[WP] You and your best friend discover a magical portal. They decide to go first just in case. After a few minutes you step through and arrive at the aftermath of an enormous battle. One of the wounded sees you and says, "About time."

...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Alright! I'm coming, jesus-christ it's like two in the morning!"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"Alright! I'm-"

"JOE! Joe, Open the door and listen to me! Listen good: We're going on a Mother-Fucking adventure."

"Rob? Rob, is that you dude?"

"YES, Now hurry!"

"No, no no- hold on. You need to simmer down a bit. It's two in the morning, and just because my girlfriend is in South-beach right now doesn't mean I'm your booty call."

"Simmer? Booty? Hell-no bud, we're going on a Mother-Fucking Adventure."

"You keep saying those words Rob, but I've got work at Eight o'clock sharp. In fact, you do too. We're both on front-duty this morning."

"Joe, stop thinking, shut up and listen to me. Here, take this bag."

"What the hell is th-"

"SHH- Joe, we got no time for this shit. I don't know when the portal is going to close, and I only had time to stick my head-through and then run over here. We could only have a few more minutes, so move! Move!"

"But you drove-"

"I don't give a flying fuck about your girl-friend's petumias JOE! And of course I fucking drove you smart ass, now go get your fucking gun already! In fact, get both your guns, not just that mossberg 500 you're unconsciously molesting behind the door in the umbrella stand."

"For the last time Rob, it's petunias and... Wait, how the hell did yo-"

"JUST GO JOE! GO! And put on a better Jacket! It looked cold over there and we don't have time for a snowsuit!"

"Rob, I'm seriously not going anywhere until you-"

"ADVENTURE JOE! All that shit that was on the news! All those crazy happenstances! That fucking ridiculous blackout for the East-Coast! The Natural Disasters that keep happening! This is our big chance man! Get with the program already- Trust your good buddy Rob! How long have you known me?"

"...Twenty three years."

"Twenty-three years, fifteen days, and seven hours, Joe."

"..."

"..."

"You know this is crazy-"

"Yes."

"Like really, reeeeaally crazy."

"I know it is Joe. That's why I came to you."

"And you know Susan is going to kill you and me both if she finds out what your all-wheel drive just did to her petunias."

"That's half the reason to go get your other gun, Joe."

"Ah."

"Now, go put on a better jacket, your hiking boots and as much ammo you can find. Everything else is in the bag- all you need to do is just get in the fucking Jeep."

"Everything- Jesus Christ, Rob this bag is heavy."

"When I say Everything, I mean everything."

"But I thought you said you drove right over."

"I said I ran- and you know I like to be prepared for this kind of shit, Joe."

"... Rob... Where is it we're going again?"

"On a Mother-fucking Adventure, Joe. A Mother-fucking Adventure."