Flare... there's something really important that I need to tell you. This cannot wait another moment! Well, actually, it can be a few minutes or days but that's the very least.

Ewan? Are you alright? What happened while I was sleeping-I mean thinking?

Firstly, do you have encyclopedic knowledge of anywhere within 500 square meters of where we are? Or am I just barking at a wall here?

I don't have encyclopedic knowledge of anything, I just know a few odd things here and there. Also, where are we?

Seriously, you spend all the time within my head, can you at least study navigation or something? Which way is north? Are we near a town? Is there a toilet nearby?

I'm not the goddess of maps or directions! Seriously, how do you expect me to know any of that?

Wow, continuing to be useless... as expected from a paedophile goddess. Now, I'm in the middle of a damn forest with no shit anywhere, so is there any way for me to know where I'm going? Blue box, can you help me?

The blue box isn't a consciousness it doesn't have the ability-

Oh, yeah, there aren't any nearby towns, it's a military academy after all. So, head to the nearest city which is the dwarven city up north which is to your right.

It's been long abandoned after the dwarves died long ago in an ancient battle against the royal elves.

And Flaryvn, you whore, how dare you. I've been with you ever since you were a child and you say I'm not an entity capable of perceiving its own self or even capable of doing something outside its nature?

My name is Sophia and I'm a MASS CONSCIOUSNESS created by the Primordial Gods and Goddesses to display and organise information.

Think of me like the f1 key on a keyboard

Wow, Flare you got insulted by your own nanny. Well, with that out of the way and the helpful blue box now known as a separate individual who can perceive reality. So, are you a person behind a screen or something? You have a girl's name and you are appearing up as blue boxes.

No, I'm not a person, I'm just a consciousness for the purpose of organising and storing information. I am not a woman either, to begin with to be a woman I would have to have genitalia and since I don't have a physical body it is impossible for me to even be such a thing.

Okay, now see here, I'm becoming very interested in my mental health because hearing voices is a mental health condition that is very dangerous. Seeing that I have two voices in my head and only one of them is rational, I don't think my sanity is going to last long.

Sophia didn't appear as a box for once, instead she decided to speak to me via voice in my head. I'm curious if anyone can just enter my head and act like a voice. If that's the case then I'm going to try and die really quickly. I'm not going to be social hub like twitter or something.

Oh my... I am so sorry! I didn't realise! The way you appeared was always so logical and organised and presented only necessary information that I assumed that you were just a weird ability.

Okay, my head isn't a counselling room, so don't use it as one. Sophia, is there anything to eat in the city? Even if it's poisonous, I'll eat it. I'm hungry and I've been running all this time.

Yes, there's a whole lot for you to eat. Due to your skill known as bottomless digestion, you can eat anything, literally anything. You can eat the trees here, but seeing as you have already eaten some trees, I suppose you could wait until you headed to the city. Heck, have you been using the wildfire skill to get there?

Okay, this consciousness is actually making a good point. I have an ability to travel at the speed of sound yet I'm not even using it. So, it's north... to my right.

I believe the more pressing issue at hand is... will there be any dwarven alcohols present?

While both Flare and Sophia conversed, I decided to use wildfire, which when I used it for the first time to go fast caused me to break a lot of trees. Don't go at the speed of sound sober. Well, I can't really say that when it takes me forever to get drunk.

About an hour later

HOLY FUCK! I'M TIRED AS FUCKING HELL! I LITERALLY RAN AROUND 1000 KM IN A GODDAMN HOUR! THIS IS WHY LIVING IS SO MUCH OF A CHORE!

Well, with the whining aside, I was finally here! I think. Dwarves live in mountains, right? Which is why I'm standing in front of a giant arse mountain right now. Seriously, this is like mount everest and Olympus Mons got togethers and decided to fuck and have a child. That child being this shit.

However, there is an issue with this.

"Flare, come out, I want to try something." I called out to Flare, she appeared out of thin air right besides me. It's like having a pet at your beck and call.

"What is it?" She looked around, seeing the mountain in front of us, she even had a confused expression of disbelief.

(If you need something for you imagination: http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_matx1uIF9O1ry14qgo1_500.gif)

"I want your stick now." I 'politely' spoke to her, she looked at me with the same expression and I extended out my hand to accept it. And of course... it magically appeared there. "So, what can it do?"

The Staff of Flaryvn:

The ancient 'staff' belonging to the goddess known

as Flaryvn, who is known as the Goddess of Flames, wine and Nihilism(somehow).

Frankly, it's a stick which Flaryvn carries around with her, what it can do is:

-Show that you're a pompous git

-Make you seem like a tool

-It can't break, so you've got that shit going on forever

-Eh, it's pretty strong as well

Wow, the stick ain't half bad, seriously only half of the things it can do are good while the other half are just plain bitchiness. Oh well, time to use it!

"What are you going to use it for exactly?" Flare inquired, I looked up at the mountain, seeing some form of entrance, and a lot of stairs. It's quite obvious what I'm going to use it for.

A walking stick, in the case that I get really tired.

"Well, at least you're not going to beat someone to death with it."" Flare seems proud of that, I don't even know how she expected me to beat someone to death with it. There's no-one around to hit. Except her...

Flare, are you a masochist?

"WHAT? NO! I'M NOT A MASOCHIST IN ANY WAY!" She suddenly got defensive over such a little thing, well now that it's over...

I've got a fucking mountain to climb.

I proceeded to make my way to the stairs and began the trek to climb it!

Well, I guess I could say speak friend and enter to make some reference to Lord of the Rings but then again I think I would rather stay away from such things at the moment.

What's Lord of the rings?

Flare, whenever you become a voice in my head I begin to think that you become one just for the purpose of pissing me off or to seem entirely stupid. Either way, you're succeeding.

What's the speak friend and enter thing? Is it like a romantic novel? Where someone becomes a friend and they enter into the person's heart? Oh, what's the book? I want to read it when we get to the library.

Am I high enough to jump off the stairs and die? If that's the case then I want to do so. I think staying with Flare any longer will make me lose my sanity.

Wait, is it called Lord of the Rings? It makes sense for it to sound like a romance novel!

Wow. How does it feel to be the most uncultured person in a mountain?

Hey, don't turn this on me! Sophia is a literal index and you're from another world where she has an index of!

Yeah, but in the context of this conversation you are currently the most uncultured person right here on a mountain. A fucking mountain where everyone else is dead.

Ewan at least try to defend me!

Well, since you have helped me acquire alcohol once I guess I shall show you mercy this one time. So, if Sophia can understand that Flare is unique variation of dumbass who is inattentive to conversations or still listens and decides to act recklessly nevertheless because she is that unique variation of a dumbass.

That is insulting me, aren't we friends?

If I recall, I don't think we're friends and you're mistaken, I defended you, just because you don't like it doesn't make it undefensive. Defense isn't what you want it to be.

I'm going to go cry in a corner...

Yeah, I think crying has been proven to not help you when it did nothing when you wanted me to reincarnate. Ah, you know what, you'll get over it, come back after I've finished climbing the stairs.

You're an arsehole.

Then does that make you the shit?

I always wondered why I never bothered to listen to your conversations, I think this is why.

...

...

Well, looks like this walk up the mountain is going to be quiet.

A/N:

Well, Sophia is not any gender, so don't call her a girl! If you want to be technical that is, however if you don't give two shits then call her whatever you want.

I want to thank Ia Shub Niggarath for some ideas. :P

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