For the first time in a couple months, there was no one waiting for me at the breakfast table. At first I thought I had to still be in bed dreaming, but after a few blinks of my eyes to remove the remaining sleepiness from them, my vision was clear and my aunts were missing. Excitement rose in my heart, quickly followed by a chill of fear, I was uncertain if this was a test or not, so perhaps it was wisest to continue on like there was still a specter hanging over me. As soon as I sat in the chair a sleepy servant appeared and placed a bowl of porridge in front of me, still gray and devoid of any additions that would make it palatable.

“Would you like some honey, my lord?” the girl said weakly, like she was afraid someone else would hear even though there was no one else in the room.

“Are they gone?” I asked.

“I think so, there was a big commotion about an hour or two ago to get their bags packed and a carriage loaded.”

Goosebumps rose along the back of my neck and traveled down my arms, it felt too good to be true. I had wished, dreamed, and prayed for some sort of relief or break from the situation I was in, but I hadn’t expected anything to manifest from it. My heart pounded in my chest from the excitement of knowing that today could be different, there would be no beating or droning hours long lecture to sit through. I knew they would be back, I got the sense that I was too important to them to abandon forever, but I was going to revel in the freedom while it lasted.

“Honey, butter, sugar… fruit, nuts… anything you would put in porridge,” I requested.

The girl smiled widely and disappeared into the kitchen briefly, then returned with a platter that she had to have set up ahead of time filled with all the sweet things in the kitchen. “I thought you might want something like this.”

Dumping nearly everything from the platter into my bowl and most of the pot of honey, I dug in and nearly cried from tasting something other than salty, sticky glue. It seemed silly to be so emotional over something like porridge, but it had been so humiliating to be a royal so hamstrung as to not even be allowed control over my own food. Even the servants in the castle were not commanded to eat anything in particular or in a certain way, they had been allowed more freedom than I had been. Once my bowl was finished, I moved on to eating the additions directly, enjoying every bite of sweet dried fruit and toasted nuts in a way that I had never appreciated before. I ate until I had nearly finished everything on the platter, feeling over full, but elated and content for the first time in a long while.

The servant girl reappeared from the kitchen and picked up the platter. “Is there anything else you would like, my lord?”

“Make sure there is some kind of roast meat for the midday meal,” I requested. “Preferably a duck if there is one on hand.”

“Certainly, I will talk with the cook.”

“Thank you,” I said and nodded to her that it was acceptable to leave.

I had felt strangely compelled to express my appreciation to her. Before my father’s death I didn’t think I was cruel or abrasive, definitely less so compared to my father, but I had never thought to say “please” or “thank you” to servants before. They had been obligated to serve me and I had the privilege of commanding them to execute my will no matter what it was, though now it felt like things had irrevocably changed, the balance of power and how I perceived it was different. I knew in my heart that I was still the rightful monarch, or at least would be once a coronation was completed, however I felt more empathetic with the commoners around me.

Unsure of what exactly to do now that I was back under my own will I decided the best course of action was to perhaps return to bed and truly rest for the first time in ages. Not only was my body exhausted, but my mind was constantly foggy and struggling to keep up. I suspected it had been intentional on their part, keeping me constantly distracted and not at my full mental or physical capacity kept me better under their control at all times. A part of my mind screamed that I had to use every single second of their absence to plan on how to get my kingdom back under my own control and I felt a little guilty for wanting to rest, but I couldn’t see how I could effectively plan when I was dead on my feet. Though it felt wasteful, I would be a lot sharper and more clever with a decent amount of rest in me.

“Florin!”

I was caught in a tight hug as soon as I had sleepily stepped out into the hallway. A familiar, comforting scent wafted over me and though my face was buried in her shoulder, I knew it was my nursemaid from that alone. For the second time since waking I caught a sob in my throat, it had been so long since I had felt a human touch that wasn’t a reprimand intending to cause pain.

“Oh my dear, sweet boy,” she cooed softly.

Her arms did not want to let me go, they clung so tight that I struggled to breathe, not that I minded or complained, I collapsed into them and let her hold me up. Had I been thinking clearly, I probably would not have let her bear all my weight, she was an aged lady old enough to at least be my grandmother, but in that moment I wanted to curl up and pretend to be young and small, like a chick being protected by the watchful mother hen. She did not complain and instead began to rock me back and forth and making soothing noises through her teeth.

“It’s alright now,” she soothed, “I’m here now.”

“They’re gone,” I managed to squeak out without tears. “I thought I might never be able to get away.” I pulled my face away from her shoulder so that I could breath and speak unimpeded.

“I heard, it’s about time, they’ve done nothing but torture you.” She ran a hand through my hair, brushing it out of my eyes. It had gotten long and a bit unruly, usually it would have been regularly trimmed every few weeks, but all normal routines had ceased. “Oh my dear, I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. It broke my heart everyday to see you bruised and broken, they had no right, no right at all to treat you like that. I tried, I sent messages to anyone I thought might be able to help in secret, but I don’t know if no one bothered to answer or if they were intercepted.”

I hugged her tighter, then pulled away gently. Not really wanting to, but feeling some need to preserve some identity as a young teenage boy. “Nothing you could have done more than that,” I assured, “they held all the power and authority. I wouldn’t be surprised even if your messages reached the right hands that they had already planned ahead and ensured there would be no response.”

“The way she treated all of us.” The nursemaid shivered and shook her head with a frown on her face. “Your father was always quick to ensure we knew our place and that we do not hold a candle to royalty, but she truly acted like we were no better than cattle and certainly more expendable. That poor girl…”

“The one who was sent to inform us that her sister had arrived?”

“Oh the poor soul,” she explained, near tears, “I found a doctor who was able to set her legs, but I’m not sure she’ll ever walk without at least some pain again.”

I winced and let out a deep sigh. I had really hoped that she had managed to get away and had convinced myself that since I hadn’t heard about anything terrible happening that she had. I should have known better than to think she would have forgotten or let the infraction go, she was simply not the type.

“I will make sure it is made up to her somehow when I get the power to do so,” I pledged.

My nursemaid placed a hand under my chin and looked down at me adoringly, though with a serious expression. “Is not right, you should have been crowned so long ago now, but that… woman,” she snarled the word through her teeth, “kept waving around some document that said you couldn’t be until she gave the word that you were ready. Ready? What does that even mean? You were both the heir, that’s the only ready you need.”

“Document?” I asked. I had wondered how she had managed to hold all the power, it had to be a very important document if it had let her usurp an heir. It had to be the key to undoing this whole situation, if there was a way to undo it.

“Yes, I never read it, though I was instructed to defer to her like she was the monarch for the time being.” My nursemaid lifted her nose in the air and sniffed distastefully. “Such a nasty woman, told me I wasn’t allowed to even look at you too long, that it would stunt your maturity having a motherly figure around you too much. I have never, ever heard of such a thing.”

“Do you think she took the document with her?”

“I’m not sure, I was not one of those that helped pack her things.”

“Could you please find out?” I asked. “If you find it, bring it to me so that I can read it, I think I deserve to know why I’m under their thumb.”

“Oh of course, I should have thought of it right away, but I was just so happy that I could see and talk to you again. I’ll go do that right now, where should I bring it to you?”

“My chambers, if I’m asleep please just leave it on my desk.”

With another tight hug, she said goodbye and we parted ways on our separate quests. Thanks to her embrace and feelings of safety I was more exhausted than ever and I barely made it back to my room with my eyes open. Not bothering to take off the outfit I had put on for the day I plopped face first onto my bed and groaned contently into the pillow. Before sleep could claim me, tears erupted from my eyes and sobs tore from the very core of my soul, all the anger, anguish, frustration, and relief pouring out of me. Every physical strike or venomous comment had been locked inside me, I hadn’t allowed myself to feed into their cruelty and give them the satisfaction, but the hurt hadn’t gone away, just compounded and waited until it was safe to vent it out.

There was so much sadness, but equal amounts anger, it seemed unbelievably cruel that my own family would put me through all this and deny me my kingdom. Balling up my fists, I sat up and punched my pillow over and over, tears still streaming as I took out all the physical aggression I had pent up from preventing myself from striking back every time I had been hit. I beat the pillow flat, then collapsed back into it and cried until it was soaked and my nose was stuffed to the point where I could only breath through my mouth. Eventually I calmed and I felt lighter and more at peace, though the anger had not been completely exhausted, the desire from revenge bubbled underneath the surface. Quiet enough to let sleep take me, I rested knowing that as soon as I was alert again that I would start planning how I would take back my power and my kingdom once more.