EITHER OR BOTH

Lynne sat leisurely atop the cushioned chair, his head held up by his hand, as his right leg was flung over left, rocking back and forth. He was within a small, squared room, holding a single bed with unconscious Fen’er atop of it. After a short examination, a doctor determined she had no injuries and was simply knocked out, but Lynne still remained behind – mainly because he feared there were other Selena’s associates around, and she somehow managed to get the message of Fen’er’s betrayal across.

The room was eerily silent, blocking off the chatter beyond its walls, and leaving behind only steady, silent heartbeats of the two to mingle. Lynne deeply hated silences like this, as all one’s focus would, no doubt, return back to oneself. Yet, at the moment, he found it strangely calming, as if he himself had become a part of it.

His eyes were lazily focused onto Fen’er’s pale face, and he couldn’t help but sigh inwardly. Remembering their fight after she, and two others, pursued him, he couldn’t connect the two persona to the same person.

“… like I’m the one to talk.” he grunted lowly, getting off his chair and stretching his back.

“You’ve been awfully patient, sitting there like a statue for nearly a day.” Fen’er spoke up faintly, startling Lynne slightly.

“… you really think it’s a right time to play pranks?” Lynne asked.

“I haven’t. Although aware, I wasn’t awake.”

“… yeah, keep it vague. How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Ugh, I’m fine,” she sat up, holding onto her head as she shook it. “I can’t believe she was here. On the other hand, you’ve grown even more terrifying…”

“Hey, hey, don’t call this pretty boy terrifying! It ruins my image!” Lynne protested as he sat back down onto the sofa.

“Right… anyway, thanks for saving me. I guess I owe you one.” she added.

“Why did I have to save you anyway? She wasn’t too quick for you.”

“… she… she was a friend, you could say,” Fen’er smiled bitterly. “And I’m not as indifferent as I thought, apparently.”

“… you should rest,” Lynne said as he got up. “I’ll come and visit later tonight.”

“Where are you going?” she asked, curious.

“… to get some answers.”

Lynne walked out as he said his farewells, moving towards the dungeons beneath the city’s Headquarters. Parsia had come earlier today and informed him that Selena said she wouldn’t talk to anyone except for him, so Lynne figured he’d head over.

The dungeons ran roughly a hundred meters beneath the surface, and were a small village in and of themselves. With over a thousand cells in total, it was oversaw all day and night long by nearly two hundred guards in shifts, and was one of the greatest prisons in the Kingdom.

Selena’s cell was located in the Western Wing, reserved only for the most dangerous people, as each cell was coated in numerous anti-magic formations and runes, in addition to chains binding the prisoners being reinforced ten times over.

He found her stark naked, head hung low, arms and legs spread, bound by coiling chains to the walls. Her body showed numerous, recent wounds, but Lynne paid little attention to them. He signaled the guard to open the cell and leave, as he entered and sat on a nearby chair.

“You don’t look so great.” he said.

“And whose fault is that, huh?” she raised her head, looking at him.

“I suppose it’s yours,” Lynne said, smiling. “Seeing you were dumb enough to think you could get away with it.”

“Ha ha,” she laughed hoarsely. “I suppose you’re right. You were, after all, a variable we didn’t account for. We thought you’d still be recovering in the Holy Paradise.”

“We wouldn’t even be here had you not left that lake of corpses behind which led us to this city.” Lynne said, chuckling lightly. “So, it’s still your fault.”

“If Lady Fen’er’s with you, then you must know about the attack.” she said. “Why are you still here, then? Do you really think you can win? While strong, I’ll admit, you alone aren’t enough Lynne.”

“Perhaps,” Lynne said, narrowing his eyes. “Which is why you’ll help me.”

“Oh, I will?” Selena asked.

“For some reason, you were overly terrified of a Soul attack,” Lynne said, playing with his fingers. “Which surprised me. While deadly to most inexperienced Mages, anyone who’s managed to climb into higher ranks, should know how to utilize some form of a Soul Defense art. There are several explanations for your fear, but I think most-likely one is that your Soul is extremely feeble. And, I’d wager a strange guess, that that’s the case with most of your forces. How on point am I?”

“Ha ha,” Selena laughed again, throwing her head back as far back as it could go. “You really do have a vivid imagination Lynne.”

“So I’m right,” Lynne smiled as he leaned back. “You know, most of my life I’ve spent studying people,” he added. “It all started with their expressions. How they change and morph, tiniest bits of movement that determine their thoughts. Then I moved to the tonal changes, body language, eyes, practically everything people use when they talk. I’ve gotten eerily good at being able to understand people. Sometimes, better than they understand themselves. Your actions are telling me you’re afraid.”

“Oh?” Selena’s eyes narrowed as she looked at him.

“Not for yourself, mind you, but for Layla and others.” Lynne said. “I know for a fact not all of them are part of Zen, and some are just truly people you view as your family. My guess is that you’re afraid we’ve simply grouped them all up and locked them in similar cells, starving them to see just who’s hiding.” a gourd of wine suddenly flashed atop Lynne’s palm as he began drinking. “Though, you’re mistaken to believe all of mankind is as cruel as you are.”

“Ha ha, youth truly is naive.” Selena said, snickering. “Not as cruel? Do you get off on this stuff, Lynne? And you want me to help you? Dream on! Kill them! Kill them all, kill me, kill my entire lineage for all I care, I still won’t help you! Besides, the one afraid here isn’t me, Lynne. Just as you’re good at reading people, so am I; we’ve both felt something off about each other when we first met. And it both turned out to be true. However, in those brief moments we’ve shared, I’ve seen the scared little boy that you are deep inside. However much you hide him from the rest of the world, you can’t hide him from yourself.”

“I’m not,” Lynne replied simply. “Of course I’m terrified you insane bitch.” he added, chuckling. “I’m expected to fight – and defeat, mind you – some ancient fucking False God, who can apparently corrupt dozens of generations of people and bend them to do his bidding – all whilst locked away in a prison deep beneath the earth. And, who am I? Some scrawny, sorry-ass kid who can barely catch a whiff of sleep recently. It’d be weird if I wasn’t shitting my boots.”

“Ha ha, no, no,” Selena shook her head. “Your fears run much deeper, Lynne. As do mine. As do fears of all people alive. You’re right about one thing, though: you’re a scrawny, young kid. You’ve grown up sheltered, and now you’re paying the price. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you finally face my Lord. Ha ha, it’s going to be beautiful!”

“Unfortunately,” Lynne said, his eyes flashing a cold glint. “You won’t get a chance to witness it.”

“Oh? You’re going to kill me? I’d love to see you do it! Come on! Behead me, right here and now! Because, however much you torture me, I’ll never tell you anything!”

“Ah,” Lynne sighed as he shook his head, getting up and walking over, crouching in front of her. “I’ve already stuck one foreign object in you. Why couldn’t I stick another one? But, it’s not the time yet. You know,” he caressed her cheeks gently. “The only reason I’m still alive, is because all those who encounter me, keep underestimating me. Hey, it’s just a kid who’s barely trained in Magic, they say, what can he possibly do? They see me the same way you do,” his fingers reached out and raised her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “And yes, they are right. I’m scared. I’m terrified. Each time I take part in a battle, I’m shaking in my boots. I’m short of breath. My heart is ready to pop out of my chest at any time. And, each time I get out of it all alive, I feel regret. Guilt. Pain. I wake up screaming every time I fall asleep.”

“All these things make me who I am,” he continued, narrowing his eyes slightly. “My greatest strength isn’t my ability, but the knowledge of who I am. Of all that makes me. Who are you, Selena? Huh? Are you a loving, family member? Are you a devoted follower to your God? Or are you a cold-hearted murderer? You try to be all, but you find it impossible. I, on the other hand, can be all the things; both those that embolden me, and those that cripple me. For how long? I can’t say. Perhaps a day. Perhaps a month. Or perhaps until the day I die. Yes, I hate myself for the things that I’ve done, and will no doubt keep doing for the years to come. But, you know what? Fuck it. I’ve lived underneath the eyes of hatred since the day I was born. What’s another pair to add to the whole pool, no?”

“Ah, little Lynne, if things were only that simple,” she said, smiling lightly. “One day, not too far from today, you’ll be forced to choose. A choice will be very simple, but will change your life. Either you’ll defy the madness… or give into it. If you defy it, you won’t be able to live with what you’ve done, and will find your hand striking your throat with a dagger. Should you give in… you’ll stop being who you are, and become someone else entirely. That is how evil is born, Lynne, and good dies.”

“… maybe,” Lynne said following a short silence as he got up and turned around. “Alas, I don’t believe in good or evil, Selena. Do you think I fight your kin because I believe them evil? No, I fight them because they fight me. The only good I’ve ever seen in my life was a dog I named Lola. The poor thing loved me so much it waited for me seven days in deep snow, but I never came. She died waiting there, believing I’d come. The only evil I’ve ever seen is in folk tales I used to read, the great, corrupt clouds of darkness swarming the sky and heroes battling them to save the world. You will help me, Selena,” Lynne said, looking back at her, his expression grim. “Or I’ll personally bring all of them, right here, and slit their throats one by one, whether they are guilty or not. Whether good or evil, as you say. Now, you may be able to endure, or you may not. But, in the end, only time will tell.”

“… what happened to the whole spiel of not all of the world is as corrupt as we are?” Selena mocked, looking harrowingly at him.

“… the whole world isn’t,” he replied, chuckling. “But parts are.”

“… you won’t be able to do it, you know?” she roared after him as he moved towards the cell’s exit. “You don’t have a gut to look someone in the eye and end their life! Do you know why, little Lynne? Because you have nothing to fight for! You are alone, a piss-poor existence who can change the tides of time, but lacks reason to do it! Do you know how many like you are born and die every day? Thousands… millions! Like all of them, you’ll, in the end, amount to nothing!”

“… I do have something worth fighting for,” Lynne glanced back at her, smiling. “Or, rather, someone. People who, despite all I’ve done, are still standing by my side and laughing with me. People who’ve granted me a way in turn for a promise… promise I need to fulfill. People who’ve granted me strength in the time of need, so I can use that strength in their time of need. All around me are the faces of people who stand by me at my worst, and offer a hand when I lose my way. It took me awhile to recognize it all… but, in truth, I was never alone.”

Lynne walked out, his expression heavy, unchanged until he departed from the dungeons. Returning back to the inn, he flung himself atop the bed, closing his eyes. A conflict, akin to two colliding storms, unfolded inside his mind. He had forced them into tranquility, but they broke free, and he had to choose. Suddenly, as if the chains binding him melted, and the mountains standing atop his shoulders finally collapsed, he felt his breath loosen. Opening his eyes, he smiled lightly as he looked at the ceiling.

“… I guess, then, I’ll be both…” he muttered. “Eternal Spirit, you there?” he asked inwardly.

“Aye, aye, young one,” the voice replied in a merry tone. “Looks like you’ve finally come to terms with it.”

“More or less,” Lynne replied, chuckling. “Took me long enough.”

“Don’t let them deceive you, young lad,” the Spirit said. “Melancholy truly made you look cool.”

“… screw you.”

“Ho ho,” the Spirit laughed, suddenly flashing as it appeared inside Lynne’s room. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Coming to terms with what you’ve done, however, is merely a first step. Next is to find your compass. May I --”

“No,” Lynne immediately interrupted. “I can’t make people close to me my compasses.”

“Not even her?” the Spirit said, arching his brow.

“… you’ve been digging through my memories, old fuck,” Lynne said, somewhat angrily. “I don’t remember letting you.”

“It was quite a surprise seeing the ever-bosom-loving Lynne flustered like a little child in front of a girl,” the Spirit chuckled. “You were no older than thirteen at the time. Ah, how the times have changed.”

“… hm,” Lynne sighed, a look of reminiscence flashing through his eyes. “I really was an ordinary kid back then, wasn’t I? Hah, I wonder what’s she doing now…”

“You can always look for her, you know?”

“… no,” Lynne said, turning around and closing his eyes. “Some people should always remain just a sweet, bitter memory from the past.” he said as he finally sank into sleep, tired to the point of his bones crying out for rest.