NOT SO USELESS ONE

“So, this is the Magus tomb you were talking about?” Lynne asked as he examined a gigantic entrance, etched into the side of a mountain.

“Yup,” the monkey replied, leaping onto his shoulder. “This is it.”

“The entrance is visible to even the blind,” Lynne protested. “What makes you think it wasn’t looted before both of us were even born?”

“Well, because nobody who entered ever came out.” the monkey relied bluntly.

“… and out of all the tombs, you found us this one?” Thalia joined.

“Hey, you said you were broke.”

“Yes, broke, not suicidal!” Parsia cried out, shaking his head.

“Ah, come on!” the monkey exclaimed. “This is in celebration of Lynne’s successful evolution from a piss-poor everyday Magus to a piss-poor Celestial Magus.”

“… well, technically,” Lynne said. “We’re all piss-poor.”

“… ugh,” Thalia grunted as she looked back at the entrance; it was a parted gate, steel-reinforced, void of any marks or indicators or symbols that would help one decipher who was buried here. “I say that we don’t take a risk. Just scout the roads, wait for some merchant caravan and rob them dry.”

“I concur!” Lynne said.

“Me too.” Parsia said.

“This great bird concurs as well!” the bird suddenly landed on Lynne’s shoulder as it nibbled on some worm-like creature.

“I say we go in,” Fen’er’s words startled others. “I mean, if no one ever left this place, it means that it’s most-likely an Immortal Tomb. Means we’ll be more loaded than a cargo ship if we manage to loot it.”

“… yes, you’re right – key word ‘manage’,” Thalia said. “However, we won’t be managing anything while our corpses rot for all eternity.”

“Wow, someone has bleak perspective,” Fen’er sneered lightly as she approached the entrance. “You know what they say: through the doors lies the fortune.”

“Who? You? Because I’ve never heard that one before.” Lynne said as he took a step forward as well, examining the entrance further. “What do you think monkey?”

“Well, I can only feel faint spacial fluctuations from it.” the monkey said.

“Meaning?”

“It can be several things,” the monkey pondered out loud. “It’s maybe because it doesn’t contain many treasures, or that the treasures simply emit weak fluctuations. It can also mean that they’re buried so deep I can barely sense them. Or maybe the protective formations inside the tomb itself are so advanced they can block my senses. However, from what I understand, most unmarked tombs qualify as either completely ordinary Magus tombs or Divine Tombs. It’s basically a gamble whenever you chance upon one.”

“Look guys,” Fen’er said following a short silence. “Regardless of what we do, we’ll be making risks. If we decide to rob, we will attract attention of the Kingdom, and that’s the last thing we want; and we WILL attract it as robbery in this place is as rare as days when Lynne isn’t an absolute ass.”

“Hey!”

“And, the road to the Eastern Front is long. It will take us at least half a year until we get there, and while Lynne can feed himself with his ego-”

“Hey!”

“-the rest of us need food.”

“It’s the bird that feeds itself on its ego!” Lynne protested.

“No, I’m feeding myself with Rellar Worm currently,” the bird said. “They’re quite sweet-tasting.”

“So, what’s it gonna be?” Fen’er asked the rest.

“Ugh, let’s just go in,” Lynne sighed as he spoke. “I mean, the worst case scenario, we die. At least I won’t have to deal with you lot anymore.”

“Ah, it’s so sweet you think you don’t love us.” Thalia ruffled his hair as she stepped past him and moved closer towards the entrance.

“Yeah, of course I love you guys!” Lynne sneered as he caught up and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “So much, actually, that I’m thinking whether we should even bother with the light if the insides of the tomb are dark.”

“… what happened to your mantra of mature ladies?” Thalia asked, smiling. “Giving up already?”

“Well, I’m not Lynne at the moment,” he exclaimed. “I’m an old father of a bunch of ugly bastards that I’ve fed by breaking my spine across decades of working in mines.”

“You do realize that, in this scenario, you’d be screwing your own children?” Thalia asked.

“Yap, didn’t think this through,” Lynne let go of her as he stepped through the entrance and into the tomb. “Let’s go. Adventure awaits!”

“With you around?” Parsia said as he followed. “More like headaches await.”

A pretty girl, a second pretty girl, a Prince, an old man, a bird and a monkey walked through the entrance, but all of them failed to hear a low hum that shook the gates gently.

As they stepped past the gates into the mountain, they found themselves in a tunnel. The tunnel was half-circular and relatively narrow, with torches burning in golden flames hanging off the walls, illuminating it.

They immediately spotted tablets in front of them; every fifty meters, a tablet arose from the ground, and with it an invisible force field of energy that they all felt.

As they approached the first tablet, they realized that it had some writing carved upon the rectangular stone, and that the tablet itself was coated in the same force field energy as the tunnel.

“What is the main attribute of the Feathered Phoenix? Write your answer below.” Lynne read it out loud. “Wait, is this a test? A freaking test?”

“So, it’s a multilayer tomb,” Thalia said, her eyes sharp. “At least we can confer that it’s not just an ordinary Magus tomb.”

“Multilayer?” Lynne asked.

“It means that we’ll descend down the levels, or floors, or however else you call it,” Parsia explained. “Each of these floors will have different types of challenges. The first one here, apparently, is a knowledge test.”

“Can’t we just break through?” Lynne asked as he placed the palm of his hand against the force field.

“No,” Thalia said. “These force fields aren’t just bundles of condensed energy. They’re connected to a source somewhere in the depths of tomb that provides them with nigh infinite energy, meaning that we’d have to overwhelm the source itself to break through. Unless we have a similar type of a source, that’s impossible.”

“Alright,” Fen’er interjected. “So let’s just start answering and move along.”

“If it’s starting with attributes of already extinct, ancient beasts,” the monkey pondered. “It won’t be easy. And Lynne won’t be of any help.” he added in the end.

“True,” Lynne steadily agreed. “I only know about Ice Phoenix. And that’s because there’s one on my shoulder right now.”

“Ah, we’ll figure something out,” Thalia said as she pointed her finger at the tablet and began writing using Mana. “The fastest breed of Phoenix species.” her answered stayed alight for a few moments before disappearing, whereupon ‘Why?’ appeared. “Really?” she grunted as she jotted down the answer. “Because of the Feathered wings making them the lightest.”

“Correct,” the tablet read as the force field blocking their path jiggled slightly before disappearing. “You may proceed.”

“Cool,” Lynne said as he nodded, moving along with the others. “So, where do you guys learn about these things?”

“… books?” others replied in unison as they looked at him.

“Oh. Yeah, well, I learned how to get away with theft from books! Hah!”

“… let’s see what’s the second one.” Thalia exhaled as she looked at the tablet. “Three variations of True Dragons. Ugh, that’s one major leap in difficulty.”

“If the pattern continues,” Fen’er sighed as she spoke. “I can see why nobody ever left this tomb.”

“I know of two,” Thalia said as she looked at the others. “Winged and Ethereal. Anyone know the third?”

“Formless.” the monkey said bluntly.

“Yeah,” Parsia nodded. “Formless.”

“Alright.”

“Correct. You may proceed.”

“How’d you know that, monkey?” Parsia asked, somewhat surprised.

“Eh, I know a lot of things.” Lynne, the bird and the monkey lagged slightly behind the three as Lynne turned towards the furry creature.

“What’s the difference between the three?”

“… ah, it’s in the names Lynne. It’s in the names.” the monkey sighed, shaking his head as he held onto his forehead. “Winged are the Dragons commonly depicted in ancient folk lore. Birds, basically, with huge, boned wings, giant maws and what not. Ethereal are the Dragons that don’t have physical form, and Formless are Dragons without firm form. For instance, the Dragon that taught you those Laws was Formless; just a bundle of specific energy shaped in a form of a Dragon, but visible to the naked eye unlike the Ethereal.”

“… this world is so confusing.” Lynne sighed as he caught up to the orders who already approached the tablet.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Fen’er grunted, her expression downcast. “From what I see, there are at least fifteen of these tablets. And the third question is about all four recorded eras. That’s a basic question; what the hell is it doing with the previous two?”

“It’s a trick question maybe,” Lynne proposed after a short thought. “Or the creator of the tomb was just a very disturbed individual.”

“A trick question! Yes!” Thalia exclaimed as she smiled at Lynne. “So you can be useful for something else other than pissing people off!”

“… why do I feel like this party was formed with sole purpose of pissing me off? Anyway, that’s the trick part of the question?”

“There are only two actually recorded eras.” Thalia explained whereupon Parsia’s and Fen’er’s frowns turned upside down.

“That’s right!” Parsia exclaimed. “We only have records from this era – Magus Era – and the Desolation Era! Primordial Era and Dark Era don’t have any records of them!”

“… that wasn’t hard though,” Lynne said, his expression of disappointment. “The trick was in how the question was formed. And you couldn’t figure it out on the first glance. What the…”

“Ah, shut up,” Thalia punched him gently as she wrote down the answer onto the tablet. “Correct. You may proceed.”

“How do we even define the eras?” Lynne asked the others as they moved onto the next tablet.

“Mostly by world-changing events that took place at some point in time,” Parsia explained. “For instance, Magus Era began when Primordial Gods taught humans and other races Origin Laws. Desolation Era began following the end of the Primordial War – war which marked the end of the Primordial Era. As for Dark Era, that’s just a theorized time before Primordial Gods, when only energy and Source existed.”

“Oh.” Lynne exclaimed softly. “I could remember that.”

“You should already know that.” Thalia glanced at him angrily. “Even children in cradles that are yet to speak know that.”

“… I can see your underwear.”

“No you can’t.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I’m not wearing any.”

“… “

“…”

“…”

“Ah, here’s another mind-bender,” Thalia smiled while the corners of her lips twitched as she read the question the tablet out loud. “What are unkindled Flames called?”

“Eh? That’s easy,” Lynne said with innocent expression. “Sparks.”

“Eh?” Thalia, Fen’er and Parsia looked at him with shocked expressions, while the monkey and the bird acted as if nothing was odd.

“What’s with the gobsmacked expressions?” Lynne looked at them angrily. “I study Origin Law of Flames. I should freaking know a thing or two about it!”

“Are you sure it’s Sparks?”

“Well, it’s either Sparks or Spanks, which is exactly what I’ll do to you if you doubt my knowledge of flames ever again!” Lynne exclaimed proudly by puffing his chest out.

“Fine.” Thalia said after a short pause as she wrote down the answer.

“Correct. You may proceed.”

“Ha ha,” Lynne began laughing suddenly as they walked forth. “And you guys said I’d be useless! Ha ha!”

“You agreed with us!” the others exclaimed.

“Yeah, well, self-doubt is there so that your friends can cast it away!”

“… oh shut up.” they quickly reached the next tablet, which was slightly larger than the others before it and, instead of crude stone, it was made of smoothed granite. “Let’s see,” Thalia said as she looked over the question. “Name the three Lording creatures of Desolation Era. Oh, fuck you.”

“What’s the problem?” Lynne asked.

“The problem is,” even the monkey grunted lowly as he explained. “That records state there were Twelve Lords, not three.”

“Hai, could it be another trick question?” Lynne asked.

“Maybe,” the monkey sighed. “Maybe not.”

“What do you guys think?” Thalia asked Fen’er and Parsia.

“Well, Bellal the Drake, Inuo and Gaah ruled over the most territory according to the texts,” Fen’er said, furrowing her brows. “But it was never stated that they were ‘the’ lords. Or that they were the strongest.”

“Yeah,” Parsia agreed. “Nothing in the descriptions of the Twelve Lords indicates that three had supremacy over others.”

“Maybe the ‘Lording creatures’ refers to races or species that were called Lording something?” Lynne proposed after a short thought.

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“What?” Lynne asked, confused.

“Lording Serpent,” Thalia began writing the answer. “Lording Arbutus, Lording Lion.”

“Correct. You may proceed.”

“… you guys are terrible at this.”

“… the fact that I can’t refute that hurts more than a broken heart.” Fen’er said.

“Well, in order for a heart to be broken, you need to have one.” Lynne said.

“You’re on your way to not having it.”

“Yeah, I’ll shut up.”

“Five cleared,” Thalia said as she looked ahead. “Ten to go.”