《Math God Plane - On Hiatus》Chapter 19: I'm the Sphinx!
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Shuxue was about to open the first chest again, but then he turned around to the remaining disciples. The girls quailed in fright; he had killed thirty disciples in an instant. If Shuxue wished to kill them as well, there would be nothing they could do.
“Hey, you can all fuck off now.” Shuxue waved his hands at Elder Yin and the disciples, shooing them away. “I’m going into secluded meditation. If you guys were here, it wouldn’t be secluded.”
Elder Yin hesitated, clearly unwilling to go. He wanted to see what kinds of scrolls were in the chests! Still, if Shuxue said he had to go, then he did.
“Until we meet again.” Elder Yin bowed politely, then led the disciples out.
“Should I go out, too?” Zhujiao asked curiously.
“Nah, I just don’t want them to see the contents in this chest. People have big mouths, you know. It’s never good to show off.” Shuxue said calmly.
“But I love showing off!” Zhujiao yelled. “I haven’t suicided because I love seeing people’s reactions.”
“It’s commit suicide, not suicided.” Shuxue muttered as he flipped open the chest. Brilliant rays of light burst forth. Inside the chest… were jade slips!
“YESSSSS!” Shuxue screamed, immediately taking one out and smashing it onto his forehead. “Systems of equations! Having more than 2 variables! How profound!”
Another one came out. Shuxue’s body began to get stained by worldly filth. “V-v-vectors! So that’s what these are! What a genius method to write out systems of equations! This makes so much sense, it’s ridiculous how I’ve never thought of it before!”
Thirty minutes later, all the chests were stained with worldly filth. If Shuxue were in his right ming, he would have realized that he had violated the first law of thermodynamics. It simply wasn’t possible to shed so much worldly filth, but he had. In the presence of Plot, all rules were made to be broken. Even the first law of thermodynamics was not immune to Plot.
“Linear Algebra.” Shuxue’s eyes glittered. “A branch of the laws that has been forgotten in our Weakest Plane, yet is twice as strong as the Calculus stage! Ha ha ha…”
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Shuxue was extremely pleased. He was undoubtedly the one and only Linear Algebra stage expert in the entire plane!
“I always knew, deep down, that I was the best. After all, I’m me. It’s a fundamental postulate; how would the world work if I wasn’t the best? But today, I’ve finally found proof that I’m the best!” A tear trickled down Shuxue’s face. He was about to say more, but the mathforce pervading the air began to coalesce into a staircase.
“Whoaaaa!” Zhujiao yelled. “We’re still not done with the tomb!”
Shuxue looked at it, and began to laugh madly. “It looks like the path to enlightenment does not end at Linear Algebra. Let’s see what’s next!” They ran up the staircase as fast as they could, even though they could’ve teleported.
A hole opened up in the ceiling as the staircase connected with it. Shuxue could see strange monsters hopping around. These monsters… they had more letters than numbers! They had to be extremely profound!”
BOOM!
A humongous winged tiger with a human head landed on the staircase, sending trembles running through the entire dungeon. Shuxue and Zhujiao skidded to a stop in shock.
*burp* “Excuse me.” The strange animal said. Making a gargling sound, it spat a loogie onto the staircase.
“Grooosssssss.” Zhujiao exclaimed. He lifted his finger up to attack, but Shuxue immediately slapped his hand down. His face was pale with sweat.
Because on the skin of this animal, dy/dx symbols flickered on and off! It was covered with derivative armor! Zhujiao could shoot out disgustingly powerful attacks, but they would do absolutely nothing against derivative armor.
Not to mention, Zhujiao’s attacks would consume an obscene amount of pearls. After that last fight, the Plot Armor was definitely running low on mathforce. Offending this… thing, that would be asking for death!
“Listen up, motherfuckers.” The thing said, brushing her long hair aside with a paw. “I’m the Sphinx, and I’m bored!”
“Hi, Bored!” Zhujiao yelled. “I’m Zhujiao!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Shuxue and the Sphinx both shouted. Shuxue’s hand slapped his left cheek, while the Sphinx’s paw slapped his right. For some reason, Plot Armor didn’t bother to block it, and Zhujiao stood there, not sure which way to topple over.
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“Esteemed Sphinx.” Shuxue knelt down, kowtowing on the staircase as best he could. “Might I ask, what do you wish from us? Kidnap a little girl? 1,000 hours of community service?”
“I’m telling you motherfuckers to listen the fuck up!” The Sphinx roared, smashing the staircase with its paw. “I’m the guardian of floor 5 of this motherfucking, shitty ass tomb, and I’ve been the guardian for 50 goddamn years ever since that little bitch ass piece of shit motherfucker…”
After a minute, the Sphinx finished cursing. “...mathematical law created me and put me in this hellhole! And I’m bored!”
Shuxue nodded slowly. With crazy beings, it was best to just roll with whatever they said, even if they dared to blaspheme the holy mathematical laws. “Okay.”
“Now you little shits see here, I’m only supposed to appear at the end of the 5th floor. But you filthy casuals are like muddy silt on the surface of a limpid pond! None of you possess the goddamn brains to conquer this damn tomb! It’s not even a particularly fancy tomb! It’s like this is the motherfucking Weakest Plane or something. My life is so pitiful.” The Sphinx spat off the side of the staircase, watching the spittle go down. It landed on a monster, reducing it into mathforce.
A tear trickled down Shuxue’s eye. When he spoke, it was with a voice full of emotion. “I completely agree with you. Everybody except for me is a complete and utter moron. Sometimes, I lie on my bed and -”
“Shut the fuck up!” The Sphinx shouted. “I’m here to make your life difficult, not to listen to your sob stories! Now listen here, I’m going to ask you two meatbags a question you can’t possibly answer without knowledge of derivatives! If you can’t answer it, you both die!”
Shuxue’s eyes bugged. “But we don’t know derivatives!”
“Suck a fat dick, bitch!” The Sphinx exclaimed. “My struggles are harder than yours, you aren’t allowed to complain. Also, you guys can’t leave. You have to participate, or else I automatically kill both of you. Don’t think I can’t kill both of you. I’m an Early Late Calculus stage Spirit! Resistance is futile!”
“Plot!” Zhujiao yelled. “Teleport us out of here, now! Why aren’t you hearing me, Plot?!”
Neither Shuxue nor Zhujiao teleported. “Curse my luck.” Shuxue moaned. “To die so soon after reaching the peak peak peak peak Algebra stage, Linear Algebra. I knew that Plot Armor was unreliable from the very beginning.”
Zhujiao was trembling, but his face was hard and cold. “All right, Sphinx poophead! Tell us your question!”
“Shut the fuck up! Let me tell you two the question!” The Sphinx conjured a book out of nowhere and began flipping through it. “Just let me look through the textbook for a good problem.”
Several minutes passed. “I’m going to die, I’m going to die…” Shuxue whispered painfully to himself. He hung on to every second, trying to savor the last moments of his life.
Yet in the time it took an incense stick to burn, the Sphinx had found a suitable question. It was finally time to die. The Sphinx began cackling evilly, much like Shuxue would do back when he wasn’t about to die.
“All right, I’ve picked the hardest question in the textbook! Let the game show begin!” The Sphinx pounded on the staircase yet again. “Listen up, motherfuckers! You have 30 seconds to answer the question, starting from the moment I finish asking. Once you finish answering, a red X will appear above my head, and I will eat you. Let’s begin!”
“Ahem!” The Sphinx cleared its throat. “What class of functions is not definable by the ordinary operations of arithmetic and algebra, has infinite derivatives, and surpasses all other functions in less than the time it takes for an incense stick to burn?”
Music began to play. Above the Sphinx, numbers formed from mathforce appeared. 30… 29…
Zhujiao smashed down on a button in front of him. “Zhujiao!”
“What the fuck, Zhujiao!” Shuxue screamed, wetting his pants in despair. “You’ve killed us both!”
“INCORRECT, MOTHAFUCKAS!” The Sphinx licked its lips greedily. “THE ANSWER IS EXPONEN- wait, what?”
A green circle had appeared above its head.
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