We worked alongside everybody until after sunset and only stopped when it was too dark to see what we were doing. Some of the demons suggested having a little celebration of sorts to commemorate our first day of working together, but I couldn’t. I was too tired. Not to mention that… honestly, I wanted to be alone. I was around people all day after being thrust into a situation that I was still struggling to believe was real. I needed a moment to myself.

So, I told them we all deserved some rest and that we could celebrate the next day. Keeping our bodies and minds healthy was more important than partying.

That was the excuse I used.

After being led to my tent by an Enna who was so tired she sounded ready to pass out at any moment, I stepped inside and saw my accommodations. It was a simple tent, a bit larger than the rest around me, with a thin mattress on a wooden frame. There was also a table and chair, a few baskets for storage, and a lantern that hung from the support in the center.

I didn’t waste any time walking over to the bed to sit down on it. Then I stared at the floor for a few moments before looking around and confirming that I was alone. As soon as I was sure that I was by myself… I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking.

I pinched my arms just to be safe.

It hurt.

Everything was realistic. I could feel pain. Nothing looked distorted and everything stayed consistent.

I wasn’t dreaming.

And if I wasn’t dreaming, then that meant I truly had humanity’s fate in my hands. Not just humanity’s fate, but the fate of all the other worlds chosen as rewards.

I met Lucifer. I was in Hell. I found out that not only do God and Lucifer exist, but that there are other higher powers as well.

Nothing made sense.

But it didn’t matter if nothing made sense. What mattered was that I keep it together. That was why I leaned forward and placed my face in my hands to take a few, deep breaths. I needed to relax.

Going with the flow and getting absorbed in the moment was far easier than being left alone with my thoughts and the pressure weighing me down.

Maybe I should have accepted that offer to celebrate after all.

Then I realized I didn’t even have any of my medication. All my anxiety pills were left behind the mirror in my bathroom back on Earth. Without those, I had no idea how long I’d be able to keep up the “fake it ‘til you make it” act. Those were great for numbing me and making me feel able to do anything, simply because they made it so that I didn’t worry about the consequences if I failed. Without them, I was already beginning to question my choices and doubt myself.

I was already so stressed that I didn’t even notice when somebody entered my tent until they spoke up and said, “Here.”

Honestly, I jumped a little when I heard the voice.

And when I looked up to see who it was, I saw the giant demon from earlier standing over me. Thad. He was holding a flask out to me.

There was only one thing that real men used flasks for, and I wasn’t about to turn it down. I took it from him, opened it up, and took a swig of something that burned my throat going down even more than when Sherman burned down Georgia.

That meant it was good stuff.

Thad squatted near the center of the tent while I took another swig. There wasn’t anywhere else for him to sit, so he probably figured that was his next best choice.

His squat would have made any Russian proud. Now, I wasn’t that educated on the cultural norms of ethnic groups, but I did know that Russians appreciated a good squat.

“Figured as much,” Thad said.

“What’s that you figured?” I asked.

“That you’re just a kid. But don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I’m curious what you mean when you put it that way.”

“I’m talking about what I saw earlier. I saw a kid who was full of passion and determination, but he was still just a kid. Somebody who doesn’t have that much experience with the world and is putting on a show to impress everybody. Or maybe to impress himself.”

I took another swig which was probably enough to let him know that he scored a bullseye.

“Take it easy. That’s the only flask I’ve got, and there’s not exactly a way to get more of that.”

I was just about to take another swig when he mentioned that, so I stopped and screwed the cap back on. “Here,” I said, handing it back to him.

Thad shook his head. “Keep it. It’s a gift.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. All you have to do is promise me not to go through the whole thing in a single night. Save it for when you need it.”

I was tempted to say something self-depreciative such as, “I might need it a lot,” but I stopped myself before I could. It took a lot of hard work over the years to stop making jabs at myself like that, and I wasn’t about to relapse. So, instead, I said, “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

“No problem. You deserve it.” Thad then stood up and walked back over to the entrance. “By the way. I’m not exactly good at talking about things. Always been told I can be kind of awkward. Probably why I never found myself a girl. But uh, if you ever need to relax and need an ear to vent to, I’m here.” He reached up and poked his ear facing me. “Got pretty big ears and all. Great for listening.”

“The same goes to you.”

Thad shook his head and held up a hand as if to tell me to stop. “You’ve already done more for us than anybody else has. You’re a good man. Worry about yourself and let us help you. Don’t overwhelm yourself worrying about us all the time.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. They were my responsibility. How was I not supposed to worry about them?

“Be a little selfish for yourself, understand? I promise that it’s alright.”

That was… something that I never heard before. Something nobody ever told me. It was something I wanted to hear but had no idea just how badly I needed to hear it. Those two sentences were all that it took to relax me and make me feel like some of the weight was off my shoulders.

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Thanks. A leader is only as good as those helping him, and nobody will defeat us if I’ve got helpers like you.”

“Hah. There’s the confidence I wanted to see.” Thad stepped halfway out the tent. “You know, I’ve never looked forward to waking up and working more. In the two hundred and seventy-four years I’ve been alive, I’ve dreaded going to work every single day since I’ve been old enough for it. But you’ve got a spirit that makes me look forward to how you’re going to work us. So, what I’m saying is that I’m looking forward to waking up for once.”

If he was going to say something like that, how could I not join him in looking forward to the next day? “Rest well, Thad. You deserve it.”

“You too, uh… what should I call you? Not sure any of us know what to call you yet.”

“Clay’s the name I’ve given myself, so it’s what all of you can call me.”

Thad raised an eyebrow before smiling and nodding. “Got it. Rest well too, Clay.”

With that, Thad left and I was alone again.

But I didn’t feel nearly as bad as before. That might have been because, as soon as I tried to stand up, I fell back down onto the bed as the alcohol hit me in full force.

I wasn’t going to have any trouble sleeping thanks to that.