Dorothea was currently pacing within her bedroom in the Tamlin home. She had changed into her pajamas, cleaned up, made herself as presentable as she generally could be, but nerves were defeating her. She’d lied to and rejected Rhys earlier. Would he even want to hear what she had to say? Granted, he’d been very kind and graceful about it afterwards…

No. What was she worrying about? This was Rhys. He would be open to anything she had to say. He would understand her emotions and accept them. That was the person she’d fallen in love with.

Love. Love. Love. She could hardly comprehend it within herself. She had accepted her right to it, her right to live life happily. Now, she would do what needed to be done, no matter what Rhys ended up deciding in light of her and her inevitable complications.

“Alright.” She took a deep breath and flung her door open only to come face to face with Rhys, whose hand was lifted and poised to knock.

“Oh!” he gasped as Dorothea slapped herself in putting her hands over her mouth to stifle a yelp. “I. Sorry, uh…” He cleared his throat. “You’ve been kind of restless for a while, it sounded like? I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Why was he so sweet?! “I-I’m fine. I was coming to talk to you, actually, if that’s alright?”

“Of course. Anytime.” He hesitated, waiting to follow her lead.

“Um. Want to sit?” Dorothea motioned to the bed. They both perched on the edge, remaining a good three feet apart.

Rhys’ hand went up to tug on his ponytail as usual but found only empty space, as he’d tied it up in a bun at some point while he’d gotten comfortable for the night. “So what is it?” he asked. “Everything alright?”

How was she even supposed to start? “I…” She bowed her head, using the sheet of her hair to hide from view. “I know I don’t have a right to say any of this. I lied to you over and over again earlier tonight, and I’m sorry.”

“You lied.” He had to know exactly what that meant, but he sounded disbelieving. “Really?”

“I, um… You’re wonderful, Rhys. I’m sure you could find someone else much, much, much…muchmuchmuch better for you! You’re beautiful, you’re strong and kind and honest and you always try your best, you’re sweet and, and, I… I don’t have a lot to offer you.”

He reached out to touch her arm but stopped short. “Dorothea, you already know how I feel about all of that.”

“Y-Yeah.” So he hadn’t gotten disgusted with her? His feelings hadn’t changed? “But I just… I find it hard to give myself permission to love you. I tried my best to not make any connections so I wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I still couldn’t resist. I’m so scared of pushing my pain onto someone else. But if we… If we can really share our burdens, then…” She squeezed her eyes shut, hugging herself. “I’m scared. It feels like you’re upending… Like my feelings are upending everything. So much has changed, and there’s so much weighing on the future still. It’s hard to let go of the fear I’ve been living by for so long, no matter how much I want to.”

Warmth reached her as he came closer, his leg and arm solid against hers. “I’m scared too. It’s okay.”

“I don’t want you to be in any pain at all.” But both of them had been through so much that it couldn’t be avoided. “Part of me still says that it would be so much better just to keep lying. You’d forget about me and find someone better. We’ll figure a way out of this war and make a world you can be happy in, and then I can go back to Sirpo and not bother you.”

“Dorothea, you’re not—”

“I’m so sorry!” She didn’t know what to say anymore. There was so much fear and regret holding her in place, but she knew she had to break out of it now or else it would only keep building. At the same time, she’d been there so long that she didn’t know how. “I lied. I was scared, I didn’t think I had a right to tie my life to yours like I want, I, I just had to, I didn’t know what to do, and you’re so much more than I…” She sputtered to a stop as he put a tender hand to her cheek and turned her face towards his.

“Is that what you want? To tie your life to mine? Really?”

Forgetting everything else and just being honest with the both of them like she had so badly wanted earlier. Pushing through her cowardice. Accepting her right to live and strive for happiness no matter who she would hurt and how she had been hurt. Believing in his feelings for her and that she was worthy of them. Trying her best to do all of these things, she nodded as she blinked away tears.

“I love you, Rhys. Is that okay, is that enough…?” She closed her eyes and let out a soft breath as his lips touched her cheek.

“It’s enough. It’s more than enough.” He gifted her with a trail of gentle kisses that stopped at the corner of her lips. “Is this fine?”

Dorothea answered by pushing a quick, awkward kiss to his mouth. She froze up, unsure, but Rhys’ hands tucking hair behind her ears with a featherlight touch secured her. His hands drifted down her back, skimming lightly until they reached her waist, where they slid across for his arms to lock around her. Their bodies twisted through the embrace. His lips guided hers in moving against him, and she could feel his patience, his desire to treasure her.

“R-Rhys?” Dorothea breathed. He’d eased her onto her back, mostly because trying to remain sitting as they had was uncomfortable to no end. But now there was a different problem. His body, his warmth, it was all so overwhelming, and he moved with such confidence and experience.

“Yes?” He backed off to give her space to speak, pressing a kiss to her forehead where her bangs had slipped to the side.

“Where do I put my hands?” she mumbled.

He smiled, and the affection there made her heart both swell and skip a beat. “Anywhere you want.”

Well, if he said so… “Then can I…?” She tentatively reached for his hair, and he nodded. It came loose from its tie with gentle tugging, some falling down to tickle her cheeks. He closed his eyes as she combed her fingers through it, winding some of the already curled ends around her fingers. It slipped through as she drifted her thumb along his cheek to brush just under the dark circles beneath his eyes, so heavy they looked painted there.

“Mm.” He sighed, clearly lulled by her touch, and shifted to land on his side. As Dorothea rolled over to face him, he put one arm beneath her head as a pillow and rested the opposite hand on her hip, rubbing idly in a small radius between her waist and thigh.

“You look exhausted,” Dorothea said softly. By contrast, his touch was making her more aware than ever, buzzing and electric.

He smiled. “I’m alright.”

She smoothed the hair that framed his face. “I know you. So I know you must be hurting right now.”

The smile faltered, and he took in a shaking breath. “Sunmer.”

She waited several minutes for him to speak again, not wanting to push the conversation in any direction before knowing what he needed to say.

“I killed all of those people,” he whispered, closing his eyes tightly.

“We both did.” She ran her hand over his back, glad that he relaxed under her touch.

“Sometimes…” His voice was a weak gust, nothing more. “Sometimes I get so sad that I can’t even move. I get angry at myself, or at the entire world. And I’m so sad and angry, and then I can’t feel anything anymore. I use up all my energy for feeling, and then I’m just...numb, and everything’s empty. And then I drag myself out of that place, somehow, and I wait for it all to happen again. Hurting people sends me right back down, but that’s what I deserve. It’s the least I deserve for what I do, really.” His eyes fluttered open when she let out a whimper, and his brows creased. “You’re crying. Oh, Dorothea, I didn’t mean that.”

No. He was the one crying. There just weren’t any tears on his face. “Rhys…”

“Don’t cry. Thank you for crying for me, but it’s okay.” He stroked her hair as she wiped her tears. “I wanted to tell you that because…” He sighed. “I feel awful about this. I was...in that place when I came at you earlier. I wanted you to reject me and push me away because that was what I felt like I deserved.”

He kept saying that. “What you deserve? Rhys, you deserve nothing but happiness.”

He kissed her quickly. “Thank you. But I’ve done terrible things. I feel like I should be punished by the world, so sometimes, I...try to bring it on myself. I wanted to apologize for dragging you into it.”

“No. It’s completely fine. I don’t expect you to be perfect. We’re both trying our best to figure everything out.” She hugged him close, and he buried his face in her neck, arms constricting her lower back. “You don’t deserve punishment. And when you’re in that empty place, or the sad and angry ones, will you try to tell me? I just want to be here for you.”

“Okay.” He paused. “It was a waste, wasn’t it?”

“What was?”

“That was your first kiss. Sorry. It should have been better. I was selfish.”

She petted his hair. “It’s the same as anything else. We’ll share it. Instead of punishing yourself, talk to me.” Her hand stilled. “I hate that you don’t like yourself.”

Faint breath heated the hollow of her neck. “Likewise.”

“How about this?” Dorothea said softly. “I’ll be strong for you, and you’ll be strong for me, and we’ll practice being strong on our own until we can believe in ourselves.”

As he lifted himself up to look at her, Rhys wore the sweetest smile she’d ever seen. “I’d like that.” He kissed her one last time for the night, gentle and lingering.

That was the form their love would take based on the foundation of their mutual support. The hardships of their journey were far from over, but that was okay. Together, they would be okay.