“Em what’s wrong?” I said. “I’m in my apartment, where are you?”

The line was silent for a long time. I pulled the phone away from my ear and checked the screen. Yup, still connected. I watched the call timer tick the seconds away, waiting for the call to be dropped. I heard Em’s voice, muffled and indistinct, coming from the speaker, and I put the phone back to my ear.

“David, are you there?” she said. She sounded confused now.

“Yeah, Em. What’s wrong?” I said.

“I’m, um, in your apartment,” she said. “It looks like someone set the place on fire. I checked your office and room, but I couldn’t find you. Are you hiding somewhere?”

“Oh shit, that’s right,” I said. “Just step outside, and I’ll get you.”

I ran to the front door and opened it. Em nearly fell down the stairs when I appeared in the entry hall. She had a humungous backpack slung over her shoulders, and books peeked out the top of it.

“What the shit!” she said.

I waited for her to calm down. Her breathing slowed, and she adjusted the backpack. The fucking thing looked heavy as shit. She gestured at the door to my apartment with a questioning look.

“Oh, just wait,” I said. “You’re going to love this. It’s so damn cool.”

I reached for the ethereal doorknob and opened my pocket dimension. We walked inside. Red light filled the room again, and Rockslide sat in the middle of his glass rocks. He ran his hands up and down of the stones, and it slowly changed shape. I never would have figured him to be an artisan.

“Hey there, uh, Rockslide,” Em said.

Rockslide looked up from his work. “Tis good to thee again, Emily Anderson. Wouldst thou stand there a moment?”

“Um, sure big guy,” Em said.

Rockslide shifted to another rock and stroked it while staring intently at Emily. It was fucking creepy.

“Okay,” I said, “that’s disturbing. Can you do…whatever this is, later?”

“In thy realm,” Rockslide said, “thy word is law. I shall abate my activities.”

“David,” Em said. “What’s going on? This looks like your apartment, but I was just in your apartment. It looked like someone dropped napalm in there.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “That was Rockslide. He seems to have taken a liking to me and wanted to build a house or some shit. Put molten rock right on the carpet.”

“Ok,” Em said, “so that’s not exactly an explanation. How are we in your apartment, and not in your apartment?”

I laughed. “We’re in my lamp!”

“You have a lamp?” Em said, her voice full of incredulity. “Like an honest-to-god genie’s lamp?”

“Okay, you got me,” I said. “It’s not actually a lamp, but my little slice of heaven is attached to my apartment. The apartment is my vessel.”

“Oh,” Em said, perking up. “You mean your Abued.”

“My what, now?” I said.

“Your Abued,” Em repeated. “That’s what a genie’s home is called. It’s like another plane of existence tied to our own.”

“And just how the hell do you know that?” I asked.

Em pointed at the library she had strapped to her back. She pulled the pack off and dumped the books onto the floor. I wanted to get pissed, but I didn’t exactly have a coffee table anymore.

“I’ve been studying,” she said. “I thought about what you said and decided while you were sorting through those memories, I could try to find more information.”

“You did all that?” I said. “I thought you were still mad at me. Maybe avoiding me.”

“Of course I was mad,” Em said. “But couples fight. We were both tired, and, I mean, it’s not like we were fighting over anything important. You want to see me hold a grudge, try sleeping around.”

I knelt beside her and looked her in the eye. “Why the hell would I want to do that? Nobody likes a demotion.”

“You, maybe, want to go to the bedroom before we start all this,” she said, gesturing at the books.

I grabbed her hand and practically dragged her down the hall. I kicked the door open, cop style, and pulled her into the room. Fuck it, it was my realm I could do whatever I wanted. Em gasped when the door flew in, and she grappled with my shirt. I spun around and picked her up by the waist. I tossed her onto the bed.

“If those pants aren’t off in the next two seconds,” I said, “I’m gonna rip them off.”

“Hell yes,” Em said, fumbling with the button.

Too slow, I thought. I found the threads that represented Em’s pants and weakened all the seams. I did the same for my clothes and reached down to tear the pants away. They came off her like stripper leggings and revealed her naked lower half.

“Commando?” I said. “I fucking like it!”

I didn’t let her respond, and instead buried my face between her legs and licked her wet entrance. She grabbed my head and pushed me harder into her, moaning loudly. Oh yeah, we weren’t on the verge of making love. We were about to fuck like animals. I felt her legs tighten and pushed my tongue as far into her as it would go. I flicked the inside of her, and she convulsed. I didn’t stop lapping at her until every convulsion stopped.

When she relaxed, I stood and ripped my own clothes off. Em shimmied up the bed and pulled off her shirt. I climbed in after her and positioned myself between her thighs. I wanted the penetration to be slow and sensual, but as soon as my hardness met her opening, sensation washed over me, and I rammed it inside. Em cried out as I reached my full depth. A few minutes of vigorous stroking later, I was spent. We both lay still, panting.

“We should fight more often,” Em said.

I rolled off her. “How about we skip that part and just go straight to the sex?”

Now that my mind and body were sated, I noticed a red light filling the room. Rockslide stood at the foot of the bed, watching us.

“Holy fucking shit!” I said, pulling the covers over Em and me. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“My apologies, Alqanun,” Rockslide said. “I have completed my work and came to see if thou wished to view it.”

Really? It was like having a fucking dog. “You keep this shit up, and I’m gonna get you neutered.”

Em gave me a wicked smile. “Maybe if you hadn’t kicked in the door, he wouldn’t have been able to follow us in here.”

“Oh sure,” I said, “Take his side, you fucking exhibitionist.”

Em smiled more broadly. She really didn’t seem to mind that a goddamn rock demon just watched me spit her like a pig. Honestly, I didn’t really care either. If that’s how he got his rocks off, ba-dum-dum, then fine.

“Next time,” I said, “we’ll just do it on the floor right next to him. Let’s see you perform like that.”

She laughed. “Honey, all I have to do is get wet; you’re the one with the inflatable tool.”

I grumbled but got off the bed. Rockslide’s stare was getting on my nerves. If I didn’t look at his, whatever, soon he would probably start whining like a labradoodle.