It wasn't that bad, since they were paying attention to the settlers so as to not get shot. I got some hits in, especially on Bill. Jesus was fast so I missed. They ran right past my scooter I stashed away in the brush.

I got on and drove after them. Thankfully, they didn’t go far. They were camped out at a gas station down the road. I stopped at a car shop and parked my scooter. I stalked my way to the station, noticing the guy out front.

He looks weak. Next.

Pop!

He falls down dead, a nail smack dab in his neck. Now I’m an assassin, you assholes.

No one noticed the guard’s demise, as they were all in the back. I opened the door and began to slowly walk over to the employees’ break room. I think it was someone other than Jesus or Bill talking.

“You bunch of fucking retards! Do you have any idea how many men you lost?! And someone find out what’s on these nails! There’s no one who would actually use Z blood for killing, do you?”

A small raspy voice responded.

“Boss, I think if the guy shooting these nails was extremely weak, he might have resorted to it and killed us after we were weakened.”

Ooh, good job. If I was human, that is.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Aww…Bill’s bounty…

“We can’t be too careful, now can we? Get Fuller, we’re leaving.”

Hehehe, not alive, you’re not.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

Time to run!

“Shit! He followed us!”

“Boss, please! What if it’s not”

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Shit! How many bullets you got?! Oh...he’s reloading…Now’s my chance.

Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!

That’s the last of them.

“Give me your gun!”

“But Boss!”

Slam!

Ooh, nice swing. He must have been a boxer. Oops, oh no you don’t. No suicide today. Time to repay your actions by being my little hamster and running the wheel. Bike. I meant bike.

Pop!

“Aaagh! Fuck! My hand! Where are you, you fucker! Get your ass out here where I can see you!”

Pop!

“Shit!”

Pop!

“Dammit!”

Pop!

“Stop!”

Pop!

Oops, I was going to stop after the last one. I used this time to reload and make sure nothing was jammed. The other guys, which happened to include Jesus, were all crawling on the floor in fear and pain. The Boss was nailed to the wall outside the gas station. Seeing his crying, helpless, figure, I couldn’t not go help…

Dig a deeper grave for him.

I slowly walked out of the shadows and into the light given off by their source of heat, a burning barrel of trash. The spooky red light might have added to the effect as I started to smell shit and piss. The wounds already started to pus and fester, which was horrible to look at. Super gross.

But with the way I was walking forward, it may have looked like I was frowning at the bandits themselves. Which works, by the way. The Boss started to whimper and shake as I got closer and closer, my ugly gray skin forever imprinted into his mind. If he ever survives (which we all know will not happen), he would be scarred for life.

“W­hat ­do you want?”

Hmm, let’s do a bad Batman impression…I begin to smile and catch myself, stopping halfway, not realizing I made an even scarier face than before.

“I want your lives.”

He fainted. I think the other guys fainted, too. This feeling is exhilarating. Is this how the Punisher feels? Nonono, probably more like Deadpool. I match his ugliness. And funny wit. Maybe.

Whatever, moving on. I wait a little while, forgetting to watch the latest news on the monitor. I left after these guys so quickly, I didn’t get to see the zombie broadcast.

Hehehe, there I am, sniping some of those assholes. Looks like I got a bounty and another title.

Vigilante Zombie. Grants better physical abilities. Nice, but I’m still a chicken shit. Definitely not fighting up close and personal. If I had a way to check time, I would have been surprised by the fact that it was almost 3:30 in the morning. But I didn’t, so I wasn’t. It wasn’t till closer to 5 that the zombification finished and I was left with four dumb zombie comrades. I rode my scooter at a slow pace, barely making it home before the battery died. So I hooked them both up and used up all my saved power. Looks like I will be making several more trips to the hardware store tomorrow. Or will I?

I tried sending the zombies to do it. And they did! Ha! But I decided to head after them, wanting to make sure they did their job. And to run tests, of course. Like how far will they follow my orders, or if there are orders they can’t do…

What I found out was that if they physically couldn’t do it to begin with, say for example, lift a car, they wouldn’t do it even now. If it was against what they wanted, like, don’t eat the baby, it won’t follow the order. But if the order was raise the baby and make sure it doesn’t die or turn, they do a good job.

Why the oddly specific example? Because I found a baby and her mother. Luckily I stopped the zombies from eating them in time. I sent the two to the nearby camp for safety. I’m such a nice guy. Although I think she pissed herself too. Am I that bad? That kind of hurts my feelings.

We managed to return not only with enough materials to make two more bikes, but I also got a van! A nice big van that is great for selling ice cream. Or for gardening tools. Or solving mysteries in. Or you can do what the previous owners did and violate young people in it.

On second thought, I am gonna torch it.

And so I did.

Anyways, I got back home with 4 zombies in tow carrying lots of stuff. I started to renovate my garage, partitioning a section for the working zombies. I told all the zombies to line up against the wall while I adjusted the equipment. All was quiet as I set to work, but I kept hearing a buzzing sound.

Coming from Jesus. I told him to pull out whatever was making that noise but as soon as he reached into his pocket, whatever it was started to shine. Jesus’ eyes began to swim as he collapsed. I looked in his hand to see the monitor! That’s right! He was on the broadcast! He must have been given an award!

Let’s tie him up first, in case he manages to free himself from my control like I did to Wallace.

I only had three bikes, which worked since only three zombies were fit to work. Instead of having all three hooked up to one generator, I decided to have three generators for three bikes. Kind of like a backup and a backup’s backup.

All I would have to do is switch where the power comes from, and all I had to do to do that was create a switchboard. Hehe, tongue twister. I applied it to the wall beside the door with different switches that corresponded with their respected energy gauge.

From the laundry room connecting my house to the garage, the limp body of Killer Jesus began to stir.