Chapter 34 - Comfort and Chores

For how long have I counted the knots on the wooden ceiling hanging above me? I wonder...

There I laid, tired as hell, but the sleep just wouldn't come to me. Violet invited me to stay in her place again. Was it out of hospitability or did she just want to make that Lumi and I don't avoid our responsibilities? I'd like to think it's the former. The sheets definitely beat out those of the inn's, in both softness and scent, especially in the latter, but, well... Leave me on my lonesome and I'm bound to find something to worry about.

Was it really worth it to part with the rings that easily? I have plenty of money still filling up my pockets and it's doing the races a service if the adventurers are better equipped to clear the Trails. Hell, I'm worried about their well being on top of that. Not to mention that Dagda also seemed to be quite enthusiastic about forging us weapons free of charge. Either I'm trying to desperately rationalize my stupidity or I have finally found my purpose in accidental altruism.

And while on the topic of purpose, I wonder just what the hell do those rings do. Fusion and Fission? I doubt they mean the same thing here as the nuclear jargon back in my old world did... Does the Fusion Ring somehow help me with casting magic, or was Lumi's rough guide actually enough to suddenly make me able to use magic without passing out? But why would she show me the ropes of sensing Mana if she wanted to duel me? Why did she want to duel me in the first place? To 'know something' right? I wonder what that was...

I don't know a damn about anything and it's frustrating beyond belief. Though being kept in the dark is one thing, I guess the one thing I'm most upset about is myself... I shouldn't worry, but I do. Everyone else seems so happy, so carefree. Even Lumi broke out of her shell today. I suppose I had my fair share of fun, too, but those feelings were as all good things in life are... Gone too soon. Perhaps even in a world of my very own creation, at least to some extent, I'll still remain an outcast. I never did have it in me to make a change. All my thoughts ever amounted up to were wondering about the what if's...

I'd like to say it didn't take long, but it could've been hours, for all I knew. I came to the realization that no matter how hard much I cried, the things I cried about wasn't going to get any better by themselves. I forcefully closed my eyes shut and dug my face into the pillow.

Unfortunately, as anyone would know, the more you try to fall asleep the less likely it's going to happen. And for a while, my mind wandered, before eventually drifting into realms unknown. The blissful sleep I so longed for, however, was something I never quite managed to reach, as I was brought back to my senses by a low, quiet creak reverberating throughout the room. The weight of the hefty door began to shift on the few old hinges that still held it in its place.

I laid still, awake, though so unbeknownst to the visitor.

From underneath my barely open eyelids, the moonlight shining faintly through the windows gave away nothing more than the elegant silhouette of the guest. Even if that was enough to soothe my anxiety, the uncertain steps of the approaching phantom became but whispers in the wind as my heart pounded heavily against my chest, showing no restraint.

My lone solitude was soon broken. Cold shivers ran across my spine, disregarding the familiar warmth now closing around me.

⌈I know you're awake...⌋

A velvet voice softly whispered.

⌈Will you let me stay with you? Just one more night...⌋

She ran her delicate fingertips across my scar-ridden body, caressing me, pulling me closer with every weary breath. For I did not find it in me to answer her with words, I gently took hold of the hands that endeared me.

Her soft lips pressed against the back of my neck. She didn't have to speak any words either... Even I understood, yet in my time of melancholy, my desires weren't carnal. Or rather, should I have had any as such, I wouldn't have known, for my greed to satiate my lust was far overshadowed by my yearning of a lap to lay down on.

⌈...⌋

I opened my mouth, but I couldn't put my thoughts into words.

⌈Don't worry, I understand. But...⌋

She carefully turned me around and gently held me in my place, looking me deep into my swollen eyes.

⌈Nothing good will come out of sulking by yourself. You're not alone. Not anymore.⌋

Before I had the time to question what she knows, and how, she pulled me into her embrace.

⌈Big sister is here for you.⌋

Though I was embarrassed at her calling herself my big sister once again, I couldn't deny that it was precisely what I needed right now. A shoulder to cry on, someone who cared...

I wrapped my hands around her body once more and laid my head down on her chest. I closed my eyes and held her tight. She ran her fingers through my bleak hair over and over again as she hummed a quiet lullaby.

⌈There, there...⌋

I did not cry, nor did I smile. I laid there lifeless, and let my pains slip away, as did I eventually with them.

'Thank you, Violet...'

...is what I would've said, had I not fallen asleep in her loving arms.

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The tiny spark which had long laid dormant within me now raged on proudly without restraint, encompassing me in its white light. With my very soul set ablaze, the power radiating throughout me let me feel as though I was ready to take on the Gods themselves, but for only a fleeting moment...

My inevitable end came without a word of warning. The intoxicating strength slowly consumed me, devouring me whole. I could not reign over the frenzied blaze. As the heartening warmth turned to scorching heat, I soon became but fuel for the flames of the never-ending fire.

I ran and ran, but I could not escape, or rather, there was no escape, for wherever I'd go the flame would follow. The sequence leading to my demise had begun, and I had naught to stop it with. I couldn't do but sit still as my body withered into the ashes from which I once came forth. Two screams of agony, neither of which belonged to me, were all I remember before I drifted into the afterlife, blinded by the shimmering light...

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I shot up and opened my eyes wide within an instant. The room was still dark and the morning had yet to arrive. I felt warm, hot even, yet I woke up broken in cold sweat, hyperventilating. I was still alive. That was the most important part...

Violet twisted and turned around in her sleep, as though worried of me. Her adorable vulnerability soothed my state of terror.

As is with even the most vivid of dreams, the memories are gone within a moment's notice, however, that wasn't the case here. I thought myself desensitized to the horrors of the dream world, but excruciating death by a grandiose pyre of white flames had swiftly, or in this case, painfully slowly proven me wrong...

Nevertheless, I would try to parse my dreams to the best of my abilities, but their abstract nature left me more questions than they gave me answers. Apart from the rare occasion, the dreams brought me nothing more than pain and headaches. Every day I wake up to the same feeling of eerie, unshakeable familiarity, as though they were trying to warn me. Yet every day, all the same, I find myself unable to parse the meaning behind it all.

Though that might've bothered me last night, it doesn't today. Not anymore.

⌈Thank you, Violet...⌋

I awkwardly said what I last night couldn't. I tucked Violet in and gave her a tiny kiss on the forehead...

A warm smile was brought on her face as she hugged the blankets in her sleep. With a slight blush on my face, I dressed up and slowly crept out of the room, careful not to wake her from her comfortable slumber.

⌈Up and about already, are we..?⌋

An excessively tired voice sighed at me as soon as I closed the door, belonging to none other than Lumi herself.

⌈You too?⌋

⌈No.. Do you honestly think I could get a second of sleep after I sensed... You know..⌋

She couldn't complete the sentence due to being visibly flustered, and as such, she resorted to insults... Directed toward me. Of course.

⌈You pe–⌋

⌈Oh... Oh, no, no. You've got it all wrong. It wasn't what you think.⌋

I interrupted her before she managed to say the magic word.

Somehow I felt far more embarrassed about the fact that nothing happened rather than that she thought something did...

⌈You can save your excuses to someone who will listen.. We have a yard to clean up, and I'm not doing it alone..⌋

⌈Ah, right. That...⌋

...

An overly prideful embodiment of elegance really putting her back into manual labor? I was entertained by the scenario, to say the least...

⌈We'll never get this done if all you'll do is spectate..⌋

Lumi snapped at me.

⌈And whose grandiose idea was it to use magic in the first place?⌋

We've been trying to flatten the field from all the craters left by our spells for a good while now, but we aren't even halfway done.

⌈Don't..⌋

Her hands began to emit a faint purplish glow as she stared daggers at me.

I audibly swallowed and continued about with my business. More often than not I find myself not learning from my mistakes, but perhaps even I might show a bit of growth when it's spelled out like this right in front of my face in capital letters...

The time crawled by at a snail's pace. I wanted to strike up a conversation to pass time, but out of the fear of managing to annoy her multiple times in rapid succession, as tends to be my specialty, I decided to stay quiet. To my surprise, however, she did what I wouldn't commit to.

⌈Hey, Light.. Do you mind answering a few things for me? I did beat you yesterday after all..⌋

⌈Hah... Yeah, I guess you did. Go ahead.⌋

I answered over my shoulder as I shifted the soil around to cover another goddamn hole.

⌈Have you concealed your name all those years up until now? If so, why..?⌋

⌈I haven't, actually... Not at all. I suppose I never really had a name before Seth came up with one.⌋

⌈But... Why would you assume a name now, after all those years?⌋

⌈I didn't need it then, but I definitely do now.⌋

You know... Because ambiguous main characters rarely need a name... Hell, they can sometimes get by without the ability to speak.

⌈Why now?⌋

⌈Uh...⌋

⌈Yes..?⌋

Now, how do I go about explaining this? I can recall almost all the events of the past me, so to say... I even get a fair sense of familiarity with figures the past me has met, especially in the case of Lime, but nevertheless...

⌈Think of this as my second coming. Though the me of the past and the me right now might be of one body and perhaps even ultimately one soul, my mind is definitely of a much more bizarre origin.⌋

I explained to the best of my abilities, though it made me sound a tad bit too self-important for comfort...

⌈I don't understand.. What do you even try to imply by saying you 'have a different mind?' How did that even come to be? Did something happen after the Convergence?⌋

⌈You see, here's the kicker. That's precisely what I'd like to know too. What happened during the years before the Convergence I know of, and what has happened after I met with Seth I know as well, but everything that has happened after the Convergence leading up to that point is about as shady to me as it is to everyone else.⌋

⌈...⌋

She dug the hoe furiously into the dirt. Her pointy ears drooped downwards as she let out a disappointed sigh.

⌈But you know... I might know something else you might find interesting.⌋

I tried to recover.

She was talking about wanting to hear about my adventures yesterday and to be honest, I was kind of disappointed she didn't ask about those...

⌈..!⌋

Her ears twitched back up and her eyes darted right back towards my direction. She might conceal a lot more emotions than one might think, but excitement was certainly something she could never hold back on.

I accidentally chuckled at her honesty, to which she quickly responded by turning away.

⌈Nevermind..⌋

She muttered to herself.

⌈Nevermind what? Good morning, you two. Working hard together, are you?⌋

⌈Good morning, Violet.⌋

I greeted her, trying my best not to think about what happened last night...

⌈We're having breakfast soon. I'd love it if you two would like to take a break and join us!⌋

She said, beaming with joy.

⌈I, for one, very much welcome a minute of rest..⌋

⌈Yeah, a brief pause wouldn't hurt.⌋