Chapter 1: Fluvia Accepts Her Place

I hated everything.

I even resented myself for the four years I had lived, completely without a care in this world, not caring about the precious child I had left behind.

I honestly want to die.

What right do I have to live?

I, who abandoned the one who needed me the most.

For many days, several weeks it seems, I would just wake and stare lifelessly out the window.

Day in, day out.

I didn’t care as women in blue dresses tried to make me comfortable, as a man came to take my temperature and pulse, as a woman with golden hair and a little boy began to come every day, sitting by my bedside.

It’s unfortunate that, no matter how deep the sorrow, time begins to lessen its sting.

How many weeks has it been?

The snow outside has long since melted, and although it’s still a bit chilly, its become warm enough that the women in blue dresses would open the window a crack to let the fresh air in.

And one day, I began to pay attention to the people who entered my room.

My current situation appears to be located in some sort of hospital-like place, and I’ve been here for a long, long time before I had woken up.

The women in blue dresses are nurse-like people, and the man is my doctor… I assume.

The golden-haired woman is my, Fluvia’s mother, Estella Dellarose, and that little boy is my twin brother.

Of course, I didn’t have to guess about my mother and brother.

I did live in this world for four years in their care.

I just didn’t recognize them before because I wasn’t even looking at them.

They come in every three days, and Estella just sits in a chair next to my bed, watching my face anxiously.

Once she made a big scene, arguing that she should be able to come more often, but the doctor refused her, since my condition is delicate.

That I don’t remember it all that well despite her making such a fuss… maybe I am in worse shape than I thought.

But mostly I don’t remember it because I was so depressed that I didn’t care.

Anyway, this is a hospital (like place), so I approve of the doctor’s decision.

Because!

That little boy is very noisy!

Although I don’t mind, please be considerate of the other patients in this place!

At least, I assume there are other patients.

The room I’m in is evidently single-occupancy.

A nice, soft bed and a wide room with plenty of sunlight, and even a sitting area … This is definitely a VIP room.

Even if I’m reluctant to admit it, I’m forced to realize that I have indeed been reincarnated a bourgeoisie young lady.

It’s a life of easy living that I wish… we could have lived in the other world.

But of course, my income wasn’t enough.

I feel bitter that I alone am feeling this kind of luxury.

Although I had been depressed and unresponsive for such a long time, it seems that the doctor has expected it.

Normally speaking, though, I can’t imagine they could have guessed the cause of my depression.

I have some concerns towards that doctor, but after silently eavesdropping, I found out from the nurses that they’re thinking I might never function normally again, so this kind of lifeless appearance was already predicted.

Although that screaming incident had certainly scared them.

At first I didn’t care, since I think having a breakdown couldn’t be helped, but somehow, after hearing about it several times … I’m sorry, Nurse-san.

It seemed that the nurse who was with me at the time was severely traumatized and they were keeping her away from me. If she had handled it poorly or if I had died, since I’m the daughter of an Earl, even if it wasn’t her fault, she could lose her job or even be executed.

… Does this world love the death penalty or something?

Well, even in the other world, if you hurt or kill an influential person’s daughter, you won’t get off lightly by any means.

Uh… I’m beginning to think about the world around me.

Slowly, I’m coming out of the dull, lifeless state I was in, and I’m kind of upset about it.

Do you really think I’m ready to handle this whole other life I have to live?

Just let me die, dammit!

I’m starting to get angry.

Someone somewhere once said, if you have the will to get angry, you have the will to live.

I’m worried that it’s true.

Several days passed as I began to focus on the things around me.

My body is starting to get restless, but I’m stubbornly refusing to allow it to react.

That day, it’s the third day, so Estella Dellarose and the little boy came in.

As usual, they’re followed by Estella’s personal maid, a brown-haired young woman with a kind face.

If I remember, her name is Beth.

As they entered, Estella leaned over and looked down at the little boy, who was holding her hand.

“Now Fedor, please stay quiet, okay? Mother doesn’t want to be made to leave early again.”

“Why? It’s boring here. I don’t want to stay. Let’s leave now.”

After saying that, the boy began to loudly whine, repeatedly saying, “I want to go,” and “I don’t want to be here.”

“Fedor, dear, we just got here…”

Estella Dellarose shrugged her shoulders and shook her head helplessly.

… I remember not thinking much of it when I still had the mindset of a child, and even thinking his tantrums were funny, but as an adult…

Fedor throws really uncute tantrums, huh?

He’s already 5-years-old, right? What’s cute at 3 won’t stay cute forever.

Although I certainly understand his feelings… is there a need to bring him every time?

Of course, I’d be hurt if he didn’t come once in a while, but it really is boring here, isn’t it?

Hm. Both mother and son are at fault for inconveniencing people, I think.

“Y-young Lord Fedor, it’s not good to say that. You should cherish your sister more.”

Beth tries to calm Fedor down in place of Estella, but he sharply turns his head away, pouting.

“But she’s not fun to talk to anymore.”

Although the words are selfish, Fedor runs over and plops his hands on the side of my bed, looking up anxiously at me.

It was only four years, but it was true that Fedor had enjoyed little Fluvia following him around, mimicking him, and it seems he’s impatient for things to return to that time.

He’s tired of visiting the hospital, though.

I couldn’t help the small, involuntary smile that tugged at my lips.

No matter what world, children will be children.

My tired, dull eyes moved to look at the little boy at my bed.

Although we’re twins, we couldn’t be any more different. His red hair was vibrant, compared to my dull, light-blue hair, and his face was round, and his hands and body were chubby.

Even if my body hadn’t deteriorated due to being sick and immobile for a year, I wouldn’t be that chubby.

Probably.

It’s hard to say, since I now understand my parents to have an extreme case of the foolishly doting parent-syndrome.

Will the education of this boy be alright like that?

I watched without moving anything but my eyes as Fedor lost interest in me and ran around the room, trying to get into things.

Oi oi oi, Ms. Mother, this is a medical facility!

Even if we ignore the noise he’s making, there are dangerous things for children to get into in this room!

I turn my eyes to Estella, but she is completely ignoring the little brat.

Beth fidgets behind her, wanting to stop Fedor but also hesitant to do so.

She’s watching Estella nervously.

It’s not the maid’s responsibility to stop him, though.

The one who should be doing something has seated herself next to my bed.

She’s sitting there, staring anxiously at me.

Even though I’ve been unresponsive for many, many visits, Estella follows the same procedure she always does.

Seated in the chair, she leans forward, gazing keenly at me.

Her face seems worn from extensive worry, and her eyes fill with tears.

Somehow, there’s an ache deep in my chest.

Although her parenting methods are… … I couldn’t help but think, ah, she is a mother too.

Guilt suddenly flooded me.

Although I had memories of another life, this is still the woman who gave birth to me and doted on me.

This woman visits every moment she can, watching my face while hoping for some change in my condition.

And here I was, wishing that I was still going to die!

“M-mother…”

Tears flowed from my eyes as I finally spoke, the hard, empty shell crumbling down around me.

“Eh? Eh? Oh, my dear Fluvia, Fluvia!”

Mother’s tears soon joined mine.

◇◇◇

There was a flurry of activity after I finally cried.

Mother, Brother, and Beth were escorted out of my room, and a man dressed in white, followed by a number of women in blue dresses, came in.

I was poked, prodded, and asked all sorts of things to determine how well I could see and recognize things.

Mou, I’m still a sick person recovering from illness, you know?

Is it alright to make all this ruckus?

In the middle of all this fuss, though, I was able to determine a few things.

The first is that I had been in and out of unconsciousness for over a year, and that I was awake and unresponsive for a little over the Fourth Quarter of Winter. That is, for about 21 days.

It’s currently the First Quarter of Spring.

The second thing I understood was that this was the House of Healing in the Royal Capital, Hildeich, which is not at all within the territory of my father’s House, that is, the Dellarose Earldom.

Although our territory is within 10 days’ travel of Hildeich, so it’s not that far.

After both I and the man in white had confirmed various things from each other, he ordered the blinds be half-drawn and for everyone to leave me in peace in quiet as he went to talk to my distraught mother out in the hall.

Even though now I want to talk to people – well, I suppose I’m still not well, even if I’m no longer being withdrawn.

As I laid back on my pillow, which the women in blue dress had fluffed and replaced, I sighed and gazed towards the window.

There was a lot to think about.

Of course I’m still upset about the daughter I had left in a previous life, but I’m surprised to find out that I have equally heavy feelings towards the mother I have in this life.

I cannot separate myself from Fluvia Dellarose.

I feel the filial piety towards my parents that tells me to live my life to my fullest.

I am Fluvia Dellarose.

But I am also the woman who lost my daughter.

It’s honestly a strange sensation.

Fine then.

I will live as Fluvia Dellarose with knowledge from a previous life.

A previous life’s knowledge that has some weird parts about my life in this world…

Can I say that my life will follow YabuKoi’s storyline for Fluvia?

Un… my memories aren’t that great right now.

If I think hard, what I can remember is that the biggest complaint the fans, and thus my daughter, had regarding Fluvia Dellarose was her execution.

She was a character who barely showed up and was most known for being abused and taken advantage of by the main villain, so their complaints were all about how Fluvia’s execution being so harsh was completely out of nowhere.

At her execution, the King and the Ministers were all watching and saying things like how an evil woman who was a danger to their country was killed.

My daughter often complained,

“Even though she did some bad things, they were all for Ryllia, right? Isn’t Ryllia the real threat? And all Fluvia did was blackmail people after she found out their dirty secrets, but she got burned at the stake just because the way she did it was illegal? Isn’t that way too harsh? It’s totally dissatisfying for the fans!”

Although I also have some questions regarding the specifics of why YabuKoi’s Fluvia was deemed an enemy of state, what I do know is …

Un. I would like to be excused from being burned alive a second time.

The true villain of the story is undoubtedly that Ryllia Piermont, but it’s true that Fluvia did things that had to be punished.

I’ve decided!

I will keep my hands as far away from illegal magic and Ryllia Piermont as possible!

I must confirm what led me, I mean YabuKoi’s Fluvia, to both Ghost Arts and Ryllia Piermont.

Like, if I was in a life or death situation and had to use Ghost Arts, that’s a lot different from just learning it on a whim.

In that situation I don’t think I can resolutely say I won’t use Ghost Arts, since dying is very unpleasant.

It’s unfortunate that I can’t remember everything very well right now.

I have to concentrate very hard on the hazy parts of my memories in order to remember them more clearly.

Trying to construct my thoughts like this is very tiring, though.

After all, I had just been on the brink of death for a year.

Just this much theorizing has worn me out.

In fact, I’m beginning to lose consciousness.

I vaguely hear the door open and Mother’s voice whispering, “Oh! Ssh, Fedor, she’s sleeping,” as I drift off once again.