Athan was back. And I knew right away from the way his mind was sorta giving me the cold shoulder that I'd fucked up. Not that it took a genius to figure it out, but just in case there was any lingering doubt.

Which was kinda bullshit, as I saw it. These XPCA were living because I allowed them to. If I wiped them out entirely, that wouldn't even begin to equalize the number of deaths I'd suffered at their hands. They were mine to do with what I wished, and if I wished for a few to die, Athan should have been grateful that I'd left him the greater whole to be his little bitches.

'Course he saw it differently. He thought any death was superfluous. Even the really bad ones, he took his time to patiently and boringly remind me that these were living people, with families, ambitions and hopes and fears.

And then didn't have any problem at all with me gutting their ambitions, hopes, and fears, and cutting them off from their families, so long as they did what he wanted and didn't die. Big fat ol' hypocrite, that boy.

He kept me walled off until he was here in person, the dark door to my office sliding open, located centrally in the Raven's Nest where I could keep my mind on the most people. Just a little mundane office somewhere, not even a window seat. No reason to suspect the real head of the XPCA would be right in here.

He sat down opposite my desk like this was an interview.

"Hi," he said, apprehensive.

"'Sup, Athan. What brings you to my little office?"

"I hear Director Hall died. Went home and killed himself and his wife. Any idea what would make him do that?"

He glared at me like...well, I'd already said, like an interview. But no longer of the gainful employment variety but instead the like...criminal investigation kind. Like he was gonna say or do the right thing and I'd just crack and the case would be solved. Never mind what a waste of time that was, or how obvious it'd been that I'd done it. There was a process, and he intended to skewer me with it.

Which again, was bullshit. If I wanted, I could have made a couple hundred people take themselves out, and more with them. My reaction was downright sedate. And it pissed me off ten different ways that he was coming in here like this, like this was a big important talk we needed to have.

I realized, perhaps, that it wasn't him walling off our minds after all. Maybe it was me.

"Yeah I did it. More specifically, I let him do it," I shrugged with calculated indifference.

"What's the difference?" he asked.

"I knew what he'd do if I let him be himself, so I did that. Technically, I never killed him. It was me letting him go which did it. He died a free man."

That made Athan scowl, which in turn made me beam.

"On account of how shit his life was," I continued prodding. "And how mentally enslaved he was, to the one thing he hated most in the universe."

"Yeah, I know," he glowered."

"Exhumans."

"I got it."

"Such as you," I continued.

"Yes. I understand the implication that I made his life shit."

"Also his wife, whom he'd promised to leave out of his 'work'."

"Saga, I got it. You still killed him. You let him know knowing full well what he'd do with it. That's not any different."

"Never said it was," I shrugged and slouched. "Just wanted to let you know all the juicy deets."

Athan paused for a few long moments, fidgeting. Crossing his legs, and then uncrossing them to lean forward at me. Cracking his knuckles and alternately scowling and grimacing. And then finally he hit me with the question I should have known was coming, but was still kinda unprepared to answer.

"So why'd you do it?" he asked.

I gave it a moment of thought. I owed Athan at least that much. But I didn't owe him a serious answer.

"Thought I'd try my hand at downsizing," I explained. "You know how bloated some of these corporate entities get. Sometimes you gotta make cuts."

I made a popping noise as I drew my thumb across my neck. Stupid high-collar XPCA uniforms, it was like being back in my prison jumpsuit again, but minus the hundred years I had to break that one in.

"Saga, seriously?"

"Who says I'm not being serious?" I slouched further in my seat. I was well on my way to limbo world champion if I kept up this posture.

"I'm not even justifying that with an answer. Come on."

"Well then why should I justify you with an answer?" I crossed my arms. "If you already know everything, why make a big show of coming in here and staring at me across the desk. You already seem to know everything, just bend me over your knee and spank me already."

"I'm not here to...to discipline you, Saga," he lied. "I just...I need to talk to you. We're on the same team, we need to be on the same level. I can't have you going around offing people whenever you feel like it."

"Oh, but you can?" I sniped, drawing out of my masterwork slouch. "You get to go off and 'talk' to Exhumans whenever you want, and if things don't work out...oh well, guess we just kill 'em."

"It's not like that and you know it."

"How isn't it like that, Athan? You meet with these bastards and they either bend knee or die. The only difference between that and what I'm doing here is that here -- they never even get a choice. I bend their knees for 'em. Hall is what happens when I give them a choice."

He made a frustrated noise. "It's still not the same. I'm legitimately trying with these people."

"Oh and I'm not?" I was shouting, by my standards. I was redder and angrier than I expected. "You think I'm just dicking around in here all day? In case you haven't noticed, the XPCA has overgone a major overhaul in the last few weeks, and that wasn't pure luck, Athan. Nobody outside has noticed, and that wasn't luck either. I've been busting my ass for this dream of yours and not once have you come in here to tell me, 'oh well done, Saga'. No, the first thing you've got for me is criticism."

"Because you fucked up. You murdered the director."

"And you're full of fuckups! Want me to start rubbing all of those in your face every time you make 'em? I'd do that gladly."

He shot me a ridiculous sneer that I redoubled and returned. And then he stood and started with the pacing.

"Look, I'm...I'm sorry about not being as supportive as I could be. We're all super busy here. And you're right, I'm failing over and over, because of how garbage I am at all of this. But I'm failing because of incompetence -- mine -- and you failed because you chose to. You did it deliberately, and that's really not something we can afford right now."

I glared at him, letting my hatred grow with every word he said. This fuckin' guy. Unbelievable.

"So just...do what AEGIS says and stop joking around and...we'll all be fine, okay?" he concluded.

And that was just the wrong fuckin' thing for him to say. I began fishing around for anyone else in the building who needed an ammunition lobotomy.

"Oh just 'be good' huh, Athan? Just 'follow orders'. 'Do what AEGIS says'."

"Yes. That's pretty easy, isn't it?"

"Oh it's easy all right," I growled. Someone knocked on the door and I called for them to enter. Athan watched the young sergeant with wary eyes.

"M-ma'am," he saluted. "Reporting in."

"Very good," I said, sitting upright and tenting my fingers. "Load your firearm and discharge it into your brain stem. Please."

"Ye-yes ma'am."

With practiced ease, he drew a magazine and his sidearm and drew the slide to ready the chamber. The gun made it halfway towards his head before Athan was wrestling him.

"Saga, what the fuck," he shouted.

"Careful sweetie, if it goes off at that range, your shield won't eat it. Might have to go back to the regenerator again, and then who knows what evil Saga might unleash when you're out of the picture."

"Fucking...Saga! God damn it, make him stop!"

The two of them hit the floor, grappling for the gun, a tragic tug of war closer or further from the back of the boy's head. Athan had the upper hand in brute force, but the kid was willing to play as dirty as I was, going for the eyes, the groin, anything to buy the seconds to complete the mission I'd laid out for him.

It was, I admit, a little hot. These were some spicy young'uns getting all sweaty in my office.

"Saga, what the fuck," he grunted. "Turn him off. Make him stop!"

"Be a good girl? Follow orders? Do what AEGIS says?" I spat. "Sorry, she's not here right now to tell me my head from my ass, so I guess I'm just totally at a loss what's right or wrong."

"Is that what this is abouuu--AARGH," Athan yelled as the sergeant sunk his teeth into the fleshy part of his arm with a crunch.

"What it's about," I hissed "is the fact that I'm doing this shit for you. I spend all day, every day, locked up in this fucking office surrounded by XPCA pieces of shit like him, with AEGIS looking over all my work like a private tutor, ready to slap me on the wrist if I don't cross every T and dot every I. You got any idea what that might be like, bucko? Locked in a room, mind-fucking people I don't even want to mind-fuck? A slave to the betterment of the XPCA?"

"I'm nothing like Blackett," he growled.

"Sure you aren't," I shrugged, so casually as to leave no doubt that I didn't agree with my words. Even I felt the wave of hate emanate from me that slapped the two of them silly for a moment as I said it. "And what's my reward for being a good little code-X and following all your orders?"

"Saga--he's--"

"The leash you put on me? The fucking disrespect that you think I'm going to go off and go on some crazy murder rampage, or worse, that I'm apparently too stupid to know what you consider right and wrong? We've been one mind, Athan. We've shared every intimate thought there is to share. And after that, you put AEGIS on me because I can't be trusted? Fuck you."

He grunted, sweating, as the gun inched closer to the back of the boy's head.

"And my reward for all of that is seeing her hurt you. I'm the evil one here, and yet she's the one who kicks you in the chest and kills you dead enough to rush to the hospital?"

"Saga...he's--"

"You wanna know a secret, Athan? I'm not fucking perfect, okay? I didn't have Hall kill himself on purpose. Not at first, anyway. When AEGIS kicked you, I was so out of sorts about it, I lost grip on him, steely-minded guy he was. And by the time I realized what he'd done, I was so pissed I didn't care anymore. So no, I didn't choose to fuck up and let him die. I'm not better than you with all my mistakes being on purpose. And I--"

There was a bang. A loud one, enough to set my ears ringing in the closed space. And then Athan was wrestling with just gravity acting on the boy. I spat, the splatter of his blood uncomfortably coating my tongue.

"Well fuck," I said. "I thought he'd go off at a better time and really punctuate the climax of my rant there, not interrupt it."

"Saga, what the fuck," Athan repeated, looking like he's just gone through a combination slip-n-slide/slaughterhouse. "Why."

"I just told you, while you were fighting."

"I kinda...had a hard time listening. I was fighting."

"You missed it?"

He looked at the mound of gore in front of him, just defeated.

I sighed. True artistry was never properly appreciated in its own time. I reached out and Athan went very still as he relived the last minute from my perspective.

And the scowl on his face was wiped away by a sympathetic little frown, as he slouched into the blood-splattered chair opposite me with a squelch.

"I...see," he said, thinking hard. "You didn't have to kill this kid, though."

"Yeah, I expected that to be a lot more dramatic than it was. Kinda had this thing going where I was gonna like...I dunno...have him break away and finish my thought for me or, we'd talk in creepy unison so you had to hear my point from him or something...but that didn't work out because I just got too pissed."

"I'm sorry for pissing you off."

"Well there's a sentence I need to hear more often. People could also stand to do less pissing me off."

"I'm also sorry for...not trusting you. I didn't even see it that way."

I reached across the table and patted my blood-splattered hand on his. "I know. You think 'Saga', and nowhere is there any concept of restraint or morals. But that doesn't mean I'm too stupid to get 'em, just means I don't have 'em. I could do 'em if I wanted, and it's frankly--"

"Insulting that I thought you couldn't. I got it."

"Good."

We spent another few long minutes in silence as Athan re-evaluated his decisions of the last few weeks. I tried to keep out of his head for the most part, and amused myself by watching the blood seep out of the body. That was the kind of paint-drying action I could get behind.

"Yeah," he sighed at long last. "Putting everything in AEGIS' hands was a mistake. She is...in her own way...even less predictable than you. When she falls into some of her more...less...human elements."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, we've been working together and it's been great," I shrugged. "She gets into it, and for the first time, I understood what she was blathering on about when she says she was made for this. There's so much nuance that she just gets, shit I wouldn't even think to look for. Probably a hundred different times, she pointed out some issue before it even became a thing, 'cuz she just had the data and the mind to use it."

"Yeah," he agreed with a frown. "But she's a major mess of a person for doing it."

"I think a big part of that is her limitations on herself," I suggested. "Like when you walked in on her, all plugged into the system -- she was distracted because of her limited processing power or whatever. I know she's trying to become human, and that humans are limited and all that shit, but honestly, trying to be human makes her the worst of all worlds."

He frowned. "Never saw it that way."

"Well that's my cunning insight and too many hours of being bored with her for you. I have a few other things I've been working on, but they'd all require you to take off your pants."

He looked at the body and seeping pool, the edges of the blood already beginning to congeal with the same shine as the metal floor. "Yeah, no thanks."

"So, are we good?" I asked. I didn't really need to, we were back on the same wavelength again. The barrier between us was down, and that, more than anyone's thoughts, was what was most important to me.

"Yeah. Just...why'd this guy have to die, Saga? I know you were making a dramatic point, and he's a nobody but…"

"Punishment for you walking in here like this on me. I am doing this all for you, you know. Next time, come in with a bouquet of flowers and a roll of condoms. Be prepared to say 'thank you' instead of 'you fucked up, you little fucking shit, how dare you ruin my life.'"

He grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. Sorry. Won't happen again."

"Well if it does, I've got plenty more XPCA to go through. This fucker was on my shit list for hacking in mobile games. Scum of the Earth, this guy." I took a deep breath. "But anyway, in accordance with our new accord, I have a gift for you. Been working on it ever since...I realized I fucked up. Consider it an apology present. I think I have the generals on-board, but I wanted to run it by you first."

"Hmm?" he asked, as I reached into my desk and pulled out a tablet, turning it over to him. He read it a few times and then aloud: "Emergency Powers Resolution. With the passing of Director Hall in a time of crisis, and the unavailability of a clear replacement, we, the general council of the XPCA do apoint and empower the body known as the 'Future Direction Task Force' to serve as interim director until such a time as the crisis is resolved or the general council discovers a suitable replacement."

"Yeah it's a lot of words. And it goes on from there."

"What does this...mean?" he asked, glancing up at me over it.

"Means...if you want it...you and me and Lia and all the others...we'd be legally appointed head of the XPCA. Collectively. Still kind of in the shadows, since the Future Direction Task Force is intended to be kinda...hush-hush. But I thought you might like that, running things with legitimacy instead of everything through me."

"I do like it. I like it a lot. It's just...terrifying."

I cackled. "What, more terrifying than having me in charge?"

He gave me a weird look. "No. Well, yes." I could see his thoughts turning over. "On one hand, it's better, of course, because mentally enslaving people is no good."

"Well, it's no good for you. Kinda gets me off, though."

He shook his head. "And you wind up with shit like...killing people just to make a point. But on the other hand, I really should trust you more than I trust myself. As we just...went over...I fuck up a lot, and you fucked up only once."

"Eh. I had AEGIS checking my work. Institutions like this historically have operated without someone running the whole thing with mind-fuckery you know. Besides, you'll have like, Whitney and Cosette and Lia all with you."

"And you," he said.

"Sure, if you ever need someone brutally murdered," I gestured at the corpse.

"I mean it. If we're gonna do this, I still want you on-board. Not everyone is going to be happy with this new direction--"

"Oh they're not. I can tell you already."

"--and it might go a little smoother with your help. The last thing I want is to create a rift and weaken the XPCA any further."

"How noble," I flattered. "Well, that's all I had for you. Tell AEGIS to get her ass back online so we can keep this place running, and call in a janitor for mr-cheats-at-sudoku over there, and I'd say we're back to business as usual."

He bit his lip, which was cute. I considered volunteering to help, but he spoke first which ruined it.

"I'm not sure AEGIS is returning to work. She doesn't want to, anyway."

"Oh, and I want to do this shit?"

"...No, but...hmm. I dunno. Kinda feels like...I'm running everyone ragged and ruining everything by chasing this. Do you know what I mean?"

I grinned at him. "We just had a big fallout argument over that, buddy. Of course I know what you mean. But at the end of the day, this is your big shot, innit? Everyone close to you knows how important that is to you. Hell, I do, and I don't even know why you care about this world in the first place. She'll come back around, she won't leave you hanging."

"I hope so. But I also...kinda hope not. The deeper we go with this, the more power I'm realizing I have. And the more often I'm using that power in ways I really don't like. It doesn't seem...smart...given that, to step myself up to director or anything."

"Yeah, but isn't that just a formality, really? You're already kind there, through me."

He frowned. "Maybe. I don't know."

"Well, when you make up your mind, let me know. Go tell AEGIS what I said, I need her to keep this place running. She either plugs back in, or it all goes to shit."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Thanks again for everything."

"No problem dude, just...if you're going to lead us towards something, you should probably have the confidence to decide what that thing is. 'Global peace' and 'Exhuman rights' are all great and all, but now that you've got the power to make it happen...you need to make them happen. Nobody put you here so you can tread water."

He nodded sharply, and already I felt the gears turning in his head. Figuring out where point B was, so we could get there. Good kid.

"Okay. I'll do that. And I'll talk to AEGIS. And we'll discuss this," he waved the tablet at me. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," I said, looking down. "About that janitor."