Chapter 173: Digital

Excerpt from the book “Food for thought!” By Hig’s

Cookies, such a fundamental dish for any evening tea! How many evenings I’ve snuck into such parties, not for the desolate conversation, but the sweet bounty upon the expensive tables. Alas, such heists require a large combination of skills. One must come with at least three conversational topics. I’ve found that to be the optimal amount to hoover up their collection of treats.

Of course, that is the most common method. I find fun in the challenge. Not in just talking and eating, but stealing. This brings me to an interesting conversation with a less than reputable merchant who just happened to have some cookies.

Just as I was lifting him off his burden, so to speak, he looks through me,” I have something that el help you with that.” He said with the slyest of grins.

Having been caught in the act, I could only listen to his pitch. This brings me to the current situation, the grand bakery heist. Utilizing a terrifying collection of invisibility potions, the merchant sold me.

Do wish me luck! Wait, you guys will be reading this after the act… Well, if this was written in prison, you know the outcome.

Disclaimer, it was.

Clutching at my quilt, sending my knuckles white. I shoot up in a cold sweat, huffing. “Another, one, this is getting annoying.” Clutching my head in annoyance, is this what thaumcraft madness is like.

What a way to ruin your morning. Or afternoon if you are like me and wake at random intervals. God, my sleep schedule is a mess.

Rising from my unwelcoming bed like a zombie. Sat upon that dreaded borderline that one cannot sleep on yet feels exhausted.

Walking to my kitchen, my head is deep in thought. “Is there a way for me to cure this stupid PTSD? It was just a minor trauma. Like, people have gotten better from far worse. Wait, how do you heal mental issues again?”

Buried in my own head, I walked straight into the door to my kitchen. Rubbing my nose out of habit more than pain. Upon entering, I see Chic munching on some apples upside down, suspended from a string.

To the left, Jengal is sat eating some porridge on the table. Definitely not ordinary porridge, given a deep crimson tinge. Bringing back a phantom flashback of last night’s dream. Shaking my head of errant thoughts, I join him at the table. I am careful in avoiding the raining apple pieces as Chic goes ham on the apples.

“Afternoon,” I say lightly, leaning back in the chair and rubbing my eyes.

“Afternoon,” he says with a nod. “You haven’t been wearing your armor much, have you?”

“It feels suffocating after being back to my body in the spirit dimension. I will wear it if I need to, but I gotta rely on my redundancies sometimes.”

He nods, “like your clones, immortality, soul defense puppets, and god knows what else you have?”

“Exactly,” I reply curtly before heading over to my fridge and grabbing some strawberries. Idly wondering if I need more means of life insurance. Blood magic would be one hell of a life insurance, but the reputation I would gather is less than ideal.

Even if I was to die, with how much enjoyment Felix has gotten from me, he would undoubtedly reincarnate me. The catch? It might not be here, might be, could be on an alien world with rules I can’t bend to my will. And that is definitely not on my list of things that I want to test. Like, I have friends, a partner, a life here. Even if the life feels ever so slightly fake.

Hey, I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

“Hey, you all good?” I hear from Jengal.

Snapping back to attention, “uh, yeah, yeah, I am.” Rubbing my eyes, “got lost in my own head for a second.”

“At least your not whimpering in your sleep. That’s the last time I go to wake you up in the morning.”

Turning my head away, “sorry.”

Suddenly stumbling his words out, “sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s fine,” I say. Opting to get up and go for a walk. “See you in a bit. Need some air.”

And with that, I walk out. Heading towards the outside of the island. A telltale skittering reveals Chic is following me. Slightly slower than usual, given the dozen apples she just ate. At least she doesn’t look like a spider-shaped ball this time.

Stepping out into the cool air, feeling the crisp bite of it, I am refreshed. The morning haze left me as if it was never there. The atmosphere is slightly foggy, with damp grass. Aside from the dreamy environment, I can taste a zing in the air. The zest of excessive amounts of natural energy. Like electric flowers that you can taste.

I peer over the edge; I see the camp and the portal still chugging on mana like a 5$ whore. Focusing my eyes, I see a small group of people arguing with the scientists running the portal.

“What a mess,” I sigh, shaking my head. I hope there is no fallout if they wack that portal.

On that note, I quickly erect a table and write down a letter to everyone I know who doesn’t have a phone. The letter is simply a warning that a natural disaster of dimensional proportions might happen. Sent texts of it too. My youtube videos have started to accumulate terrifying amounts of views, so it would be worthwhile to make some more soon.

Perhaps I should also check the news; I haven’t done that in some time. Wait, I have to know that I’ve thought of it. It would also be wise, given that it will tell me the state of the war.

OK, plan of action, watch news, chill, make a youtube video, chill, make a mirror, maybe? Eh, good enough. Don’t have to build the world every day, now do I?

Immediately heads into my lovely warm mansion to watch the news on my phone. Not being disappointed, having found a news video for every single day the channel has been opened. Well, let’s see the most recent one.

A man this time is on the screen. They must have been hiring more staff.

His freckled face and tall build filled half the screen as his well-mannered voice spoke out.

“Today, we bring big news about the war. Cecil, Liven, and Demt have fallen to the Earthen empire. A significant failure for a war that was started by the Imperial empire. They took the border towns with a slight loss due to their low value. All innocent life lost was kept at a minimum.”

He looks slightly to the side of the camera for a single moment. “For those of you who are first time tuning in, the Imperial empire declared war in an attempt to gain access to the Earthen empire’s vast resources of metal. Or at least that is the most popular consensus on the poll we posted yesterday. The official reason is to reclaim the land that was stolen long before written records. We added the last part.

The Earthen empire is currently winning the war due to hidden reserves of high-tech weaponry being deployed. The Imperial empire made a statement about the situation.

The towns lost were calculated losses to push back. Our spies have collected ample information about the Earthen empire. We cannot speak any further due to it being strategic information. Our hearts go out for the lives lost, but we must reclaim what was stolen.”

The news reporter chuckles, “if that doesn’t sound like a cover-up, I don’t know what is. On a side note, the Earthen empire has declined to comment on the war at the moment. Thank you for joining us for this war news update; we will now move on to more pleasant news after a short reminder.

This news outlet is and will remain a neutral party during the war. Within an undisclosed location, we report the truth and only the facts. With some humor, of course.

On to more pleasant news, contact with the enderman has been improving, albeit slowly. The head linguistic researcher of the Imperial labs in the Holy city has commented on it. Stating that they have made significant progress in decoding the Endermens natural language without translation devices.

We managed to capture imagery of a weapon used by the earthen empire. Given that the imperial empire is already aware, it is not a break of neutrality for us to show you, the viewers.”

This was followed by a clip that contained a missile I am unfamiliar with, blowing a nasty hole in a wall. The whole part of the wall crumbled once the hole was smashed through it. Whoever recorded it can fly. It’s an aerial view. A stream of advanced armor-clad soldiers followed after, shrugging off arrows and ballista like paintball bullets. The armor was shiny and looked like something straight out of a sci-fi movie.

After that, I just turned the news off.

Imperials bit off more than they can chew. I will repeat it; the Imperials definitely bit off too much. Feel a bit bad for them, given they are about to be steamrolled. They best have some advanced bloody magic to fight this fight.

I’ve also come to realize that those turrets are no better than big fans attempting to blow a car away. But what can I do? Can’t fight an army by myself. Well, I can, but morally I don’t want to. I guess vampires would be perfect against them at night. Immortality and all that, after all. That reminds me, I haven’t visited the vampires in ages, months perhaps. Completely slipped my mind. That will definitely be on the list for this evening.

Now, let’s make a youtube video. Given the theme of the current climate, let’s do something different.

Setting the camera up on a hastily bonemealed tree while sitting in front of my witchery area for ambiance.

“Hello, long time no record. Just thought id make a video addressing what’s going on in the world right now. As you all know, war has broken. My heart goes out to those who have already suffered. Now, I will keep this brief. As far as I can tell, the Earthen empire has a dangerous level of technology. If they attack your city and you are not legally obligated to fight, surrender.

If you can, go live in the wild for a bit. Dig a hole, use Glowstone and grow some crops in a little bunker. It may very well be safer. Keep in mind that this world is almost like clay. Being able to build and break with great ease. I don’t think people quite realize this. When I was born into this world, it was in a forest, and I was, for the most part, alone. Using my own two hands, I carved my way through the woods, across the oceans, and to civilization. Just keep it in mind. Those stone walls are not your only option.

I will try and post some more videos in the future. Thank you for watching, and I am happy to see how the online community has flourished. Good luck and stay safe.”

And with that done, I am going to go get some food then nap. Hey, I literally built the island I stand upon; I can nap when I want. Says the person talking to themselves out of boredom.

Walking towards my home, taking a direct route to the kitchen. Which is now free of occupants, I whip up some salad, dressed with a dash of vinegar, and eat it like a starved caveman.

Belly full, I head to bed and have a nap. Dreaming of cookies and gluttony, as you do.