MAGNET TO WEIRD

Lynne was grinning widely as he stared at the infused explosion that slowly began toppling the world unto itself. Then, bit by bit, his grin turned into an expression of confusion and soon after into outright panic. He began waving his arms and legs about as he tried to compress the insane amounts of Mana being deployed by the collision, but all to no avail.

“Holy fuck! Hey dude, help me out here! We can’t let this thing actually explode completely!!” Lynne shouted at the man hovering on the other side of the pillar; much like Lynne, he went through the same ordeal of emotions and was now staring at the pillar with full panic-stricken face.

“It’s your fucking fault, you brat! What the hell was that Spell Art?! Are you insane?! Do you want to destroy the world?!”

“Shut the hell up you two!!” the False God suddenly appeared by Lynne’s side, equally panicked. “Thalia, get your fucking ass over here and help these two idiots! Monkey, bird, Liz-boy, you three get your asses out and do the same!”

“Aye aye captain!”

“Fuck, this is insane!” Lynne said as he pushed out all the Mana he had, wrapping it around the expanding pillar that slowly began showcasing the signs of exploding completely, trying to suppress it.

“Imagine if you cast Infinity alongside it…” the Spirit added fuel to the fire as he appeared behind Lynne.

“Oh, I forgot about that.”

“Good fucking thing you’re an idiot!” the False God said. Right then, Thalia joined the group with the expression of fear and astonishment as her gaze slowly turned towards Lynne.

“I didn’t know you were suicidal.”

“Oi, now’s not the time!”

“Bearded Empyrean shit, what are you staring around for?!!” the False God yelled at the man, startling him. “Help out!”

“Yes, yes!”

Seemingly infinite amount of Mana was outpoured from everyone, gathering around the pillar as it slowly began compressing it; bit by bit, it reverted back to thickness of a small tree, until others pushed it even further, compressing it down to a size of a small pebble. Then, the Spirit took over as he inscribed some runic characters atop the small pebble-like object compressing its aura completely.

Following this, there was a moment of confusion until panic began running amok; the animals and beasts beneath, as if broken out of some charming spell, began roaring in fear as they scattered, running away from the fort as if lashed endlessly. Majority of the people within the fort had passed out, and even those that were still conscious had blank eyes.

“What the hell did I tell you?!” the False God immediately unleashed torrent of lectures at Lynne. “Why the hell would you use Chaos there?! You could have just fucking dodged if you used Space! The arc would have just flown into the sky and exploded and it would have all been fine! But noooo~ Lynne just HAD to have a dick measuring contest for no reason!”

“Hey, I wasn’t measuring anything!” Lynne fought back.

“Shut up!” the False God slapped him across the head, causing Lynne to moan in pain lowly. “I can’t believe how idiotic you are! What’s inside that brain of yours, huh?! I can’t believe we’re fostering you to save the world! Looking at it, you’ll be the fucking cause of its end!”

“And you~” he then shifted onto the man who stared at the weirdest ensemble of… things he’s ever seen in his life. There was a weird, talking monkey. A phoenix-like small bird… who could also talk. There was also a Lizard… who could also talk. Then there was a Spirit… and he could also talk. Then there was this small kid who looked to be in charge, and loved cursing. Then there was a beautiful girl standing at the side. And it was topped off by a kid in the middle of it. “Why the hell are you casting absorption Spell Arts at the start of a freaking battle?! What are you? A kid?! Who the hell casts absorption Spell Arts at the start of a freaking battle?! What the shit happened to this world?! Are you all insane you~”

The lecture went on for about ten minutes before the False God ran out of breath and subsequently retreated back to Lynne’s soul, all whilst grumbling how he’s surrounded by complete morons. No one was spared form his lecture – not even Thalia, who was accused of not killing Lynne when she had a chance – so they all had rather downcast expressions. The first one to recover was Lynne, as he had quite a bit of experience as the victim of lectures.

“Eh, that went better than expected.” he said.

“Better than expected?!” Thalia looked at him angrily.

“What? The beasts have dispersed. We’ve won. What’s the matter?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Boss!!” Lynne suddenly heard something insane and nearly stumbled and fell from the air. No. No. Please, for the love of everything that’s holy, just no!! “I’d like to serve you, Boss! You’re awesome! Can you teach me how to cast that Chaos whatever thing?! Aaah, that was awesome!!” the man Lynne was fighting suddenly came up and started talking… with a much different expression. There was reverence in his eyes, his voice, every gesture he did as he stared at Lynne.

“…”

“What’s the matter Boss?! Ah, don’t worry! I don’t care if I’m betraying my friends or whatever! Getting stronger and serving even stronger is the point of life, right? Fighting, fighting, just fighting till your balls sag off, isn’t that the most beautiful thing about life?! Ah, Boss, you sure are amazing! You’re just a Celestial Magus but you can match me tit for butt!” That’s not the expression!!! “I can’t even imagine how strong you’ll be once you evolve to Empyrean!” We don’t evolve!

“…”

“Are you okay Boss?” the man asked when he realized Lynne wasn’t replying.

“No…” Lynne suddenly laughed lowly as tears cascaded down his cheeks. “It’s really true, huh? I really am a magnet to all things weird, huh? Fine! Fine Gods, if you want to punish me, go ahead! Dammit! Come, all things weird, your Master Lynne is here! Are you a tortoise that’s shaped like a triple butt and your special attack is farting?! Come, I’ll welcome you with a hug! Or are you a bird that swims instead of flies?!” Then it’s not a bird! “Come to me, I’ll treat you like a bird! I, after all, am a Master of all things weird! What sun is to the planets, I am to the weird things! I’ll pull you all wherever we may go, and never let you go! Come all things weird~”

“He broke,” Thalia said lowly. “Let’s go down to the fort and inform the people. Leave him be here for awhile. He’ll come to his senses.”

“Are you sure the Boss will be okay?” the man asked.

“… I think so…” Thalia said, grunting lowly. “What’s your name and who the hell are you anyway?”

“Ah, Boss’ wife,” the man puffed out his chest and slapped it with his fist as he spoke. “This one’s name is Gruuut,” No… “And I’m just a man seeking the strongest person in the world! Also, I love fighting more than anything else!” You don’t say…

“What were you doing with those guys that escaped?” Thalia asked.

“Eh? Ah, I was just tagging along ‘cause it seemed like fun.” Gruuut explained casually. “I never imagined I’d meet someone as strong as Boss in a place like this. Today’s really my lucky day!”

“Ah, anyway, Gruu- there’s no way I’ll call you that, so we’ll just rename you to Gru-”

“Love it already!”

“-great,” Thalia shook her head, as she finally sympathized with Lynne. “What can you tell me about the people running this entire ‘let’s have Beastkin and humans go to war’ ordeal?”

“Eh, I don’t know much to be honest,” Gru narrowed his eyes as he stroked his bear lightly, seemingly thinking deeply. “For the most part I slept through the meetings because nobody was dying. Oh, I remember them saying that Miss Lucela loves eating sand.”

“… why did you attack the fort today?”

“The boss ordered.” Gru said casually.

“The boss?” finally something relevant, huh?

“Uh, my bad, ex-boss I mean,” Gru said, smiling awkwardly. “Anyway, he’s this idiot who wants to move out from the Eastern Wastelands for some reason. I mean, what crappers is he thinking? Here, everyone battles everyone every day and every minute! It’s like a paradise! Eh, but I joined him because he declared war on pretty much everything, so I figured there’d be a lot of fighting.”

“Eh, what are the two of you talking about?” Lynne suddenly joined them, intercepting in the middle. Apparently he was done lamenting his fate. “Are you hitting on my girlfriend?” he looked angrily at Gru as he asked.

“Ah?! I would never, Boss!” Gru replied. “Boss’ Wife is Goddess, I would never dare even think! Besides, I already have a wife.”

“What?!!!” Thalia and Lynne exclaimed softly in unison.

“And three beautiful kids!”

“… fuck off.”

“Ah, I should probably go and get them before ex-boss realizes I’ve deserted.”

“Are they far away?” Lynne asked.

“Hmm… maybe a day away?”

“… why? Why just a day?! Why not a century?!!”

“Eeeh? I could never be that far away from my beautiful wife and kids!” Gru said.

“Fine, go, save her.”

“Yes, Boss!!” and so Gru left, his body enveloped in flames as he disappeared into the horizon.

“You didn’t actually forget to use Infinity, right?” Thalia asked suddenly.

“Of course not,” Lynne shrugged his shoulders. “I’m just tired of being bisected into pieces each time I use it. It’s very inconvenient, you know?” Inconvenient you say… “What about you? Why didn’t you come to help me?”

“Why would I?” Thalia shrugged her shoulders as well. “I should have helped him instead.”

“Eeeh? That’s unfair! You promised you’d be my shield!”

“… you were awake?” Thalia suddenly took out a dagger out of nowhere and pressed it against Lynne’s throat.

“Eh? T-thalia? I-I wasn’t awake, the Spirit told me later on~”

“I imagine you’re good at forgetting things.”

“Eh?”

“So forget.”

“Forgotten.”

“Good.”

“He was pretty strong though,” Lynne said as he looked at the direction Gru disappeared off to. “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t going all out either.”

“He’s an Empyrean,” Thalia said calmly. “Of course he didn’t. He barely even used Skyfire and Hellfire.”

“I’ve noticed,” Lynne frowned lightly. “I felt something strange about those two flames.”

“Hm?” Thalia glanced at him.

“One felt as if it could heal me, and the other felt as if it would burn me down to my core,” Lynne explained as he stroked his chin. “However, combined, it felt as if they would just nullify me.”

“I don’t know much about the Law of Flames,” Thalia said. “But there’s something similar with the Law of Water.”

“Hm?”

“There are generally three types of Water,” Thalia explained. “Liquid form, solid form and gas form.”

“Oh!” Lynne exclaimed softly.

“All three retain the general properties of Water, but have varying degrees of different usages. For instance, liquid form and gas form can both be used to heal, but solid form can’t. At the same time, though, solid form can pierce even the hardest of objects while gas form can just pass through, but liquid form can’t do either.”

“So that’s how it is…”

“Hm,” Thalia nodded. “In truth, though, if you truly want to use Water properly, you’d have to master Wind and Ice as well, as they’re actual offsets of gas and solid forms.”

“Makes sense.” Lynne nodded. “Is that the requirement of going from Celestial Magus to Lunar Child?” Lynne asked.

“No,” Thalia shook her head. “The requirements actually vary from person to person. There are very few Laws that have universally even requirements like Flame. Skyfire and Hellfire are Origin Flames from which all other spawn, but Water doesn’t have anything like that.”

“So… would it work if I just reverse engineered the whole thing?” Lynne asked as a flash of brilliance passed through his mind.

“Hm?”

“I mean, if I went the backward route,” Lynne explained. “Instead of starting with Skyfire and Hellfire and then working down the chain, would it work if I just combined all Natural Flames and Sparks and reached the Skyfire and Hellfire instead?”

“Oh, interesting.” Thalia said, nodding lightly. “Usually, we use that process to determine arrays and formations, but it could work.”

“Ah, by the way, I know of Child, Lord, King and Emperor ranks within the Grand Realm. Is there more?”

“…”

“Don’t look at me like that. Please. It hurts.”

“Ah… there is,” Thalia sighed softly. “God and Creator. Once someone reaches the apex of a Creator, they’re given the title of Prime Magus.”

“And then there’s Divine Realm afterwards…” Lynne muttered.

“Aye, but don’t get your hopes up,” Thalia chuckled bitterly. “Even Master doesn’t have any hope of achieving it.”

“Oh?” Lynne arched his brows.

“Divine Mages are, after all, equal to Primordial Gods in power,” … she must mean the really strong False Gods. “And it usually takes an army of God and Creator level Mages to take down a single Primordial God. So, the requirements are quite absurd.”

“Still, Lady Ella doesn’t fulfill them? She seems really strong through.”

“Of course she is idiot,” she slapped him lightly. “She’s been Lumen Creator for nearly five centuries now. Still, to cross that pivotal boundary… hah, there are only three known Divine Mages currently alive. They aren’t even allowed to participate in wars normally, as that would tip the balance far too much.”

“So, what are the requirements?” Thalia suddenly glanced at him, her gaze slightly odd. “What?” Lynne asked.

“Master once said that you may actually cross that boundary.”

“She did?”

“To be fair, she said the same about me,” Thalia chuckled. “It has to do with the number of Laws the two of us are capable of practicing at the same time. But also the proficiency. For instance, although I’m Lunar Emperor, I’m not even Lumen Child yet in comparison, and Light is my second strongest Law.”

“I’m in the same bind,” Lynne chuckled. “Save for Flames, I barely have proficiency in any other Law.”

“It’d be strange if you did, you freak of nature.”

“Eeeh?”

“Nobody reaches your mastery within two fucking years. You’re like a mass-depression to any Magus wanting to learn…”

“… that hurt. Anyway,” Lynne said as his eyes suddenly flashed with glint of determination. “I’ll close myself up for meditation. I have a feeling I’ll be able to break through this time around.”

“Good luck.” Thalia smiled.

“Eh, just words?”

“… I forgot you’re a massive pervert.”

“That I am. No shame in admitting it.”

“Ugh, fine.” the two kissed briefly after which they separated. Thalia went towards the fort to inform the soldiers stationed there of the current situation, while Lynne dug a hole deep beneath the earth and enclosed himself as he sat down, cross-legged, and entered the Garden of Flames.

“It’s a high time I cleared the first World,” Lynne mumbled. “And entered the second.”