Garrett drags on the leash of the slightly nervous bovine, complaining about city folks with their smart phones and caramel lattes, can’t handle cattle to save their fucking lives.

“I should have grabbed that guy’s staff to get a good look at it.”

“Whatever floats your boat Nate” Seren says.

Nathan laughs, Seren chuckles, Barrett grumbles and the monster riding the head cow cackles.

Wait a minute.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

The thing is smaller than most of its kind, and slightly malnourished. Scabs and scars cover its pallid torso, hinting at its place in the pack hierarchy.

“Me! Your buddy!”

The trio ponders this statement for a while. Nathan is not alarmed, Seren would have felt danger. The fact that he himself did not sense the intruder is explained by how weak it is, and the leftover aura on the cows themselves.

“You… want to be my buddy?”

“Yes! I help! I clean! I make spears! Man tribe many strong, with tractors. Cows! Females have tits like melons!”

Seren coughs discreetly.

“I’ll let you handle that one I got to focus on the paths.”

Garrett ignores Nathan’s imploring looks.

“Diplomacy is your thing.”

Alrighty then.

“I haven’t agreed to anything yet. Why do you want to join my, huh man tribe.”

“Man tribe many strong, with…”

”Ok ok I get it. What can you do for us?”

“I build quick and sturdy! Best tunneller in the tribe!”

“Seren shudders and spears Nathan with the “You can’t be fucking serious” look. Nathan is undeterred.

“If you’re the best how comes you’re so scrawny.”

“Huh big purple, is shaman you wasted, not like me. I son of previous chief! He wants me dead but I best tunneller, can hear pathmakers from many far!”

“Pathmakers? The big black shelled thing?”

“Yes!”

“And you say you can hear them from far away?”

“Yes.”

“Are any on their way here?”

“No. One already came today.”

“…”

“…”

“… So?”

The thing stares at Nathan like he’s a bonobo in pajama.

“So no more come for many cycles. You think path makers like cows? Not many.”

“Thank fuck.” Adds Seren, “I was getting a headache. Give me the mana tea.”

Seren swallows a mouthful and winces.

“It’s a…”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll shove the bottle up your arse.”

“…Nice afternoon we’re having. So anyway, uh, what’s your name anyway?”

“Orog.”

“Ok assuming you work for us, what do you want in return?”

“Netflix and cow!”

“Netflix?”

“You see tunnels? Many boring. I want Netflix, see drama and maybe chill, when female come. Maybe human tribe female, with big titties!”

Seren and Nathan are flabbergasted.

“Huh…” Says Seren, “You seem to have an unhealthy obsession for the female human body.”

“You big warrior, many strong, I bet females like you!”

“Excuse me?!”

Nathan does his best to maintain a poker face.

“How did you know that we’re all males?”

“No titties like melon! Hank said it makes true woman.”

“Who the fuck is Hank.”

“Hank of the man tribe, rides tractor! Many important.”

“You learned about the man tribe from the workers here?”

“Yes! Man tribe many rich. Cows! But dumb. They don’t see Orog. Orog listens, and learn.”

“Well that explains quite a bit. Alright I’m not saying yes I got to make a call, as soon as we get some signal.”

“Nathan baby! How did it go?”

“We’re fine and we succeeded, although I have a question for Gwahin. Is she around?”

“Wait are you serious? You leave me behind worried an all and the first thing you do is to ask about someone else? I was worried sick!”

“Mom…”

“Don’t you Mom me do you know how long I spent forging your armors? I even had Gwahin help me with the leather and that’s all the thanks I get?!”

“Moooooom!”

“Not a hint of gratitude. That’s today’s new adults huh, entitled and uncaring! I was so scared for you…”

“MOM! I’m super thankful and I’ll let you know in person, but we’re still at the edge of the warrens and I need advice.”

“Oh, you’re still on the mission. Alright I’ll get her give me a moment.”

Nathan waits patiently while Barrett follows Orog’s lead, placing the content of his backpack in strategic locations.

The sound comes distorted in his ear. First, his mom hums to herself then mumbles: “Where is it? Hah. Here” before humming again. Then comes a very loud “thwack” followed by a hiss that sounds suspiciously like a pissed off Yol, a sound that would strike fear in the heart of a veteran hunter. The animalistic sound is cut short and soon Gwahin’s voice fills his ear. She’s munching on something.

“Yesh?”

“Gwahin, what are you eating?”

“Cold cuts with mustard. Your mother has poor bedside manners but she certainly knows her food. Anyway what was it? You are interrupting the twenty hours of sleep per day I require to be in a pleasant mood.”

Nathan bites back a retort, as they are on a schedule.

“I found short, pallid, carnivorous humanoids with bald skulls that live in caves.”

“Could be any seven species I heard about.”

“Not too bright.”

“They’re called Vissear. Why do you ask?”

“We found a new recruit. I want your input before I allow the thing to relocate.”

“Hahaha how cute, you’re asking for my permission?”

“Well, yeah I mean that’s the polite thing to do.”

“Is it female? They are notoriously promiscuous and could potentially mate with humans.”

Nathan’s mind supplies him with helpful images of distended bellies, saggy breasts, and the smell…

“I’ll pass and no, it’s a male. A tunneller.”

“Even better! Bring him in.”

“Are you sure, I expected you to be more, well…”

“Reluctant to share my territory?”

“Yeah that.”

“Is the wolf reluctant to share his territory with the deer?”

“Don’t tell me…”

“The tunneler will connect your property with the warrens, then more will come and those will provide me with a bit of sport.”

“You intend to hunt down sentients?!”

“Yes and as well I should. Vissear cannot regulate their own numbers.”

“Uhhhh fair enough.”

“I cannot express how pleased I am that you are developing an ecosystem. I would have asked you in a couple of years when I finalize assimilating your neighbor’s lands.”

Nathan splutters, thinking about the retired couple and their summer home.

“Relax, I left their house intact and I won’t hurt them.”

Barrett taps Nathan to signal that he’s done. Further away, Seren is fending off a cow who is frantically trying to lick her face, for some reason.”

“Alright got to go. Last question. What’s with their obsession with boobies?”

“ A male Vissear who has impregnated a female sometimes partake of the milk himself.”

“Please excuse me while I upchuck my energy bars.”

“Knock yourself out dear host, and now if you’ll excuse me I need my beauty sleep.”

Before Nathan hangs up his mom’s voice grabs his attention back.

“So we are getting a new not human guest?”

“Yes.”

“Is it by any chance the hunky, helpful counterpart to Gwahin? Someone who can help me carry steel ingots?”

Nathan stares back at Orog. The creature scratches his scrawny ass before sniffing his finger thoughtfully.

“Mom I don’t know how to tell you this…”