some other time?"

"Like I'd hang out with you, cow," he sneered, his demeanor changing in a flash. Jesus Christ this guy was unhinged. But lashing out like that at her was great for me, because suddenly even Sebastian looked like he was having second thoughts. "Athan," he said, turning back to me, his voice soft and pleading again.

"Come on sir, you're just...I just want to help you, you and the things you do are so amazing and incredible, they are. I want to help you however I can, I'd do anything for you. Look, I'm not useless, I have--" he pulled his bag off his shoulder and began opening it and pulling out a tablet. "--have information, I know everything there is to know about Exhumans."

Fast enough that I hoped it could be seen as involuntary, I grabbed his jaw, squeezing his round cheeks even further into his small eyes with my grip.

"Woah, dude, woah!" Sebastian said, his arms flying up in the air for no useful reason.

"Don't you mention Exhumans to me again," I warned him, putting as much menace in my voice as I could. It was hard when he was like, taller and wider than me, and it felt a bit like yelling at a particularly ugly pug, but this was the only play I had in front of my friends.

Sort of all at once after my words had hung in the air, the others all moved and separated us, and I made a show of trying to push through them to get back at him, while he just looked at me with familiar dispassion as he rubbed his jaw.

"It's okay," Alyssa was telling me in a soothing tone. "Jesus," she giggled, "I didn't know ya got so het up about anythin'. It's okay though. Calm down, ya made yer point."

While she was screening me, from behind her, Lia gave me a furtive thumbs-up. I might be a shit liar, but I did know how to be convincingly angry about Exhumans apparently. Kinda had a lot of personal experience to draw from for that one.

"You're a bastard, Athan!" The words suddenly exploded out of Diallo through a mismatched visage of indifference. "I just wanted to help, you bastard. But don't worry, I don't need you, everything's gonna be perfect soon, just you wait. Just you wait and see, when humanity takes the next step, it'll be me they have to thank for it, not you!"

I shook my head and let Alyssa walk me out of the room while the others now held him back as he screamed at my backside about Exhumans and never meeting your heroes.

"The bugger was that guy's problem?" she asked me. "He's like a pissed hippo, in more ways than one."

"Dunno. But you should probably just discount everything he says," I said, realizing that my acting skills were still and always shit. But she was willing to let my completely opaque comment slide as she suggested we head towards food and let the others catch up.

I had a couple of sort of off-smelling fish tacos in front of me and she had a baked potato. We spent a minute in awkward silence without touching our food until both of our mobiles buzzed and Lia informed us that Diallo had punched Sebastian in the nose and campus security was getting involved and we made the right choice to just run.

"Wow, what a disaster," Alyssa sighed. "Sebastian, too. He's such a nice guy. Who'd ever hit a guy like Sebastian?"

"I can't imagine," I said. "Some kind of insane, delusional, fat fuck."

She smiled awkwardly and then the smile fell away leaving just the awkward. "Can I ask ya something?" she said. I nodded. "Ya and Yer sister transferrin' here suddenly, I always thought it was a little...unusual. Yer a little unusual. Ya seem fearless to me in all the ways that make sense...all the things I beat myself up over worrin' about, you just don't."

"Okay?"

"Sorry, ramblin' a bit. What I wanted to ask was...was yer comin' here, was that Exhuman related?"

I tried to think of which answer would keep her out of my past more securely, and when they both seemed bad, decided to go with the truth.

"Yeah," I said.

"Ah. I'm sorry then."

"It's okay."

She shook her head with a little embarrassed-looking frown. "Nah, I shouldn't have brought it up. Judging by how ya reacted to that guy, it's not very okay at all. Sorry. I won't mention it again."

Well...my aim of keeping my past hidden was hit, but boy did I feel shitty about it. The silence that grew gnawed at me, so I began speaking on any other topic.

"Thanks for coming out to my football tryout," I said. "Meant a lot, even if it didn't go anywhere."

"Well, I saw ya runnin' off for it and thought...I bet he won't know a soul there. Yer close with yer twin and got yer girlfriend of course, but I didn't see either of them comin' with ya. And I thought, if yer gonna try for something ya love, someone should be there to cheer ya on. It's what I'd want." She gave me the embarrassed-looking smile again. "But I think I'm a lot more insecure than ya are."

"Nah. Well. Maybe, I don't know. Being more or less insecure than someone doesn't really matter. I do what I do, and other people do what they do. No use trying to get everyone else in the world to be like me, right?"

"Right," she said with a decisive nod I think aimed more at herself. "I'm sorry about yer football thing in general though."

This time it was my turn to give her an embarrassed smile. "Hey, you wanna hear something kinda crazy?"

"Isn't everything ya say kinda so?"

"Maybe," I laughed. "But...I'm not really torn up about not making the team. Like yeah, that's what I wanted more than anything. And it would be awesome to be playing again, and a chance I never thought I'd ever get. But even with all that, I can't be sad about it."

"Why not?" She tilted her head like an adorable dog as she asked. Wavy hair instead of floppy ears, but close enough.

"Because...I think...this might be the happiest I've ever been," I laughed. "My life is so good here. There's so many interesting people, housing and food and stuff are all basically handled for you. Nobody expects anything of you but for you to go to class and do your work."

"Isn't that last one just like any job?"

"Not any job."

"Ya get my meanin' anyway."

"Yeah, and do you get mine?"

"I do...I guess." She hesitated for a second. "So I guess yer life was pretty hard before now?"

"It was. Pretty crappy in a lot of ways. And honestly," I sighed, "I'm not sure I'm rid of it. I have this lingering...just...thing, in the back of my mind, all the time, telling me it's out there waiting for me."

I didn't mention how even in this totally normal conversation with a totally normal friend with totally normal dry fish tacos, everything felt just a little fake. Having to skirt around my past, sure. Running here to get away from a guy who might out me, obviously. But even the little things. The fact that I couldn't do football because my psycho girlfriend is strong enough to accidentally shatter bones. The fact that Lia and I had to pass as the world's most mismatched twins.

Like, I was here. I knew that. I occupied physical space in this chair, and if someone came up and tried to sit down in it, they'd find it very uncomfortable. But at the same time, I had this feeling I wasn't here at all. I didn't know how long that feeling would linger, or if it ever went away.

It was bizarre how I could be so happy and content with where I was, but also feel like I wasn't there all at once. I wondered if other people felt this, or if it was an Exhuman kind of experience. Not that I had a monopoly on being victimized, but sometimes it sure felt like I did.

But not now. That was the point. And it was weird, a little.

But mostly it was great. Just as I'd told her.

"This really is the best my life has been. I should thank you, and the others. For being a big part of that."

She looked like she wasn't sure what to say, and in thinking about my words, I guess I was laying it on pretty thick. It made me laugh. I really was weird.

"For uh, being good friends," I clarified. "I haven't had a lot of those in my life, and so I appreciate it."

"Oh. Well. We weren't doin' it for ya, ya know. We met ya, we liked ya, we kept hangin' out with ya. Not much more to it than that, and nothing to thank us for."

"Yeah, probably," I said, finally digging into my food. I disagreed with her, but things were only going to get weird if I kept praising her. Because she was a good friend, and a good person, and didn't expect or demand things from me. She wasn't indebted to me, wasn't my commanding officer, wasn't saving my life or any of that shit. Just a friend, no strings attached. And that was everything I wanted, even if the nagging doubt in my mind said it's not what I needed. Not what I deserved, in any case.

"Hey, about this weekend," I spoke up "I'd love to hang."

"Cool." She smiled at me. "I was thinkin' we could swing by the mall to pick out some lingerie, and then get matching tattoos on the way home. And then ya could meet my parents."

"AEGIS is gonna kill you," I grinned. "Promise never to fuck around like that around her?"

"Oh, I won't be around her at all. That sounds like trouble ya don't need."

"But hanging out with you is?"

She looked me up and down for a second and then smiled more broadly than usual. "Yeah. Some trouble, ya do need. Didn't ya just get done tellin' me that yer happy like a puppy here in college, and pushin' yer awkward heavy-handed thank ya's onto me for doin' that for ya? So yeah, I think ya do need some small amount of trouble. For yer own good."

"Hey. My thank yous were elegant and painstakingly handcrafted out of the finest natural ingredients. There was not an awkward bone in their bodies."

"Sure they were," she grinned.

And at that moment, looking exasperated and hungry, the rest of the crew rolled in, stopping by long enough to say hi and drop off things before swinging out to pick up food. Before long, they rejoined us and dug in, having only half an hour in some cases to eat and make it to their next lecture, while Alyssa and I also had to hurry up a bit to compensate for all the talking and not-eating we'd been doing together.

Sebastian was fine, just had a bloody nose for a bit, and they told us with wide eyes and disbelief how Diallo had just flipped out after I'd left. Screaming like a man-child, everything from Exhumans being the perfect beings to how he was going to save the world, with or without me.

Even as someone who half-knew what was going on, it still made no sense to me, and made me deeply, deeply perturbed that this guy was just out here running lose. I resolved to look him up, make sure AEGIS was familiar with his appearance, so that if he should start skulking around, she'd know it.

And right there, that was my life in a nutshell, wasn't it? Sebastian was the nicest guy, and someone or something related to my past had shown up and punched him in the face for reasons he couldn't even understand. It felt like a microcosm, or maybe a warning, the dangers of trying to cram an Exhuman life into a normal one, when it bleeds out the cracks in dangerous ways all around.

Or, maybe I was just being paranoid as I sometimes was. Maybe football tryouts were football tryouts, and a bloody nose was a bloody nose. I couldn't know.

Sometimes I wondered...if I were Saga or AEGIS, with their near-infinite capacities to gather information, and turned it inwards on my own life instead of giving a single shit about the world, what kind of life would that be? If Saga were more interested in living a typical human life, her powers meant she could blend in seamlessly, avoid any potential faux pas, easily make friends and influence people. Same with AEGIS, but through the power of technology.

And yet, both of them chose not to, and I had to wonder why. I had the option, minus the powers, and I left their crazy lifestyles as much as I could to pursue this one. What really scared me was the thought that, maybe once you knew as much as they did, you either realized this life wasn't possible for you, or you ascended to such a place that it was no longer desirable.

Both of which were really sad, and both of which I hope never happened to me. So football tryouts were just football tryouts, and a bloody nose was just a bloody nose. It had to be. Or else I was making a mess just by being here.

And looking around and seeing my sister and friends talking and laughing with their mouths too full, that just couldn't be the case. Things happened, sure, but there wasn't a like, malevolent karmic force out to get me, there were just people and things in my past, and we had to tread carefully to make sure they didn't catch up.

It's the only plan that worked. The only one that didn't involve either giving this place up, or losing it. And after spending so long here, with these people, realizing who I was and all I'd grown, I wasn't ready to do that. Not now, and not ever.