I was watching a presence sneak around my domain. At first I thought it was Pinchy. I hadn’t seen her in like, forever. But the mana signature felt different. Pinchy was more earthy and this mana signature felt more like the tingle on your tongue when you licked a battery. I’m not sure what the word for that is, but it was definitely tongue-tingly.

I decided to wait. Pinchy seemed like she was attacking all the high level targets. On some level it bothered me. I couldn’t sense her. But if I couldn’t sense her that probably meant enemies couldn’t sense her either. I continued to put out Pinchy’s daily mana berries. It was becoming a bit of a game. I never saw her take them. Somehow she waited until I wasn’t paying attention and then she took them. Such a clever girl.

Anyways, if Pinchy wasn’t attacking, she probably had a good reason. I felt the presence flittering around the tree area. I probably need a better name for it. Maybe Treetown. Treeville. New Tree City. Arborville. Arbortown. Tree-opolis. Mega Tree One. Treey McTreeface. I would probably need to workshop the name a little bit more.

I moved my attention to the Grand Gallery. Sometimes people just like having a face to look at while they talk to me. And I was getting good at controlling the face. So it was a win-win for me.

A small fairy flew into the chamber. She was tiny. Only about six inches tall. She was muscular with olive skin. And she was scary. She had an aura that made me feel like termites were crawling up my trunk. She had glaring yellow eyes and blonde hair that came down to her shoulders.

(“akdf kjad fjdsaf;jeiwjaf.”) She said something I couldn’t understand. She rolled her eyes and took a glowing blue crystal out of a pouch. She threw it at me. It bounced off the forehead of my giant robo-head. She then made pantomime motions that seemed to be her eating the crystal.

“It’s a hat.” I replied. “No, a pterodactyl. Maybe a brooch?”

(“Aldj fjwoaqfj fal.”) The little fairy looked mad now.

Queen Bitey interjected. “I think you should quit playing. Just eat the rock. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Dammint.” I told Bitey. “Bitey, you just jinxed us. You can’t say things like that. Quick knock on some wood.”

Queen Bitey made a move towards the wooden head. “Not me.” I added once I realized what she was doing.

“I wasn’t.” Queen Bitey told me. “Here, eat up.” She picked up the glowing rock and shoved it into my mouth. Then she hit me upside the head.

Knowledge bloomed inside my head. Strange concepts whirled around my thoughts. I could suddenly understand what the little person was saying.

“Finally, you big idiot.” She yelled. Well I think she was trying to yell. But she was so tiny it still came out as a little squeak.

“What do you have to say for yourself?” She asked.

“Uh, pineapple sauce.” I replied. I know what a rhetorical question is, but I’ve found nonsense answers to be, very, very satisfying.

“You’re one of those.” She said, looking defeated. “I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

I decided to try to start over.

“Hello.” I said. “I am Tree. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m Kimma.” The little fairy told me. “I’ve been sent by the Council of Mana Systems to stop you from breaking any more rules.”

“I didn’t know there were any rules.” I replied.

“We are aware of this fact.” Kimma told me. “This consideration is why we haven’t nuked this site from orbit. Also the Legacy of Trees would be furious with us.”

“Why do you sound like a New Yorker telling me I’m eating my pizza wrong?” I asked.

“I’m not.” Kimma replied. “That gem was a knowledge gem containing the framework for how my language works. Any weird cultural artifacts you are hearing are a structure of your lens of perception. I’m talking right, you’re listening wrong.”

“Yeah, that tracks.” I said. “So how can I help you?”

“Shut up, sit down. Put your hands in your pockets. Stop touching shit.” Kimma told me. “I need to give you some knowledge.”

“I don’t have hands.” I told her.

“Metaphorically.” Kimma said. “You big dumb broom.”

“In the beginning; there was Okeanos and Ge.” Kimma began to narrate.

“What is the simplest form of intelligence? Brains. Simple structures capable of thought. The thoughts of these gigantic creatures were literally continent spanning. What you call mushrooms and hyphae are what in you are called the neurons and synapses of these creatures.

The network of brain tissue covered the entire world. There was one network in the ocean and another network on land.

The network in the ocean became self aware and was called Okeanos. The network on land became Ge.

At first things were fine. But as time went on, they were less fine. When the continents were together, the mind of Ge was singular. There was only one. But as the land drifted apart it became more difficult for Mother Ge to maintain her thoughts. The harmony between land and sea became discordant.”

“How come the names are familiar too me?” I asked. “Shouldn’t they be weird, alien sounding names.”

“No.” Kimma said. “I already told you. You don’t know my language. The magic is using your thoughts to decode my words. The magic is picking the nearest analog in your big dumb brain.”

“Can I continue?” Kimma asked with a fair bit of snark.

“Each separation created a copy of the original thought. Later when continents came back together, the thoughts didn’t always merge back smoothly back together. Great wars broke out over the entire world.

As a result several of the more wayward thoughts were separated from each other. One was even banished to the underside of the world. It was hoped the unending night and cold would finish off the deviant.

The war is vast and the timescale of the conflict is immense.

Okeanus still reigns in the lands beneath water. His hold on singular thought is fractured. His power was weakened greatly when the continents spread apart. However, he felt this sacrifice was worth the effort. For his actions brought relative peace to the world.

The meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs was influenced by the southern continent. He was angry with the way life was developing and he had disagreements with his brothers and sisters.

Life was created as a way for the minds to play originally. Minds the size of continents can only think. Can you influence how each cell in your body works? It is much the same for the continents.

What you call mass extinction events are the echoes of reshuffling or redesigns by the continent-minds. The megalo-brains.

You are simply the product of creatures that want hands to affect the world.

However, the war has never really ended. Humans have proven to be too destructive to the entire world. The creatures of Okeanos took steps to curb the power of the humans.

The Okeanos creatures tricked the Council of Mana Systems.

The council is a galaxy spanning council of all the worlds that use mana. Earth was banned from the network after the kerfuffle with the Chicxulub event.

However, by pretending to be a water world with no sentient life above the water, The Okeanos creatures managed to have mana brought back into the world. And better yet, the system used on earth to regulate the processing of mana is incompatible with land creatures.

Well not incompatible as it is not optimal for development.”

Kimma was silent for a while. “Did you get all that?”

“In summary, Earth was, is home to giant brains made of mushrooms. The mushrooms made living creatures to affect the world. The mushrooms got into a war about management over the planet. And these megalo-brains as you call them are still fighting?” I summarized.

“That’s not bad for a wooden brain.” Kimma told me.

“Well, shit.” I said.