(Jamie)

When we arrive at the house, there are three Demons guarding the front door, each of them of a similar variety as Caleb. The difference with these three is that they are easily seven feet in height, with dark red skin, their hair and horns a deep, rich blue in color, their eyes crimson. Built of pure muscle, these three are not the friendliest-looking bunch.

Nor the most clothed of them, though I suppose that's normal, since Caleb did mention that Demons generally don't wear clothes in the first place. Max, too.

Floating behind the three Demons is an eyeball roughly three feet in diameter, with a light green iris.

"We're back!" Light tells the quartet of Demons, then looks around in confusion. "Where'd Susu go?"

Shu-shu?

"MASTER!" A piercing voice akin to a young boy's yells, then something drops onto the three guards. "YOU'RE BACK!"

This looks like a wolf, if wolves were ten feet to the shoulders, had bright green fur, violet eyes, and electricity crackling out of its fur in random locations and intervals.

Cole jumps back, startled, and half-hides behind me. The lack of horns indicates this isn't a Demon, so it's either a Summon or a Tamed Monster. The magic I'm sensing within it is immense, so much so to the point that Magic Detection went up a Level as the beast dropped through the air.

"Yep!" Light exclaims, floating over to the giant magical hound and rubbing its head between its ears. "Look! It's Jamie! He's the one I was telling you I was looking for."

"Who's this?" I ask.

"Hi, Jamie!" The wolf looks at me. "I'm Susunumu! I'm an Spirlin Wolf!"

"He's an Eidolon," Light rubs his head against the wolf's. "One of my Summons. You can call him Susu for short. He likes it."

"Yep!" Susu nods, bonking his head against the Fairy's. "Sorry, Master! Did you have lotsa fun?"

"I did," Light nods. "Did you?"

"Yep!" Susu responds. "Some mean men tried breaking into the house, but I scared 'em all off! Oh, and your furniture's here! It's all nice and pretty, and I made sure it got set up alright! The mean, scary Demons wanted to eat everyone!"

"We wanted to rape everyone," one of the Demons corrects.

"I wanted to paralyze the invaders," a voice echoes in my mind, presumably the eye's. "But Susu dealt with everyone. We did have to contain the other Demons, though, since they wanted to rape everyone – invaders, deliverymen, passerby…"

"We're Demons," the one that had spoken glares at the eyeball. "It's in our nature to fuck and kill and torture. Not necessarily in that order."

"I'm a Demon, and my nature is to stare, to look, to observe."

"You're also a floating fucking eye," the Demon retorts. "Master, requesting permission to engage Haxul in a duel?"

"You've lost every duel we've ever had, Junlis," Haxul scoffs. "As if you'd ever manage to take me on in a fight. I was the master's first Demon, and he raised me from a mere nothing Eye Demon into the Triple-Ranker Oversight Demon Lord that I am now. You're still a mere Double-Ranker."

The two Demons get into an argument as Light continues to rub Susu, the other two Demons looking at the argument with great interest, as if they expect it to turn violent. Considering it's two Demons arguing, that might actually happen.

"You two, knock it off," I say to the Demons, and they instantly cease their argument, then I look at Light. "Light, do you think we could go inside, now? Your Demons are blocking the way. And why did they shut up when I told them to?"

"They're under orders to obey your every command," Light says. "Move it, boys! Let us in!"

The Demons move to the side, and my party and I enter the property. We check out where everything is, making sure they're put away properly, then Light goes to make sure his own room is set up properly.

Once we're done with our checks, the three of us meet up for a bath, Light taking on his Human form again. I help him correct a few more issues with it, then we bathe before heading to bed, Light heading to his room to sleep on the hammock he set up in it, with Cole and me heading to mine to sleep on my bed.

When morning comes, I wake to the smell of frying bacon, and make my way to the kitchen to find a guy around my age cooking there.

Only he's probably most definitely not Human, considering I can't get a read on him and his skin is pale blue, his hair a darker shade of blue. Unlike the Demons, he possess no horns, and he has some pieces of dark blue ice covering his crotch and ass, just enough to hide his privates and hole. Silvery markings fade in and out across his skin, and the air around him radiates with his power.

This is another Eidolon, isn't it?

"Hi?" I ask, and he looks over at me.

"Hi!" He greets me. "I'm Nolus, a Frost Eidolon! I'm also Light's personal chef. He said to make breakfast for everyone. Do you mind bacon?"

Bacon is a thing 'common' for people.

"Not so much," I answer. "Though I think Cole would love it. Did Light tell you to do that?"

"Nope," he smiles at me. "Eidolons aren't bound to a single contract, so I've been in more places than just the Fairy Realm, and I know that many Humans – and people in general – enjoy bacon and eggs as a breakfast."

Ah, so he based off of personal experience, not from Light's idiotic view of people. So he'll probably be more manageable.

"I'm more of a pancake and sausage link kind of guy," I inform him. "Eidolons are for Summoners?"

"Yep," he nods. "We exist in a realm all our own, and can only leave if we're Summoned by someone with a contract for us, or when someone wishes to forge a contract for us. Generally, we aren't forced into staying, unlike Demons, so if someone else wants to Summon us, we're able to just up and leave. Usually, we'll ignore it if it isn't important. Most of us will respond immediately if it's Master, though. In the eight millennia of my life, I've never had a more wonderful master!"

Nolus returns to working on breakfast, Cole coming down and looking happy, Light not far behind him, butt-naked and floating through the air in his human form. We're going to have to work on that.

Then again, he probably doesn't think the conditions apply while we're in our house. I suppose I can deal with that. I'm still undecided if I actually want him in the harem.

After breakfast, Nolus starts cleaning up, and I look at Light.

"So how, exactly, does the Exerciser Class work?"

"Oh, easy," he answers. "So Exercise Skills improve your ability to perform those exercises, while the Exerciser Class itself improves the benefits you get from them. It takes a lot of performing the exercises to get the Skills, though, so just doing a few a day or every few days wouldn't work. You'd need to do them at least three times a week to get the Skill, and continue to do them regularly to increase them."

Makes sense. I'm not sure how much I'd like to do that, though it would help improve my muscles a bit more and tone my body further.

"Alright," I say. "I think Cole likes the idea of doing that, though I'll have to think about it before committing to something like that."

"That's fine," Light says. "You aren't required to do it or anything, but it'd definitely be fun! Want to know what else would be fun?"

"You buffing the magical defenses of this place?"

"I had some of my Eidolons do that," Light waves a hand. "I'll finish buffing it later."

"We're not going to do that."

"I didn't even say what it was!" He protests.

"You either want to compete against me in something that one of us is guaranteed to win," I say. "Or you want to have sex."

"I-" he starts, then sags his shoulders. "You're no fun."

"I'm a Paladin of Hope, not a Paladin of Fun," I say.

"Well, yeah," he says. "But-"

"Jamie's fun!" Cole exclaims. "Especially to watch! Ever seen him fight? It's like pow-wow-bam-boom-dead!"

The hell?

Light gives Cole an incredulous look.

"Speaking of random shit," I say. "Trickster, you gonna respond?"

No response.

"Probably not," Light shrugs. "It's nap time for him."

Trickster takes naps?

"Die of Mystery," I hold out my hands, the die appearing in it.

"What are you doing?" Light exclaims.

"Trying a conditional roll," I answer. "If Trickster is napping, I want something weird to happen."

I roll the die.

The Die of Mystery has decided… To Level up Paladin of Hope! +1 to All Stats, LCK

"Okay," I say. "I need to reroll."

"What happened?" Cole asks.

"Paladin of Hope went up a Level," Light sighs. "It's not fair! How come you keep getting good rolls?"

"Natural luck," I stick my tongue out at him.

"See!" Cole giggles. "He's fun!"

Light pouts.

"Die of Mystery," I summon it. "Same conditions as last time. If Trickster is napping, I want something weird to happen."

I roll the die, only remembering as it spins to face me… that pretty much anything could constitute as 'weird'. This is going to be interesting.

The Die of Mystery has decided… All Skills under Level 3 increase by 1 Level for all non-contracted in the room.

I suppose that would count as normal. Which means I got a good roll. It also means that it can be very situation-specific, as it exempted the Frost Summon, who's serving us lemonade right now.

"Did both of you acquire Level increases for Skills under Level 3?" I ask.

"Yes," Light sighs. "Dammit, Jamie! Wait. That means he's not asleep?"

"Probably," I answer, then look at Cole. "Did it affect Primal Instinct?"

"Yep!" He nods, his tail wagging. "It went up to Level 3!"

That explains the sudden jump in his Health and Mana by fifty points each.

"Die of Mystery!" Light summons his die. "If Riddle's watching us, have something fun happen!"

Light rolls the die, and then when it stops, he gasps in horror, his food then turning to rotted mush.

"No!" He wails. "That was perfectly good food."

I wonder if he's realized yet that it's impossible for the rolls to actually give a clear answer on this. If Trickster's the opposite of whatever it is, then literally anything could happen, good or bad. Which means that this is really just for my amusement. That, and seeing if I can get the big man to respond.

"I think that was something 'not-fun'," I tell Cole, who giggles. "Die of Mystery. If Trickster's watching us, have something nice happen."

I roll the die, and it stops.

The Die of Mystery has decided… To Restore Light's Food, Because I Hijacked the Roll, and It Was a Good Roll.

Light's food returns to how it was before.

"Yay!" He exclaims, reverting back into his true form.

Didn't he say stuff like that shouldn't happen on its own, except in extreme cases, such as our fight? This shouldn't be one of them, he's just excited.

"Huh?" Light looks around, frowning at himself, then looking at me. "I did not revert myself on my own. It was forced out."

"Trickster?" I say, and his laugh fills the room. "Die of Mystery. Trickster's realm has something sweet happen to it."

I roll the die quickly, Trickster protesting as Cole and Light giggle.

The Die of Mystery has decided… To go up a Level!

"Ha!" Trickster exclaims, his voice echoing through the room as Light and Cole ask what happened.

"Die of Mystery," I say. "Something bad happens to Trickster's realm."

The Die of Mystery has decided… To go up a Level!

Trickster cracks up laughing at that one. Twice in a fucking row.

"Die of Mystery, something bad happens to Trickster's realm!"

The Die of Mystery has decided… To turn everything in ???'s realm into cotton candy.

"WAIT, NO!" Trickster yells.

Huh, so it really can affect his realm.

"What happened?" Light asks.

"No!" Trickster exclaims.

"His realm turned into cotton candy, apparently," I grin. "It seems the Die of Mystery can affect our patron's realm."

"Only if I'm in your presence!" Trickster exclaims, 'appearing' a little to my right, standing beside the table. "And only if I didn't block you from doing it! No one's figured that out since my last Hero! It's been thirty-three centuries!"

His last Hero seriously was over three thousand years ago?

Though I have a more pressing question.

"Why are you naked?" I ask. "And why do you have smiley faces drawn all over you?"

"Never mind that!" The faces fade away as a purple tunic and pair of black pants and boots form around him. "Why did you go after me like that?"

"Eh?" I ask. "I just wanted to see if it was possible. Well, that, and get you to actually respond. Hi. Why were you naked with smiley faces drawn all over you while standing in my dining room, observing us?"

"Never mind that!" His face blushes. "Why were wanting my attention?"

"Told you he's fun!" Cole giggles to Light.

"You're right," Light tells him. "He definitely had an interesting way of getting our patron to appear before us. Normally, I just challenge him to something."

"So the Die of Mystery can affect Divine Realms?" I ask.

"Yes," Trickster sighs. "How long before you tell me why you were wanting my attention?"

"How long before you answer my question?"

"You're challenging a god?"

"Light does it all the time."

"Well, yeah, but that's-" Trickster starts, then laughs. "You're a good one. I'm glad I made you a Paladin. Shame I can't name you my Hero unless I wanted to deal with that whole mess. I'm just messing, I'm not as stiff as the other gods."

"So, Mr. Flaccid," I say, causing my teammates to crack up laughing. "Why were you naked and covered in smiley faces?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Roll unguided," he says. "If you get a bad roll, I'll tell you."

I summon the Die of Mystery and roll it.

The Die of Mystery has decided… +5 LCK!

"Oh, wow," Trickster says. "That was an eighteen. That particular good roll increased your LCK stat by ten percent of its current value. Rounded down, of course. Looks like you aren't lucky enough naturally to get the explanation. So 'sup?"

Did a god really just say "so 'sup" to me?

"I had a few questions."

"And if I'm not inclined to answer them?"

"Did you already block me from being able to affect Divine Realms?"

"Yes," he answers. "I do not want a repeat of what my my Hero did back then."

I'll inquire about that at a later time. For now, I just have a couple of questions, that might sort out some things.

"So," Trickster smiles. "What did my Paladin – or Paladins – want?"

"Arm-wrestling!" Light exclaims.

"No," Trickster tells him, then looks at me. "How about you, since you're the one who actually wanted my attention?"

"I wanted your attention, too," Light pouts.

"You always do," Trickster tells him. "And considering that I played games with you until three hours ago, pretty sure you should go to bed."

They… what?

Okay, then.

Has Trickster actually left the house since then? Or has he been here since then? Or were they in his realm playing games, and he just popped in here once he realized I was harassing Light and trying to get his attention?

Having a god of mysteries as my patron might be a bad thing, because I'm sure I won't get those answers, no matter how much I press.

"I'll be fine," Light waves a hand. "I had Nimiziri refresh my energy."

I don't even want to know.

"That's nice," Trickster looks amused, then turns his gaze back to me. "Well, Jamie?"

"How much of the randomness in this world is because of you?"

"A lot!" He laughs. "The other gods won't admit it, though. I'm the reason you'll get inconsistencies in explanations, too. I may have goofed with some stuff awhile back, and never fixed it, and the other gods find it easier to just put a memory blanket out that adjusts peoples' memories of things dealing with it."

That's reassuring.

"It doesn't affect Ultimate Species Skill Holders as much, by the way," he tells me.

"So that's why I noticed some of it?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Anything else? The other gods are bothering me because I'm here."

"Are you the real reason that gays are randomly brought to this world between eighteen and twenty years of age by Vaefor?"

"Huh?" He looks confused for a moment, then his eyes widen. "He's still doing that?"

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Vaefor lost a bet to me four thousand years ago," Trickster explains. "And I told him he had to do that. I didn't realize he was still doing it, or I would've told him he could stop. I thought he'd do, like, five or ten. Maybe that many years? Then stop. I'm going to go see why he hasn't."

"One last thing," I say, and he raises an eyebrow. "If Cole were a Paladin of yours, what would he be a Paladin of?"

Trickster grins, then vanishes in a puff of confetti, and Cole giggles.

"What?" I look at him.

"Trickster answered by giving me Paladin of Adventures!"

"THAT WAS A HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION!" I yell, and Trickster's laughter echoes through the room.

He really does just give people Paladin without giving them a choice. I wasn't sure if Itimar was being honest about that or not, but this definitely confirmed it. He did it to both Cole and me.

"Told you he's random!" Light grins as Cole cracks up laughing.

"Die of Mystery!" Cole exclaims, rolling it before Light and I can fully process what his first real action after that is. It rolls, spins, then stops, and Cole giggles. "That was awesome! Again! Die of Mystery! Aaooh! That's awesome, too!"

"What were the results?" I ask.

"It's a secreeeeeet!" He says, then takes off upstairs, thanking Light for the food as he goes.

"That was… interesting," I say.

"Yeah," Light says. "Very interesting."

Now I can't help but wonder… are the other two members of my harem who are going to return to me one day also going to receive status as his Paladin?