Lily did not wake slowly as she usually did. Neither did she awake suddenly and peacefully, from that curious sensation wherein you neither dreamed nor had any recollection of falling asleep.

No, she woke up with the distinct feeling of someone taking a corkscrew to her forehead and sitting on it, thereby reducing its speed while improving its weight. She had never before had a headache like this one, and she couldn't imagine what in the world had caused it.

Opening her eyes, she winced. She put a hand over her head, shielding her eyes from the blinding light. Her other arm was wrapped around something incredibly soft, something that reminded her of cookies and milk, in a time long ago when her biggest worry was which crayon would mark the wall better.

Looking down and squinting, Lily saw an incredibly fuzzy stuffed shark about four feet long sitting on her. It had the overall appearance of what would happen if you took a great white shark and stuffed the soul of a puppy in it. In other words, it was somehow mildly threatening and ridiculously adorable at the same time. The stitches on it were incredible. She couldn't see a single seam.

Sitting up, she petted it absently. It was a deeply rooted habit that she didn't even know she had anymore, but here she was, on someone's couch, petting a stuffed-

She launched off the couch, and the shark fell off of her from the violent movement. Instead of falling to the floor as she'd expected it to, following the laws of nature and physics and whatever other rules made sure the universe worked, the shark rolled to a stop midair, hovering gently as it turned to look at her, unblinking black eyes staring into the depths of her soul.

Naturally, she screamed.

"WHAT THE-"

A devastatingly loud and oddly familiar BEEP cut her off, shaking the room and making the shark vibrate. Her teeth went numb from the sound, and she finished waking up all at once, the headache disappearing and then returning in a different part of her head with a vengeance.

She remembered what happened. All of it.

Spinning around, she took in the living room, the freakishly flat ceiling fan, the tangled mess of wires plugged into the TV, the whole package. Running her hands through her hair, she whispered to herself, "Oh, nonononono... what's going on?"

"Something wrong?"

She jumped away, raising her arms protectively over her head. "I swear, I don't know what's - YOU!" she finished the sentence vehemently as she saw who spoke.

The teenager from earlier was staring at her with a slight amount of apprehension. "Uhhh... yeah. Me. What's your point? And you didn't answer my question."

Lily whipped around, hand reaching for the door handle that led back to normalcy, and didn't find it. The wall which was the opposite side of the hallway was perfectly flat, and the door she'd entered in was all but gone.

The teenager sighed. "Okay, look. Let's try this again."

She spun back to him, eyes wide in panic. "Try - try what again?"

He grinned. "My name's Noah Cosmic." He played a quick riff on the accordion he was holding, ignoring the fact that it hadn't been there a moment ago, and then thoughtlessly pitched it behind him. It vanished with an audible 'poof', disappearing into a cloud of pink smoke. The words 'NOAH COSMIC!' wrote themselves in thick bold lettering above and slightly behind him.

He winked at the now extremely confused Lily. "See what I did there? Accordions are really just squishy pianos, and I play piano, so..." He waved a hand airily. "Eh, never mind. I already know who you are, but you might as well introduce yourself either way. What's your name?"

Lily pointed at him, her outsretched finger trembling. "What... what the-"

BEEP.

The room rattled along with her teeth, and the sound screwed straight into her skull. She shook her head, gritting her teeth against the pain. "Would you stop doing that?!"

Noah shrugged. "I mean, I'm not doing anything. The language filter only activates if you're about to curse, and by my count, that's thrice now."

Lily had a sudden flashback to a long time ago when she'd had a question about math. When she'd raised it to her teacher, he'd simply stared blankly at her and said, "That's just how it works." Despite the fact the math problem didn't make any more sense after the advice, the teacher remained certain that the weirdness of sixth-grade math made absolute sense, and that she was a little bit odd for not recognizing it that way.

She was having a similar sensation here.

Squeezing the bridge of her nose, Lily waved the other arm. "Okay, look. I'll stop cursing if it makes whatever you're doing happy, but I've got to go!"

Noah snorted. "No you don't. The Dino Diner opened in like an hour."

Lily blinked, her mouth dropping open slightly. "Wh - what?"

"The Diner opened in an hour."

She squinted at him. "Don't you mean an hour ago?"

He shook his head. "No, I mean it opened in an hour. As in, it already opened, but an hour from now."

Lily already had a headache. This conversation was not helping in the slightest. "Look, I need to get to work either way. What time is it?"

Noah indicated a digital clock sitting on one of the bookcases. It read negative pi. He grinned at the sight. "Huh. I can't believe it's this early already!"

Someone slammed a hand on the back of the wall behind her, and Lily jumped away from it. Noah might have been freakishly weird. He might have powers of some kind that she didn't even want to think about. There was even a chance he was from an alternate dimension or something even weirder.

Despite all of that, an even mildly humanoid person was preferable to an unknown sound.

Noah was somehow behind her at this point, and grabbed a spot on the wall, swinging it open regardless of the fact that he wasn't holding onto anything.

Several heavily armed and armored men burst through the door, spreading throughout the apartment in moments and checking everything for bugs. Wielding their assault rifles with professional precision, they locked the suite down in mere seconds.

An older man entered, piercing gray eyes and snowy beard inspecting everything in the suite in mere seconds. His eyes focused onto Lily and Noah, who seemed to be taking this very casually. He pointed at the teenager. "We are well aware of the fact that you're a psychic, Mr. Cosmic. My name is Major General Grant Eisenhower, and you're coming with us. As for you, miss Olson, you will forget any of this every happened, understand?"

Noah shrugged casually. "No thanks. I'm all good here."

Grant approached him, his considerable bulk looming over Noah. "I don't think you understand the situation. You're coming with us whether you like it or not."

Noah sat down on the white couch, turning on one of the consoles and the flatscreen. "Don't worry about it! I totally get what you're saying. I just don't care."

Lily squeaked, "Can I just-"

Grant stomped towards him, a thunderous expression on his face. "Mr. Cosmic-"

Noah stared at him annoyedly, tilting his head in a clearly bored manner. "Look, it's pi o'clock and my gamer clan needs a tank to take the hits on Firefall Nine, okay? Just come back later. And I'm not psychic."

The general didn't so much as flinch. "That's not possible. I have solid information that you have powerful mental abilities."

Noah chuckled loudly, pulling a headset on and plugging it into the gaming remote. "Solid information? You mean those four half-baked excuses for a fortuneteller talking to you through your earpiece?"

The soldiers aimed their guns at him in tandem, and he ignored them entirely. Grant drew a handgun and aimed it at his head. "However you're doing that, you're going to do it for the US government back at headquarters, or I will put a bullet through your head."

The teenager was ignoring him completely. "All right, guys. I just got the Djinn Four-Ninety, so I'm going to push on through. Cover me!"

Grant sighed, drew a bead, and shot the game console. It practically exploded, sending plastic shards all over the carpet and sending an echoing noise through the apartment. Lily had expected it to leave her ears ringing, but after those three beeps, gunshots weren't as loud as they used to be.

Noah slowly stood up and turned to face Grant, his face an emotionless mask. "All right. Congratulations, you freaking idiot. You have my attention."

Grant aimed directly at his forehead, walking forwards until the barrel was resting against his head. He spoke through gritted teeth. "This is not a game. I am perfectly willing to kill you, and the law will not defend you if I decide to do so. So come with us right now or so help me I will have this entire building leveled. You are not in a position to negotiate."

Noah's eyes narrowed. It wasn't by a lot, but Lily had a sudden feeling she should be running for the hills.

Duck floated through one of the doors, looking around curiously, and was promptly tackled by a massive soldier with a high-tech visor. The shark didn't make a sound, instead staring at everyone with his pitch-black eyes.

"You are absolutely right."

Lily's eyes were drawn to Noah's, and found a serious expression on his face for the first time.

"I am in no mood to negotiate."

Grant snarled. "Now listen h-"

"You have four people talking to you in your headset. James Carpenter, Anne DeSoto, Frank Haskin, and Xolafogotabazebaz. Of those four, two are very good fakes, one is a random person who got isekaied here, and the fourth is a Martian. Incidentally, you didn't even bother reading the Martian's name, you just skimmed over it and went straight to the next bit. And now you just went back over it because you felt a bit guilty about skipping it the first time around."

Grant's forehead creased in confusion. "What?"

Noah waved him away. "Ignore that last bit. I was talking to the audience, not you. Now then, as I was saying, I am not a psychic. I'm a transdimensional borderline omniscient entity, as I told Lily two thousand words ago or so. That means that I can do whatever the heck I want to do and you stand no chance of even hoping to stall me, let alone kill me. In other words, screw you, your government, and your remarkably well-maintained beard. I'm either going to play video games or dismantle your entire democracy and which one I do is entirely up to you."

Grant pulled the trigger. There was a stunningly loud bang, and Lily covered her mouth, stunned. She'd just seen someone die. She'd never seen anyone die before. Should she tell someone? Would the government make her quiet? Would she lose her job and have to work for the FBI or something?

Noah sighed loudly, and Grant stumbled away. There was a clean hole through Noah's forehead. "See, this is the problem with you military types. You shoot first and think... well, I was going to say later, but I gave you plenty of time to think during that whole monologue, and you still shot me."

He dusted himself off and popped his neck. "Welp, I did warn you." He raised one hand, the fingers poised to snap.

"Wait!"

Everyone was suddenly staring at Lily, and her brain slogged for a moment. Had those words come out of her mouth? She couldn't do this! Why had she said anything? What part of her brain had doomed her to this?!

Noah glanced around, and then back to her. "What?"

She fumbled, tripping over her tongue as her mouth ran. "Y-you can't get rid of America! So many people live here! A-a-and, you know, animals and... mountains? The mountains are really cool, I think - but my point is, don't destroy America!"

Noah looked incredibly confused. "Wait, what? Why would I get rid of the good ole' US of A? I live here. You, my roommate, live here. Therefore I can't destroy it. I was just going to repair my console."

Grant held his wrist up, talking into his watch. "This is a code black, I repeat, this is a code black. Get your psychic butts over here and take this guy out now."

Absolutely nothing happened for a very long time, and a bead of sweat ran down the general's head. "Team Mentality? Respond immediately." Still nothing happened.

Noah leaned his back and groaned loudly. "UUUGGGHHH. All right, look. You can leave. I promise not to destroy the planet or anything, but you annoyed me pretty badly. Firefall's load times are murder on my Flatman."

Grant made a gesture, and the men rushed out. The gigantic soldier in the corner released Duck, who promptly flew up to the ceiling and started orbiting the fan. Backing away, Grant pointed at Noah, one finger shaking. "You'll regret this. We have eyes everywhere."

Noah stared the man dead in the eye, a penetrating glare suffusing his hazel eyes. "No, you don't. You have cameras everywhere, and cameras can be tricked. Light can be bent. Space can be folded. As for me? I can see everywhere with my eyes closed. I can see your projects, I can see nuclear launch codes, I can see your freaking therapy receit if I want to. So get the heck out of my apartment and go back to DC where you belong. Do you understand?"

Grant's eye twitched. "This isn't over." He slammed the door shut before Noah could respond.

Turning to Lily, he rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "Good grief, those military guys are so dramatic. 'This isn't over'! As if. It's totally over. It's so over it's - it's - okay, I can't come up with an appropriate metaphor right now, but I'm sure I can edit it in later."

Lily was almost hyperventilating. The events of the past twelve hours had been by far the weirdest, scariest, most traumatic thing to happen to her in her entire life. She had a feeling that no matter what happened, this was a turning point in her life, and she absolutely hated turning points. The future seemed like a terrifying thing now, especially if it involved this freakishly powerful whatever-he-was. "I'm... going to go to work. I'm going to forget any of this ever happened, all right? If I ignore it it'll all go away eventually."

Noah shrugged. "Up to you. Have a nice day!" He waved as she ran out of the building, striving to hold back her tears and running straight past the incredibly interested desk boy.

"Wait, stop! What was with all those military guys? Are you a secret agent? Why are you crying?"

Lily completely ignored him and jumped into her car, turning the key and feeling a rush of relief as it sputtered to life. Backing out of the parking space, she almost hit a bystander and drove off to the Dino Diner without a second thought.

Her mind was in turmoil. She didn't know how to describe half the things that had happened that morning and didn't even want to try. All she wanted to do right now was get to work and do nothing.

Wait, why was the sun rising in the wrong direction?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"What?"

Alison folded her burly arms unforgivingly, only releasing a slight sigh when she asked the question. "Look, Lily. You're not a bad worker, all right? But this isn't the first time you've been late, although it is the first time you've been this late. We can't afford to have people show up at their own discretion! We have rules. So yeah, until you can sort out whatever's going on in your life, you're being let go."

She started heading back into the restaurant, and Lily walked towards her, pleading. "Alison! You... you can't do this! I can explain everything, I swear! Just let me..." She trailed off as Alison closed the glass doors, locking her out of the Dino Diner.

Lily simply stood there for a moment, staring at the doors.

After several seconds that felt like years, she went to her car, opened it, and sat down in the driver's seat, numbly staring straight ahead.

One day. It had taken one day, a single visit to the place she was supposed to be splitting the bill for, to get her fired. Her brain was more than a little fried from the stress, she didn't have a clue what those military guys were doing, and she had a weirdly powerful desire to find that flying shark and hug it until her problems went away.

Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, wiping the tears from her eyes and squinting. Someone had sent her a text, an unknown number. It displayed itself on the screen, shining electric blue light onto her face as the sun set.

"sup1 this is noah, ur roommate"

"u ok"

Lily gently placed her forehead on the steering wheel, then rapped her head a few times in a pathetic attempt at a facepalm. How had he even gotten her number?

It didn't matter. This was his fault.

She seized her phone and texted back a quick reply.

"No, I'm not okay. I just got fired because of you and now I can't pay my side of the bill. So we're both homeless now. Got anything to say?"

The response was remarkably quick.

"lol brb"

Lily stared at the phone, uncomprehending. Laugh out loud? Be right back? What part of any of this could possibly be considered funny?

Leaning back in the chair, she put her hands at ten and two on the steering wheel, drumming her fingers as she thought. Technically speaking, she wasn't homeless, only jobless. She could always go back to her mom's house and ask if she could stay a little longer. It wouldn't be the first time she'd had to beg for an extension.

The restaurant door slammed as someone practically launched it off its hinges, and Lily sat up, startled. Alison was running towards her car at a dead sprint, and rapidly motioning for her to roll the window down.

Immensely confused for the dozenth time that day, Lily rolled the window down and leaned her head out. "What is it?"

Alison rested her hand against the roof of the car, panting in an attempt to catch her breath. "You're... you're not fired. You're rehired, I guess."

Lily blinked. "What?"

Alison nodded rapidly. "Yeah, you're right, that's stupid. I'll hire you for half again - no, twice your old pay! Please just come back to work for us, it's not optional for me!"

Lily's jaw dropped. "Wh - what's going on?"

Her phone vibrated, and she checked it out of sheer habit.

Noah had texted back. Just a simple thumbs up.

Lily looked back at her old boss. "...Okay, I guess."